Guest guest Posted April 28, 2007 Report Share Posted April 28, 2007 Kyla, Good for you! I actually spoke tonight in my posts, especially to Dawn to go with her inner voice. As children of BP's, what you did tonight was truly significant and what I would call a defining moment. You trusted your perceptions on the situation and what your inner voice was saying. Through finally silencing nada's voice inside of you, your voice is now coming through loud and clear. Blessings, Malinda > > Hey, I just handled a situation that made me uncomfortable. Instead > of ignoring it, as KOs are often taught, I took action. Instead of > hiding my feelings, I spoke up. > > My 12 year old daughter was invited to a friend's birthday party > slumber party. Now that my daughter is in middle school (6th > grade), she is making friends that live outside our neighborhood -- > where I know everybody and never gave slumber parties a 2nd thought. > > But this one troubled me as I dropped her off: There was this man > there who wasn't the husband of the birthday girl's mother. I'd > seen her with him in the past at a school function -- and I thought > he was a little odd. As I stood at the school function talking to > the mother, he never introduced himself, and she never introduced > him, either. He just stood there. > > He never introduced himself -- but was right at home. If I had not > known better, I would have assumed he was her husband. But I've met > her husband before, and that's not him! It bothered me that I've > seen them together twice -- and this time at her home while her > husband's " working in Africa " . > > The guy didn't even get out of his chair to introduce himself, so, > proactively!, I marched over to him and extended my hand and > introduced myself. The mom said " Oh, he's a friend of ours. " My > heart sank. I knew her husband was out of the country. > > So, I kissed my daughter goodbye but it bothered me all evening. I > decided to check on her a few hours later. I called her on her cell > phone (thank goodness for cell phones!!!!) and just made general > chit chat with her.... " Are you guys having fun? How's it going? " -- > I was just trying to get a feel for how it was going. > > It kept bothering me: Why was this man there at a slumber party > with a bunch of 12 year old girls? Even if the mother were having > an affair, don't you think he'd skip that one? > > So, I nonchalantly reiterated to my daughter on the phone that if > she felt uncomfortable, no matter what the time of night, if she > wanted me to come get her I was only a phone call away. I told her > to have fun and wished her goodnight. > > Five minutes later -- she called. " Can you come and get me in the > next hour maybe? " . I said " Sure " . > > Turns out that the birthday girl doesn't like this man AT ALL. She > says " He always comes and stays with my mom when my dad's out of > town. " The whole situation bothered me. I'm so glad I spoke up > instead of denying how I felt. On the way home, my daughter > said " That guy was weird. He went with us to the bowling alley and > never said a word. Sat there and never said a word. He gave me the > creeps. " > > And I'm so grateful that my daughter is safe and sound, sleeping > under our roof. I'm glad I was proactive. I'm glad I risked > disturbing other people -- maybe hurting their FEELINGS!!! GAH!!! - - > to get my message to my daughter. I can remember times in my life > where I would have been hesitant to address it -- afraid I was > wrong. Afraid I'd piss off the mother or whatever. Always putting > other people's feelings first, instead of acting on my own gut > instinct. > > But I'm not that person anymore, and this is my daughter we're > talking about. She comes first. > > Again, I was so happy to drive away from that house with my daughter > in the car. So glad I didn't deny my feelings, like I've done a > thousand times in my younger days. > > I'm going to sleep well tonight. > > -Kyla > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 28, 2007 Report Share Posted April 28, 2007 > > > > Hey, I just handled a situation that made me uncomfortable. > Instead > > of ignoring it, as KOs are often taught, I took action. Instead of > > hiding my feelings, I spoke up. > > > > My 12 year old daughter was invited to a friend's birthday party > > slumber party. Now that my daughter is in middle school (6th > > grade), she is making friends that live outside our neighborhood - - > > where I know everybody and never gave slumber parties a 2nd thought. > > > > But this one troubled me as I dropped her off: There was this man > > there who wasn't the husband of the birthday girl's mother. I'd > > seen her with him in the past at a school function -- and I thought > > he was a little odd. As I stood at the school function talking to > > the mother, he never introduced himself, and she never introduced > > him, either. He just stood there. > > > > He never introduced himself -- but was right at home. If I had not > > known better, I would have assumed he was her husband. But I've > met > > her husband before, and that's not him! It bothered me that I've > > seen them together twice -- and this time at her home while her > > husband's " working in Africa " . > > > > The guy didn't even get out of his