Guest guest Posted May 3, 2007 Report Share Posted May 3, 2007 Oh, and I also wanted to say that you don't have to know the truth. Which is good, because you will never know for sure what happened between them. For me, as much as I hate (yes, I said hate) my own mother, I don't wish to turn anyone against her or convince the world that she's horrible. I just want her to leave me alone. So if other people want to spend time with her, that is their business. And you shouldn't have to " take your mother's side " or not take it. It's her battle. Of course, A BPD would never allow someone to not hate who she hates, so that makes things a bit more difficult, doesn't it? > > > > > > Anyone else out there have multiple generations afflicted with BPD? > > > > > > For instance, I never met my maternal grandnada. My nada had a bad > > > episode with her before I was born and decided that NC was the only > > > solution. That was that. When I used to ask about grandnada, my folks > > > would lie and tell me that she lived overseas. > > > > > > When I reached adulthood, nada would complain to me about the verbal & > > > physical abuse that she'd been subjected to as a child. I used to just > > > sit and listen... act sympathetic, etc. I never had the nerve to > > > confront nada and tell her that all of this behavior sounded > > > disturbingly familiar. I was too fearful of triggering a major > > > meltdown. Nada also kept fantasizing that grandnada would apologize. > > > Well that never happened. Grandnada is dead and gone ? & no > > > apology...surprise surprise! > > > > > > It really shocked me that my nada pushed me to the point of NC. > > > History repeats itself. On and on it goes. Luckily I have no kids so > > > the cycle will finally end. > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 3, 2007 Report Share Posted May 3, 2007 I get scared thinking I have BPD on both sides of my family too, My mom has it, her mom had it and use to call her bubie bananas. I didnt know why she was weird then. She had psychotic breaks and episodes as well just like my mom is having. It scares me as I dont ever want that to happen to me. knock on wood I have never had to be hospitalized for mental health. Not even close, That would drive me nutz being locked in there. My mom has been in the hospital several times for her mental health. or rather lack of mental health lol. > > > > same here...my nada is SUCH a queen, she never talks about her > family. I > > have asked her about her childhood and she freely talks about it, > so I > > always figured she felt guilty for the way she treated her parents > (?)..Her > > mother died when I was 2, so I don't remember her, but my siblings > that do > > say grandma was a very sweet, nice lady...nadas father died before > I was > > born, but I get the same response from my older siblings...that he > was very > > quiet, very easy going and very nice. I knew all but one of nadas > eight > > siblings, and they were all non BPD...she had two sisters that > were MEAN, > > just like nada is mean also, but NO BPD behaviors... > > > > Jackie > > > > > > My momster's mother always seemed very nice to me; she passed years > > ago. My mother was complaining a few years ago that her brother's > > wife called my mom's mother and yelled at her for how she raised > him. > > That made my mother very angry but when i asked her what the > > complaint was she wouldn't answer. So my mother has never said > > anything bad about how she was raised, so I really don't know. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 3, 2007 Report Share Posted May 3, 2007 except that it's something you're born with, not something like scizorohrenia which manifests itself later in live, a BPD was always a BPD even as a child Jackie What's really scary is thinking I have BPD on both sides of my family tree. Barb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 3, 2007 Report Share Posted May 3, 2007 except that it's something you're born with, not something like scizorohrenia which manifests itself later in live, a BPD was always a BPD even as a child Jackie What's really scary is thinking I have BPD on both sides of my family tree. Barb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 3, 2007 Report Share Posted May 3, 2007 >BPD's core " abandonment " issue is mostly perception on thier part wheather or not it was real. At one time in *one event* they may have been traumatized sexually, physically or emotionally at a very young >impressionable age. Before any logic or resoning could develop. Thier brains were wired around that trauma and they relive it over and over in every situation without knowing why. It is true that an abusive family situation is more likely to have put the child through that >specific trauma, or allowed him/her to be exposed to a bad situation. doesn't there have to be more than just this ?...my nada is very VERY emotionally distant..and she'd TELL me she'd leave us some night while we were sleeping...and when I went to bed, and said " goodnight " , she'd never answer until about the 3rd goodnight I'd say, then she'd just yell at me to shut up and go to bed......plus she was physically abusive when I was younger, and always emotional abusive, but I didn't turn out BPD...and out of 9 children, my nada is the only BPD one...2 other females were very mean, but not BPD Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 3, 2007 Report Share Posted May 3, 2007 again...BPD isn't something that pops up in adulthood like schizophrenia...BPD is from childhood on... Jackie I get scared thinking I have BPD on both sides of my family too, My mom has it, her mom had it and use to call her bubie bananas. I didnt know why she was weird then. She had psychotic breaks and episodes as well just like my mom is having. It scares me as I dont ever want that to happen to me. knock on wood I have never had to be hospitalized for mental health. Not even close, That would drive me nutz being locked in there. My