Re: My Gum Cracking Mother in Law: She's STILL AT IT! UGH!

[Guest guest]

I have been thinking about making up a small laminated card and carrying it with me. It would explain this condition and in a very unoffensive and maybe lighthearted manner. It could include the stamp of approval from some of our doctors that are treating 4S. I have seen hearing impaired people with similar cards explaining their condition. My reaction is always one of emphathy and understanding. We are hearing impaired but in a different way.

It is just so embarrasing and difficult ( for me anyway) to explain this to people.

It would just ask for understanding and consideration for this problem. People quite often misinterpret our reactions and don't know what is bothering us.

Sorry for your problem. I have been there many times and it makes life a living hell!!

ML

Subject: My Gum Cracking Mother in Law: She's STILL AT IT! UGH!To: Soundsensitivity Date: Sunday, February 6, 2011, 6:04 AM

I've posted over the past few years about my gum cracking mother in law and how I am STUCK because I cannot confront her and no one else in my family believes me or supports me regarding her, forgive me, RIDICULOUS AND OBNOXIOUS and DELIBERATE gum popping and snapping, etc.A year later I am STILL just AVOIDING her at all costs and it is still creating awkwardness in our relationship.Last week I was in the lobby at church and my sister called to say that our mother was in the hospital with severe health complications, etc.I started crying and looked for my mother in law to tell her and have her pick up the kids from Sunday school so I could leave, etc.Well all the while I was crying and telling her how my mother was sick my mother in law was GNAWING ON THE GUM and making SNAPPING AND CRACKING NOISES!I lost it folks! It's bad enough that she does it ALL THE TIME but when I'm upset about something it just makes

it worse. I got extra upset and said, "GO GET THE KIDS! I HAVE TO GO!"Being upset about my mother was bad enough and then I had the rage from my mother in law's gum cracking, etc.My mother in law was watching my kids when I worked the other day and when I was on my way home my heart started pounding in anxiety because I feared she'd be cracking the gum when I walked in. Sure enough, she was.I have now found that I have to find excuses to NOT LOOK HER IN THE FACE when she does it because the visual sets me off worse. Also, I find excuses to get her to LEAVE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE such as how yesterday I pretended to have a headache and more or less threw her right out the door.

[Guest guest]

I think that a certain set of triggers or circumstances can set it off. Maybe when we are under stress. It can be restimulated when the conditions are right. Just an opinion. I could be wrong.

I was conditioned by my mother to be aware and annoyed by eating noises, but I think the predisposition was already there. I was about 6 if I remember correctly.

My daughter was about 7 when she first mentioned it. She is 33 now and has it as bad as I do.

ML

Subject: Re: Re: My Gum Cracking Mother in Law: She's STILL AT IT! UGH!To: Soundsensitivity Date: Sunday, February 6, 2011, 11:46 AM

That reminds me that pre 4s I used to like the sound of typing, because my mother was always typing, I'm sure I heard it in the womb. Now it can be a trigger, especially when it is REALLY INTENSE TYPING!!

To: Soundsensitivity Sent: Sun, February 6, 2011 12:56:43 PMSubject: Re: My Gum Cracking Mother in Law: She's STILL AT IT! UGH!

Sorry to hear this but I understand how you feel.Just a side note: One time ( when I was a child) my mother was driving the car with my gum popping grandmother in the front seat. My mother suddenly pulled the car over on a country road and said "If you don't stop popping that gum I'm not moving another inch". My grandmother complied.Funny, tho, I liked the sound of my grandmother's popping. I obviously didn't have 4s as a child.Mine started in adulthood, mostly from changing my diet and being annoyed with people.Also, I have found that most people are annoyed by that sound even if they don't have 4s.> > > From: believinginbluejay

> Subject: My Gum Cracking Mother in Law: She's STILL AT IT! UGH!> To: Soundsensitivity > Date: Sunday, February 6, 2011, 6:04 AM> > > Â > > > > I've posted over the past few years about my gum cracking mother in law and how I am STUCK because I cannot confront her and no one else in my family believes me or supports me regarding her, forgive me, RIDICULOUS AND OBNOXIOUS and DELIBERATE gum popping and snapping, etc.> > A year later I am STILL just AVOIDING her at all costs and it is still creating awkwardness in our relationship.> > Last week I was in the lobby at church and my sister called to say that our mother was in the hospital with severe health complications,

etc.> > I started crying and looked for my mother in law to tell her and have her pick up the kids from Sunday school so I could leave, etc.> > Well all the while I was crying and telling her how my mother was sick my mother in law was GNAWING ON THE GUM and making SNAPPING AND CRACKING NOISES!> > I lost it folks! It's bad enough that she does it ALL THE TIME but when I'm upset about something it just makes it worse. I got extra upset and said, "GO GET THE KIDS! I HAVE TO GO!"> > Being upset about my mother was bad enough and then I had the rage from my mother in law's gum cracking, etc.> > My mother in law was watching my kids when I worked the other day and when I was on my way home my heart started pounding in anxiety because I feared she'd be cracking the gum when I walked in. Sure enough, she was.> > I have now found that I have to find excuses to NOT LOOK HER IN

THE FACE when she does it because the visual sets me off worse. Also, I find excuses to get her to LEAVE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE such as how yesterday I pretended to have a headache and more or less threw her right out the door.>

[Guest guest]

Thanks . I've tried gently confronting her before and she laughed it off and kept cracking away. I'm afraid too that if I try to confront her again she won't be gentle and understanding and will instead get defensive and say something like, "WELL, *CRACK CHOMP* I'M SORRY YOU FEEL THAT WAY, BUT I CHEW GUM! *CRACK* *CRACK*!"

My husband and his family already like to tease me about how I'm "over sensitive," etc. and it would backfire more if I said something. I continue to suffer in silence.