chair to introduce himself, so, > > proactively!, I marched over to him and extended my hand and > > introduced myself. The mom said " Oh, he's a friend of ours. " My > > heart sank. I knew her husband was out of the country. > > > > So, I kissed my daughter goodbye but it bothered me all evening. I > > decided to check on her a few hours later. I called her on her > cell > > phone (thank goodness for cell phones!!!!) and just made general > > chit chat with her.... " Are you guys having fun? How's it going? " -- > > > I was just trying to get a feel for how it was going. > > > > It kept bothering me: Why was this man there at a slumber party > > with a bunch of 12 year old girls? Even if the mother were having > > an affair, don't you think he'd skip that one? > > > > So, I nonchalantly reiterated to my daughter on the phone that if > > she felt uncomfortable, no matter what the time of night, if she > > wanted me to come get her I was only a phone call away. I told her > > to have fun and wished her goodnight. > > > > Five minutes later -- she called. " Can you come and get me in the > > next hour maybe? " . I said " Sure " . > > > > Turns out that the birthday girl doesn't like this man AT ALL. She > > says " He always comes and stays with my mom when my dad's out of > > town. " The whole situation bothered me. I'm so glad I spoke up > > instead of denying how I felt. On the way home, my daughter > > said " That guy was weird. He went with us to the bowling alley and > > never said a word. Sat there and never said a word. He gave me > the > > creeps. " > > > > And I'm so grateful that my daughter is safe and sound, sleeping > > under our roof. I'm glad I was proactive. I'm glad I risked > > disturbing other people -- maybe hurting their FEELINGS!!! GAH!!! - > - > > to get my message to my daughter. I can remember times in my life > > where I would have been hesitant to address it -- afraid I was > > wrong. Afraid I'd piss off the mother or whatever. Always putting > > other people's feelings first, instead of acting on my own gut > > instinct. > > > > But I'm not that person anymore, and this is my daughter we're > > talking about. She comes first. > > > > Again, I was so happy to drive away from that house with my > daughter > > in the car. So glad I didn't deny my feelings, like I've done a > > thousand times in my younger days. > > > > I'm going to sleep well tonight. > > > > -Kyla > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 29, 2007 Report Share Posted April 29, 2007 Great 'guts', Kyla! Both on the having the feelings and then acting on them - and pat yourself on the back for establishing such a good rapport with your daughter that she felt comfortable in asking you to come. The sign of a good mother is not celebrated by cards and gifts and special days, but instead by moments like this. - kylaboo728 wrote: Hey, I just handled a situation that made me uncomfortable. Instead of ignoring it, as KOs are often taught, I took action. Instead of hiding my feelings, I spoke up. My 12 year old daughter was invited to a friend's birthday party slumber party. Now that my daughter is in middle school (6th grade), she is making friends that live outside our neighborhood -- where I know everybody and never gave slumber parties a 2nd thought. But this one troubled me as I dropped her off: There was this man there who wasn't the husband of the birthday girl's mother. I'd seen her with him in the past at a school function -- and I thought he was a little odd. As I stood at the school function talking to the mother, he never introduced himself, and she never introduced him, either. He just stood there. He never introduced himself -- but was right at home. If I had not known better, I would have assumed he was her husband. But I've met her husband before, and that's not him! It bothered me that I've seen them together twice -- and this time at her home while her husband's " working in Africa " . The guy didn't even get out of his chair to introduce himself, so, proactively!, I marched over to him and extended my hand and introduced myself. The mom said " Oh, he's a friend of ours. " My heart sank. I knew her husband was out of the country. So, I kissed my daughter goodbye but it bothered me all evening. I decided to check on her a few hours later. I called her on her cell phone (thank goodness for cell phones!!!!) and just made general chit chat with her.... " Are you guys having fun? How's it going? " -- I was just trying to get a feel for how it was going. It kept bothering me: Why was this man there at a slumber party with a bunch of 12 year old girls? Even if the mother were having an affair, don't you think he'd skip that one? So, I nonchalantly reiterated to my daughter on the phone that if she felt uncomfortable, no matter what the time of night, if she wanted me to come get her I was only a phone call away. I told her to have fun and wished her goodnight. Five minutes later -- she called. " Can you come and get me in the next hour maybe? " . I said " Sure " . Turns out that the birthday girl doesn't like this man AT ALL. She says " He always comes and stays with my mom when my dad's out of town. " The whole situation bothered me. I'm so glad I spoke up instead of denying how I felt. On the way home, my daughter