Re: My experience with 4S

January 31, 2011

Sure. I grew up with my mom, dad and slightly older brother. We ate dinner together every night. There was no yelling or abuse. My very early memories was that I was a picky eater, lots of foods I didn't like. Sometimes I didn't get dessert if I refused to eat anything but it was not done out of anger and most times as long as I choked something down I got what I wanted. We were told to be polite in all that we did including meal times, no elbows on table, chew with mouths closed, don't grab people's food. Typical 1960's manners. Nothing was drilled into us and no punishments were rendered My mom would only politely and gently asked us to comply. Don't think my dad cared one way or another. It was the same throughout all aspects of our lives, we were expected to say please and thank you, open doors for older women, just be polite, loving members of society The only "issue" I can possible muster up was that I was so picky that sometimes I just couldn't decide what to eat in restaurants and could not make a choice and my dad would get pissed off at me for failing to choose and would tell me if I couldn't decide then I'd get nothing. But that had nothing to so with the way we ate, chewed or made noises. And we did to go out to eat muchLet me know if you have any questions. HeidiSent from my iPhone

Heidi,I originally formed an hypothesis that 4S was often provoked by different situations during family mealtimes. This was proved true by quite a few people I interviewed.Would you consider telling me a bit about family mealtimes when you were growing up?With thanks,TaraLet your email find you with BlackBerry from Vodafone

Sender: Soundsensitivity

Date: Mon, 31 Jan 2011 11:03:52 -0800To: Soundsensitivity <Soundsensitivity >ReplyTo: Soundsensitivity

Subject: Re: My experience with 4S

Welcome mark,I am so very sorry to hear your childhood experience. I am of the belief that this condition is not psychological brought on by an event but rather physiological. I say that as lay person with no medical training, obviously. However, many people here were not treated poorly at the table at all and yet have 4S. Given what so many people have shared here it seems unlikely you have this condition due to your abusive father (which he obviously was). It's much more likely he had 4S and that was how he was dealing with it and you, sadly, inherited it, like most of us. My aunt has it and we certainly didn't grow up in the same house. In that same vein I don't think your wife can catch it but she probably has become more sensitive and is getting weary of being glared at etc. Many have reported sound immersion does not work. I think we can do things to keep down our stress so that how we respond is made more bearable, especially for others In our life. We can use yoga, exercise, mediation, therapy, good nutrition to help. But so far I don't think we can eliminate our 4S. I try to keep myself in a good place physically and emotionally so that I can cope better when sounds bother me and not take my issue out on other people. And of course I use my earplugs and iPod when necessary. Sadly there doesn't seem to be a fix yet. But certainly addressing what you went through in childhood through therapy could probably help with your responses/reactions. Good luck and welcome again,HeidiSent from my iPhone

Hi Everyone,I'm new to the group and joined specifically to save my marriage. I'm pretty sure I know why I have this condition. And now it seems that my wife is beginning to "catch" it.Background: As a child (I'm 45), my siblings and I would be punished for making "avoidable" noises at the dinner table (e.g., scraping teeth with a fork, humming, chewing with our mouths open, snorting, scraping knives sideways on a plate, etc.) The first infraction during a meal would result in an icy stare from my father and tension in the room for the rest of the meal. A second infraction would result in punishment. The punishment was pretty standard - go to bed for the rest of the day - without finishing the

meal. No TV, books, newspapers, magazines, radio, etc. Pretty much just go sit in silence and we'll see you tomorrow. If we cried, he'd come upstairs and "give us something to cry about" - usually a beating with his belt.I'm not looking for sympathy, nor do I want to appear as one of the "it's all my father's fault" people. I'm just laying out the facts as I believe they are related to my 4S.What I "learned" was that making unnecessary sounds would result in punishment; and even if I wasn't the one being punished, I still had to sit through the remainder of the meal - which was punishment in itself. What started out as a nice dinner could end with tension, fear, and anxiety. Over time, everyone at the table would shoot an icy stare at the offender. We all were taking on my father's aversion to everyday sounds. Maybe he had 4S? Sound irritation moved from the dinner table to