Subject: My Gum Cracking Mother in Law: She's STILL AT IT! UGH!To: Soundsensitivity Date: Sunday, February 6, 2011, 6:04 AM

I've posted over the past few years about my gum cracking mother in law and how I am STUCK because I cannot confront her and no one else in my family believes me or supports me regarding her, forgive me, RIDICULOUS AND OBNOXIOUS and DELIBERATE gum popping and snapping, etc.A year later I am STILL just AVOIDING her at all costs and it is still creating awkwardness in our relationship.Last week I was in the lobby at church and my sister called to say that our mother was in the hospital with severe health complications, etc.I started crying and looked for my mother in law to tell her and have her pick up the kids from Sunday school so I could leave, etc.Well all the while I was crying and telling her how my mother was sick my mother in law was GNAWING ON THE GUM and making SNAPPING AND CRACKING NOISES!I lost it folks! It's bad enough that she does it ALL THE TIME but when I'm upset about something it just makes

it worse. I got extra upset and said, "GO GET THE KIDS! I HAVE TO GO!"Being upset about my mother was bad enough and then I had the rage from my mother in law's gum cracking, etc.My mother in law was watching my kids when I worked the other day and when I was on my way home my heart started pounding in anxiety because I feared she'd be cracking the gum when I walked in. Sure enough, she was.I have now found that I have to find excuses to NOT LOOK HER IN THE FACE when she does it because the visual sets me off worse. Also, I find excuses to get her to LEAVE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE such as how yesterday I pretended to have a headache and more or less threw her right out the door.

[Guest guest]

Good Lord... being around people like that makes me sometimes feel like committing hari kari (or better, adamantly wish that they would).You have my sympathies. If I were around a person like that as often as you have to be, I would be a total basket case.

[Guest guest]

Wouldn't it be nice if 4S became well know to the general public. We could just tell the gum chewers and the like that we have 4S so could you please take it easy on the Wrigley's.

ML

Subject: My Gum Cracking Mother in Law: She's STILL AT IT! UGH!To: Soundsensitivity Date: Sunday, February 6, 2011, 6:04 AM

I've posted over the past few years about my gum cracking mother in law and how I am STUCK because I cannot confront her and no one else in my family believes me or supports me regarding her, forgive me, RIDICULOUS AND OBNOXIOUS and DELIBERATE gum popping and snapping, etc.A year later I am STILL just AVOIDING her at all costs and it is still creating awkwardness in our relationship.Last week I was in the lobby at church and my sister called to say that our mother was in the hospital with severe health complications, etc.I started crying and looked for my mother in law to tell her and have her pick up the kids from Sunday school so I could leave, etc.Well all the while I was crying and telling her how my mother was sick my mother in law was GNAWING ON THE GUM and making SNAPPING AND CRACKING NOISES!I lost it folks! It's bad enough that she does it ALL THE TIME but when I'm upset about something it just makes

it worse. I got extra upset and said, "GO GET THE KIDS! I HAVE TO GO!"Being upset about my mother was bad enough and then I had the rage from my mother in law's gum cracking, etc.My mother in law was watching my kids when I worked the other day and when I was on my way home my heart started pounding in anxiety because I feared she'd be cracking the gum when I walked in. Sure enough, she was.I have now found that I have to find excuses to NOT LOOK HER IN THE FACE when she does it because the visual sets me off worse. Also, I find excuses to get her to LEAVE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE such as how yesterday I pretended to have a headache and more or less threw her right out the door.

[Guest guest]

It would be nice if public places banned smoking AND gum chewing!

Many places around here have banned any public place from indoor smoking. That sure helps my headaches. However, I think I'd rather them smoke than chew gum.

We gotta laugh at ourselves - else we'll really be nutty!

To: Soundsensitivity Sent: Mon, February 7, 2011 3:58:05 PMSubject: Re: My Gum Cracking Mother in Law: She's STILL AT IT! UGH!

Wouldn't it be nice if 4S became well know to the general public. We could just tell the gum chewers and the like that we have 4S so could you please take it easy on the Wrigley's.

ML

Subject: My Gum Cracking Mother in Law: She's STILL AT IT! UGH!To: Soundsensitivity Date: Sunday, February 6, 2011, 6:04 AM

I've posted over the past few years about my gum cracking mother in law and how I am STUCK because I cannot confront her and no one else in my family believes me or supports me regarding her, forgive me, RIDICULOUS AND OBNOXIOUS and DELIBERATE gum popping and snapping, etc.A year later I am STILL just AVOIDING her at all costs and it is still creating awkwardness in our relationship.Last week I was in the lobby at church and my sister called to say that our mother was in the hospital with severe health complications, etc.I started crying and looked for my mother in law to tell her and have her pick up the kids from Sunday school so I could leave, etc.Well all the while I was crying and telling her how my mother was sick my mother in law was GNAWING ON THE GUM and making SNAPPING AND CRACKING NOISES!I lost it folks! It's bad enough that she does it ALL THE TIME but when I'm upset about something it just makes

it worse. I got extra upset and said, "GO GET THE KIDS! I HAVE TO GO!"Being upset about my mother was bad enough and then I had the rage from my mother in law's gum cracking, etc.My mother in law was watching my kids when I worked the other day and when I was on my way home my heart started pounding in anxiety because I feared she'd be cracking the gum when I walked in. Sure enough, she was.I have now found that I have to find excuses to NOT LOOK HER IN THE FACE when she does it because the visual sets me off worse. Also, I find excuses to get her to LEAVE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE such as how yesterday I pretended to have a headache and more or less threw her right out the door.

[Guest guest]

We have a statewide smoking ban and I love it!I don't like gum popping or many other noises.. but at least they don't leave me feeling sick for days on end like smoke does! It's only temporary.†.:. Mae .:.†

You have not seen Christ, but still you love him. You cannot see him now, but you believe in him. So you are filled with a joy that cannot be explained, a joy full of glory. And you are receiving the goal of your faith -- the salvation of your souls. -1 1:8-9 (NCV)To: Soundsensitivity From: jimross33@...Date: Mon, 7 Feb 2011 15:27:02 -0800Subject: Re: My Gum Cracking Mother in Law: She's STILL AT IT! UGH!

It would be nice if public places banned smoking AND gum chewing!

Many places around here have banned any public place from indoor smoking. That sure helps my headaches. However, I think I'd rather them smoke than chew gum.

We gotta laugh at ourselves - else we'll really be nutty!

To: Soundsensitivity Sent: Mon, February 7, 2011 3:58:05 PMSubject: Re: My Gum Cracking Mother in Law: She's STILL AT IT! UGH!

Wouldn't it be nice if 4S became well know to the general public. We could just tell the gum chewers and the like that we have 4S so could you please take it easy on the Wrigley's.

