Sad state of affairs

[Guest guest]

Hey folks,

Sorry I haven't been around for a few days; been running around a

bit at work.

Just wanted to catch you all, part of my F-O-C (Family of Choice

up. So, I've been freaking out about missing mother's day, despite

the fact that I've attended five pre-birthday events for my mom, and

made plans for her birthday dinner (gift in hand) this Thursday.

Why am I so freaked out? The reason is the same one that encouraged

me to take the step and join this group. One month ago, on Easter, I

had only several hours to spend with my parents for Easter dinner,

because I decided to go to church and a nighttime holiday event with

friends. Even though my mom knew this, when she and dad met my

partner and me, she flipped out in the car, basically trapping us in

the back seat during one of her tirades. We both considered jumping

out, it got that bad. She made us both cry hysterically, then

uninvited us to dinner; remember, she KNEW we were only staying for

about four hours for dinner. It was suddenly not enough, and she

despised us both. I could not allow her to treat my partner poorly.

My father blamed me entirely, denied that my mother's behavior was

inappropriate, and reprimanded me during the course of the ultimate

ride back to my apartment. Quite a contrast to a wonderful morning

of worship and delightful evening in the company of trusted friends.

I cried for weeks. The 'rents hardly talked to me. I've been sick

almost constantly since Easter with migraines, nausea,

sleeplessness. It's horrible. So I decided to email rather than call

regarding Mo' Day, because I just couldn't deal. The result? my

mother left a vicious message, some of which I couldn't follow,

uninviting me to her birthday, and saying anything I wanted to do

for her after mother's day was " meaningless " (I'd offered to take

her and my grandmother out to dinner on Tuesday.) She told me

Mother's Day was HERS exclusively. She claimed the email part was

rude; I should have called (I can hardly believe this would have

mattered--I tried to explain to her by phone I wouldn't be attending

almost two weeks ago. Mode of communication is irrelevant)

I know I will be harrassed now. Emails. Phone messages. And then

nothing. I am so angry. This isn't really new, just suddenly I am

more hurt and pissed off than ever before. I just want to be a grown

up. I used to think that there would be a magic cut off age when my

mother would treat me kindly--like kids were just disrespected and

that was normal. Now I know this is it.

a rather seething,

RbW