Re: Re: Mother's Day Sucks!

May 7, 2007

>Then I get mad at msyself for feeling

>guilty about it and tell myself that this is what's best for me.

whenever I feel this way, I just remember how she reacted when I got hit by

a car when I was riding my bike one day...she yelled at me and told ME I

should be more careful !! I was in the crosswalk, and the car hit me while

I was riding across the street....or I remember when I told her I was

molested by the neighbor when we lived in KY..and her only response was

" don't tell your father as it would upset him " that was it...absolutely NO

concern for my well being at all...ever !! and this person deserves my

respect , admiration and to be showered with praise, gifts and phone calls

?? I don't think so !

Jackie

May 7, 2007

>Once again, nada has created a sh*tstorm in the

>weeks leading up to Mother's Day, and I'm not going to acknowledge it.

oh, my nada really tries to be nicer just before mothers day or Christmas as

she wants to get gifts and flowers and cards...but this year I've been very

,imited LC, and she's still " punishing " me for not communicating with them,

and hasn't called, or e mailed for a long long time...her attitude is " you

don't want to talk to me, well,I don't want to talk to you MORE ! "

Jackie

May 7, 2007

> It really is a stupid, twisted holiday.

yes, you can thank the marketing people for that...they have turned every

holiday into a gift buying, money spending time in order to say I love

you..and it starts earlier and earlier every year !!

Jackie

May 7, 2007

I sent her a card last year that on the cover it said Happy mothers day mom

and on the inside it said you have a terrific daughter ! this year the

card on the outside has 3 fishes in a bowl with the " mother " fish yelling

haven't I told you not to play ball in the house ( as the 3 fishes are

watching their water drain through a hole in the side of the bowl) on the

inside it say best fishes for mothers day

Jackie

I have sort of a sick/funny sense of humor but I thought wouldnt it be

great to send my nada a card that either said,,

Wish I had a mother to send this to

or

With I had a mother like this.. if it was a mushy card lol

May 9, 2007

Gah, sometime this week I guess I need to order flowers.

WHY ???

Jackie

May 9, 2007

how sad...I hope one day you will be free and can be true to yourself...but

I do understand ...

Jackie

Good question. One set of flowers is for my step-mom, who deserves

them. The other, for nada, well... I have no good reason really I

guess, but I'm trying to just hang under the radar with her and to do

nothing is a big blip I'm not up to explaining yet. My sister was

thinking of sending her something like Happy Aunt's Day, cause that's

how she tries to think of her. I offered this morning to go in with

her on flowers and have the card say something like " thinking of you

on our day... " I'm so emotionally busy trying to deal with my recent

separation here and avoid the drama/saga of nada and my other sister,

I'd rather blend in a while longer... Cowardice, sure, I can live with

that awhile more...

May 9, 2007

I want NC this mothers day. My nada is holed up in a

hotel that I paid for for the next four days after she

showed up on my doorstep in the middle of night

homeless. Nada cannot hold a job, or keep friends.

My nada has a few personality disorders along with bpd

and major depression. I am so angry - furious. My

nada went off the deep end when i got married and had

a baby last year, doesn't want anyone else to have my

attention. I am an only child. I vent to my friends

sometimes, but it's hard as they have " normal " parents

and can't relate to all my misery. Reading what

others are going through on this forum really helps as

I know I am not alone. All my other family reside out

of state 3000 miles from me, which is bad and good.

My father who I am close with and does not have bpd is

a good supporter of me and my happiness. On the other

hand, my uncle, nada's adopted brother is an enabler.

He has enabled her with money for the past 10 years.

Nada lived with her parents until they died. SHe used

and manipulated her parents for housing until they

went into the grave. Has anyone else had nada show up

on doorstep homeless? Nada's new psych. appt. is

tomorrow morning. My husband is taking her. I am too

furious to attend the appt. Nada is absolutely the

professional victim. Nothing is her fault. To think

she cried to me for 5 hours to my face about her life

and misery, telling me she had a new apartment to move

into this weekend and could she stay with me and my

family until she moves in. In reality she did not get

approved for the apartment due to low income and 3

past evictions. Thank goodness, we got nada out of

our home yesterday into a hotel per other group

members suggestions and mine. Getting her out of our

home ASAP was absolutely the right thing to do. I

obviously need to maintain consistent boundaries. But

showing up at our home is too much for me. I can't

believe the insanity, it has gone from bad to worse in

days. Thanks for listening.

--- Kristy Woods wrote:

> This is my first mother's day with LC as well. And

> it is difficult,

> but life goes on. I just went and bought a card -

> always a difficult

> experience. It merely said, wishing you a happy day

> and may all your

> dreams come true (or some such). Gotta let it go

> and not get too

> emotional. It is hard, but we must take care of

> ourselves and not get

> sucked back in because of emotion and one

> sentimental day. There is a

> whole world out there for us to live!!!!

>

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May 9, 2007

This year I'm stuck. I suspect anything I send will go in the garbage. If I

don't send

anything, all hell will break loose.

poo,

Tami

I opted for the latter...she doesn't deserve a single cent from me to honor

her...

Jackie

May 10, 2007

I find journals refreshing as well. It's great way to remember the " crazy " nada

so the " nice " one can't pull you back in. Keep being strong!!

Jae

P.S. Favorite child... lol. Maybe you should send that one! That ought to

confuse her.

dolphindance85 wrote:

Was looking at cards tongight with my ten year old daughter. She

picked one out for nana, my dh's mother. We then tried to find one for

nada, which i am NC for almost 6 months now. Anyway, I got a kick out

of one that said...Happy Mother's Day...from your favorite child! (ha,

Ha, ha) I did buy one that had a huge baby and a little old lady on

the outside and on the inside it merely says...happy mothers day from

your baby. Now, the decision is to mail...or not to mail?