ML

Subject: My Gum Cracking Mother in Law: She's STILL AT IT! UGH!To: Soundsensitivity Date: Sunday, February 6, 2011, 6:04 AM

I've posted over the past few years about my gum cracking mother in law and how I am STUCK because I cannot confront her and no one else in my family believes me or supports me regarding her, forgive me, RIDICULOUS AND OBNOXIOUS and DELIBERATE gum popping and snapping, etc.A year later I am STILL just AVOIDING her at all costs and it is still creating awkwardness in our relationship.Last week I was in the lobby at church and my sister called to say that our mother was in the hospital with severe health complications, etc.I started crying and looked for my mother in law to tell her and have her pick up the kids from Sunday school so I could leave, etc.Well all the while I was crying and telling her how my mother was sick my mother in law was GNAWING ON THE GUM and making SNAPPING AND CRACKING NOISES!I lost it folks! It's bad enough that she does it ALL THE TIME but when I'm upset about something it just makes

it worse. I got extra upset and said, "GO GET THE KIDS! I HAVE TO GO!"Being upset about my mother was bad enough and then I had the rage from my mother in law's gum cracking, etc.My mother in law was watching my kids when I worked the other day and when I was on my way home my heart started pounding in anxiety because I feared she'd be cracking the gum when I walked in. Sure enough, she was.I have now found that I have to find excuses to NOT LOOK HER IN THE FACE when she does it because the visual sets me off worse. Also, I find excuses to get her to LEAVE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE such as how yesterday I pretended to have a headache and more or less threw her right out the door.

[Guest guest]

Hello BlueJay. Please do not be offended by this question, but I am

trying to understand your situation - and something is not clear to me

from your post. (Also, I'm new here, and I'm trying to find my way.)

Here's the question: If another person cracks gum in about the same way

that your mother-in-law cracks gum, do you have the same sort of

response?

Thank you.

smn

>

> I've posted over the past few years about my gum cracking mother in

law and how I am STUCK because I cannot confront her and no one else in

my family believes me or supports me regarding her, forgive me,

RIDICULOUS AND OBNOXIOUS and DELIBERATE gum popping and snapping, etc.

>

> A year later I am STILL just AVOIDING her at all costs and it is still

creating awkwardness in our relationship.

>

> Last week I was in the lobby at church and my sister called to say

that our mother was in the hospital with severe health complications,

etc.

>

> I started crying and looked for my mother in law to tell her and have

her pick up the kids from Sunday school so I could leave, etc.

>

> Well all the while I was crying and telling her how my mother was sick

my mother in law was GNAWING ON THE GUM and making SNAPPING AND CRACKING

NOISES!

>

> I lost it folks! It's bad enough that she does it ALL THE TIME but

when I'm upset about something it just makes it worse. I got extra

upset and said, " GO GET THE KIDS! I HAVE TO GO! "

>

> Being upset about my mother was bad enough and then I had the rage

from my mother in law's gum cracking, etc.

>

> My mother in law was watching my kids when I worked the other day and

when I was on my way home my heart started pounding in anxiety because I

feared she'd be cracking the gum when I walked in. Sure enough, she

was.

>

> I have now found that I have to find excuses to NOT LOOK HER IN THE

FACE when she does it because the visual sets me off worse. Also, I

find excuses to get her to LEAVE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE such as how

yesterday I pretended to have a headache and more or less threw her

right out the door.

>

[Guest guest]

Yes! I've always had an aversion to gum cracking. But seeing my MIL do it makes it even worse on some levels... Because it is, how can I put this, out of character for her. Seeing an old lady who looks like Bea Arthur cracking gum is just extra insane LOL! I think that usually gum cracking is the habit of teeny boppers or baseball coaches, not older women.Subject: Re: My Gum Cracking Mother in Law: She's STILL AT IT! UGH!To: Soundsensitivity Date: Tuesday, February 8, 2011, 12:21 AM

Hello BlueJay. Please do not be offended by this question, but I am

trying to understand your situation - and something is not clear to me

from your post. (Also, I'm new here, and I'm trying to find my way.)

Here's the question: If another person cracks gum in about the same way

that your mother-in-law cracks gum, do you have the same sort of

response?

Thank you.

smn

>

> I've posted over the past few years about my gum cracking mother in

law and how I am STUCK because I cannot confront her and no one else in

my family believes me or supports me regarding her, forgive me,

RIDICULOUS AND OBNOXIOUS and DELIBERATE gum popping and snapping, etc.

>

> A year later I am STILL just AVOIDING her at all costs and it is still

creating awkwardness in our relationship.

>

> Last week I was in the lobby at church and my sister called to say

that our mother was in the hospital with severe health complications,

etc.

>

> I started crying and looked for my mother in law to tell her and have

her pick up the kids from Sunday school so I could leave, etc.

>

> Well all the while I was crying and telling her how my mother was sick

my mother in law was GNAWING ON THE GUM and making SNAPPING AND CRACKING

NOISES!

>

> I lost it folks! It's bad enough that she does it ALL THE TIME but

when I'm upset about something it just makes it worse. I got extra

upset and said, "GO GET THE KIDS! I HAVE TO GO!"

>

> Being upset about my mother was bad enough and then I had the rage

from my mother in law's gum cracking, etc.

>

> My mother in law was watching my kids when I worked the other day and

when I was on my way home my heart started pounding in anxiety because I

feared she'd be cracking the gum when I walked in. Sure enough, she

was.

>

> I have now found that I have to find excuses to NOT LOOK HER IN THE

FACE when she does it because the visual sets me off worse. Also, I

find excuses to get her to LEAVE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE such as how

yesterday I pretended to have a headache and more or less threw her

right out the door.

>

[Guest guest]

I sit in class with well dressed, seemingly classy women that snort like Sumo wrestlers!

Please blow you nose lady.... you're driving me crazy!!!

Can' tell a book by its cover.

