Re: Touchy subject, but looking for honest feedack

[Guest guest]

i feel exactly the same way and am very annoyed that i feel that way. i

immediately feel triggered when i see an african american person and have to

check to make sure they are not chewing gum or eating anything before i can feel

comfortable with them. after reading nathan's post, i immediately looked at my

partner and said " this is why i am part of this site...the people on here really

feel what i feel and they 'get it' " i have NEVER been a part of a site like

this and i'm glad that i am!

Megs

[Guest guest]

I've had similar experiences as well, although I'd never have had the courage to

admit it. I think cultural norms differ VASTLY when it comes to how much

smacking/gross sounds are allowed during meals. The majority of my friends are

Asian, and frankly I can't STAND the way they chomp. In Asian cultures loud

eating is not viewed in a pejorative light as it is in European culture.

Similarly, African American teenagers at my high school tended to snap gum much

more obnoxiously than others, nor was their " in your face " attitude about it

very helpful.

The important thing, I think, is not race or socioeconomic background, but the

difference in cultural norms and ideas of what is considered rude or not. I

guess that's part of the price we pay for living in a multicultural society: not

everyone had identical table manners. It certainly complicates the lives of

people with 4S, but living in a homogenous world would be pretty boring, right?

-Kate

>

> i feel exactly the same way and am very annoyed that i feel that way. i

immediately feel triggered when i see an african american person and have to

check to make sure they are not chewing gum or eating anything before i can feel

comfortable with them. after reading nathan's post, i immediately looked at my

partner and said " this is why i am part of this site...the people on here really

feel what i feel and they 'get it' " i have NEVER been a part of a site like

this and i'm glad that i am!

> Megs

>

[Guest guest]

I don't judge you and understand this is very hard. The best boyfriend I ever had for eating and sleeping, meaning he made no noise while doing either, was african American. He was a lawyer. However the loudest gum crackers in my office were African American women, they were the secretaries. It was painful to be around. Sent from my iPhone

Hi,

I am mostly a lurker to this group, but have found it therapeutic to post things here when I don't really have any other outlet for them.

It's a personal flaw I am sure, but I categorize people and don't let them out. I hold grudges and rarely allow my initial impressions/opinions to change. I have many categories when it comes to my 4s triggers. I attribute personal flaws to trigger people that they manifest in their chewing behaviors (eg: uncouth, unprofessional, lower classe, etc).

There's no easy way to broach this subject so I will dive right in. There's one categorization that I am ashamed of, but I can't seem to break myself of it. I have a negative reaction to all African Americans because of what is a generalization about how they eat. I immediately categorize them as triggers. I am quite confident that there are aspects of African Americans and their chewing habits that are truly different. I am totally uenducated on any of the subjects so I would not want to surmise on whether they are due to physical differences, cultural customs, or something else. I only know it to be true that there are differing behaviors.

- I find that African Americans are much more likely to chew gum (especially so in a professional workplace)

- I find that African Americans are much more likely to pop/crack their gum while chewing it

- I find that African Americans are much more likely to make distinctive smacking sounds while eating

I am generally only triggered when I hear a sound or see someone's jaw moving who I know is making a sound that I simply cannot hear. However, when I encounter an African American I am immediately triggered. That trigger doesn't go away until I have checked them to make sure they are not chewing gum or eating.

I hope that if there are any African Americans on this group you are not offended. If so, please accept my apology now if I did a poor job of relaying my experiences and did it in an offensive manner. If any of you (African American or not) are offended, please know that I am horrified by my own reactions. I recognize them for what they are but can't control them. The sweetest woman I know is an African American and it breaks my heart to know that I would have such a negative reaction to her if I met her on the street.

Not exactly sure what I'm looking for in a response - maybe nothing. Maybe I simply feel that if anone else is having a similar reaction they can find some solace in knowing they aren't alone.

-

[Guest guest]

I agree with the sentiment of this string. There is no sense of beating yourself up for being human and creating associations. Some associations that we make have to do with touchy racial classifications and some don't. For example, I am never happy to see a woman start digging through her purse because I have developed an association between that action and a nice big pack of gum materializing. So standard conditioning dictates that I will have a reaction. In fact the law of intermittent reinforcement dictates that when the outcome is not regular it is even more reinforcing of the triggered response. So if you see someone with a purse or a person of a certain race and you associate that characteristic with an unpleasant experience because it often happens but does not always happen, that can make your triggered response very predicable. I am working on not being triggered by chewing gum and the situations and people I associate with the trigger. It is not easy but it is possible to make progress when you study how our minds work.

I don't judge you and understand this is very hard. The best boyfriend I ever had for eating and sleeping, meaning he made no noise while doing either, was african American. He was a lawyer. However the loudest gum crackers in my office were African American women, they were the secretaries. It was painful to be around. Sent from my iPhone

Hi,

I am mostly a lurker to this group, but have found it therapeutic to post things here when I don't really have any other outlet for them.

It's a personal flaw I am sure, but I categorize people and don't let them out. I hold grudges and rarely allow my initial impressions/opinions to change. I have many categories when it comes to my 4s triggers. I attribute personal flaws to trigger people that they manifest in their chewing behaviors (eg: uncouth, unprofessional, lower classe, etc).

There's no easy way to broach this subject so I will dive right in. There's one categorization that I am ashamed of, but I can't seem to break myself of it. I have a negative reaction to all African Americans because of what is a generalization about how they eat. I immediately categorize them as triggers. I am quite confident that there are aspects of African Americans and their chewing habits that are truly different. I am totally uenducated on any of the subjects so I would not want to surmise on whether they are due to physical differences, cultural customs, or something else. I only know it to be true that there are differing behaviors.

- I find that African Americans are much more likely to chew gum (especially so in a professional workplace)

- I find that African Americans are much more likely to pop/crack their gum while chewing it

- I find that African Americans are much more likely to make distinctive smacking sounds while eating

I am generally only triggered when I hear a sound or see someone's jaw moving who I know is making a sound that I simply cannot hear. However, when I encounter an African American I am immediately triggered. That trigger doesn't go away until I have checked them to make sure they are not chewing gum or eating.

I hope that if there are any African Americans on this group you are not offended. If so, please accept my apology now if I did a poor job of relaying my experiences and did it in an offensive manner. If any of you (African American or not) are offended, please know that I am horrified by my own reactions. I recognize them for what they are but can't control them. The sweetest woman I know is an African American and it breaks my heart to know that I would have such a negative reaction to her if I met her on the street.