Nada did just send me a package with a black necklace in it with a

card, or half of a used card. She said something like...Yes we do have

a problem. I guess I am just not happy being so low on your totem pole

for family. Then goes on to say I love you with all of my heart, your

dad gave me the necklace 25 years ago...blah, blah, blah.

As I said before, she did the same thing a week ago with a gift for my

oldest daughter. Is she trying to reconnect? Or just another form of

pulling me back in to the liittle game? I have started to read posts

again to give me strength and have a counseling appointment next week.

I also have been finding it helpful to go back and read some of the

journals that I have kept over the years, to refresh my memory of all

the emotional abuse I went throughl.

Sorry, this is sounding like babbling, guess I am just trying to make

a decision about the next step.

Trying to keep strong,

Dawn

>

> This is my first mother's day with LC as well. And it is

difficult,

> but life goes on. I just went and bought a card - always a difficult

> experience. It merely said, wishing you a happy day and may all

your

> dreams come true (or some such). Gotta let it go and not get too

> emotional. It is hard, but we must take care of ourselves and not

get

> sucked back in because of emotion and one sentimental day. There is

a

> whole world out there for us to live!!!!

>

---------------------------------

Get your own web address.

Have a HUGE year through Yahoo! Small Business.

May 10, 2007

Thanks for response. I am new to group. I'm Missy.

I spoke with nada's only friend and brother both who

live 3000 miles away. Neither are willing to take her

in based on prior experience with her. But they are

willing to enable her with money and keep her far away

from them. Nada was taken to psych. appt. today. My

husband took her as i have no more energy for her to

take. Psych. MD said she has major depression,

possible personality disorder and possible ADD. More

testing will be done this month. I know she is bpd.

I am a social worker, my husband is a doctor. Psych.

MD gave her an anti-psychotic med along with

anit-depressant she already takes. I have told nada

to stay away with repeated I statements and guess

what? She showed up to my home again tonight. I

called the police and was told to file an order of

protection. Too bad she has no home address. I have

my infant son to protect. This is the worst situation

nada has done. She is acting psychotic. I think she

may have multiple diagnosis, but I am not a psych. MD.

I received my Understanding the Borderline Mother

from amazon.com yesterday and what a great read. I

couldn't put it down. Nada used to be the waif in her

younger years, now she has evolved to be the queen.

Apparently a psychotic queen at that. This is sad for

all this to unfold 3 days before my first mothers day

as I new mom myself. Nothing shocks me at this

point. I still feel numb. It's got to get easier. I

am in recovery and had a great therapy group last

night. Now this. It's a roller coaster ride. Thanks

for listening. Prayers to all KOs.

--- doticus wrote:

> Hi Oh_whatever (didn't get your name),

>

> I'm sorry that your mother has supplanted your

> situation and suddenly shown up. Is there any

> possible way other family members could help, even

> if

> they are far away? That's what happened with mine

> and

> it has made a huge difference. They accept her

> craziness (because it's one of those dysfunctional

> 'family first' situations where they all feel they

> need to stick together or someone will unravel the

> crazy). It may not be fair to dump her on a

> relative,

> but at the same time, a relative might be more

> willing

> to help. I'm sorry that I don't have a better

> suggestion.

>

> is

>

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> Need Mail bonding?

> Go to the Yahoo! Mail Q & A for great tips from Yahoo!

> Answers users.

>

http://answers.yahoo.com/dir/?link=list & sid=396546091

>

__________________________________________________

May 19, 2007

" Thinking of you on our day " ... I like that. It forces a reminder that we are

moms and deserve a special day too.

My 50th birthday (Friday) and mother's day was uneventful because I got the

package dropped off without incident on the Thursday before....the fall-out came

after M-Day. Dad got sick again - chest congestion, grayish color, bad sputum -

and mom wrote to tell that she was taking him to doctor (a first - she has

always before told him to go alone, then complains that he didn't get any info

from doctor -- he doesn't understand 'doctor-talk' and she was a nurse). She

mentioned that he said he must be having a 'pity party' (wonder who put THAT

thought in his head???) and she said that as soon as she made the appointment,

" he perked right up " . I (fool that I am) asked what she meant by 'pity party'

since the stuff he was coughing up now and in the previous year is significantly

serious and we've been concerned about his health for a long time and please let

us know what the doctor said. I got a blasting reply that she was doing all she

could just as she always did and we

were involved in our own Lives (her capital letter) and that's just how we are

and she knows that now and my sister came with her grandchildren on mothers day

and stayed for 2 days " to honor me (mom) " and " family is good " I took it as

pointing a finger at me for being so callous that all I gave her was a gift and

card 3 days ahead of time. I was on vacation that weekend (I get 3 weekends a

year off) and chose to stay home quietly, not telling her I was off. Dad is now

on antibiotics and has some follow-up appointments soon for more testing, but it

sounded like she was trying to put him in a nursing home at first. Usually, he

still is active, works in the yard and is in his right mind, verbally rambling

and remembering the past only as an older person normally does. Anyway, my

stomach went back into knots and is still agitated every time I eat or have any

upset at all. Doctor says it's probably gallbladder that 'backwashes' when I'm

under stress. And my mind is

'talking' to me and reminding me to stay calm and that she has no say or

control and my stomach/gallbladder says, Uh-huh....KNOT !!!!) If I weren't so

bloated and distended, I'd probably have lost weight because I've not been able

to eat or hold down anything of substance since Tuesday. I hate this. -Leslye