ML

Subject: Re: My Gum Cracking Mother in Law: She's STILL AT IT! UGH!To: Soundsensitivity Date: Tuesday, February 8, 2011, 12:21 AM

Hello BlueJay. Please do not be offended by this question, but I amtrying to understand your situation - and something is not clear to mefrom your post. (Also, I'm new here, and I'm trying to find my way.)Here's the question: If another person cracks gum in about the same waythat your mother-in-law cracks gum, do you have the same sort ofresponse?Thank you.smn>> I've posted over the past few years about my gum cracking mother inlaw and how I am STUCK because I cannot confront her and no one else inmy family believes me or supports me regarding her, forgive me,RIDICULOUS AND OBNOXIOUS and DELIBERATE gum popping and snapping, etc.>> A year later I am STILL just AVOIDING her at all costs and it is stillcreating awkwardness in our

relationship.>> Last week I was in the lobby at church and my sister called to saythat our mother was in the hospital with severe health complications,etc.>> I started crying and looked for my mother in law to tell her and haveher pick up the kids from Sunday school so I could leave, etc.>> Well all the while I was crying and telling her how my mother was sickmy mother in law was GNAWING ON THE GUM and making SNAPPING AND CRACKINGNOISES!>> I lost it folks! It's bad enough that she does it ALL THE TIME butwhen I'm upset about something it just makes it worse. I got extraupset and said, "GO GET THE KIDS! I HAVE TO GO!">> Being upset about my mother was bad enough and then I had the ragefrom my mother in law's gum cracking, etc.>> My mother in law was watching my kids when I worked the other day andwhen I was on my way home my heart

started pounding in anxiety because Ifeared she'd be cracking the gum when I walked in. Sure enough, shewas.>> I have now found that I have to find excuses to NOT LOOK HER IN THEFACE when she does it because the visual sets me off worse. Also, Ifind excuses to get her to LEAVE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE such as howyesterday I pretended to have a headache and more or less threw herright out the door.>

[Guest guest]

Well, here are The Cat's thoughts. Please remember - I'm very new here.In your initial post all you talked about was the gum cracking sound that your mother-in-law makes. There was no mention of any other gum cracking sounds at all, although they are not all that uncommon in everyday life. So it seems to The Cat that you are markedly more sensitive to those sounds when they are made by your mother-in-law. At least that's how The Cat sees it.The Cat feels that you likely have a relatively minor problem with 4S - and a relatively major problem with your mother-in-law. That said, The Cat thinks you ought to ignore the problem with 4S for now and (maybe in therapy?) focus on what's bothering you about your mother-in-law - because The Cat thinks your issues with your mother-in-law likely go way way past the sound she makes cracking her gum. The Cat thinks that your sensitivity to the crackling sounds made by your mother-in-law are merely where your conflict has been focused. The problem is the conflict, not the sound.Whether or not you should seek some sort of therapy depends on the value you place on your family unit vis-a-vis how your relationship with your mother-in-law affects the integrity of your family.The Cat has spoken! (But The Cat don't know jack spit - it's just a stab!)Best to ya -smn> > >> > > I've posted over the past few years about my gum cracking mother in> > law and how I am STUCK because I cannot confront her and no one else in> > my family believes me or supports me regarding her, forgive me,> > RIDICULOUS AND OBNOXIOUS and DELIBERATE gum popping and snapping, etc.> > >> > > A year later I am STILL just AVOIDING her at all costs and it is still> > creating awkwardness in our relationship.> > >> > > Last week I was in the lobby at church and my sister called to say> > that our mother was in the hospital with severe health complications,> > etc.> > >> > > I started crying and looked for my mother in law to tell her and have> > her pick up the kids from Sunday school so I could leave, etc.> > >> > > Well all the while I was crying and telling her how my mother was sick> > my mother in law was GNAWING ON THE GUM and making SNAPPING AND CRACKING> > NOISES!> > >> > > I lost it folks! It's bad enough that she does it ALL THE TIME but> > when I'm upset about something it just makes it worse. I got extra> > upset and said, "GO GET THE KIDS! I HAVE TO GO!"> > >> > > Being upset about my mother was bad enough and then I had the rage> > from my mother in law's gum cracking, etc.> > >> > > My mother in law was watching my kids when I worked the other day and> > when I was on my way home my heart started pounding in anxiety because I> > feared she'd be cracking the gum when I walked in. Sure enough, she> > was.> > >> > > I have now found that I have to find excuses to NOT LOOK HER IN THE> > FACE when she does it because the visual sets me off worse. Also, I> > find excuses to get her to LEAVE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE such as how> > yesterday I pretended to have a headache and more or less threw her> > right out the door.> > >>

[Guest guest]

May I intervene in this conversation? Many people have the experience that one

person, a relative or other person that we are around often, bothers us more

than other. For years I believed what you are saying, Mr Nagler--that I hated my

father's sniffling because I had a subconscious problem with my father. Imagine

my surprise when other people's sniffling started to bother me, then the sounds

of other--sounds that my father never made, then repetitive habits of other.

I've tried to no avail to figure out through counseling what was the problem I

had with my original trigger person. Actually I have a wonderful relationship

with my father through phone contact and short visits, but if I'm around him

more than a week, the triggers become unbearable again. BTW, the same happens

with other people once their sounds (and habits) become familiar to me.

While I respect your opinion and believe there is validity in what you are

saying, I'm not sure that it is as easy as you make it out to be. How I wish it

were! Even is 4S is a minor problem, it sure does have a major effect on our

relationships. It greatly aggravates whatever other problems exist. Maybe if we

seek therapy for every other problem in life, our 4S will disappear too. That

would be nice!

Thanks for allowing me to express my thoughts!

Cate

> >

> > >

> >

> > > I've posted over the past few years about my gum cracking mother in

> >

> > law and how I am STUCK because I cannot confront her and no one else

> in

> >

> > my family believes me or supports me regarding her, forgive me,

> >

> > RIDICULOUS AND OBNOXIOUS and DELIBERATE gum popping and snapping, etc.

> >

> > >

> >

> > > A year later I am STILL just AVOIDING her at all costs and it is

> still

> >

> > creating awkwardness in our relationship.

> >

> > >

> >

> > > Last week I was in the lobby at church and my sister called to say

> >

> > that our mother was in the hospital with severe health complications,

> >

> > etc.

> >

> > >

> >

> > > I started crying and looked for my mother in law to tell her and

> have

> >

> > her pick up the kids from Sunday school so I could leave, etc.

> >

> > >

> >

> > > Well all the while I was crying and telling her how my mother was

> sick

> >

> > my mother in law was GNAWING ON THE GUM and making SNAPPING AND

> CRACKING

> >

> > NOISES!

