Going on Gut Feelings

[Guest guest]

Hey, I just handled a situation that made me uncomfortable. Instead

of ignoring it, as KOs are often taught, I took action. Instead of

hiding my feelings, I spoke up.

My 12 year old daughter was invited to a friend's birthday party

slumber party. Now that my daughter is in middle school (6th

grade), she is making friends that live outside our neighborhood --

where I know everybody and never gave slumber parties a 2nd thought.

But this one troubled me as I dropped her off: There was this man

there who wasn't the husband of the birthday girl's mother. I'd

seen her with him in the past at a school function -- and I thought

he was a little odd. As I stood at the school function talking to

the mother, he never introduced himself, and she never introduced

him, either. He just stood there.

He never introduced himself -- but was right at home. If I had not

known better, I would have assumed he was her husband. But I've met

her husband before, and that's not him! It bothered me that I've

seen them together twice -- and this time at her home while her

husband's " working in Africa " .

The guy didn't even get out of his chair to introduce himself, so,

proactively!, I marched over to him and extended my hand and

introduced myself. The mom said " Oh, he's a friend of ours. " My

heart sank. I knew her husband was out of the country.

So, I kissed my daughter goodbye but it bothered me all evening. I

decided to check on her a few hours later. I called her on her cell

phone (thank goodness for cell phones!!!!) and just made general

chit chat with her.... " Are you guys having fun? How's it going? " --

I was just trying to get a feel for how it was going.

It kept bothering me: Why was this man there at a slumber party

with a bunch of 12 year old girls? Even if the mother were having

an affair, don't you think he'd skip that one?

So, I nonchalantly reiterated to my daughter on the phone that if

she felt uncomfortable, no matter what the time of night, if she

wanted me to come get her I was only a phone call away. I told her

to have fun and wished her goodnight.

Five minutes later -- she called. " Can you come and get me in the

next hour maybe? " . I said " Sure " .

Turns out that the birthday girl doesn't like this man AT ALL. She

says " He always comes and stays with my mom when my dad's out of

town. " The whole situation bothered me. I'm so glad I spoke up

instead of denying how I felt. On the way home, my daughter

said " That guy was weird. He went with us to the bowling alley and

never said a word. Sat there and never said a word. He gave me the

creeps. "

And I'm so grateful that my daughter is safe and sound, sleeping

under our roof. I'm glad I was proactive. I'm glad I risked

disturbing other people -- maybe hurting their FEELINGS!!! GAH!!! --

to get my message to my daughter. I can remember times in my life

where I would have been hesitant to address it -- afraid I was

wrong. Afraid I'd piss off the mother or whatever. Always putting

other people's feelings first, instead of acting on my own gut

instinct.

But I'm not that person anymore, and this is my daughter we're

talking about. She comes first.

Again, I was so happy to drive away from that house with my daughter

in the car. So glad I didn't deny my feelings, like I've done a

thousand times in my younger days.

I'm going to sleep well tonight.

-Kyla