Re: feeling low

[Guest guest]

You've got a hug coming from Arizona, Sierra! I'm sorry you had such

a bad day.

Can you reschedule the job interview? Sometimes people can be

incredibly understanding if you just give them a chance. Don't give

up on it without following through and making that call to try again.

But you know what? If it doesn't work out, then it wasn't meant to

be. Don't beat yourself up over it.

As for the rest, you asked for advice, so look out, honey, here it

comes!!! <grin> You already are aware of everything I'm going to

tell you, I'm sure, so none of my " advice " is going to be new to you,

but maybe it will help you reinforce what you already know and help

you get back on track.

First, ignore everyone else in the water class. The woman who

was " criticizing " may have been trying to be helpful. Or she may

just be a busybody. Or she might have been being deliberately mean.

But the important fact is that you can't know what she was thinking,

and you can't control her. You can only control your reaction to

her.

So instead of letting her criticisms circle around in your head and

ruin your experience (and your whole day!), consciously work on

positive self talk instead of that negative chatter about being

stupid and weak. You're not stupid and weak, and you know it. And

you also know that nobody but *you* can make you feel that way. So

let's work on changing your internal dialog so that you make yourself

feel smart and strong, rather than stupid and weak, no matter what

anybody else says or does to you.

You have to actively cut those kinds of bad thoughts off at the knees

just as soon as you realize you're thinking them. As soon as you

realize you're mentally repeating negative self-chatter, consciously

stop it, and then replace it with positive mantras. Here are a few

examples I thought of, but you should write several of your own that

have a lot of meaning for you. Write them in advance and practice

them, so that they come easily when you need them to counter

situations that you know are likely to challenge you.

" Man, I am SO STRONG for getting out here and doing this water

exercise despite my pain! "

" I am BRAVE and POWERFUL for taking control of my health like this! "

" This exercise is GREAT for me and my body and is going to help me

feel GREAT too! "

" I bet no-one else with a visual disability could be doing half as

well at this as I am! "

" I LOVE the way it feels when I really breathe deep and move (or

whatever it is you like about how the class makes you feel) "

" Boy, I really mastered that second exercise today! That was cool

being able to do it well! " (Note that it doesn't matter if there were

20 exercises and the second one was the only one you did well - the

point is that the positive is the only thing you focus on! Eventually

you'll be tell yourself " Wow, I mastered TWO exercises today! " and

then three and then five - and then make sure you let yourself

celebrate that you're getting BETTER at it too!!)

As long as you repeat to yourself mentally the idea that you are

useless and stupid, you're reinforcing those feelings. Don't let

yourself repeat them over and over again either mentally or out loud

(although it's always fine to find an outlet to vent - like here -

when you just have to get it off your chest!) Whenever you notice

yourself reinforcing a cycle of bad thoughts, break the cycle by

repeating one of your pre-programmed positive thoughts, or by finding

something positive about the situation right that moment to pat

yourself on the back for!

As for your boyfriend - well, you didn't give many details about how

he insulted you, but it may be that he just didn't realize whatever

he said or did was insulting, and your bad day and bad self-feelings

from the moment just really magnified the transgression for you.

Sometimes our significant others are just clueless about what's going

on inside our heads - we can't expect them to be perfectly tuned in

all the time. If that's the case, and he was just being clueless,

then a good calm talk to clear the air can clue him in and relieve

your stress about the situation. Relationships are HARD work, and

communication is the hardest of all. Give him a chance to know how

he affected you and see what he does in reaction to that. On the

other hand, if he is calling you names and intentionally insulting

and belittling you, then that's emotional abuse and you need to

address it with professional counseling (at the very least).

OK, I'll shut up now. I warned you I had lots to say! <grin> But I

hope you find something helpful in there. And most of all I hope you

don't give up on your water class just because of this one incident.

You deserve it if you enjoy it and it does you good.

Take care, and let us know how you're doing.

Cheryl in AZ