Not exactly sure what I'm looking for in a response - maybe nothing. Maybe I simply feel that if anone else is having a similar reaction they can find some solace in knowing they aren't alone.

-

[Guest guest]

Wondering if 4S is a mainly Caucasian issue? Do we have people in this group who are of other races/cultures? Just curious.DorothySent from my iPhone

I agree with the sentiment of this string. There is no sense of beating yourself up for being human and creating associations. Some associations that we make have to do with touchy racial classifications and some don't. For example, I am never happy to see a woman start digging through her purse because I have developed an association between that action and a nice big pack of gum materializing. So standard conditioning dictates that I will have a reaction. In fact the law of intermittent reinforcement dictates that when the outcome is not regular it is even more reinforcing of the triggered response. So if you see someone with a purse or a person of a certain race and you associate that characteristic with an unpleasant experience because it often happens but does not always happen, that can make your triggered response very predicable. I am working on not being triggered by chewing gum and the situations and people I associate with the trigger. It is not easy but it is possible to make progress when you study how our minds work.

I don't judge you and understand this is very hard. The best boyfriend I ever had for eating and sleeping, meaning he made no noise while doing either, was african American. He was a lawyer. However the loudest gum crackers in my office were African American women, they were the secretaries. It was painful to be around. Sent from my iPhone

Hi,

I am mostly a lurker to this group, but have found it therapeutic to post things here when I don't really have any other outlet for them.

It's a personal flaw I am sure, but I categorize people and don't let them out. I hold grudges and rarely allow my initial impressions/opinions to change. I have many categories when it comes to my 4s triggers. I attribute personal flaws to trigger people that they manifest in their chewing behaviors (eg: uncouth, unprofessional, lower classe, etc).

There's no easy way to broach this subject so I will dive right in. There's one categorization that I am ashamed of, but I can't seem to break myself of it. I have a negative reaction to all African Americans because of what is a generalization about how they eat. I immediately categorize them as triggers. I am quite confident that there are aspects of African Americans and their chewing habits that are truly different. I am totally uenducated on any of the subjects so I would not want to surmise on whether they are due to physical differences, cultural customs, or something else. I only know it to be true that there are differing behaviors.

- I find that African Americans are much more likely to chew gum (especially so in a professional workplace)

- I find that African Americans are much more likely to pop/crack their gum while chewing it

- I find that African Americans are much more likely to make distinctive smacking sounds while eating

I am generally only triggered when I hear a sound or see someone's jaw moving who I know is making a sound that I simply cannot hear. However, when I encounter an African American I am immediately triggered. That trigger doesn't go away until I have checked them to make sure they are not chewing gum or eating.

I hope that if there are any African Americans on this group you are not offended. If so, please accept my apology now if I did a poor job of relaying my experiences and did it in an offensive manner. If any of you (African American or not) are offended, please know that I am horrified by my own reactions. I recognize them for what they are but can't control them. The sweetest woman I know is an African American and it breaks my heart to know that I would have such a negative reaction to her if I met her on the street.

Not exactly sure what I'm looking for in a response - maybe nothing. Maybe I simply feel that if anone else is having a similar reaction they can find some solace in knowing they aren't alone.

-

[Guest guest]

I am of Middle Eastern decent and there is plenty of OCD and sensitively like behavior in my family and perhaps in my cultural roots.

Wondering if 4S is a mainly Caucasian issue? Do we have people in this group who are of other races/cultures? Just curious.DorothySent from my iPhone

I agree with the sentiment of this string. There is no sense of beating yourself up for being human and creating associations. Some associations that we make have to do with touchy racial classifications and some don't. For example, I am never happy to see a woman start digging through her purse because I have developed an association between that action and a nice big pack of gum materializing. So standard conditioning dictates that I will have a reaction. In fact the law of intermittent reinforcement dictates that when the outcome is not regular it is even more reinforcing of the triggered response. So if you see someone with a purse or a person of a certain race and you associate that characteristic with an unpleasant experience because it often happens but does not always happen, that can make your triggered response very predicable. I am working on not being triggered by chewing gum and the situations and people I associate with the trigger. It is not easy but it is possible to make progress when you study how our minds work.

I don't judge you and understand this is very hard. The best boyfriend I ever had for eating and sleeping, meaning he made no noise while doing either, was african American. He was a lawyer. However the loudest gum crackers in my office were African American women, they were the secretaries. It was painful to be around. Sent from my iPhone

Hi,

I am mostly a lurker to this group, but have found it therapeutic to post things here when I don't really have any other outlet for them.

It's a personal flaw I am sure, but I categorize people and don't let them out. I hold grudges and rarely allow my initial impressions/opinions to change. I have many categories when it comes to my 4s triggers. I attribute personal flaws to trigger people that they manifest in their chewing behaviors (eg: uncouth, unprofessional, lower classe, etc).

There's no easy way to broach this subject so I will dive right in. There's one categorization that I am ashamed of, but I can't seem to break myself of it. I have a negative reaction to all African Americans because of what is a generalization about how they eat. I immediately categorize them as triggers. I am quite confident that there are aspects of African Americans and their chewing habits that are truly different. I am totally uenducated on any of the subjects so I would not want to surmise on whether they are due to physical differences, cultural customs, or something else. I only know it to be true that there are differing behaviors.

- I find that African Americans are much more likely to chew gum (especially so in a professional workplace)

- I find that African Americans are much more likely to pop/crack their gum while chewing it

- I find that African Americans are much more likely to make distinctive smacking sounds while eating

I am generally only triggered when I hear a sound or see someone's jaw moving who I know is making a sound that I simply cannot hear. However, when I encounter an African American I am immediately triggered. That trigger doesn't go away until I have checked them to make sure they are not chewing gum or eating.

I hope that if there are any African Americans on this group you are not offended. If so, please accept my apology now if I did a poor job of relaying my experiences and did it in an offensive manner. If any of you (African American or not) are offended, please know that I am horrified by my own reactions. I recognize them for what they are but can't control them. The sweetest woman I know is an African American and it breaks my heart to know that I would have such a negative reaction to her if I met her on the street.

Not exactly sure what I'm looking for in a response - maybe nothing. Maybe I simply feel that if anone else is having a similar reaction they can find some solace in knowing they aren't alone.

