2nd Visit with shrink... don't think there will be a 3rd...

[Guest guest]

Well, last week the shrink had baited me with 2 reasons to come back;

exercises to help me deal with anxiety, and how to identify a

" permission giver " in my life.

I guess I was expecting some miracle insight, something I didn't

already know. I was highly disappointed.

First, for dealing with anxiety he told me to take deep breaths from

my abdomen (kinda like meditative breaths). See here for a good

explanation: http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/articles/stress/breath.html

Second, he told me that if breathing doesn't work, while feeling

stressed, if I can take a 10min walk; 5min away, 5min back. Third was

to vent; write down my feelings or talk to someone about them.

None of that was really revolutionary to me, but perhaps some people

here could find some of those exercises useful. I personally prefer

to vent & write down my feelings, and so I find myself here venting to

all of you!

Now, for this " permission giver " stuff.... To sum up, the criteria for

permission giver was; someone who cares about me & could be honest

with me, someone who can either empathize with me or is trained as

such (the psychologist), and someone who has earned my trust. The job

of this person is that when I feel stressed, I call them up & they

tell me it's ok to value my own opinions above the opinions of others.

First off I personally think I'm past these sorts of exercises. I

understand that exercises such as these could be helpful, but I have

people in my life who I can say " tell me if I'm being crazy about this

or not, " who will be honest with me about it. So really, actually

going thru the motions of an exercise like this would feel really,

really silly to me. Second, the Psychologist said if I couldn't find

anyone in my life who met the criteria, he would fill in. But, to me,

he only fits the criteria that he's a professional; I really don't

feel he's earned my trust, nor do I feel he really cares about me; I'm

just paying him to care (honestly, I imagine it feels a little like

visiting a prostitute).

I don't mind paying someone to teach me things, and I think I would

keep going if I thought he could really teach me anything new & give

me new tools to use in my life. But there's no way I'd ever really

feel that the psychiatrist actually cares about me. I've been to

strip-clubs before with an ex-boyfriend, and it's almost the same

feeling; these people just talk to you for as long as you've paid for.

I didn't say this to the shrink's face, much of it took me over-night

to mull over, and talk over with my husband. After having thought

about it more, I probably should have said something then in his

office, but my time was almost up by the time he finished explaining

" permission givers " . I think that's my real problem; telling people

what I honestly think to their faces. I avoid problems. Not that I

want to be mean about it, but definitely don't feel like being that

open with him. And so I also avoid confrontation with my Fada and

other people who intimidate me (professors, bosses) or that I just

don't like.

And now I don't want to have to pay another session just to explain to

the psychologist that I don't want to keep going because he hasn't

told me anything really new. Despite everything I've told him about

my life, he doesn't really know me, and while I understand it could

take a while for him to get to know me, I really haven't gotten the

feeling he's tried to get to know me; he doesn't ask me enough

questions about myself as far as I'm concerned, and I think it's

fairly obvious if you met me that I'm a listener, not a talker, so to

get me to talk someone better be asking me questions about myself. As

I talked to my husband about it last night, he even said it was one of

the first things he noted about me back in college; how reluctant I

was to talk to people.

Anyhow, I do want to thank everyone here who bothers to read this for

letting me vent. You're bothering to read this on your own time. I

honestly feel that people here care more than any shrink I could pay,

because you all understand what it's like, and no amount of study

could give anyone else that level of empathy. We might not be able to

give each-other professional advice here, but often enough it's really

practical advice.