the house in general (playing too loudly, creaking the stairs, popping bubble gum, etc), to school, to work, to my own home. The list of sounds that I just can't ignore now includes everything mentioned above plus chewing hard candy, fussing with candy wrappers and plastic bags, chewing ice, playing with coins in a pocket, newscasters with speech impediments, mispronounced words like "shtreet" (instead of "street"), incessant clicking of a pen, typing, lip smacking at the beginning of every sentence, word repetition (i.e. same word being used multiple times in a sentence), feet thudding across the floor above me, chair legs screeching when dragged across a floor, etc, etc.These sounds don't make me fearful or fill me with rage, they irritate and aggravate. My reaction to these sounds can be staring, mimicking the sound, talking loudly enough to drown out the sound, turning up the volume of the tv/radio, leaving the room,

etc. I used to say something about it, but people weren't very sympathetic. They'd make more noise just to bug me. Being forced to deal with irritating sounds without vocalizing displeasure caused me to be more passive in my responses.A worst-case scenario for me is when I'm in a meeting or seminar and there are bowls of hard candy at every table. There's always someone that will eat a whole bowl of them - and refill at every break. It may take a minute or so of fussing with the wrapper to get the candy open. Then they crunch the candy rather than letting it dissolve slowly. While doing this, they mindlessly fold the wrapper into the tiniest square possible. Then they begin unwrapping another piece as the final bits of the previous piece are being chomped. This is worst-case for me because I can't focus on the topic being discussed and I can't tune out what I'm hearing. I just sit there

stewing - waiting for someone to tell them to SHUT UP; wondering how everyone else can tune it out while I can't; wondering how someone can deliberately be so rude and inconsiderate of others; and looking around the room trying to make eye contact with others that are annoyed but finding no one. Once that person does take a break, someone else picks up where he left off. Eventually, I have to join in as it's the only way to make enough noise to drown out what I'm hearing. The session ends, I've learned nothing, and I've eaten a bunch of candy. During breaks, I've asked other people "Could that guy make more of a racket with the candy?" and the response is always "What guy? I didn't hear anything." Basically they're saying that I have issues.Recently, my wife told me that she's tired of walking on eggshells around me. I was surprised because I just passively and subtly leave the room, turn up the radio,

talk, etc when she makes a sound that annoys me. I realize that it's my problem and deal with it the best I can - without directing anger toward her. But she's no dummy. She sees the icy stare out of the corner of her eye; she realizes I'm leaving the room because I don't want to hear her crunch cereal; she knows that using her emory board on her nails will cause me to take the dog out; etc. When she drops a piece of silverware, she now experiences all the feelings I experienced 40 years ago. She becomes tense, waiting for my reaction, knowing I'm completely irritated. I don't want her feeling that way around me. I have to change.As far as I'm concerned, my 4S is a behavioral issue caused by events that occurred an early age and allowed to grow unchecked for decades. Now I need to fix it. I don't think medicines or vitamins are the answer. For me, I think it's "unlearning" the

behavior. My guess is that either hypnosis or completely immersing myself in sounds I hate will be the cure for me. Maybe I should make a recording of the sounds and play them loudly during my commute. If I can tolerate them for an hour straight, I should be able to tolerate the occasional instance.Out of curiosity, have any of you had an early experience similar to mine where punishment may have caused the symptoms of 4S? Or did most people have a relatively normal childhood and feel that 4S is more genetic than environmental? Has anyone tried hypnotism or "sound immersion"?Thanks for listening.MarkPS - I'm not a fan of receiving long emails so I apologize for sending one.

January 31, 2011

Mine started at the mall when I was around 8 to10. I would cry as we would enter because the lights hurt my ears so badly. Eventually the noises at the dinner table became unbearable as well but nothing negative happened there to "cause" my 4S it just happens to be where all the mouth sounds I hate existed. Sent from my iPhone

Tara and Heidi, Hi there, I was just reading it and I realized that this is exactly how my 4s has started- during family meals. My patents and brother are loud eaters, smackers and slurpers, you name it. Even thinking of it now aggravates me, I can hear and see them.. Ugh, I am already mad. My mother has a habit if constant eating and snacking, her favorites are apples!!!! She loves tasting the food she s making and nothing seems to go to waste including bones and their inside. Disgusting. And so much f...noise. I ate with them once a year- christmas eve supper. Of course with earplugs in. She s my biggest trigger. I moved out if the house 5 years ago because I couldn't stand it. She is a noisy person in general, door slamming, loud talking, loud walking, and nail clipping wherever she feels like it. I do hate her for that. She always got mad when I yelled at everybody because I couldn't stand it. I think my family made it worse. I am very sensitive to trigger sounds now. KateSent from my iPhone