-

[Guest guest]

African American here. Unfortunately all races annoy me the same. Smacking, chomping, clearing of throat, bowl and plate scrapers, visual repetitions, etc. don't discriminate with me! Would be helpful though so I could lesson my triggers!Sent: January 08, 2011 3:11 PMTo: Soundsensitivity <Soundsensitivity >Subject: Re: Touchy subject, but looking for honest feedack Wondering if 4S is a mainly Caucasian issue? Do we have people in this group who are of other races/cultures? Just curious.DorothySent from my iPhone I agree with the sentiment of this string. There is no sense of beating yourself up for being human and creating associations. Some associations that we make have to do with touchy racial classifications and some don't. For example, I am never happy to see a woman start digging through her purse because I have developed an association between that action and a nice big pack of gum materializing. So standard conditioning dictates that I will have a reaction. In fact the law of intermittent reinforcement dictates that when the outcome is not regular it is even more reinforcing of the triggered response. So if you see someone with a purse or a person of a certain race and you associate that characteristic with an unpleasant experience because it often happens but does not always happen, that can make your triggered response very predicable. I am working on not being triggered by chewing gum and the situations and people I associate with the trigger. It is not easy but it is possible to make progress when you study how our minds work. I don't judge you and understand this is very hard. The best boyfriend I ever had for eating and sleeping, meaning he made no noise while doing either, was african American. He was a lawyer. However the loudest gum crackers in my office were African American women, they were the secretaries. It was painful to be around. Sent from my iPhone Hi, I am mostly a lurker to this group, but have found it therapeutic to post things here when I don't really have any other outlet for them. It's a personal flaw I am sure, but I categorize people and don't let them out. I hold grudges and rarely allow my initial impressions/opinions to change. I have many categories when it comes to my 4s triggers. I attribute personal flaws to trigger people that they manifest in their chewing behaviors (eg: uncouth, unprofessional, lower classe, etc). There's no easy way to broach this subject so I will dive right in. There's one categorization that I am ashamed of, but I can't seem to break myself of it. I have a negative reaction to all African Americans because of what is a generalization about how they eat. I immediately categorize them as triggers. I am quite confident that there are aspects of African Americans and their chewing habits that are truly different. I am totally uenducated on any of the subjects so I would not want to surmise on whether they are due to physical differences, cultural customs, or something else. I only know it to be true that there are differing behaviors.- I find that African Americans are much more likely to chew gum (especially so in a professional workplace)- I find that African Americans are much more likely to pop/crack their gum while chewing it- I find that African Americans are much more likely to make distinctive smacking sounds while eating I am generally only triggered when I hear a sound or see someone's jaw moving who I know is making a sound that I simply cannot hear. However, when I encounter an African American I am immediately triggered. That trigger doesn't go away until I have checked them to make sure they are not chewing gum or eating. I hope that if there are any African Americans on this group you are not offended. If so, please accept my apology now if I did a poor job of relaying my experiences and did it in an offensive manner. If any of you (African American or not) are offended, please know that I am horrified by my own reactions. I recognize them for what they are but can't control them. The sweetest woman I know is an African American and it breaks my heart to know that I would have such a negative reaction to her if I met her on the street. Not exactly sure what I'm looking for in a response - maybe nothing. Maybe I simply feel that if anone else is having a similar reaction they can find some solace in knowing they aren't alone. -

[Guest guest]

Seems like we've discussed this topic before. All races seem to have 4s. And as far as certain cultures bothering people more, it seems like yes some cultures eat more loudly because it means they like the food, or it is just the way they eat. However, I think that there are loud, bad mannered eaters in every culture/race. I have yet to meet anyone who is as bad as my father-in-law. I watch him and can't understand how he possibly makes those sounds!! I don't have 4s (my daughter does) but his eating drives me nuts too (not in the way it affects her, but it still nauseates me). He is caucasian (European decent).

The rude eating isn't the issue though. Even polite eaters bother my daughter. WE NEED RESEARCH!

Re: Touchy subject, but looking for honest feedack

Wondering if 4S is a mainly Caucasian issue? Do we have people in this group who are of other races/cultures? Just curious.

DorothySent from my iPhone

I agree with the sentiment of this string. There is no sense of beating yourself up for being human and creating associations. Some associations that we make have to do with touchy racial classifications and some don't. For example, I am never happy to see a woman start digging through her purse because I have developed an association between that action and a nice big pack of gum materializing. So standard conditioning dictates that I will have a reaction. In fact the law of intermittent reinforcement dictates that when the outcome is not regular it is even more reinforcing of the triggered response. So if you see someone with a purse or a person of a certain race and you associate that characteristic with an unpleasant experience because it often happens but does not always happen, that can make your triggered response very predicable. I am working on not being triggered by chewing gum and the situations and people I associate with the trigger. It is not easy but it is possible to make progress when you study how our minds work.

I don't judge you and understand this is very hard.

The best boyfriend I ever had for eating and sleeping, meaning he made no noise while doing either, was african American. He was a lawyer. However the loudest gum crackers in my office were African American women, they were the secretaries. It was painful to be around.

Sent from my iPhone

Hi,

I am mostly a lurker to this group, but have found it therapeutic to post things here when I don't really have any other outlet for them.

It's a personal flaw I am sure, but I categorize people and don't let them out. I hold grudges and rarely allow my initial impressions/opinions to change. I have many categories when it comes to my 4s triggers. I attribute personal flaws to trigger people that they manifest in their chewing behaviors (eg: uncouth, unprofessional, lower classe, etc).

There's no easy way to broach this subject so I will dive right in. There's one categorization that I am ashamed of, but I can't seem to break myself of it. I have a negative reaction to all African Americans because of what is a generalization about how they eat. I immediately categorize them as triggers. I am quite confident that there are aspects of African Americans and their chewing habits that are truly different. I am totally uenducated on any of the subjects so I would not want to surmise on whether they are due to physical differences, cultural customs, or something else. I only know it to be true that there are differing behaviors.

- I find that African Americans are much more likely to chew gum (especially so in a professional workplace)

- I find that African Americans are much more likely to pop/crack their gum while chewing it

- I find that African Americans are much more likely to make distinctive smacking sounds while eating

I am generally only triggered when I hear a sound or see someone's jaw moving who I know is making a sound that I simply cannot hear. However, when I encounter an African American I am immediately triggered. That trigger doesn't go away until I have checked them to make sure they are not chewing gum or eating.

I hope that if there are any African Americans on this group you are not offended. If so, please accept my apology now if I did a poor job of relaying my experiences and did it in an offensive manner. If any of you (African American or not) are offended, please know that I am horrified by my own reactions. I recognize them for what they are but can't control them. The sweetest woman I know is an African American and it breaks my heart to know that I would have such a negative reaction to her if I met her on the street.