> >

> > >

> >

> > > I lost it folks! It's bad enough that she does it ALL THE TIME but

> >

> > when I'm upset about something it just makes it worse. I got extra

> >

> > upset and said, " GO GET THE KIDS! I HAVE TO GO! "

> >

> > >

> >

> > > Being upset about my mother was bad enough and then I had the rage

> >

> > from my mother in law's gum cracking, etc.

> >

> > >

> >

> > > My mother in law was watching my kids when I worked the other day

> and

> >

> > when I was on my way home my heart started pounding in anxiety because

> I

> >

> > feared she'd be cracking the gum when I walked in. Sure enough, she

> >

> > was.

> >

> > >

> >

> > > I have now found that I have to find excuses to NOT LOOK HER IN THE

> >

> > FACE when she does it because the visual sets me off worse. Also, I

> >

> > find excuses to get her to LEAVE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE such as how

> >

> > yesterday I pretended to have a headache and more or less threw her

> >

> > right out the door.

> >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Cate, I know very little about 4S. That's why I'm here.

And nobody said that any of this is easy.

But if a particular sound coming from B, C, D, and on through Z is only

somewhat uncomfortable to an individual- yet when the very same sound

comes from A, it elicits a profound visceral response in that same

individual ... then logic says that there is something unique about the

individual's response to A rather than to the sound itself.

Like I said, I don't know jack spit. Just giving it my best shot.

smn

> >

> > Well, here are The Cat's thoughts. Please remember - I'm very new

here.

> >

> > In your initial post all you talked about was the gum cracking sound

> > that your mother-in-law makes. There was no mention of any other

gum

> > cracking sounds at all, although they are not all that uncommon in

> > everyday life. So it seems to The Cat that you are markedly more

> > sensitive to those sounds when they are made by your mother-in-law.

At

> > least that's how The Cat sees it.

> >

> > The Cat feels that you likely have a relatively minor problem with

4S -

> > and a relatively major problem with your mother-in-law. That said,

The

> > Cat thinks you ought to ignore the problem with 4S for now and

(maybe in

> > therapy?) focus on what's bothering you about your mother-in-law -

> > because The Cat thinks your issues with your mother-in-law likely go

way

> > way past the sound she makes cracking her gum. The Cat thinks that

your

> > sensitivity to the crackling sounds made by your mother-in-law are

> > merely where your conflict has been focused. The problem is the

> > conflict, not the sound.

> >

> > Whether or not you should seek some sort of therapy depends on the

value

> > you place on your family unit vis-a-vis how your relationship with

your

> > mother-in-law affects the integrity of your family.

> >

> > The Cat has spoken! (But The Cat don't know jack spit - it's just a

> > stab!)

> >

> > Best to ya -

> >

> > smn

> >

[Guest guest]

Cate, I responded to your very well-stated post a few minutes ago - but

I don't see the response up yet. Suffice it to say that if there's one

thing we can all agree on, 4S is definitely not a simple problem.

Rather than repeat my response, I'll wait a bit to see if it pops up on

the board. I'm still trying to get used to the software.

smn

> > >

> > > >

> > >

> > > > I've posted over the past few years about my gum cracking mother

in

> > >

> > > law and how I am STUCK because I cannot confront her and no one

else

> > in

> > >

> > > my family believes me or supports me regarding her, forgive me,

> > >

> > > RIDICULOUS AND OBNOXIOUS and DELIBERATE gum popping and snapping,

etc.

> > >

> > > >

> > >

> > > > A year later I am STILL just AVOIDING her at all costs and it is

> > still

> > >

> > > creating awkwardness in our relationship.

> > >

> > > >

> > >

> > > > Last week I was in the lobby at church and my sister called to

say

> > >

> > > that our mother was in the hospital with severe health

complications,

> > >

> > > etc.

> > >

> > > >

> > >

> > > > I started crying and looked for my mother in law to tell her and

> > have

> > >

> > > her pick up the kids from Sunday school so I could leave, etc.

> > >

> > > >

> > >

> > > > Well all the while I was crying and telling her how my mother

was

> > sick

> > >

> > > my mother in law was GNAWING ON THE GUM and making SNAPPING AND

> > CRACKING

> > >

> > > NOISES!

> > >

> > > >

> > >

> > > > I lost it folks! It's bad enough that she does it ALL THE TIME

but

> > >

> > > when I'm upset about something it just makes it worse. I got

extra

> > >

> > > upset and said, " GO GET THE KIDS! I HAVE TO GO! "

> > >

> > > >

> > >

> > > > Being upset about my mother was bad enough and then I had the

rage

> > >

> > > from my mother in law's gum cracking, etc.

> > >

> > > >

> > >

> > > > My mother in law was watching my kids when I worked the other

day

> > and

> > >

> > > when I was on my way home my heart started pounding in anxiety

because

> > I

> > >

> > > feared she'd be cracking the gum when I walked in. Sure enough,

she

> > >

> > > was.

> > >

> > > >

> > >

> > > > I have now found that I have to find excuses to NOT LOOK HER IN

THE

> > >

> > > FACE when she does it because the visual sets me off worse. Also,

I

> > >

> > > find excuses to get her to LEAVE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE such as how

> > >

> > > yesterday I pretended to have a headache and more or less threw

her

> > >

> > > right out the door.

> > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Yes, for some reason the posts sometimes take a while to come up. Both of yours

did show up.

Your question is very valid. It's good to have an objective outside view and

probing questions which make us think more objectively about the condition. I

have thought the very same thing: Why can I tolerate one person's sound more

than another? And why do I tolerate a person's sound up to a certain point,

after which it becomes unbearable? But why are there certain sounds that I don't

tolerate from anyone?

Still I'm not sure that I would call 4S a minor issue. I would argue, at least

with the experience I have up to this point, that 4S tends to aggravate other

problems, and other problems tend to aggravate 4S. That makes it hard to

distinguish which is really the root issue.

Anyway, I appreciate your POV and desire to learn from us. Keep shooting.

Cate

> > >

> > > Well, here are The Cat's thoughts. Please remember - I'm very new

> here.

> > >

> > > In your initial post all you talked about was the gum cracking sound

> > > that your mother-in-law makes. There was no mention of any other

> gum

> > > cracking sounds at all, although they are not all that uncommon in

> > > everyday life. So it seems to The Cat that you are markedly more

> > > sensitive to those sounds when they are made by your mother-in-law.

> At

> > > least that's how The Cat sees it.

