Re: Re: Not sure what to say or if I should

[Guest guest]

Yes, I have no job, no insurance, bad health of course, and I have to find a way

to support myself and be out of here withing three weeks.

Re: Not sure what to say or if I should

> I'm sorry. I haven't been here for awhile. If anyone has said

sent any messages to me I do appolijize for not having responded. I

am not sure what to say or even if I should be saying it. But I

really need help. Once my friends realized I was doing so poorly they

came up with an excuse to get me up to phoenix again. It was nice

while it lasted but didn't do much for I am just going through too

much. Well, I am back home and two nights ago my husband told me he

wanted me to start finding a way to get out. I have three weeks to

do it in. This thursday is our fourth aniversary, and next tuesday

is my birthday. I need your prayers that I make it through it all.

> Thanks,

> Norene

Okay, Norene, just to clear this up for me...what did your husband

mean by " finding a way to get out? " Are you saying you'll have 3

weeks to leave him?

Just confused....

Kathy T.

Attitude is everything-so pick a good one!

[Guest guest]

Depending on where you live, your best bet is to tell him to leave. Go to Legal

Aide & tell them your story. They may be able to help. Never give up the house

or anything else unless you have a guarantee, in writing & witnessed as to what

you do get. If he wants out so badly, he can leave.

in ville who's been divorced 4 times so has a little experience.

<><><><><>

Re: Re: Not sure what to say or if I

should

Yes, I have no job, no insurance, bad health of course, and I have to find a

way to support myself and be out of here withing three weeks.

[Guest guest]

He owns the house. He had the house when I met him. Also if I tried to fight

him in any way his parents are rich and would get the best of lawyers. The law

says that it would be equally ours even with it being in his name. Now I did

get my name put on the title. So I have some leverage. I will barter the house

in order to keep a vehicle and him that the bills. I would have no way of

supporting this house.

Re: Re: Not sure what to say or if I

should

Yes, I have no job, no insurance, bad health of course, and I have to find a

way to support myself and be out of here withing three weeks.

[Guest guest]

Dear Norene,

's advice is excellent. Tell the jerk to get out himself, if he

wants out of the relationship. You should not be forced to give up

your house or your belongings. f Would suggest that you see an attorney

IMMEDIATELY!

hugs and prayers,

Sharon - Memphis, TN

Faith...with it, miracles *CAN* and *DO* happen!

[Guest guest]

> Depending on where you live, your best bet is to tell him to

leave. Go to Legal Aide & tell them your story. They may be able to help. :

When getting my first divorce six years ago I went to legal aid and they gave me

forms and that is all they would do. My husband kept my son and daughter and

moved to Denver with them and I couldnt do a thing about it for I was trying at

the time to get SSI and he makes good money. Plus they wanted to go with him for

he had to money to please teenagers. Never give up the house or anything else

unless you have a guarantee, in writing & witnessed as to what you do get. : He

owned the house two years before I moved in. I have just recently gotten my name

put onto the title so I can use the treat of the house as leverage. I take the

Van and leave him the car, and he take the loan and the credit cards and the

house. If he wants out so badly, he can leave. :I was hoping to be back to

being healthy so I could go back to work and get out of here myself. That is why

I had my name put on the title. I have been packing things that he would not

notice for a long time now. Organizing cubbards for easy packing and all. Even

managed to get him to go through the shed and locate all my boxes with the

pretence of finding something I needed. in ville who's been

divorced 4 times so has a little experience.

She's right - if the house is in his name, he will want to keep payments up.

Now is the time to get nasty, Norene. :Nasty, I could never do that. Sorry it

isn't in me even when I am healthy. I just want to start my life over without

him. I am usually a strong woman and am fighting to be there again. I think if

I can get out and get back to seeing doctors and get healthy then I can get back

to work and I can be that strong woman again. Insurance? Get it in writing that

you get to stay on his. :I am still here because I lost my job so lost my

insurance and his insurance has been researching me for almost three months now.

Have had to go off alot of meds because of it. My meds are all going onto the

credit card (which is in his name). The medicines I can't go without.

Rich parents?

Fortunately, as long as you stay in the house, all the attorneys in the world

won't drag it along because it's not in your husband's best interests to do so.

Also, divorce proceedings are quite controlled these days. You won't see a

judge until after arbitration. Start documenting your husband's behavior

towards you.

