Re: need to vent

August 22, 2010

Hi Barby:Â My heart breaks for you as I read your post.Â Please don't feel

guilty about being angry.Â I know exactly how you feel.Â It's only been a few

short months since my husband had his transplant, and believe me.Â He was

really sick before it.Â Even tho we are on the other side of this I can

remember those bad days, and I cringe whenever I think of those memories.Â The

only thing that got me thru it was knowing that things would one day get better

and that the bad times were temporary.Â You have done a fine job of weathering

the storm so far.Â Your sweet disposition and good sense of humor are an

inspiration to us all.Â Hang in there, and know that others are praying for

you.Â We are here for you whenever you need to vent.Â Keep us all posted on

how things are going and what Bobby Glen's drs say.Â Hope to hear from you

again soon.Â Love ya, Jackie

Subject: need to vent

To: livercirrhosissupport

Date: Sunday, August 22, 2010, 5:09 PM

Â

this will sound crazy so if you want to skip reading i wont mind. i am pissed,

bobby glenns not been feeling well calling dr. tommorrow want scan and labs done

NOW not wait till nov. hes losing days by 2. he forgets i fed him and skyler the

grandson living with us, i found his empty glass of in the frige instesd of the

sink today. he thought it was friday our grandaughters birthday but its sunday,

we went to her party he doesnt remeber it. like i said i am pissed or call it

scared what ever it is i am it. my newest grandbaby conts. to do good then

bad....to be expected for a 25 week old baby i guess. i am tired a 4 year olsd

is wearing me out ...hes a boy and for some reason its different than the

girls...hes in time out right now....am i to hard on him...or is he to stubborn

i dont know. the tears rolling down my face says it all. i am tired but i have

to cont. on i have no choice in any of this. if i had my choice i would be at

the ocean watching the

waves lap the shore...eating at cock of the walk with elsie and roger...but i

have no choice. i am here i am mad i am confused i am ....??????? really makes

me want a glass of wine, but i live to far from town and its sunday and i cant

get any lol. whys life so messed up...what did i do to deserve all this crap????

should i walk away and tell them all do it yourself??? should i just suck it up

,drink water and drive on soldier ???? i know this is my life, for whatever

reason these are the cards dealt to me, and i will find away to stand. but right

now i am pissy i am sad i miss my life the way it was. i am sorry but if i told

anyone in my family the way i feel they would blame me for enabling everyone.

you all and elsie...aka mae mae are they only ones i have to vent to that dont

sugarcoat the facts or blow smoke up my butt. i love you all and just needed to

get this off my chest cause i have been one angry chick all week cause i dont

know where these

feelings are supposed to go. i am angry with the sick ones the stupid ones and

the ones who just dont give a crap. i wanna lay in the sun with a glass of

something...even water lol. in my hand soaking up the rays, without a care in

the world....but life wont let me. who wouldnt be pissed. sorry if i have

offended anyone...welcome to barbys world its me against all of them.... when

will it be my turn? i know that sounds selfish but i feel selfish right now.

whats god...the universe trying to tell me? well just spit it out already i will

do what i need to but i am tired for crying out loud!!

August 23, 2010

Barbi, you are just being human. Diane our rock decided she needed a break.

The only reason I haven't been bawling for the last couple of weeks/months

to the point of having red eyesis that I don't have any tears. You know

what it is like, you have one, two, three things to handle, and if they come

on spread apart, you can handle them. You might have to change your life a

little bit. In the last couple of months, I have discovered that the doctor

I hd been trusting to do something about my anemia whasn't getting the job

done, and I was getting weaker and weaker.. When I gave the responsibility

to my neph, it took him about 2 weeks to get the treatment going. They had

never really given me a cause for the aanemia, just that it wasn't for lack

of iron. for some reason my body wasn;t making enough red blood cells.

Well, I got this great idea,, I have had blood showing on my feet since

last summer because my feet got to large from extra fluid and squeezed the

blood out of my veins. I also bruise a lot. I started thinking that maybe

I could be bleeding inside in a place where the blood wasn't getting into my

digestive track ( like all liver patients, have to check thecolor of bowl

movements and they were fine) So I made an appt with my gastro for an endo

and colonoscopy. Colon was fine, but an inflamation/infection of the

stomach was causing me to bleed between the lining and outer part of my

stomach. That made me feel very smart because I had been right. Before I

got the results though, I took a little flight withoout the benefit of a

plane and made a bad landing, first on my wrist, breaking it, then on my

knees, severely bruising one knee cap, and now that the cast is off and the

knee swelling as gone down, it is obvious that I also badly sprained ankle.