Not exactly sure what I'm looking for in a response - maybe nothing. Maybe I simply feel that if anone else is having a similar reaction they can find some solace in knowing they aren't alone.

-

[Guest guest]

That is a very interesting question. In my experience regarding the people I know that have 4s, all are white, with either a Irish, English, or Italian heritage (some, like myself, are a combination of two or more of these bloodlines). Just my experience.Good always wins. So be good!

Wondering if 4S is a mainly Caucasian issue? Do we have people in this group who are of other races/cultures? Just curious.DorothySent from my iPhone

I agree with the sentiment of this string. There is no sense of beating yourself up for being human and creating associations. Some associations that we make have to do with touchy racial classifications and some don't. For example, I am never happy to see a woman start digging through her purse because I have developed an association between that action and a nice big pack of gum materializing. So standard conditioning dictates that I will have a reaction. In fact the law of intermittent reinforcement dictates that when the outcome is not regular it is even more reinforcing of the triggered response. So if you see someone with a purse or a person of a certain race and you associate that characteristic with an unpleasant experience because it often happens but does not always happen, that can make your triggered response very predicable. I am working on not being triggered by chewing gum and the situations and people I associate with the trigger. It is not easy but it is possible to make progress when you study how our minds work.

I don't judge you and understand this is very hard. The best boyfriend I ever had for eating and sleeping, meaning he made no noise while doing either, was african American. He was a lawyer. However the loudest gum crackers in my office were African American women, they were the secretaries. It was painful to be around. Sent from my iPhone

Hi,

I am mostly a lurker to this group, but have found it therapeutic to post things here when I don't really have any other outlet for them.

It's a personal flaw I am sure, but I categorize people and don't let them out. I hold grudges and rarely allow my initial impressions/opinions to change. I have many categories when it comes to my 4s triggers. I attribute personal flaws to trigger people that they manifest in their chewing behaviors (eg: uncouth, unprofessional, lower classe, etc).

There's no easy way to broach this subject so I will dive right in. There's one categorization that I am ashamed of, but I can't seem to break myself of it. I have a negative reaction to all African Americans because of what is a generalization about how they eat. I immediately categorize them as triggers. I am quite confident that there are aspects of African Americans and their chewing habits that are truly different. I am totally uenducated on any of the subjects so I would not want to surmise on whether they are due to physical differences, cultural customs, or something else. I only know it to be true that there are differing behaviors.

- I find that African Americans are much more likely to chew gum (especially so in a professional workplace)

- I find that African Americans are much more likely to pop/crack their gum while chewing it

- I find that African Americans are much more likely to make distinctive smacking sounds while eating

I am generally only triggered when I hear a sound or see someone's jaw moving who I know is making a sound that I simply cannot hear. However, when I encounter an African American I am immediately triggered. That trigger doesn't go away until I have checked them to make sure they are not chewing gum or eating.

I hope that if there are any African Americans on this group you are not offended. If so, please accept my apology now if I did a poor job of relaying my experiences and did it in an offensive manner. If any of you (African American or not) are offended, please know that I am horrified by my own reactions. I recognize them for what they are but can't control them. The sweetest woman I know is an African American and it breaks my heart to know that I would have such a negative reaction to her if I met her on the street.

Not exactly sure what I'm looking for in a response - maybe nothing. Maybe I simply feel that if anone else is having a similar reaction they can find some solace in knowing they aren't alone.

-

[Guest guest]

I don't know anybody personally who suffers from 4s. I am from Poland but I have been living in Chicago for 5 years. Back in Poland, I thought I was the only one like that. I learnt that 4s is a rare condition about a year ago. I searched online and I ran across this group- kind of a relief for me, before I thought I was crazy....well sort of... but now u know I am not the only one....it's good to know that somebody understands what I go through every single day of my life. Sent from my iPhone

That is a very interesting question. In my experience regarding the people I know that have 4s, all are white, with either a Irish, English, or Italian heritage (some, like myself, are a combination of two or more of these bloodlines). Just my experience.Good always wins. So be good!

Wondering if 4S is a mainly Caucasian issue? Do we have people in this group who are of other races/cultures? Just curious.DorothySent from my iPhone

I agree with the sentiment of this string. There is no sense of beating yourself up for being human and creating associations. Some associations that we make have to do with touchy racial classifications and some don't. For example, I am never happy to see a woman start digging through her purse because I have developed an association between that action and a nice big pack of gum materializing. So standard conditioning dictates that I will have a reaction. In fact the law of intermittent reinforcement dictates that when the outcome is not regular it is even more reinforcing of the triggered response. So if you see someone with a purse or a person of a certain race and you associate that characteristic with an unpleasant experience because it often happens but does not always happen, that can make your triggered response very predicable. I am working on not being triggered by chewing gum and the situations and people I associate with the trigger. It is not easy but it is possible to make progress when you study how our minds work.

I don't judge you and understand this is very hard. The best boyfriend I ever had for eating and sleeping, meaning he made no noise while doing either, was african American. He was a lawyer. However the loudest gum crackers in my office were African American women, they were the secretaries. It was painful to be around. Sent from my iPhone

Hi,

I am mostly a lurker to this group, but have found it therapeutic to post things here when I don't really have any other outlet for them.

It's a personal flaw I am sure, but I categorize people and don't let them out. I hold grudges and rarely allow my initial impressions/opinions to change. I have many categories when it comes to my 4s triggers. I attribute personal flaws to trigger people that they manifest in their chewing behaviors (eg: uncouth, unprofessional, lower classe, etc).

There's no easy way to broach this subject so I will dive right in. There's one categorization that I am ashamed of, but I can't seem to break myself of it. I have a negative reaction to all African Americans because of what is a generalization about how they eat. I immediately categorize them as triggers. I am quite confident that there are aspects of African Americans and their chewing habits that are truly different. I am totally uenducated on any of the subjects so I would not want to surmise on whether they are due to physical differences, cultural customs, or something else. I only know it to be true that there are differing behaviors.

- I find that African Americans are much more likely to chew gum (especially so in a professional workplace)

- I find that African Americans are much more likely to pop/crack their gum while chewing it

- I find that African Americans are much more likely to make distinctive smacking sounds while eating

I am generally only triggered when I hear a sound or see someone's jaw moving who I know is making a sound that I simply cannot hear. However, when I encounter an African American I am immediately triggered. That trigger doesn't go away until I have checked them to make sure they are not chewing gum or eating.