Keep your friends around you!

:I don't have friends who have time for me anymore. They either have new

girlfriends/boyfriends or babies (yes for some strange reason it is the young

ones who like to be my friend). But they do know how he has acting all through

the years and have seen much of it first hand. So they would back me up, but

don't have time for me anymore.

Be Blessed!

I thank you all very much. It means a lot just to be able to talk to someone

about it. Not to mention the fact that I know prayers are going up for me.

Kathy T.

Attitude is everything-so pick a good one!

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[Guest guest]

Another thought. Are there any Disabled advocates/ombudsmen in your area? They

may be able to add pressure in him to do right by you. Also check for Women's

Rights groups who might be able to help. The though of dragging my dirty

laundry to strangers makes me shudder, but if it's a choice between that or

being homeless, guess which one I'd pick??

Don't worry about affording the house, but don't barter away something like that

for things that are your right anyway. In most states (if not all, I haven't

been divorced in every state <grin>) you are entitled to half of everything

accumulated during your marriage and maybe more if you can prove that you gave

up things for him. Check your rights before you do or say anything to him.

Depending on your ability to work or not, you may be able to get alimony also.

We're here for you.

<><><><><>

Re: Re: Not sure what to say or if I

should

He owns the house. He had the house when I met him. Also if I tried to fight

him in any way his parents are rich and would get the best of lawyers. The law

says that it would be equally ours even with it being in his name. Now I did

get my name put on the title. So I have some leverage. I will barter the house

in order to keep a vehicle and him that the bills. I would have no way of

supporting this house.

[Guest guest]

I went through a nasty divorce about 8 years ago. Its not easy. But the

best advice is to stay where your at, get a good lawyer. The lawyer can make

him

pay for all the bills where the divorce is going through or until the house

is sold. If you have been married over 10 years you can get half of his

retirement.

Lee Anne

[Guest guest]

Thank you so much Janelle, I really appreciate it.

Norene

Re: Not sure what to say or if I should

Hang in there Norene! I agree with the others, let him leave. Once

you leave you give up any claim to that house. Even if you can't

afford to keep it, if it's awarded to you, sell it. Don't let him

bully you on this. He signed on for better or worse, sickness or

health, so push him to keep his part of the deal. I guarantee that

you hate this illness much more than he ever could!!!

We're here for you girl, so keep us posted and lean on us in this

tough time.

Hugs to you!

Janelle

Attitude is everything-so pick a good one!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Guest guest]

Tomarrow will be four years. He will never leave. He will just make life worse

here for me. He will make most likely refuse to get my medications anymore. He

has to many ways he has me up a barrell. I just need to find a way to get out

of here. I thank you all for your advice and really do appreciate it. But see

no way of getting keeping the house.

Norene

Re: Re: Not sure what to say or if I

should

I went through a nasty divorce about 8 years ago. Its not easy. But the

best advice is to stay where your at, get a good lawyer. The lawyer can make

him

pay for all the bills where the divorce is going through or until the house

is sold. If you have been married over 10 years you can get half of his

retirement.

Lee Anne

[Guest guest]

Dear,

It's not so much being nasty as it is protecting yourself. No matter how much

you want out, don't give anything up without a good bit of trade. It's all very

well to say all you want is the van & out, but realistically, you can't do that.

You have no job, no money & no place to go. You can't expect to start over with

nothing. Maybe if you were healthy, but you're not. There is a fine line

between being nasty and being protective of yourself.

If you want to get healthy, you have to figure out what you need to have to do

that and ask for it. If you have a dr you can trust, sit down with her/him &

ask for a plan to help you get there. Then use it as your base for asking him

for what you need. As I mentioned before, alimony is a good bet for you. A

year or so until you can get yourself back to work. It can be done. Just,

please, don't get disgusted and give in. You are at stake. And you deserve a

chance.

Write me off list if you just want to lean on a shoulder.

in Jax

<><><><><>

Re: Re: Not sure what to say or if I

should

,,,. :Nasty, I could never do that. Sorry it isn't in me even when I am

healthy. I just want to start my life over without him. I am usually a strong

woman and am fighting to be there again. I think if I can get out and get back

to seeing doctors and get healthy then I can get back to work and I can be that

strong woman again.,,,