They told me not to start treatment for my stomach as it is really nasty

until my arm is taken care of, and the dr. told me I needed at least 4

weekss twice weekly 35 miles away from home. So the treatment will have to

wait until the end of Sept. The fall also seems to have set off my fibro

myalgia especiilly on the left side where the other injuriees are.

So, a few times I have sat here with my chest heaving and no tears because I

don't have any. I think I would feel a lot better if I could just open the

faucet in my eyes for a while. Look terrible,, but usually is relaxing.

And then, when I think that way I feel very guilty for not trusting God to

take care of it all in his way. He obviously isn't going to do it my way.

By the middle of Oct I should be feeling better, but that seems a long way

away right now. So go ahead and vent here, nobody else seems to want to

listen, those who should like family and friends. I would include all the

other things going on, but I had to do this in two sessions the way it is.

BTW I got my cute little cordless mouse working on my netbook, Those of you

who don't have a netbook should get one. Mine is a Dell Inspiron mini with

Windows 7 Jan H

com > wrote:

> this will sound crazy so if you want to skip reading i wont mind. i am

> pissed, bobby glenns not been feeling well calling dr. tommorrow want scan

> and labs done NOW not wait till nov. hes losing days by 2. he forgets i fed

> him and skyler the grandson living with us, i found his empty glass of in

> the frige instesd of the sink today. he thought it was friday our

> grandaughters birthday but its sunday, we went to her party he doesnt

> remeber it. like i said i am pissed or call it scared what ever it is i am

> it. my newest grandbaby conts. to do good then bad....to be expected for a

> 25 week old baby i guess. i am tired a 4 year olsd is wearing me out ...hes

> a boy and for some reason its different than the girls...hes in time out

> right now....am i to hard on him...or is he to stubborn i dont know. the

> tears rolling down my face says it all. i am tired but i have to cont. on i

> have no choice in any of this. if i had my choice i would be at the ocean

> watching the waves lap the shore...eating at cock of the walk with elsie and

> roger...but i have no choice. i am here i am mad i am confused i am

> ....??????? really makes me want a glass of wine, but i live to far from

> town and its sunday and i cant get any lol. whys life so messed up...what

> did i do to deserve all this crap???? should i walk away and tell them all

> do it yourself??? should i just suck it up ,drink water and drive on soldier

> ???? i know this is my life, for whatever reason these are the cards dealt

> to me, and i will find away to stand. but right now i am pissy i am sad i

> miss my life the way it was. i am sorry but if i told anyone in my family

> the way i feel they would blame me for enabling everyone. you all and

> elsie...aka mae mae are they only ones i have to vent to that dont sugarcoat

> the facts or blow smoke up my butt. i love you all and just needed to get

> this off my chest cause i have been one angry chick all week cause i dont

> know where these feelings are supposed to go. i am angry with the sick ones

> the stupid ones and the ones who just dont give a crap. i wanna lay in the

> sun with a glass of something...even water lol. in my hand soaking up the

> rays, without a care in the world....but life wont let me. who wouldnt be

> pissed. sorry if i have offended anyone...welcome to barbys world its me

> against all of them.... when will it be my turn? i know that sounds selfish

> but i feel selfish right now. whats god...the universe trying to tell me?

> well just spit it out already i will do what i need to but i am tired for

> crying out loud!!

>

> ------------------------------------

>

> Group Email: livercirrhosissupport

> web address:

> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/livercirrhosissupport/

>

August 23, 2010

I tried to chat with you yesterday, but it dint work. I was going to say

something about how to pull up your big girl boots, and that crap, because just

like a lot of folks here, and a lot of peeps there, people LOVE you. People look

for your strength. I know its a big rock to carry, but you are strong and you

are a good person, and decent lady. Bobby wouldnt fair well at all without you.

You family wouldnt fair at all, cause you are the glue! I hope you dont get mad

at me for saying all this. I am only verbalizing everything you already know.

WE know you are just venting. If you go waaaaayy back on this forum you can find

my potty chair rant. I kind of lost it after Ardis died, and the subjsct of

substandard nursing care came up. But I was mortified anyway, cause I did post a

big ol rant.. Barby, I sure do appreciate your friend ship, and someday Sharon

and I are gonna show up down there in KAIN tuck. You jes wait an see. Love,

brother bob

Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is

a well armed lamb contesting the vote. - lin

________________________________

To: livercirrhosissupport

Sent: Sun, August 22, 2010 3:09:00 PM