I hope that if there are any African Americans on this group you are not offended. If so, please accept my apology now if I did a poor job of relaying my experiences and did it in an offensive manner. If any of you (African American or not) are offended, please know that I am horrified by my own reactions. I recognize them for what they are but can't control them. The sweetest woman I know is an African American and it breaks my heart to know that I would have such a negative reaction to her if I met her on the street.

Not exactly sure what I'm looking for in a response - maybe nothing. Maybe I simply feel that if anone else is having a similar reaction they can find some solace in knowing they aren't alone.

-

[Guest guest]

It's hard to tell if all races suffer from 4S because all the info available

online seems to be in English. Out of curiosity I've googled the symptoms in

Spanish (I live in Mexico), and there are Spanish-speaking people that have it,

but the best info they get is from Yahoo answers replies--and we all know how

those can be. Kate, have you ever tried googling the symptoms in Polish? It

would be interesting to do it in various languages and see what we find.

> >>>>

> >>>>>

> >>>>>

> >>>>> Hi,

> >>>>>

> >>>>> I am mostly a lurker to this group, but have found it therapeutic to

post things here when I don't really have any other outlet for them.

> >>>>>

> >>>>> It's a personal flaw I am sure, but I categorize people and don't let

them out. I hold grudges and rarely allow my initial impressions/opinions to

change. I have many categories when it comes to my 4s triggers. I attribute

personal flaws to trigger people that they manifest in their chewing behaviors

(eg: uncouth, unprofessional, lower classe, etc).

> >>>>>

> >>>>> There's no easy way to broach this subject so I will dive right in.

There's one categorization that I am ashamed of, but I can't seem to break

myself of it. I have a negative reaction to all African Americans because of

what is a generalization about how they eat. I immediately categorize them as

triggers. I am quite confident that there are aspects of African Americans and

their chewing habits that are truly different. I am totally uenducated on any

of the subjects so I would not want to surmise on whether they are due to

physical differences, cultural customs, or something else. I only know it to be

true that there are differing behaviors.

> >>>>> - I find that African Americans are much more likely to chew gum

(especially so in a professional workplace)

> >>>>> - I find that African Americans are much more likely to pop/crack their

gum while chewing it

> >>>>> - I find that African Americans are much more likely to make distinctive

smacking sounds while eating

> >>>>>

> >>>>> I am generally only triggered when I hear a sound or see someone's jaw

moving who I know is making a sound that I simply cannot hear. However, when I

encounter an African American I am immediately triggered. That trigger doesn't

go away until I have checked them to make sure they are not chewing gum or

eating.

> >>>>>

> >>>>> I hope that if there are any African Americans on this group you are not

offended. If so, please accept my apology now if I did a poor job of relaying

my experiences and did it in an offensive manner. If any of you (African

American or not) are offended, please know that I am horrified by my own

reactions. I recognize them for what they are but can't control them. The

sweetest woman I know is an African American and it breaks my heart to know that

I would have such a negative reaction to her if I met her on the street.

> >>>>>

> >>>>> Not exactly sure what I'm looking for in a response - maybe nothing.

Maybe I simply feel that if anone else is having a similar reaction they can

find some solace in knowing they aren't alone.

> >>>>>

> >>>>> -

> >>>>>

> >>>>>

> >>>>>

> >>>>

> >>>

> >>

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

There were probably many people who had it back in Poland also, you just didn't know because they were hiding it. I speak to people all the time about 4s and you wouldn't believe how many people are suffering in silence with it. I think it is a fairly common condition that affects so many people's lives. But those who have it hide it to protect themselves because people don't understand it and think it's funny and then try to test the person who suffers with it. It's hard for people who don't have it to understand how horrible it is.

My daughter who has it is actually 1/4 Polish and I think her aunt who is 1/2 Polish has it also.

-----Original Message-----From: Soundsensitivity [mailto:Soundsensitivity ]On Behalf Of KateSent: Saturday, January 08, 2011 8:09 PMTo: Soundsensitivity Subject: Re: Touchy subject, but looking for honest feedack

I don't know anybody personally who suffers from 4s. I am from Poland but I have been living in Chicago for 5 years. Back in Poland, I thought I was the only one like that. I learnt that 4s is a rare condition about a year ago. I searched online and I ran across this group- kind of a relief for me, before I thought I was crazy....well sort of... but now u know I am not the only one....it's good to know that somebody understands what I go through every single day of my life. Sent from my iPhone

That is a very interesting question. In my experience regarding the people

I know that have 4s, all are white, with either a Irish, English, or Italian heritage (some, like myself, are a combination of two or more of these bloodlines). Just my experience.

Good always wins. So be good!

Wondering if 4S is a mainly Caucasian issue? Do we have people in this group who are of other races/cultures? Just curious.

DorothySent from my iPhone

I agree with the sentiment of this string. There is no sense of beating yourself up for being human and creating associations. Some associations that we make have to do with touchy racial classifications and some don't. For example, I am never happy to see a woman start digging through her purse because I have developed an association between that action and a nice big pack of gum materializing. So standard conditioning dictates that I will have a reaction. In fact the law of intermittent reinforcement dictates that when the outcome is not regular it is even more reinforcing of the triggered response. So if you see someone with a purse or a person of a certain race and you associate that characteristic with an unpleasant experience because it often happens but does not always happen, that can make your triggered response very predicable. I am working on not being triggered by chewing gum and the situations and people I associate with the trigger. It is not easy but it is possible to make progress when you study how our minds work.

I don't judge you and understand this is very hard.

The best boyfriend I ever had for eating and sleeping, meaning he made no noise while doing either, was african American. He was a lawyer. However the loudest gum crackers in my office were African American women, they were the secretaries. It was painful to be around.

Sent from my iPhone

Hi,

I am mostly a lurker to this group, but have found it therapeutic to post things here when I don't really have any other outlet for them.

It's a personal flaw I am sure, but I categorize people and don't let them out. I hold grudges and rarely allow my initial impressions/opinions to change. I have many categories when it comes to my 4s triggers. I attribute personal flaws to trigger people that they manifest in their chewing behaviors (eg: uncouth, unprofessional, lower classe, etc).