said " That guy was weird. He went with us to the bowling alley and never said a word. Sat there and never said a word. He gave me the creeps. " And I'm so grateful that my daughter is safe and sound, sleeping under our roof. I'm glad I was proactive. I'm glad I risked disturbing other people -- maybe hurting their FEELINGS!!! GAH!!! -- to get my message to my daughter. I can remember times in my life where I would have been hesitant to address it -- afraid I was wrong. Afraid I'd piss off the mother or whatever. Always putting other people's feelings first, instead of acting on my own gut instinct. But I'm not that person anymore, and this is my daughter we're talking about. She comes first. Again, I was so happy to drive away from that house with my daughter in the car. So glad I didn't deny my feelings, like I've done a thousand times in my younger days. I'm going to sleep well tonight. -Kyla --------------------------------- Ahhh...imagining that irresistible " new car " smell? Check outnew cars at Yahoo! Autos. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 29, 2007 Report Share Posted April 29, 2007 Kyla, This is wonderful. I am so proud of you! I totally understand what you had to go through - I've been through it too. You used your voice, and you showed your daughter how to use hers. I agree with that this is the sign of a good mother. Sylvia Hey, I just handled a situation that made me uncomfortable. Instead > of ignoring it, as KOs are often taught, I took action. Instead of > hiding my feelings, I spoke up. > > My 12 year old daughter was invited to a friend's birthday party > slumber party. Now that my daughter is in middle school (6th > grade), she is making friends that live outside our neighborhood -- > where I know everybody and never gave slumber parties a 2nd thought. > > But this one troubled me as I dropped her off: There was this man > there who wasn't the husband of the birthday girl's mother. I'd > seen her with him in the past at a school function -- and I thought > he was a little odd. As I stood at the school function talking to > the mother, he never introduced himself, and she never introduced > him, either. He just stood there. > > He never introduced himself -- but was right at home. If I had not > known better, I would have assumed he was her husband. But I've met > her husband before, and that's not him! It bothered me that I've > seen them together twice -- and this time at her home while her > husband's " working in Africa " . > > The guy didn't even get out of his chair to introduce himself, so, > proactively!, I marched over to him and extended my hand and > introduced myself. The mom said " Oh, he's a friend of ours. " My > heart sank. I knew her husband was out of the country. > > So, I kissed my daughter goodbye but it bothered me all evening. I > decided to check on her a few hours later. I called her on her cell > phone (thank goodness for cell phones!!!!) and just made general > chit chat with her.... " Are you guys having fun? How's it going? " -- > I was just trying to get a feel for how it was going. > > It kept bothering me: Why was this man there at a slumber party > with a bunch of 12 year old girls? Even if the mother were having > an affair, don't you think he'd skip that one? > > So, I nonchalantly reiterated to my daughter on the phone that if > she felt uncomfortable, no matter what the time of night, if she > wanted me to come get her I was only a phone call away. I told her > to have fun and wished her goodnight. > > Five minutes later -- she called. " Can you come and get me in the > next hour maybe? " . I said " Sure " . > > Turns out that the birthday girl doesn't like this man AT ALL. She > says " He always comes and stays with my mom when my dad's out of > town. " The whole situation bothered me. I'm so glad I spoke up > instead of denying how I felt. On the way home, my daughter > said " That guy was weird. He went with us to the bowling alley and > never said a word. Sat there and never said a word. He gave me the > creeps. " > > And I'm so grateful that my daughter is safe and sound, sleeping > under our roof. I'm glad I was proactive. I'm glad I risked > disturbing other people -- maybe hurting their FEELINGS!!! GAH!!! - - > to get my message to my daughter. I can remember times in my life > where I would have been hesitant to address it -- afraid I was > wrong. Afraid I'd piss off the mother or whatever. Always putting > other people's feelings first, instead of acting on my own gut > instinct. > > But I'm not that person anymore, and this is my daughter we're > talking about. She comes first. > > Again, I was so happy to drive away from that house with my daughter > in the car. So glad I didn't deny my feelings, like I've done a > thousand times in my younger days. > > I'm going to sleep well tonight. > > -Kyla > > > > > > > --------------------------------- > Ahhh...imagining that irresistible " new car " smell? > Check outnew cars at Yahoo! Autos. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 29, 2007 Report Share Posted April 29, 2007 You really did the right thing! Good for you. I agree all the way who cares if people get uncomfortable, get hurt feelings, or feel awkward when it comes to the safety of your children do what it takes! I would say 98% of the time those feelings we get are right on. I once said to my aunt about a certain situation " Oh I am probably being paranoid " and she said to me " yes but for good reasons " She said sometimes being paranoid helps to save us from bad situations later on and helps prevent things. There is nothing wrong with using your voice. I am happy you have your daughter safe at home! Love Lizzy > > Hey, I just handled a situation that made me uncomfortable. Instead > of ignoring it, as KOs are often taught, I took action. Instead of > hiding my feelings, I spoke up. > > My 12 year old daughter was invited to a friend's birthday party > slumber party. Now that my daughter is in middle school (6th > grade), she is making friends that live outside our neighborhood -- > where I know everybody and never gave slumber parties a 2nd thought. > > But this one troubled me as I dropped her off: There was this man > there who wasn't the husband of the birthday girl's mother. I'd > seen her with him in the past at a school function -- and I thought > he was a little odd. As I stood at the school function talking to > the mother, he never introduced himself, and she never introduced > him, either. He just stood there. > > He never introduced himself -- but was right at home. If I had not > known better, I would have assumed he was her husband. But I've met > her husband before, and that's not him! It bothered me that I've > seen them together twice -- and this time at her home while her > husband's " working in Africa " . > > The guy didn't even get out of his chair to introduce himself, so, > proactively!, I marched over to him and extended my hand and > introduced myself. The mom said " Oh, he's a friend of ours. " My > heart sank. I knew her husband was out of the country. > > So, I kissed my daughter goodbye but it bothered me all evening. I > decided to check on her a few hours later. I called her on her cell > phone (thank goodness for cell phones!!!!) and just made general > chit chat with her.... " Are you guys having fun? How's it going? " - - > I was just trying to get a feel for how it was going. > > It kept bothering me: Why was this man there at a slumber party > with a bunch of 12 year old girls? Even if the mother were having > an affair, don't you think he'd skip that one? > > So, I nonchalantly reiterated to my daughter on the phone that if > she felt uncomfortable, no matter what the time of night, if she > wanted me to come get her I was only a phone call away. I told her > to have fun and wished her goodnight. > > Five minutes later -- she called. " Can you come and get me in the > next hour maybe? " . I said " Sure " . > > Turns out that the birthday girl doesn't like this man AT ALL. She > says " He always comes and stays with my mom when my dad's out of > town. " The whole situation bothered me. I'm so glad I spoke up > instead of denying how I felt. On the way home, my daughter > said " That guy was weird. He went with us to the bowling alley and > never said a word. Sat there and never said a word. He gave me the > creeps. " > > And I'm so grateful that my daughter is safe and sound, sleeping > under our roof. I'm glad I was proactive. I'm glad I risked > disturbing other people -- maybe hurting their FEELINGS!!! GAH!!! -- > to get my message to my daughter. I can remember times in my life > where I would have been hesitant to address it -- afraid I was > wrong. Afraid I'd piss off the mother or whatever. Always putting > other people's feelings first, instead of acting on my own gut > instinct. > > But I'm not that person anymore, and this is my daughter we're > talking about. She comes first. > > Again, I was so happy to drive away from that house with my daughter > in the car. So glad I didn't deny my feelings, like I've done a > thousand times in my younger days. > > I'm going to sleep well tonight. > > -Kyla > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 29, 2007 Report Share Posted April 29, 2007 Good job Kyla! It sounds like your daughter has good intuition too! He sounds pretty rude as well geez. Hope all the other girls were all safe Ive never had kids but if I did I sure would do just like you did. I will say this for my nada if I told her anyone was doing something wrong, like I remember the babysitter making my brother sit on his knees for a long time on the hard floor in the kitchen only because he was hyper he just needed to be played with really, he wasnt a bad kid. anyway my mom found us a new sitter. I was only maybe 7 and he was 3 years younger. So she would protect us if she could. but not from herself haha... Anyway glad everything turned out good. > > Hey, I just handled a situation that made me uncomfortable. Instead > of ignoring it, as KOs are often taught, I took action. Instead of > hiding my feelings, I spoke up. > > My 12 year old daughter was invited to a friend's birthday party > slumber party. Now that my daughter is in middle school (6th > grade), she is making friends that live outside our neighborhood -- > where I know everybody and never gave slumber parties a 2nd thought. > > But this one troubled me as I dropped her off: There was this man > there who wasn't the husband of the birthday girl's mother. I'd > seen her with him in the past at a school