CBT- Sensations vs Reactions

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From reading this particular thread in one sitting, I see two different conversations. On one hand, some people are talking about 4s purely as a reactionary issue-how we 'feel (emotionally) and respond'. On the other hand, there are people talking about how we feel (physically). For my two cents, let me say this: I can understand both sides. I can see how we choose to react is in our control as the power of positive vs negative thinking. I really like the analogy of touching the hot burner. However, untouched in the analogy is the fact that, reaction or not, you're still physically burned. Whether you choose to react with happy thoughts or death threats, your skin is scorched. That's where this whole idea of breathing through it, basically, loses me. Yes, there are things I can

do, steps I can take to help alleviate the pain so that I can tolerate bad triggers but as I force myself to breathe through the pain (so to speak), I am still Feeling (phyiscally if not emotionally) the pain. It just plain hurts. like touching a hot stove. It hurts. What about that? Whether I find a coping mechanism or not, it still frickin' HURTS on a neurological level. It hurts! So...I would like to side with the 'don't Tell me it's all in my head' camp on this one because no matter how positive I try to stay, and no matter how long I train myself to endure the situation, that's all I'm doing is enduring. I'm getting through it, yes, but the pain IS there. So...I don't know if there was really a point I was trying to make in all that. Make of this what you will. My thoughts.

Tammy

To: Soundsensitivity Sent: Thu, February 17, 2011 7:17:02 AMSubject: Re: CBT

Yes, this often runs in families. One of my two daughters has it, the other is completely free of it. I rather suspect that it is a genetic, neurological problem at its deepest level, with lots of bad learning experiences laid on top of that.I have been married 27 years and my wife is my primary trigger person. Early on in the marriage I had to explain to her that I had the same intense reaction to eating sounds when I was a teenager living with my parents. She tries to minimise the amount of triggers, and doesn't take my reaction personally - she understands that I am just reacting to the sounds, and not to her as a person.When I discovered this site and all the fantastic information about 4S/misophonia on the web - like this video on YouTube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BIhoEtlgiyII put together a set of materials, sat down with my wife, and showed it to her, so that she could watch the video and read Dr 's excellent

article:http://audiology.advanceweb.com/Article/Selective-Sound-Sensitivity-Syndrome.aspxand several other pieces of information.This helped confirm to her that I was not being deliberately unpleasant or mean, but that I had an unusual, but real, condition that I could not simply "switch off".Since then I have found an excellent psychologist with experience of sensory sensitivity problems, and he has started taking me through CBT (and some newer therapies like "mindfulness" and "dialectical behaviour therapy"). He fully recognises that the initial reaction needn't come from conscious thought - he used the example of distance runners learning to tolerate pain. The pain is physical and real - not the result of "wrong thinking" - but you _can_ learn to control it and extend yourself by learning to control your attention and your thinking.So, like Maikaefer, I agree with you that negative feelings can come from other places

besides our thoughts, but that doesn't mean our thoughts cannot "fight back" and get some real control of our feelings. It may not be total control (someone may always catch us off-guard), but it can mean a much better life.I really do hope that, armed with knowledge now, you will be able to build a relationship with your husband that is stringer than 4S, and also hopefully find someone who can help you get the mind skills to manage the 4S distress as well as you possibly can. Perhaps if you tell your husband that you care about him so much that you want to do whatever you can to get greater control of your 4S, it will help. I am doing the CBT as much for my wife's sake as for my own. I want her to have a better life too - not one where she is constantly trying to avoid making normal sounds because it is distressing me.By the way, even I (living in Australia) have heard of UC and its Mind Institute. I have watched quite a few

videos of lectures at UC by world experts on autism and other conditions. It has a great reputation, as far as I can see from this side of the Pacific.>> Your daughter is so lucky. If you only heard the mean, degrading and demeaning things my mother said to me growing up.... I had doctors look at me cross-eyed, like I was a retard... I never had any support, and my brother has it too but will never admit it. He still to this day will not tell my mom that I was telling the truth, he would just back out of every confrontation and then later on admit to me that he had the rage, too. Your daugther is very lucky. My niece is showing signs now, and my mom supports her.... it totally disgusts me and

makes me so ill that she was so mean to me, and so supportive of her., I don't know what it takes to get help, but I guess it's better late than never. Okay, my sob story is over... if you haven't noticed, I';m very, very bitter about 4S and it's impact on me.>