There's no easy way to broach this subject so I will dive right in. There's one categorization that I am ashamed of, but I can't seem to break myself of it. I have a negative reaction to all African Americans because of what is a generalization about how they eat. I immediately categorize them as triggers. I am quite confident that there are aspects of African Americans and their chewing habits that are truly different. I am totally uenducated on any of the subjects so I would not want to surmise on whether they are due to physical differences, cultural customs, or something else. I only know it to be true that there are differing behaviors.

- I find that African Americans are much more likely to chew gum (especially so in a professional workplace)

- I find that African Americans are much more likely to pop/crack their gum while chewing it

- I find that African Americans are much more likely to make distinctive smacking sounds while eating

I am generally only triggered when I hear a sound or see someone's jaw moving who I know is making a sound that I simply cannot hear. However, when I encounter an African American I am immediately triggered. That trigger doesn't go away until I have checked them to make sure they are not chewing gum or eating.

I hope that if there are any African Americans on this group you are not offended. If so, please accept my apology now if I did a poor job of relaying my experiences and did it in an offensive manner. If any of you (African American or not) are offended, please know that I am horrified by my own reactions. I recognize them for what they are but can't control them. The sweetest woman I know is an African American and it breaks my heart to know that I would have such a negative reaction to her if I met her on the street.

Not exactly sure what I'm looking for in a response - maybe nothing. Maybe I simply feel that if anone else is having a similar reaction they can find some solace in knowing they aren't alone.

-

[Guest guest]

I find that it isn't 'just one kind of people'. When I was younger I had

a friend who was African American and he had excellent eating habits and

was quite popular, whereas another friend who was 'white' had horrible

eating habits, but he was business smart and able to successfully manage

a local restaurant. It all really just comes down to the person, no

matter what 'race' they are.

I use to have a grudge against older men in business suits, supposedly

they being the 'upper wealthier class', always jingling their keys and

coins in their pockets. That is a BIG trigger sound for me, and I hated

having to be in environments around them because of the pain they were

causing me from those sounds. Being school or work or wherever.

-Randall

[Guest guest]

Oh, my, I have said this before, one of the hardest things about being an attorney who appears regularly in court is all the men jingling their keys and coins in their pockets! Ugh, drives me batty! And then all the pen clickers, that one knows no bounds, everyone does it! Men, women, young, old, rich, poor, all races, all classes, I bloody hate it. When my co-workers come in my office and click, click, click the whole time they are talking I want to grab it and throw it across the room. If I feel comfortable enough with that person, I will say, "please, please stop that, it's so distracting I can't hear a word you are saying." And then the one that has become my biggest work trigger ever: speaker phones, sigh, speaker phones. They have surpassed everything. Someone posted and at first I wasn't so sure, but now I think there's something to it: conditioning. Speaker phones only slightly bothered me, then for over a year I had to deal with my neighbor at work who abused his speaker phone. Volume at max, hits speaker, super loud prolonged dial tone, then each number dialing, then ringing, then the talking, on the other end echo-y, he responds even louder with his booming military voice. This would go on all day every day. I have moved offices and now I can't take any slight speaker phone sound as I'm so anxious that it's going to turn into that year long hell. So there is conditioning that makes thing worse, I fear.Just talking about this makes me wish with all my hope that there's a way to make it all go away for all of us here.HeidiI find that it isn't 'just one kind of people'. When I was younger I had a friend who was African American and he had excellent eating habits and was quite popular, whereas another friend who was 'white' had horrible eating habits, but he was business smart and able to successfully manage a local restaurant. It all really just comes down to the person, no matter what 'race' they are.I use to have a grudge against older men in business suits, supposedly they being the 'upper wealthier class', always jingling their keys and coins in their pockets. That is a BIG trigger sound for me, and I hated having to be in environments around them because of the pain they were causing me from those sounds. Being school or work or wherever.-Randall

[Guest guest]

I am Black American but can relate to some of what you are saying.

I also chuckled at your statement that merely seeing an African American

triggers you.

Anyhow, I found gum cracking to be more of an economic class issue as opposed to

race....I see it more among those of lower economic & educational status.

Also, I usually avoid going to movies where I know there will be many blacks

present...I can't take the talking back to the screen and babies in the theater.

I teach at a university with many foreign born professors, particular those from

Asia. They do things that we Americans would consider to be rude such as

slurping their soup and farting.

[Guest guest]

Yes, this is an incredibly touchy subject but I have to say I've had the same

experiences. I live in Chicago and went to an inner city public high school

that was 10% white, 10% hispanic, and 80% black. I had to live through 8 hours

a day of non-stop gum cracking... during calculus exams, study hall, anywhere.

You wouldn't dare ask them to stop or you would get your ass beat. I had to

endure that for 4 years. I think that's why my 4S is SO BAD now at the age of

40. I was literally traumatized by it all through school. It was never guys,

just the girls, but really girls of ALL races. Everybody popped and cracked

their gum non stop... Imagine 10 girls in a classroom doing it for an hour while

you are trying to study.

I'm honestly getting freaked out and upset now just thinking and writing about

it.

I almost wonder if somehow subconciously, I always worked in male dominated

professions, just to avoid being with women because they constantly crack gum?

> >> - I find that African Americans are much more likely to pop/crack their gum

while chewing it

> >

[Guest guest]

It has nothing to do with class. It has more to do with culture, You will see it more from people in NY, NJ then Idaho. More from women then men. More with Black women then most others. It is what it is. Any amount of PC spin won't change the facts.

Subject: Re: Touchy subject, but looking for honest feedackTo: Soundsensitivity Date: Sunday, January 9, 2011, 2:55 PM

I am Black American but can relate to some of what you are saying.I also chuckled at your statement that merely seeing an African American triggers you.Anyhow, I found gum cracking to be more of an economic class issue as opposed to race....I see it more among those of lower economic & educational status.Also, I usually avoid going to movies where I know there will be many blacks present...I can't take the talking back to the screen and babies in the theater.I teach at a university with many foreign born professors, particular those from Asia. They do things that we Americans would consider to be rude such as slurping their soup and farting.

[Guest guest]

I don't believe in being PC...so your statement is wrong.

I haven't been to Idaho so can't comment on that.

Based on MY observations, I stand by my previous comment regarding class/status.

>

>

>

> Subject: Re: Touchy subject, but looking for honest feedack

> To: Soundsensitivity

> Date: Sunday, January 9, 2011, 2:55 PM

>

>

>  

>

>

>

>

>

> I am Black American but can relate to some of what you are saying.

> I also chuckled at your statement that merely seeing an African American

triggers you.