function -- and I thought > he was a little odd. As I stood at the school function talking to > the mother, he never introduced himself, and she never introduced > him, either. He just stood there. > > He never introduced himself -- but was right at home. If I had not > known better, I would have assumed he was her husband. But I've met > her husband before, and that's not him! It bothered me that I've > seen them together twice -- and this time at her home while her > husband's " working in Africa " . > > The guy didn't even get out of his chair to introduce himself, so, > proactively!, I marched over to him and extended my hand and > introduced myself. The mom said " Oh, he's a friend of ours. " My > heart sank. I knew her husband was out of the country. > > So, I kissed my daughter goodbye but it bothered me all evening. I > decided to check on her a few hours later. I called her on her cell > phone (thank goodness for cell phones!!!!) and just made general > chit chat with her.... " Are you guys having fun? How's it going? " -- > I was just trying to get a feel for how it was going. > > It kept bothering me: Why was this man there at a slumber party > with a bunch of 12 year old girls? Even if the mother were having > an affair, don't you think he'd skip that one? > > So, I nonchalantly reiterated to my daughter on the phone that if > she felt uncomfortable, no matter what the time of night, if she > wanted me to come get her I was only a phone call away. I told her > to have fun and wished her goodnight. > > Five minutes later -- she called. " Can you come and get me in the > next hour maybe? " . I said " Sure " . > > Turns out that the birthday girl doesn't like this man AT ALL. She > says " He always comes and stays with my mom when my dad's out of > town. " The whole situation bothered me. I'm so glad I spoke up > instead of denying how I felt. On the way home, my daughter > said " That guy was weird. He went with us to the bowling alley and > never said a word. Sat there and never said a word. He gave me the > creeps. " > > And I'm so grateful that my daughter is safe and sound, sleeping > under our roof. I'm glad I was proactive. I'm glad I risked > disturbing other people -- maybe hurting their FEELINGS!!! GAH!!! -- > to get my message to my daughter. I can remember times in my life > where I would have been hesitant to address it -- afraid I was > wrong. Afraid I'd piss off the mother or whatever. Always putting > other people's feelings first, instead of acting on my own gut > instinct. > > But I'm not that person anymore, and this is my daughter we're > talking about. She comes first. > > Again, I was so happy to drive away from that house with my daughter > in the car. So glad I didn't deny my feelings, like I've done a > thousand times in my younger days. > > I'm going to sleep well tonight. > > -Kyla > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 29, 2007 Report Share Posted April 29, 2007 Yay for gut feelings! And what a super mom to rescue your child and confirm to her that walking away from a 'creep' is her right! Your daughter is a little young but when she gets older there is a great book called 'The Gift of Fear' (I think Gavin Becker is the author but not 100% sure) that discusses exactly what Lizzy pointed out, that our gut feelings are there for a reason and the best way to be safe is to honor them when they whisper to us. It's an excellent book for any woman, the messages will really stick with you. I like to give it to the girls I know who are going off to college, although these days the kids are running around at younger ages so I need to push it up a few years. They've always thanked me for it. B > > > > Hey, I just handled a situation that made me uncomfortable. > Instead > > of ignoring it, as KOs are often taught, I took action. Instead > of > > hiding my feelings, I spoke up. > > > > My 12 year old daughter was invited to a friend's birthday party > > slumber party. Now that my daughter is in middle school (6th > > grade), she is making friends that live outside our neighborhood -- > > > where I know everybody and never gave slumber parties a 2nd > thought. > > > > But this one troubled me as I dropped her off: There was this man > > there who wasn't the husband of the birthday girl's mother. I'd > > seen her with him in the past at a school function -- and I > thought > > he was a little odd. As I stood at the school function talking to > > the mother, he never introduced himself, and she never introduced > > him, either. He just stood there. > > > > He never introduced himself -- but was right at home. If I had > not > > known better, I would have assumed he was her husband. But I've > met > > her husband before, and that's not him! It bothered me that I've > > seen them together twice -- and this time at her home while her > > husband's " working in Africa " . > > > > The guy didn't even get out of his chair to introduce himself, so, > > proactively!, I marched over to him and extended my hand and > > introduced myself. The mom said " Oh, he's a friend of ours. " My > > heart sank. I knew her husband was out of the country. > > > > So, I kissed my daughter goodbye but it bothered me all evening. > I > > decided to check on her a few hours later. I called her on her > cell > > phone (thank goodness for cell phones!!!!) and just made general > > chit chat with her.... " Are you guys having fun? How's it going? " - > - > > I was just trying to get a feel for how it was going. > > > > It kept bothering me: Why was this man there at a slumber party > > with a bunch of 12 year old girls? Even if the mother were having > > an affair, don't you think he'd skip that one? > > > > So, I nonchalantly reiterated to my daughter on the phone that if > > she felt uncomfortable, no matter what the time of night, if she > > wanted me to come get her I was only a phone call away. I told > her > > to have fun and wished her goodnight. > > > > Five minutes later -- she called. " Can you come and get me in the > > next hour maybe? " . I said " Sure " . > > > > Turns out that the birthday girl doesn't like this man AT ALL. > She > > says " He always comes and stays with my mom when my dad's out of > > town. " The whole situation bothered me. I'm so glad I spoke up > > instead of denying how I felt. On the way home, my daughter > > said " That guy was weird. He went with us to the bowling alley > and > > never said a word. Sat there and never said a word. He gave me > the > > creeps. " > > > > And I'm so grateful that my daughter is safe and sound, sleeping > > under our roof. I'm glad I was proactive. I'm glad I risked > > disturbing other people -- maybe hurting their FEELINGS!!! > GAH!!! -- > > to get my message to my daughter. I can remember times in my life > > where I would have been hesitant to address it -- afraid I was > > wrong. Afraid I'd piss off the mother or whatever. Always > putting > > other people's feelings first, instead of acting on my own gut > > instinct. > > > > But I'm not that person anymore, and this is my daughter we're > > talking about. She comes first. > > > > Again, I was so happy to drive away from that house with my > daughter > > in the car. So glad I didn't deny my feelings, like I've done a > > thousand times in my younger days. > > > > I'm going to sleep well tonight. > > > > -Kyla > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 29, 2007 Report Share Posted April 29, 2007 To All -- Thanks for the kind words -- The kids and I snuggled up in my bed and watched TV until we fell asleep. The report from the sleepover is that everyone stayed up late and nothing " bad " happened. But my heart grieves for the little girl who has to contend with that ape in her house when her Dad's away. She can't even feel safe and comfortable in her own house. I'm thinking of planting " seeds " in my daughter's mind to warn that girl that she should be careful. That guy could be one of those guys who dates women so he can get at their preteen daughters. Heck, if he'd carry on with a married woman, he's capable of a lot of other broken taboos, too. I've heard of so many molestation stories starting out this way. And, as a matter of fact, I have that book " Gift of Fear " -- I haven't gotten it off the shelf in a few years. Thanks for reminding me about it. I'll definitely get it out for us to read. Again, -- thanks to all for the encouraging words. My husband came back from being out of town all weekend and when he heard about it, was glad that I went and got her, too. -Kyla > > > > > > Hey, I just handled a situation that made me > > uncomfortable. > > Instead > > > of ignoring it, as KOs are often taught, I took > > action. Instead > > of > > > hiding my feelings, I spoke up. > > > > > > My 12 year old daughter was invited to a friend's > > birthday party > > > slumber party. Now that my daughter is in middle > > school (6th > > > grade), she is making friends that live outside > > our neighborhood -- > > > > > where I know everybody and never gave slumber > > parties a 2nd > > thought. > > > > > > But this one troubled me as I dropped her off: > > There was this man > > > there who wasn't the husband of the birthday > > girl's mother. I'd > > > seen her with him in the past at a school function > > -- and I > > thought > > > he was a little odd. As I stood at the school > > function talking to > > > the mother, he never introduced himself, and she > > never introduced > > > him, either. He just stood there. > > > > > > He never introduced himself -- but was right at > > home. If I had > > not > > > known better, I would have assumed he was her > > husband. But I've > > met > > > her husband before, and that's not him! It > > bothered me that I've > > > seen them together twice -- and this time at her > > home while her > > > husband's " working in Africa " . > > > > > > The guy didn't even get out of his chair to > > introduce himself, so, > > > proactively!, I marched over to him and extended > > my hand and > > > introduced myself. The mom said " Oh, he's a > > friend of ours. " My > > > heart sank. I knew her husband was out of the > > country. > > > > > > So, I kissed my daughter goodbye but it bothered > > me all evening. > > I > > > decided to check on her a few hours later. I > > called her on her > > cell > > > phone (thank goodness for cell phones!!!!) and > > just made general > > > chit chat with her.... " Are you guys having fun? > > How's it going? " - > > - > > > I was just trying to get a feel for how it was > > going. > > > > > > It kept bothering me: Why was