> > >

> > > The Cat feels that you likely have a relatively minor problem with

> 4S -

> > > and a relatively major problem with your mother-in-law. That said,

> The

> > > Cat thinks you ought to ignore the problem with 4S for now and

> (maybe in

> > > therapy?) focus on what's bothering you about your mother-in-law -

> > > because The Cat thinks your issues with your mother-in-law likely go

> way

> > > way past the sound she makes cracking her gum. The Cat thinks that

> your

> > > sensitivity to the crackling sounds made by your mother-in-law are

> > > merely where your conflict has been focused. The problem is the

> > > conflict, not the sound.

> > >

> > > Whether or not you should seek some sort of therapy depends on the

> value

> > > you place on your family unit vis-a-vis how your relationship with

> your

> > > mother-in-law affects the integrity of your family.

> > >

> > > The Cat has spoken! (But The Cat don't know jack spit - it's just a

> > > stab!)

> > >

> > > Best to ya -

> > >

> > > smn

> > >

>

[Guest guest]

Say you listened to some cat playing the same tune over and over again on his fiddle, and try as you might, you couldn't stop listening to that (in your perception) aversive tune, you would get to know that tune really well, it would wear a deep groove into your brain. You would know that tune so well that when some other cat came along and played the exact same tune on his fiddle it would sound just a little bit different, very subtle, but not exactly the same, it wouldn't bother you quite as much, because at least it's just a little different, and doesn't have quite the same punch, at least for a while. And say you had to live or work with that cat on a regular basis, so there is no getting away from him/her and you had to hide this aversion to his/her fiddling as well, that would add an

additional emotional charge. And if you are a cat that lives or works with other cats you are of course going to have interfelineal issues, who doesn't, so add in even some more angst to that tune.Not saying you logic isn't possible Cat, I used to think about it like that myself. Therapy has not been helpful for my aversion to sounds, it has been for other things, but not that. To: Soundsensitivity Sent: Tue, February 8, 2011 4:12:10

PMSubject: Re: My Gum Cracking Mother in Law: She's STILL AT IT! UGH!

Cate, I know very little about 4S. That's why I'm here.

And nobody said that any of this is easy.

But if a particular sound coming from B, C, D, and on through Z is only

somewhat uncomfortable to an individual- yet when the very same sound

comes from A, it elicits a profound visceral response in that same

individual ... then logic says that there is something unique about the

individual's response to A rather than to the sound itself.

Like I said, I don't know jack spit. Just giving it my best shot.

smn

> >

> > Well, here are The Cat's thoughts. Please remember - I'm very new

here.

> >

> > In your initial post all you talked about was the gum cracking sound

> > that your mother-in-law makes. There was no mention of any other

gum

> > cracking sounds at all, although they are not all that uncommon in

> > everyday life. So it seems to The Cat that you are markedly more

> > sensitive to those sounds when they are made by your mother-in-law.

At

> > least that's how The Cat sees it.

> >

> > The Cat feels that you likely have a relatively minor problem with

4S -

> > and a relatively major problem with your mother-in-law. That said,

The

> > Cat thinks you ought to ignore the problem with 4S for now and

(maybe in

> > therapy?) focus on what's bothering you about your mother-in-law -

> > because The Cat thinks your issues with your mother-in-law likely go

way

> > way past the sound she makes cracking her gum. The Cat thinks that

your

> > sensitivity to the crackling sounds made by your mother-in-law are

> > merely where your conflict has been focused. The problem is the

> > conflict, not the sound.

> >

> > Whether or not you should seek some sort of therapy depends on the

value

> > you place on your family unit vis-a-vis how your relationship with

your

> > mother-in-law affects the integrity of your family.

> >

> > The Cat has spoken! (But The Cat don't know jack spit - it's just a

> > stab!)

> >

> > Best to ya -

> >

> > smn

> >

No need to miss a message. Get email on-the-go with Yahoo! Mail for Mobile. Get started.

[Guest guest]

Let me say a bit about this topic if I may. I think that most people here are going to have an issue with gum chewing no matter who is the chewer, but there might be shades of gray here with regard to the actual chewing sound produced. That is, some gum chewing sounds are more disgusting than others! For me, just the smell of gum or the sound of someone opening a gum wrapper drives me crazy. I cannot even deal with the sight of someone chewing gum! This has been a problem for me for almost 50 years. The product should be outlawed as far as I am concerned. It's too bad this is not the only sound that sends me into fits of rage!Sent from my iPad

Cate, I know very little about 4S. That's why I'm here.

And nobody said that any of this is easy.

But if a particular sound coming from B, C, D, and on through Z is only

somewhat uncomfortable to an individual- yet when the very same sound

comes from A, it elicits a profound visceral response in that same

individual ... then logic says that there is something unique about the

individual's response to A rather than to the sound itself.

Like I said, I don't know jack spit. Just giving it my best shot.

smn

> >

> > Well, here are The Cat's thoughts. Please remember - I'm very new

here.

> >

> > In your initial post all you talked about was the gum cracking sound

> > that your mother-in-law makes. There was no mention of any other

gum

> > cracking sounds at all, although they are not all that uncommon in

> > everyday life. So it seems to The Cat that you are markedly more

> > sensitive to those sounds when they are made by your mother-in-law.

At

> > least that's how The Cat sees it.

> >

> > The Cat feels that you likely have a relatively minor problem with

4S -

> > and a relatively major problem with your mother-in-law. That said,

The

> > Cat thinks you ought to ignore the problem with 4S for now and

(maybe in

> > therapy?) focus on what's bothering you about your mother-in-law -

> > because The Cat thinks your issues with your mother-in-law likely go

way

> > way past the sound she makes cracking her gum. The Cat thinks that

your

> > sensitivity to the crackling sounds made by your mother-in-law are

> > merely where your conflict has been focused. The problem is the

> > conflict, not the sound.

> >

> > Whether or not you should seek some sort of therapy depends on the

value

> > you place on your family unit vis-a-vis how your relationship with

your

> > mother-in-law affects the integrity of your family.

> >

> > The Cat has spoken! (But The Cat don't know jack spit - it's just a

> > stab!)

> >

> > Best to ya -

> >

> > smn

> >

[Guest guest]

That is one puzzling thing about this issue and yet, we all know, too, that

there are unique and perceptible differences between even the smallest of sounds

emanating from different sources, even if it is the same 'type' of sound, like

eating noises. We all eat but we sure do make a wide range of noises

(mastication) which are quite unique to each individual.

