Guest guest Posted May 4, 2007 Report Share Posted May 4, 2007 My husband and I bent over backwards to include nada in our wedding and make her feel special, but also making sure it was the wedding WE wanted. We thought we had pulled it off. She seemed to have a good time and the day went well but, after we got back from our honeymoon, she didn't return any phone calls. She then sent a horrible email telling me how awful I was to her that day, that I didn't make any time for her, that my failure to introduce her at the reception (no parents were introduced - we did that at the rehearsal dinner) was a slap in her face and shows how ungrateful I am, that it was the worst night of her life, that she never wants to see our wedding pictures, etc. I've know she's BPD for a while and I am often the subject of her rages - and I've dealt with it. But, this feels different. It was our wedding day. I don't want to give her the power to ruin my wedding memories, but I can't seem to help it. I look at the pictures from our wedding and it makes me cry. I just wanted ONE day - -just ONE day for her to let me be happy. We have not spoken since my wedding and I am not sure where to go from here. I don't know if I can continue to have a relationship with her. Also, I am worried how this will affect my new family. Any thoughts? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 4, 2007 Report Share Posted May 4, 2007 I feel your pain. It is typical for BPD parents to use every special day, holiday, etc as a " look at me " scenario. I'm sorry you had to go through this. I went through this at granduations, confirmation, dates with boyfriends, going away to college, etc. etc. My nada cut off contact with me for two years and during that period I got married. Although I sent an invitation to her in the mail, she didn't come and I was GLAD. I had a great day without worrying about what she would do. I saw her at my BPD sister's wedding a month before and her antics there made me even more glad she didn't show at mine. Do you have a counselor/therapist? I would recommend you see one regarding evaluating your future relationship with your nada. I do note in your msg that you say you thought everything went well and that you had a good time. Stick with those memories. Remember that BPD's have to make everything about them because they feel empty and invisible, though to our eyes they sure don't act that way. Don't let your Nada make YOUR WEDDING DAY about her. Part of the frustration of being a KO is coming to the knowledge that we will NEVER WIN. a > > My husband and I bent over backwards to include nada in our > wedding and make her feel special, but also making sure it was the > wedding WE wanted. We thought we had pulled it off. She seemed to > have a good time and the day went well but, after we got back from > our honeymoon, she didn't return any phone calls. She then sent a > horrible email telling me how awful I was to her that day, that I > didn't make any time for her, that my failure to introduce her at > the reception (no parents were introduced - we did that at the > rehearsal dinner) was a slap in her face and shows how ungrateful I > am, that it was the worst night of her life, that she never wants to > see our wedding pictures, etc. > I've know she's BPD for a while and I am often the subject of her > rages - and I've dealt with it. But, this feels different. It was > our wedding day. I don't want to give her the power to ruin my > wedding memories, but I can't seem to help it. I look at the > pictures from our wedding and it makes me cry. I just wanted ONE > day - -just ONE day for her to let me be happy. We have not spoken > since my wedding and I am not sure where to go from here. I don't > know if I can continue to have a relationship with her. Also, I am > worried how this will affect my new family. Any thoughts? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 4, 2007 Report Share Posted May 4, 2007 that's too bad she did that. YOU are in control of your emotions, don't let her be...this is typical BPD behavior..she wasn't the center of attention, therefore, it was a lousy day for her. She is incapable of allowing anyone else to have the spotlight...so don't allow her to take your wonderful memories of your special day :-) Jackie My husband and I bent over backwards to include nada in our wedding and make her feel special, but also making sure it was the wedding WE wanted. We thought we had pulled it off. She seemed to have a good time and the day went well but, after we got back from our honeymoon, she didn't return any phone calls. She then sent a horrible email telling me how awful I was to her that day, that I didn't make any time for her, that my failure to introduce her at the reception (no parents were introduced - we did that at the rehearsal dinner) was a slap in her face and shows how ungrateful I am, that it was the worst night of her life, that she never wants to see our wedding pictures, etc. I've know she's BPD for a while and I am often the subject of her rages - and I've dealt with it. But, this feels different. It was our wedding day. I don't want to give her the power to ruin my wedding memories, but I can't seem to help it. I look at the pictures from our wedding and it makes me cry. I just wanted ONE day - -just ONE day for her to let me be happy. We have not spoken since my wedding and I am not sure where to go from here. I don't know if I can continue to have a relationship with her. Also, I am worried how this will affect my new family. Any thoughts? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 4, 2007 Report Share Posted May 4, 2007 that's too bad she did that. YOU are in control of your emotions, don't let her be...this is typical BPD behavior..she wasn't the center of attention, therefore, it was a lousy day for her. She is incapable of allowing anyone else to have the spotlight...so don't allow her to take your wonderful memories of your special day :-) Jackie My husband and I bent over backwards to include nada in our wedding and make her feel special, but also making sure it was the wedding WE wanted. We thought we had pulled it off. She seemed to have a good time and the day went well but, after we got back from our honeymoon, she didn't return any phone calls. She then sent a horrible email telling me how awful I was to her that day, that I didn't make any time for her, that my failure to introduce her at the reception (no parents were introduced - we did that at the rehearsal dinner) was a slap in her face and shows how ungrateful I am, that it was the worst night of her life, that she never wants to see our wedding pictures, etc. I've know she's BPD for a while and I am often the subject of her rages - and I've dealt with it. But, this feels different. It was our wedding day. I don't want to give her the power to ruin my wedding memories, but I can't seem to help it. I look at the pictures from our wedding and it makes me cry. I just wanted ONE day - -just ONE day for her to let me be happy. We have not spoken since my wedding and I am not sure where to go from here. I don't know if I can continue to have a relationship with her. Also, I am worried how this will affect my new family. Any thoughts? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 5, 2007 Report Share Posted May 5, 2007 My husband and myseld purposefully did not have a big wedding because we did not want a scene by my BPD Mother. Well even though we were married at the courthouse and did something at his parents house afterwards she was still taken from our " reception " by emergency vehicle and my husband and me spent our wedding night in the Emergency Room. Needless to say this is something we will never get back and there is nothing to change it but move forward. Still stinks though! > > > > My husband and I bent over backwards to include nada in our > > wedding and make her feel special, but also making sure it was the > > wedding WE wanted. We thought we had pulled it off. She seemed to > > have a good time and the day went well but, after we got back from > > our honeymoon, she didn't return any phone calls. She then sent a > > horrible email telling me how awful I was to her that day, that I > > didn't make any time for her, that my failure to introduce her at > > the reception (no parents were introduced - we did that at the > > rehearsal dinner) was a slap in her face and shows how ungrateful I > > am, that it was the worst night of her life, that she never wants to > > see our wedding pictures, etc. > > I've know she's BPD for a while and I am often the subject of her > > rages - and I've dealt with it. But, this feels different. It was > > our wedding day. I don't want to give her the power to ruin my > > wedding memories, but I can't seem to help it. I look at the > > pictures from our wedding and it makes me cry. I just wanted ONE > > day - -just ONE day for her to let me be happy. We have not spoken > > since my wedding and I am not sure where to go from here. I don't > > know if I can continue to have a relationship with her. Also, I am > > worried how this will affect my new family. Any thoughts? > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 5, 2007 Report Share Posted May 5, 2007 My husband and myseld purposefully did not have a big wedding because we did not want a scene by my BPD Mother. Well even though we were married at the courthouse and did something at his parents house afterwards she was still taken from our " reception " by emergency vehicle and my husband and me spent our wedding night in the Emergency Room. Needless to say this is something we will never get back and there is nothing to change it but move forward. Still stinks though! > > > > My husband and I bent over backwards to include nada in our > > wedding and make her feel special, but also making sure it was the > > wedding WE wanted. We thought we had pulled it off. She seemed to > > have a good time and the day went well but, after we got back from > > our honeymoon, she didn't return any phone calls. She then sent a > > horrible email telling me how awful I