>

> Anyhow, I found gum cracking to be more of an economic class issue as opposed

to race....I see it more among those of lower economic & educational status.

>

> Also, I usually avoid going to movies where I know there will be many blacks

present...I can't take the talking back to the screen and babies in the theater.

>

> I teach at a university with many foreign born professors, particular those

from Asia. They do things that we Americans would consider to be rude such as

slurping their soup and farting.

>

[Guest guest]

We will then agree to disagree..

Subject: Re: Touchy subject, but looking for honest feedackTo: Soundsensitivity Date: Sunday, January 9, 2011, 4:11 PM

I don't believe in being PC...so your statement is wrong.I haven't been to Idaho so can't comment on that.Based on MY observations, I stand by my previous comment regarding class/status.> > > > Subject: Re:

Touchy subject, but looking for honest feedack> To: Soundsensitivity > Date: Sunday, January 9, 2011, 2:55 PM> > > Â > > > > > > I am Black American but can relate to some of what you are saying.> I also chuckled at your statement that merely seeing an African American triggers you.> > Anyhow, I found gum cracking to be more of an economic class issue as opposed to race....I see it more among those of lower economic & educational status.> > Also, I usually avoid going to movies where I know there will be many blacks present...I can't take the talking back to the screen and babies in the theater.> > I teach at a university with

many foreign born professors, particular those from Asia. They do things that we Americans would consider to be rude such as slurping their soup and farting.>

[Guest guest]

Maybe I'm older than most in the group -- in my 50s -- but when I went to school they didn't allow gum chewing at all, so therefore there was no smacking of gum at all.. Also, in the workplace, most places frowned on chewing gum or eating at your desk. If you wanted a snack, you went to a breakroom, and if it's lunchtime, you left your desk.

What has happened to common courtesy? Is it necessary for people to be so inconsiderate when they eat, chew gum, etc.? I don't get it. Why should we have to be subject to other people's noises? It is just so rude.

Subject: Re: Touchy subject, but looking for honest feedackTo: Soundsensitivity Date: Sunday, January 9, 2011, 2:05 PM

Yes, this is an incredibly touchy subject but I have to say I've had the same experiences. I live in Chicago and went to an inner city public high school that was 10% white, 10% hispanic, and 80% black. I had to live through 8 hours a day of non-stop gum cracking... during calculus exams, study hall, anywhere. You wouldn't dare ask them to stop or you would get your ass beat. I had to endure that for 4 years. I think that's why my 4S is SO BAD now at the age of 40. I was literally traumatized by it all through school. It was never guys, just the girls, but really girls of ALL races. Everybody popped and cracked their gum non stop... Imagine 10 girls in a classroom doing it for an hour while you are trying to study. I'm honestly getting freaked out and upset now just thinking and writing about it.I almost wonder if somehow subconciously, I always worked in male dominated professions, just to avoid being with women because they

constantly crack gum?> >> - I find that African Americans are much more likely to pop/crack their gum while chewing it> >

[Guest guest]

Yeah, I definitely agree with Diane - it's very much a social class thing. I

don't think that people of different race but in the same social class have a

much different culture, if they live in the same country, same area (a high

class black person and high class white person would act the same, i.e.).

However, people who belong to different social classes act VERY differently, and

certain types of poor manners are definitely characteristic of poorer social

classes. It really all makes sense if you were to think about it.

> >

> >

> > From: Diane <Diane8783@>

> > Subject: Re: Touchy subject, but looking for honest

feedack

> > To: Soundsensitivity

> > Date: Sunday, January 9, 2011, 2:55 PM

> >

> >

> >  

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > I am Black American but can relate to some of what you are saying.

> > I also chuckled at your statement that merely seeing an African American

triggers you.

> >

> > Anyhow, I found gum cracking to be more of an economic class issue as

opposed to race....I see it more among those of lower economic & educational

status.

> >

> > Also, I usually avoid going to movies where I know there will be many blacks

present...I can't take the talking back to the screen and babies in the theater.

> >

> > I teach at a university with many foreign born professors, particular those

from Asia. They do things that we Americans would consider to be rude such as

slurping their soup and farting.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

LOL! I'm all 3: Irish, Italian and English !Heidi Sent from my iPhone

That is a very interesting question. In my experience regarding the people I know that have 4s, all are white, with either a Irish, English, or Italian heritage (some, like myself, are a combination of two or more of these bloodlines). Just my experience.Good always wins. So be good!

Wondering if 4S is a mainly Caucasian issue? Do we have people in this group who are of other races/cultures? Just curious.DorothySent from my iPhone

I agree with the sentiment of this string. There is no sense of beating yourself up for being human and creating associations. Some associations that we make have to do with touchy racial classifications and some don't. For example, I am never happy to see a woman start digging through her purse because I have developed an association between that action and a nice big pack of gum materializing. So standard conditioning dictates that I will have a reaction. In fact the law of intermittent reinforcement dictates that when the outcome is not regular it is even more reinforcing of the triggered response. So if you see someone with a purse or a person of a certain race and you associate that characteristic with an unpleasant experience because it often happens but does not always happen, that can make your triggered response very predicable. I am working on not being triggered by chewing gum and the situations and people I associate with the trigger. It is not easy but it is possible to make progress when you study how our minds work.

I don't judge you and understand this is very hard. The best boyfriend I ever had for eating and sleeping, meaning he made no noise while doing either, was african American. He was a lawyer. However the loudest gum crackers in my office were African American women, they were the secretaries. It was painful to be around. Sent from my iPhone

Hi,

I am mostly a lurker to this group, but have found it therapeutic to post things here when I don't really have any other outlet for them.

It's a personal flaw I am sure, but I categorize people and don't let them out. I hold grudges and rarely allow my initial impressions/opinions to change. I have many categories when it comes to my 4s triggers. I attribute personal flaws to trigger people that they manifest in their chewing behaviors (eg: uncouth, unprofessional, lower classe, etc).

There's no easy way to broach this subject so I will dive right in. There's one categorization that I am ashamed of, but I can't seem to break myself of it. I have a negative reaction to all African Americans because of what is a generalization about how they eat. I immediately categorize them as triggers. I am quite confident that there are aspects of African Americans and their chewing habits that are truly different. I am totally uenducated on any of the subjects so I would not want to surmise on whether they are due to physical differences, cultural customs, or something else. I only know it to be true that there are differing behaviors.