It seems to be an association as well as an auditory or visual signal.

Maybe.

: )

MJ

> > >

> > > Well, here are The Cat's thoughts. Please remember - I'm very new

> here.

> > >

> > > In your initial post all you talked about was the gum cracking sound

> > > that your mother-in-law makes. There was no mention of any other

> gum

> > > cracking sounds at all, although they are not all that uncommon in

> > > everyday life. So it seems to The Cat that you are markedly more

> > > sensitive to those sounds when they are made by your mother-in-law.

> At

> > > least that's how The Cat sees it.

> > >

> > > The Cat feels that you likely have a relatively minor problem with

> 4S -

> > > and a relatively major problem with your mother-in-law. That said,

> The

> > > Cat thinks you ought to ignore the problem with 4S for now and

> (maybe in

> > > therapy?) focus on what's bothering you about your mother-in-law -

> > > because The Cat thinks your issues with your mother-in-law likely go

> way

> > > way past the sound she makes cracking her gum. The Cat thinks that

> your

> > > sensitivity to the crackling sounds made by your mother-in-law are

> > > merely where your conflict has been focused. The problem is the

> > > conflict, not the sound.

> > >

> > > Whether or not you should seek some sort of therapy depends on the

> value

> > > you place on your family unit vis-a-vis how your relationship with

> your

> > > mother-in-law affects the integrity of your family.

> > >

> > > The Cat has spoken! (But The Cat don't know jack spit - it's just a

> > > stab!)

> > >

> > > Best to ya -

> > >

> > > smn

> > >

>

[Guest guest]

As a 44 year old with 4S, I have no one person who is a greater trigger than another. Any person who snaps or cracks their gum is an offender so to speak. Meaning if I hearing it snapping and cracking away in any setting at all I tense up. I hate that sounds more than anything. I hate it even more than the florescent lights that cause serious pain to my head and bring tears to my eyes. I have no person who is a trigger, all people who make certain sounds are equal triggers.If I had mother in law who did this repeatedly I would be extra annoyed at her because I would see her all the time doing exactly what I hate. And if I had explained it and she had laughed at me or laughed it off, then there would be extra annoyance on top of the annoyance because that would signal that she thought so little of me that she continued to crack and snap knowing how adversely it affects me. But the underlying snapping would be hated the same. And it is a massive problem in the grand scheme of things because these days there are no social rules against chewing and snapping gum like there used to be. Anywhere is a potential land mind of maddening sounds.BTWI have written my state representatives explaining my 4S, and requesting in specific that they toughen the law to make sure that car horns should not be used as door locks (the vehicle code already holds this but clearly it has been ignored by manufacturers). One rep said he'd look into that specific issue but said nothing about 4S. Heidi

Cate, I never referred to 4S as a minor issue.

What I want to convey is that if the sensitivity is confined to one type

of sound and the aversive response is not particularly great, then in

such a case it isn't much of a problem when you consider the grand

scheme of things.

smn

>

> Yes, for some reason the posts sometimes take a while to come up. Both

of yours did show up.

>

> Your question is very valid. It's good to have an objective outside

view and probing questions which make us think more objectively about

the condition. I have thought the very same thing: Why can I tolerate

one person's sound more than another? And why do I tolerate a person's

sound up to a certain point, after which it becomes unbearable? But why

are there certain sounds that I don't tolerate from anyone?

>

> Still I'm not sure that I would call 4S a minor issue. I would argue,

at least with the experience I have up to this point, that 4S tends to

aggravate other problems, and other problems tend to aggravate 4S. That

makes it hard to distinguish which is really the root issue.

>

> Anyway, I appreciate your POV and desire to learn from us. Keep

shooting.

>

> Cate

[Guest guest]

We wrote to the NIH and they said they were interested in a study. Being that they are funded by the government and they do research on undiagnosed conditions, I thought they were a good place to start. It would be interesting if we all wrote our Representatives. However, that would consist of letters going to many different Congressmen who would probably brush us off as “crazies.” We would need to focus a letter writing campaign towards one entity, so it wouldn’t be so diluted across all 50 states. Believe me, I’ve thought of this. I’ve also thought of sitting outside of the Capitol (I live in Washington DC) and possibly marching with signs, or even doing a hunger strike to get publicity for this condition. I agree that since we pay taxes (many taxes), we deserve research for this condition that affects so many people. We bombarded the NIH back in 2008 and they seemed to be interested and said they needed time to put a study together. I need to email them and ask how it is going. As far as shouting “WE NEED RESEARCH” that is pretty much my mantra and shows how frustrated I am with this condition. I didn’t mean it rudely. Thanks for your input. From: Soundsensitivity [mailto:Soundsensitivity ] On Behalf Of SeriouslyConsiderTheCatSent: Tuesday, February 08, 2011 10:39 PMTo: Soundsensitivity Subject: Re: My Gum Cracking Mother in Law: She's STILL AT IT! UGH! --- In Soundsensitivity , " Kathy Howe " wrote [in part]:What seems to be obviously " logical " just isn't with 4s. This condition is so bizarre and complex.............In many ways it is; in many ways it isn't...............WE NEED RESEARCH!!!..............I agree. And since you SHOUTED IT IN CAPS, you must feel very strongly about it. So in the past six months exactly how many letters have you written to your representatives in Congress explaining what 4S is, how it impacts the economy, and why the government needs to allocate funds for 4S research?No need to answer. Just something to think about.smn

[Guest guest]

Thank you for clarifying. I do apologize for putting words in your mouth.

Even if for some people sound sensitivity is limited to a particular sound and

person it is not for everyone. In my case, it is not one particular sound or

person that bothers me but many. And not just sounds but visuals too. I love to

be with people, and this aversion that makes me not want to be with them is

painful.

> >

> > Yes, for some reason the posts sometimes take a while to come up. Both

> of yours did show up.

> >

> > Your question is very valid. It's good to have an objective outside

> view and probing questions which make us think more objectively about

> the condition. I have thought the very same thing: Why can I tolerate

> one person's sound more than another? And why do I tolerate a person's

> sound up to a certain point, after which it becomes unbearable? But why

> are there certain sounds that I don't tolerate from anyone?