was to her that day, that I > > didn't make any time for her, that my failure to introduce her at > > the reception (no parents were introduced - we did that at the > > rehearsal dinner) was a slap in her face and shows how ungrateful I > > am, that it was the worst night of her life, that she never wants to > > see our wedding pictures, etc. > > I've know she's BPD for a while and I am often the subject of her > > rages - and I've dealt with it. But, this feels different. It was > > our wedding day. I don't want to give her the power to ruin my > > wedding memories, but I can't seem to help it. I look at the > > pictures from our wedding and it makes me cry. I just wanted ONE > > day - -just ONE day for her to let me be happy. We have not spoken > > since my wedding and I am not sure where to go from here. I don't > > know if I can continue to have a relationship with her. Also, I am > > worried how this will affect my new family. Any thoughts? > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 5, 2007 Report Share Posted May 5, 2007 My husband and myseld purposefully did not have a big wedding because we did not want a scene by my BPD Mother. Well even though we were married at the courthouse and did something at his parents house afterwards she was still taken from our " reception " by emergency vehicle and my husband and me spent our wedding night in the Emergency Room. Needless to say this is something we will never get back and there is nothing to change it but move forward. Still stinks though! > > > > My husband and I bent over backwards to include nada in our > > wedding and make her feel special, but also making sure it was the > > wedding WE wanted. We thought we had pulled it off. She seemed to > > have a good time and the day went well but, after we got back from > > our honeymoon, she didn't return any phone calls. She then sent a > > horrible email telling me how awful I was to her that day, that I > > didn't make any time for her, that my failure to introduce her at > > the reception (no parents were introduced - we did that at the > > rehearsal dinner) was a slap in her face and shows how ungrateful I > > am, that it was the worst night of her life, that she never wants to > > see our wedding pictures, etc. > > I've know she's BPD for a while and I am often the subject of her > > rages - and I've dealt with it. But, this feels different. It was > > our wedding day. I don't want to give her the power to ruin my > > wedding memories, but I can't seem to help it. I look at the > > pictures from our wedding and it makes me cry. I just wanted ONE > > day - -just ONE day for her to let me be happy. We have not spoken > > since my wedding and I am not sure where to go from here. I don't > > know if I can continue to have a relationship with her. Also, I am > > worried how this will affect my new family. Any thoughts? > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 6, 2007 Report Share Posted May 6, 2007 Oh, I'm really sorry. I can identify. My therapist warned me months in advance of my wedding that my nada was incapable of allowing me to have a day of my own, and that the only way for us to have our ownwedding would be to elope/have something very small. We did. It was very very hard for me (I made the mistake of trying to involve my fada, who backed out of showing up at the very last minute) and I spent the weeks before enduring horrible phone calls and suicidal threats from my nada, who had found out with her usual spying what was going on. I spent the day before and some of my honeymoon crying. With all of this, I KNOW that it would have been a 100 times worse if I had invited her. I felt for a long time what you're feeling now. We had planned to have a huge reception a month or two after the date here where we live (family is a long way away), but I was so upset that my father had promised to visit to attend such reception - in order to make up for skipping my wedding - and then made it clear that he couldn't that I couldn't go through with it. Even this year, we didn't celebrate our one-year anniversary because the day had so many terrible memories for us. So my nada has succeeded in making me feel so bad that we never really celebrated our wedding, which is sad. But we do celebrate being married every day, and are very very happy. Sara Sara > > My husband and I bent over backwards to include nada in our > wedding and make her feel special, but also making sure it was the > wedding WE wanted. We thought we had pulled it off. She seemed to > have a good time and the day went well but, after we got back from > our honeymoon, she didn't return any phone calls. She then sent a > horrible email telling me how awful I was to her that day, that I > didn't make any time for her, that my failure to introduce her at > the reception (no parents were introduced - we did that at the > rehearsal dinner) was a slap in her face and shows how ungrateful I > am, that it was the worst night of her life, that she never wants to > see our wedding pictures, etc. > I've know she's BPD for a while and I am often the subject of her > rages - and I've dealt with it. But, this feels different. It was > our wedding day. I don't want to give her the power to ruin my > wedding memories, but I can't seem to help it. I look at the > pictures from our wedding and it makes me cry. I just wanted ONE > day - -just ONE day for her to let me be happy. We have not spoken > since my wedding and I am not sure where to go from here. I don't > know if I can continue to have a relationship with her. Also, I am > worried how this will affect my new family. Any thoughts? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 6, 2007 Report Share Posted May 6, 2007 Oh, I'm really sorry. I can identify. My therapist warned me months in advance of my wedding that my nada was incapable of allowing me to have a day of my own, and that the only way for us to have our ownwedding would be to elope/have something very small. We did. It was very very hard for me (I made the mistake of trying to involve my fada, who backed out of showing up at the very last minute) and I spent the weeks before enduring horrible phone calls and suicidal threats from my nada, who had found out with her usual spying what was going on. I spent the day before and some of my honeymoon crying. With all of this, I KNOW that it would have been a 100 times worse if I had invited her. I felt for a long time what you're feeling now. We had planned to have a huge reception a month or two after the date here where we live (family is a long way away), but I was so upset that my father had promised to visit to attend such reception - in order to make up for skipping my wedding - and then made it clear that he couldn't that I couldn't go through with it. Even this year, we didn't celebrate our one-year anniversary because the day had so many terrible memories for us. So my nada has succeeded in making me feel so bad that we never really celebrated our wedding, which is sad. But we do celebrate being married every day, and are very very happy. Sara Sara > > My husband and I bent over backwards to include nada in our > wedding and make her feel special, but also making sure it was the > wedding WE wanted. We thought we had pulled it off. She seemed to > have a good time and the day went well but, after we got back from > our honeymoon, she didn't return any phone calls. She then sent a > horrible email telling me how awful I was to her that day, that I > didn't make any time for her, that my failure to introduce her at > the reception (no parents were introduced - we did that at the > rehearsal dinner) was a slap in her face and shows how ungrateful I > am, that it was the worst night of her life, that she never wants to > see our wedding pictures, etc. > I've know she's BPD for a while and I am often the subject of her > rages - and I've dealt with it. But, this feels different. It was > our wedding day. I don't want to give her the power to ruin my > wedding memories, but I can't seem to help it. I look at the > pictures from our wedding and it makes me cry. I just wanted ONE > day - -just ONE day for her to let me be happy. We have not spoken > since my wedding and I am not sure where to go from here. I don't > know if I can continue to have a relationship with her. Also, I am > worried how this will affect my new family. Any thoughts? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 6, 2007 Report Share Posted May 6, 2007 Oh, I'm really sorry. I can identify. My therapist warned me months in advance of my wedding that my nada was incapable of allowing me to have a day of my own, and that the only way for us to have our ownwedding would be to elope/have something very small. We did. It was very very hard for me (I made the mistake of trying to involve my fada, who backed out of showing up at the very last minute) and I spent the weeks before enduring horrible phone calls and suicidal threats from my nada, who had found out with her usual spying what was going on. I spent the day before and some of my honeymoon crying. With all of this, I KNOW that it would have been a 100 times worse if I had invited her. I felt for a long time what you're feeling now. We had planned to have a huge reception a month or two after the date here where we live (family is a long way away), but I was so upset that my father had promised to visit to attend such reception - in order to make up for skipping my wedding - and then made it clear that he couldn't that I couldn't go through with it. Even this year, we didn't celebrate our one-year anniversary because the day had so many terrible memories for us. So my nada has succeeded in making me feel so bad that we never really celebrated our wedding, which is sad. But we do celebrate being married every day, and are very very happy. Sara Sara > > My husband and I bent over backwards to include nada in our > wedding and make her feel special, but also making sure it was the > wedding WE wanted. We thought we had pulled it off. She seemed to > have a good time and the day went well but, after we got back from > our honeymoon, she didn't return any phone calls. She then sent a > horrible email telling me how awful I was to her that day, that I > didn't make any time for her, that my failure to introduce her at > the reception (no parents were introduced - we did that at the > rehearsal dinner) was a slap in her face and shows how ungrateful I > am, that it was the worst night of her life, that she never wants to > see our wedding pictures, etc. > I've know she's BPD for a while and I am often the subject of her > rages - and I've dealt with it. But, this feels different. It was > our wedding day. I don't want to give her the power to ruin my > wedding memories, but I can't seem to help it. I look at the > pictures from our wedding and it makes me cry. I just wanted ONE > day - -just ONE day for her to let me be happy. We have not spoken > since my wedding and I am not sure where to go from here. I don't > know if I can continue to have a relationship with her. Also, I am > worried how this will affect my new family. Any thoughts? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 6, 2007 Report Share Posted May 6, 2007 Sara, I am so sorry you had to deal with wedding drama as well. I loved your comment that, " we celebrate being married every day. " What a wonderful perspective and I need to keep that it mind! I was so fortunate to have found a stable and loving man - -it's the first time I've understood about unconditional love --so, you're right, THAT'S what I need to celebrate. Thank you for your post and for helping put things in perspective. Take care of yourself. Just wondering, do you have contact with your Nada? > > > > My husband and I bent over backwards to include nada in our > > wedding and make her feel special, but also making sure it was the > > wedding WE wanted. We thought we had pulled it off. She seemed > to > > have a good time and the day went well but, after we got back from > > our honeymoon, she didn't return any phone calls. She then sent a > > horrible email telling me how awful I was to her that day, that I > > didn't make any time for her, that my failure to introduce her at > > the reception (no parents were introduced - we did that at the > > rehearsal dinner) was a slap in her face and shows how ungrateful > I > > am, that it was the worst night of her life, that she never wants > to > > see our wedding pictures, etc. > > I've know she's BPD for a while and I am often the subject of her > > rages - and I've dealt with it. But, this feels different. It was > > our wedding day. I don't want to give her the power to ruin my > > wedding memories, but I can't seem to help it. I look at the > > pictures from our wedding and it makes me cry. I just wanted ONE > > day - -just ONE day for her to let me be happy. We have not > spoken > > since my wedding and I am not sure where to go from here. I don't > > know if I can continue to have a relationship with her. Also, I > am > > worried how this will affect my new family. Any thoughts? > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 6, 2007 Report Share Posted May 6, 2007 Sara, I am so sorry you had to deal with wedding drama as well. I loved your comment that, " we celebrate being married every day. " What a wonderful perspective and I need to keep that it mind! I was so fortunate to have found a stable and loving man - -it's the first time I've understood about unconditional love --so, you're right, THAT'S what I need to celebrate. Thank you for your post and for helping put things in perspective. Take care of yourself. Just wondering, do you have contact with your Nada? > > > > My husband and I bent over backwards to include nada in our > > wedding and make her feel special, but also making sure it was the > > wedding WE wanted. We thought we had pulled it off. She seemed > to > > have a good time and the day went well but, after we got back from > > our honeymoon, she didn't return any phone calls. She then sent a > > horrible email telling me how awful I was to her that day, that I > > didn't make any time for her, that my failure to introduce her at > > the reception (no parents were introduced - we did that at the > > rehearsal dinner) was a slap in her face and shows how ungrateful > I > > am, that it was the worst night of her life, that she never wants > to > > see our wedding pictures, etc. > > I've know she's BPD for a while and I am often the subject of her > > rages - and I've dealt with it. But, this feels different. It was > > our wedding day. I don't want to give her the power to ruin my > > wedding memories, but I can't seem to help it. I look at the > > pictures from our wedding and it makes me cry. I just wanted ONE > > day - -just ONE day for her to let me be happy. We have not > spoken > > since my wedding and I am not sure where to go from here. I don't > > know if I can continue to have a relationship with her. Also, I > am > > worried how this will affect my new family. Any thoughts? > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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