- I find that African Americans are much more likely to chew gum (especially so in a professional workplace)

- I find that African Americans are much more likely to pop/crack their gum while chewing it

- I find that African Americans are much more likely to make distinctive smacking sounds while eating

I am generally only triggered when I hear a sound or see someone's jaw moving who I know is making a sound that I simply cannot hear. However, when I encounter an African American I am immediately triggered. That trigger doesn't go away until I have checked them to make sure they are not chewing gum or eating.

I hope that if there are any African Americans on this group you are not offended. If so, please accept my apology now if I did a poor job of relaying my experiences and did it in an offensive manner. If any of you (African American or not) are offended, please know that I am horrified by my own reactions. I recognize them for what they are but can't control them. The sweetest woman I know is an African American and it breaks my heart to know that I would have such a negative reaction to her if I met her on the street.

Not exactly sure what I'm looking for in a response - maybe nothing. Maybe I simply feel that if anone else is having a similar reaction they can find some solace in knowing they aren't alone.

-

[Guest guest]

Me too - I'm 56 and I don't remember any 4S problems at school, only at home. At

school, no one was allowed to have chewing gum at all - possession was regarded

as an act of vandalism, because of damaged desks from people sticking their gum

underneath. And no one was allowed to eat or drink anything in class. I used to

go home for lunch each day, so I probably avoided any triggers, and the

playground was so noisy that I probably wouldn't have heard the (soft) trigger

sounds anyway.

At work, no one chews gum. Even on the commuter trains each day, I see very few

people chewing gum. But people do eat and drink on trains, and at their desks at

work. That - and meal and snack times at home - is where my triggers come from

these days.

>

> Maybe I'm older than most in the group -- in my 50s -- but when I went to

school they didn't allow gum chewing at all, so therefore there was no smacking

of gum at all.. Also, in the workplace, most places frowned on chewing gum or

eating at your desk. If you wanted a snack, you went to a breakroom, and if it's

lunchtime, you left your desk.

[Guest guest]

I think this may be something that depends where you are in the world. I work in schools, covering for teachers when they are off through illness or having to attend meetings. Every school I have worked at here in the UK has had a policy of no gum in the classroom - which means I get to enforce that

> To: Soundsensitivity > Date: Mon, 10 Jan 2011 09:43:56 +0000> Subject: Re: Touchy subject, but looking for honest feedack> > Me too - I'm 56 and I don't remember any 4S problems at school, only at home. At school, no one was allowed to have chewing gum at all - possession was regarded as an act of vandalism, because of damaged desks from people sticking their gum underneath. And no one was allowed to eat or drink anything in class. I used to go home for lunch each day, so I probably avoided any triggers, and the playground was so noisy that I probably wouldn't have heard the (soft) trigger sounds anyway.> > At work, no one chews gum. Even on the commuter trains each day, I see very few people chewing gum. But people do eat and drink on trains, and at their desks at work. That - and meal and snack times at home - is where my triggers come from these days.> > > >> > Maybe I'm older than most in the group -- in my 50s -- but when I went to school they didn't allow gum chewing at all, so therefore there was no smacking of gum at all.. Also, in the workplace, most places frowned on chewing gum or eating at your desk. If you wanted a snack, you went to a breakroom, and if it's lunchtime, you left your desk.> > > > > ------------------------------------> > PLEASE BE AWARE THIS IS A STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL GROUP AND NO MESSAGES ARE TO BE USED FOR ANY PURPOSE OUTSIDE OF THE YAHOO GROUP MEMBERSHIP SITE OR REPRODUCED OR COPIED AND MAILED FOR ANY PURPOSE. > > ALSO DO NOT SHARE MEMBER EMAIL ADDRESSES OR NAMES WITH ANYONE.> Thank you. MJ

[Guest guest]

OKAY! Here we go: let's get honest and find answers! Thank you all for your

candor and gentility in opening this for discussion. I am from

Russian-Gypsy-Jewish ancestry. My siblings and I are second-generation

Americans. My father had violent 4S issues and we moved constantly( he's the

gypsy). As an adult, I moved frequently because " new " sounds aren't as bad as

the ones that become triggers over time. (I'm going bonkers here in this house

for 9 years now but do not want to move again.) My cousins (mothers' side) eat

like pigs and always have: they have no gypsy in them and no 4S. Is it a

coincidence that gypsies are gypsies? Anyone else here from nomadic bloodlines?

As far as " loud-in-your-face " people and " loud-just-slobs " people go I know what

you mean and I can identify but cannot understand why anyone would want to be

either . . .

>

>

>

>

>

> Hi,

>

> I am mostly a lurker to this group, but have found it therapeutic

to post things here when I don't really have any other outlet for them.

>

> It's a personal flaw I am sure, but I categorize people and don't

let them out. I hold grudges and rarely allow my initial impressions/opinions

to change. I have many categories when it comes to my 4s triggers. I attribute

personal flaws to trigger people that they manifest in their chewing behaviors

(eg: uncouth, unprofessional, lower classe, etc).

>

> There's no easy way to broach this subject so I will dive right

in. There's one categorization that I am ashamed of, but I can't seem to break

myself of it. I have a negative reaction to all African Americans because of

what is a generalization about how they eat. I immediately categorize them as

triggers. I am quite confident that there are aspects of African Americans and

their chewing habits that are truly different. I am totally uenducated on any

of the subjects so I would not want to surmise on whether they are due to

physical differences, cultural customs, or something else. I only know it to be

true that there are differing behaviors.

> - I find that African Americans are much more likely to chew gum

(especially so in a professional workplace)

> - I find that African Americans are much more likely to pop/crack

their gum while chewing it

> - I find that African Americans are much more likely to make

distinctive smacking sounds while eating

>

> I am generally only triggered when I hear a sound or see someone's

jaw moving who I know is making a sound that I simply cannot hear. However,

when I encounter an African American I am immediately triggered. That trigger

doesn't go away until I have checked them to make sure they are not chewing gum

or eating.

>

> I hope that if there are any African Americans on this group you

are not offended. If so, please accept my apology now if I did a poor job of

relaying my experiences and did it in an offensive manner. If any of you

(African American or not) are offended, please know that I am horrified by my

own reactions. I recognize them for what they are but can't control them. The

sweetest woman I know is an African American and it breaks my heart to know that

I would have such a negative reaction to her if I met her on the street.

>

> Not exactly sure what I'm looking for in a response - maybe

nothing. Maybe I simply feel that if anone else is having a similar reaction

they can find some solace in knowing they aren't alone.

>

> -

>