> >

> > Still I'm not sure that I would call 4S a minor issue. I would argue,

> at least with the experience I have up to this point, that 4S tends to

> aggravate other problems, and other problems tend to aggravate 4S. That

> makes it hard to distinguish which is really the root issue.

> >

> > Anyway, I appreciate your POV and desire to learn from us. Keep

> shooting.

> >

> > Cate

>

[Guest guest]

It may be a good idea to get a template together so that people with 4s only have to change a few key points to send it off. Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone on 3Sender: Soundsensitivity Date: Tue, 8 Feb 2011 23:06:39 -0500To: <Soundsensitivity >ReplyTo: Soundsensitivity Subject: RE: Re: My Gum Cracking Mother in Law: She's STILL AT IT! UGH! We wrote to the NIH and they said they were interested in a study. Being that they are funded by the government and they do research on undiagnosed conditions, I thought they were a good place to start. It would be interesting if we all wrote our Representatives. However, that would consist of letters going to many different Congressmen who would probably brush us off as “crazies.” We would need to focus a letter writing campaign towards one entity, so it wouldn’t be so diluted across all 50 states. Believe me, I’ve thought of this. I’ve also thought of sitting outside of the Capitol (I live in Washington DC) and possibly marching with signs, or even doing a hunger strike to get publicity for this condition. I agree that since we pay taxes (many taxes), we deserve research for this condition that affects so many people. We bombarded the NIH back in 2008 and they seemed to be interested and said they needed time to put a study together. I need to email them and ask how it is going. As far as shouting “WE NEED RESEARCH” that is pretty much my mantra and shows how frustrated I am with this condition. I didn’t mean it rudely. Thanks for your input. From: Soundsensitivity [mailto:Soundsensitivity ] On Behalf Of SeriouslyConsiderTheCatSent: Tuesday, February 08, 2011 10:39 PMTo: Soundsensitivity Subject: Re: My Gum Cracking Mother in Law: She's STILL AT IT! UGH! --- In Soundsensitivity , " Kathy Howe " wrote [in part]:What seems to be obviously " logical " just isn't with 4s. This condition is so bizarre and complex.............In many ways it is; in many ways it isn't...............WE NEED RESEARCH!!!..............I agree. And since you SHOUTED IT IN CAPS, you must feel very strongly about it. So in the past six months exactly how many letters have you written to your representatives in Congress explaining what 4S is, how it impacts the economy, and why the government needs to allocate funds for 4S research?No need to answer. Just something to think about.smn

[Guest guest]

Kathy, I understand how strongly you feel about the need for research.

And it's good that a letter was written to NIH a few years ago. It's

wonderful that you've thought about a letter writing campaign, etc. I

really mean that.

But it seems that the answer to my question regarding exactly how many

letters you have written to your representatives in Congress explaining

what 4S is, how it impacts the economy, and why the government needs to

allocate funds for 4S research is ... zero.

I am not trying to put you or anybody else on the spot, but in my

opinion until those who are personally affected by 4S turn good

intention into effective action, your WE NEED RESEARCH mantra isn't

going to get you anywhere.

smn

>

> We wrote to the NIH and they said they were interested in a study.

Being

> that they are funded by the government and they do research on

undiagnosed

> conditions, I thought they were a good place to start.

>

>

>

> It would be interesting if we all wrote our Representatives. However,

that

> would consist of letters going to many different Congressmen who would

> probably brush us off as " crazies. " We would need to focus a letter

writing

> campaign towards one entity, so it wouldn't be so diluted across all

50

> states. Believe me, I've thought of this. I've also thought of

sitting

> outside of the Capitol (I live in Washington DC) and possibly marching

with

> signs, or even doing a hunger strike to get publicity for this

condition.

>

>

>

> I agree that since we pay taxes (many taxes), we deserve research for

this

> condition that affects so many people.

>

>

>

> We bombarded the NIH back in 2008 and they seemed to be interested and

said

> they needed time to put a study together. I need to email them and

ask how

> it is going.

>

>

>

> As far as shouting " WE NEED RESEARCH " that is pretty much my mantra

and

> shows how frustrated I am with this condition. I didn't mean it

rudely.

>

>

>

> Thanks for your input.

>

[Guest guest]

Well peeps... I say we bombard the government with letters like we did the NIH. It did get their attention. We will never know the outcome unless we try right? Here is the address you can use to locate your representatives or even write Mr. President. http://www.usa.gov/Contact/Elected.shtml We could do something similar like we did with the NIH where we sent them in during a certain time frame. What does everyone think???> >> > We wrote to the NIH and they said they were interested in a study. > Being> > that they are funded by the government and they do research on> undiagnosed> > conditions, I thought they were a good place to start.> >> >> >> > It would be interesting if we all wrote our Representatives. However,> that> > would consist of letters going to many different Congressmen who would> > probably brush us off as "crazies." We would need to focus a letter> writing> > campaign towards one entity, so it wouldn't be so diluted across all> 50> > states. Believe me, I've thought of this. I've also thought of> sitting> > outside of the Capitol (I live in Washington DC) and possibly marching> with> > signs, or even doing a hunger strike to get publicity for this> condition.> >> >> >> > I agree that since we pay taxes (many taxes), we deserve research for> this> > condition that affects so many people.> >> >> >> > We bombarded the NIH back in 2008 and they seemed to be interested and> said> > they needed time to put a study together. I need to email them and> ask how> > it is going.> >> >> >> > As far as shouting "WE NEED RESEARCH" that is pretty much my mantra> and> > shows how frustrated I am with this condition. I didn't mean it> rudely.> >> >> >> > Thanks for your input.> >>

[Guest guest]

wow, I wanna live where you do if you hardly ever encounter people chewing gum.

All it takes is a trip to the grocery store and I encounter at least 10 people

popping away. Not to mention where I work... everyone chews gum.

But I will tell you this... race has nothing to do with it.

>

> I hate the sound of gum cracking no matter WHO is doing it! ALWAYS bothers

> me to the point of having to get away from it. It is NOT done on most of

> the planet and not done in most countries of the world. I've found it only

> in the USA and done mostly by African American women (although I do have a

> lady friend in Tel Aviv who is Israeli and always chews gum too). Luckily,

> it is NOT common (as, for example, dogs barking which is hard to get away

> from when you live in a neighborhood where they " think " everyone is " dog

> friendly " ). I hardly encounter people chewing gum!

>