this man there at a > > slumber party > > > with a bunch of 12 year old girls? Even if the > > mother were having > > > an affair, don't you think he'd skip that one? > > > > > > So, I nonchalantly reiterated to my daughter on > > the phone that if > > > she felt uncomfortable, no matter what the time of > > night, if she > > > wanted me to come get her I was only a phone call > > away. I told > > her > > > to have fun and wished her goodnight. > > > > > > Five minutes later -- she called. " Can you come > > and get me in the > > > next hour maybe? " . I said " Sure " . > > > > > > Turns out that the birthday girl doesn't like this > > man AT ALL. > > She > > > says " He always comes and stays with my mom when > > my dad's out of > > > town. " The whole situation bothered me. I'm so > > glad I spoke up > > > instead of denying how I felt. On the way home, > > my daughter > > > said " That guy was weird. He went with us to the > > bowling alley > > and > > > never said a word. Sat there and never said a > > word. He gave me > > the > > > creeps. " > > > > > > And I'm so grateful that my daughter is safe and > > sound, sleeping > > > under our roof. I'm glad I was proactive. I'm > > glad I risked > > > disturbing other people -- maybe hurting their > > FEELINGS!!! > > GAH!!! -- > > > to get my message to my daughter. I can remember > > times in my life > > > where I would have been hesitant to address it -- > > afraid I was > > > wrong. Afraid I'd piss off the mother or > > whatever. Always > > putting > > > other people's feelings first, instead of acting > > on my own gut > > > instinct. > > > > > > But I'm not that person anymore, and this is my > > daughter we're > > > talking about. She comes first. > > > > > > Again, I was so happy to drive away from that > > house with my > > daughter > > > in the car. So glad I didn't deny my feelings, > > like I've done a > > > thousand times in my younger days. > > > > > > I'm going to sleep well tonight. > > > > > > -Kyla > > > > > > > > > > > > __________________________________________________ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 30, 2007 Report Share Posted April 30, 2007 Hey, I just handled a > situation that made me uncomfortable. Instead > > of ignoring it, as KOs are often taught, I took action. Instead of > > hiding my feelings, I spoke up. > > > > My 12 year old daughter was invited to a friend's birthday party > > slumber party. Now that my daughter is in middle school (6th > > grade), she is making friends that live outside our neighborhood -- > > > where I know everybody and never gave slumber parties a 2nd > thought. > > > > But this one troubled me as I dropped her off: There was this man > > there who wasn't the husband of the birthday girl's mother. I'd > > seen her with him in the past at a school function -- and I > thought > > he was a little odd. As I stood at the school function talking to > > the mother, he never introduced himself, and she never introduced > > him, either. He just stood there. > > > > He never introduced himself -- but was right at home. If I had not > > known better, I would have assumed he was her husband. But I've > met > > her husband before, and that's not him! It bothered me that I've > > seen them together twice -- and this time at her home while her > > husband's " working in Africa " . > > > > The guy didn't even get out of his chair to introduce himself, so, > > proactively!, I marched over to him and extended my hand and > > introduced myself. The mom said " Oh, he's a friend of ours. " My > > heart sank. I knew her husband was out of the country. > > > > So, I kissed my daughter goodbye but it bothered me all evening. I > > decided to check on her a few hours later. I called her on her > cell > > phone (thank goodness for cell phones!!!!) and just made general > > chit chat with her.... " Are you guys having fun? How's it going? " -- > > > I was just trying to get a feel for how it was going. > > > > It kept bothering me: Why was this man there at a slumber party > > with a bunch of 12 year old girls? Even if the mother were having > > an affair, don't you think he'd skip that one? > > > > So, I nonchalantly reiterated to my daughter on the phone that if > > she felt uncomfortable, no matter what the time of night, if she > > wanted me to come get her I was only a phone call away. I told her > > to have fun and wished her goodnight. > > > > Five minutes later -- she called. " Can you come and get me in the > > next hour maybe? " . I said " Sure " . > > > > Turns out that the birthday girl doesn't like this man AT ALL. She > > says " He always comes and stays with my mom when my dad's out of > > town. " The whole situation bothered me. I'm so glad I spoke up > > instead of denying how I felt. On the way home, my daughter > > said " That guy was weird. He went with us to the bowling alley and > > never said a word. Sat there and never said a word. He gave me the > > creeps. " > > > > And I'm so grateful that my daughter is safe and sound, sleeping > > under our roof. I'm glad I was proactive. I'm glad I risked > > disturbing other people -- maybe hurting their FEELINGS!!! GAH!!! - > - > > to get my message to my daughter. I can remember times in my life > > where I would have been hesitant to address it -- afraid I was > > wrong. Afraid I'd piss off the mother or whatever. Always putting > > other people's feelings first, instead of acting on my own gut > > instinct. > > > > But I'm not that person anymore, and this is my daughter we're > > talking about. She comes first. > > > > Again, I was so happy to drive away from that house with my > daughter > > in the car. So glad I didn't deny my feelings, like I've done a > > thousand times in my younger days. > > > > I'm going to sleep well tonight. > > > > -Kyla > > > > > > > > > > > > > > --------------------------------- > > Ahhh...imagining that irresistible " new car " smell? > > Check outnew cars at Yahoo! Autos. > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 2, 2007 Report Share Posted May 2, 2007 Hi Kyla! Not sure why this one didn't post properly... but I really wanted to reply. This story made me so happy. Good for you! What really hit me here was not only the fact that you didn't shy away from upsetting someone (certainly I've been there!), but you did not work from fear with your daughter. You empowered her, by reminding her she had a loving mother at home who was waiting with open arms. You did not frighten her, suggest she should feel threatened, or intimidate her, as my mother would have done. SHE had the power, and took advantage of the safety of home, YOU did that, and you should be proud. Love, RbW > > > My 12 year old daughter was invited to a friend's birthday party > > > slumber party. Now that my daughter is in middle school (6th > > > grade), she is making friends that live outside our neighborhood -- > > > > > where I know everybody and never gave slumber parties a 2nd > > thought. > > > > > > But this one troubled me as I dropped her off: There was this man > > > there who wasn't the husband of the birthday girl's mother. I'd > > > seen her with him in the past at a school function -- and I > > thought > > > he was a little odd. As I stood at the school function talking to > > > the mother, he never introduced himself, and she never introduced > > > him, either. He just stood there. > > > > > > He never introduced himself -- but was right at home. If I had not > > > known better, I would have assumed he was her husband. But I've > > met > > > her husband before, and that's not him! It bothered me that I've > > > seen them together twice -- and this time at her home while her > > > husband's " working in Africa " . > > > > > > The guy didn't even get out of his chair to introduce himself, so, > > > proactively!, I marched over to him and extended my hand and > > > introduced myself. The mom said " Oh, he's a friend of ours. " My > > > heart sank. I knew her husband was out of the country. > > > > > > So, I kissed my daughter goodbye but it bothered me all evening. I > > > decided to check on her a few hours later. I called her on her > > cell > > > phone (thank goodness for cell phones!!!!) and just made general > > > chit chat with her.... " Are you guys having fun? How's it going? " -- > > > > > I was just trying to get a feel for how it was going. > > > > > > It kept bothering me: Why was this man there at a slumber party > > > with a bunch of 12 year old girls? Even if the mother were having > > > an affair, don't you think he'd skip that one? > > > > > > So, I nonchalantly reiterated to my daughter on the phone that if > > > she felt uncomfortable, no matter what the time of night, if she > > > wanted me to come get her I was only a phone call away. I told her > > > to have fun and wished her goodnight. > > > > > > Five minutes later -- she called. " Can you come and get me in the > > > next hour maybe? " . I said " Sure " . > > > > > > Turns out that the birthday girl doesn't like this man AT ALL. She > > > says " He always comes and stays with my mom when my dad's out of > > > town. " The whole situation bothered me. I'm so glad I spoke up > > > instead of denying how I felt. On the way home, my daughter > > > said " That guy was weird. He went with us to the bowling alley and > > > never said a word. Sat there and never said a word. He gave me the > > > creeps. " > > > > > > And I'm so grateful that my daughter is safe and sound, sleeping > > > under our roof. I'm glad I was proactive. I'm glad I risked > > > disturbing other people -- maybe hurting their FEELINGS!!! GAH!!! - > > - > > > to get my message to my daughter. I can remember times in my life > > > where I would have been hesitant to address it -- afraid I was > > > wrong. Afraid I'd piss off the mother or whatever. Always putting > > > other people's feelings first, instead of acting on my own gut > > > instinct. > > > > > > But I'm not that person anymore, and this is my daughter we're > > > talking about. She comes first. > > > > > > Again, I was so happy to drive away from that house with my > > daughter > > > in the car. So glad I didn't deny my feelings, like I've done a > > > thousand times in my younger days. > > > > > > I'm going to sleep well tonight. > > > > > > -Kyla > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > --------------------------------- > > > Ahhh...imagining that irresistible " new car " smell? > > > Check outnew cars at Yahoo! Autos. > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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