Kids

[Guest guest]

Little background here:

My gf and I visit her parents a lot. They're divorced and both live

alone now that her brother is in college, so they get lonely and we

try to see them each as often as we can. Her mom is in AA, has made

some close friends in her group and often has one or two particular

friends over on the weekends. So, they're at her house when we visit.

One of these women has a 6 year old daughter named Sophie who is quite

possibly the most adorable child I have ever seen. She's sweet,

clever, active, eloquent and just plain fun. So, if she's there, my gf

and I spend a lot of time playing with her.

We saw her yesterday and it really hit me just how small she is and

how little she actually understands the world. I have one really clear

memory from when I was six. We were eating out at Souper Salads

(remember those lol?). My father wanted to take us out of town for a

week to see some of his family. Nada was against it, but I chimed in

to say that " Daddy loves us and he can take good care of us for a

week " . I meant to make her more comfortable with the idea, because I

really wanted to see my grandparents. In typical nada fashion, she

lost it. She yelled things like " I'm the only one that will ever love

you " , " how can you betray me like this " , " you don't love me " , " you're

so ungrateful " and the like. At one point she pulled me from my chair

to hit me several times. I don't know if it was from that series of

hits, but I also remember my father taking me to the bathroom to wipe

blood from my lips and nose. Of course, everyone in the restaurant was

staring, but I don't remember anyone stepping up to help or calling

the cops or CPS. Now, I look at little Sophie, same age as I was, and

I can't possibly imagine someone hitting her hard enough to make her

bleed!

I always think I should have known something was wrong with nada, that

I shouldn't have let her get to me, that I should be strong enough

that someone's mental illness can't hurt me. But, that little girl

couldn't possibly deal with a situation like that and back then I WAS

that little girl. It makes me tear up a little now to think of it. I

must have been so frightened. Nada claims she never did a thing wrong.

But there I was, a hurt, bleeding six-year-old who just wanted to see

her grandparents. I may not be able to be angry with her for what

she's done over the years, but right this second, with the image of

little Sophie being hurt like that, I hate her.

Jae