mom has been in the hospital several times for her mental health. or rather lack of mental health lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 4, 2007 Report Share Posted May 4, 2007 Jackie, It's like that old joke: " But, I didn't do anything wrong! " " Well, you will. " One Non-BP Recovering Man --- sleddog wrote: > >They are denial's superhuman marvels. > >How many Yetis on this board don't think they have > a problem? > > Oh, THAT'S the truth !!! nada doesn't have the > problem, it's all of her > family that does... > > >How many have had an apology from their > antiparents? > > NEVER EVER even when she was proven wrong that I > didn't do it...she would > just say then the punishment I got was for something > I did that she didn't > know about > > Jackie > > > > __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 4, 2007 Report Share Posted May 4, 2007 Jackie, It's like that old joke: " But, I didn't do anything wrong! " " Well, you will. " One Non-BP Recovering Man --- sleddog wrote: > >They are denial's superhuman marvels. > >How many Yetis on this board don't think they have > a problem? > > Oh, THAT'S the truth !!! nada doesn't have the > problem, it's all of her > family that does... > > >How many have had an apology from their > antiparents? > > NEVER EVER even when she was proven wrong that I > didn't do it...she would > just say then the punishment I got was for something > I did that she didn't > know about > > Jackie > > > > __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 4, 2007 Report Share Posted May 4, 2007 LOL yes, but it's so unfair to a child.. Jackie > Jackie, > > It's like that old joke: > > " But, I didn't do anything wrong! " > > " Well, you will. " > > One Non-BP Recovering Man Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 4, 2007 Report Share Posted May 4, 2007 LOL yes, but it's so unfair to a child.. Jackie > Jackie, > > It's like that old joke: > > " But, I didn't do anything wrong! " > > " Well, you will. " > > One Non-BP Recovering Man Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 7, 2007 Report Share Posted May 7, 2007 You're right. I think I could emotionally handle having a child now & not repeat the pattern--it's a little late, though! (It took me 25 years to figure this stuff out.) And no regrets...just a sense of curiosity...who would I have been w/o all that abuse? We would ALL have been different if our energy had been ours to keep. We are the survivors of emotional-vampires. Imagine being able to live your life over again, but this time with a power-base and a healthy community? That's what makes me wonder. > > > > Anyone else out there have multiple generations afflicted with BPD? > > > > For instance, I never met my maternal grandnada. My nada had a bad > > episode with her before I was born and decided that NC was the only > > solution. That was that. When I used to ask about grandnada, my folks > > would lie and tell me that she lived overseas. > > > > When I reached adulthood, nada would complain to me about the verbal & > > physical abuse that she'd been subjected to as a child. I used to just > > sit and listen... act sympathetic, etc. I never had the nerve to > > confront nada and tell her that all of this behavior sounded > > disturbingly familiar. I was too fearful of triggering a major > > meltdown. Nada also kept fantasizing that grandnada would apologize. > > Well that never happened. Grandnada is dead and gone — & no > > apology...surprise surprise! > > > > It really shocked me that my nada pushed me to the point of NC. > > History repeats itself. On and on it goes. Luckily I have no kids so > > the cycle will finally end. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 7, 2007 Report Share Posted May 7, 2007 You're right. I think I could emotionally handle having a child now & not repeat the pattern--it's a little late, though! (It took me 25 years to figure this stuff out.) And no regrets...just a sense of curiosity...who would I have been w/o all that abuse? We would ALL have been different if our energy had been ours to keep. We are the survivors of emotional-vampires. Imagine being able to live your life over again, but this time with a power-base and a healthy community? That's what makes me wonder. > > > > Anyone else out there have multiple generations afflicted with BPD? > > > > For instance, I never met my maternal grandnada. My nada had a bad > > episode with her before I was born and decided that NC was the only > > solution. That was that. When I used to ask about grandnada, my folks > > would lie and tell me that she lived overseas. > > > > When I reached adulthood, nada would complain to me about the verbal & > > physical abuse that she'd been subjected to as a child. I used to just > > sit and listen... act sympathetic, etc. I never had the nerve to > > confront nada and tell her that all of this behavior sounded > > disturbingly familiar. I was too fearful of triggering a major > > meltdown. Nada also kept fantasizing that grandnada would apologize. > > Well that never happened. Grandnada is dead and gone — & no > > apology...surprise surprise! > > > > It really shocked me that my nada pushed me to the point of NC. > > History repeats itself. On and on it goes. Luckily I have no kids so > > the cycle will finally end. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 7, 2007 Report Share Posted May 7, 2007 You're right. I think I could emotionally handle having a child now & not repeat the pattern--it's a little late, though! (It took me 25 years to figure this stuff out.) And no regrets...just a sense of curiosity...who would I have been w/o all that abuse? We would ALL have been different if our energy had been ours to keep. We are the survivors of emotional-vampires. Imagine being able to live your life over again, but this time with a power-base and a healthy community? That's what makes me wonder. > > > > Anyone else out there have multiple generations afflicted with BPD? > > > > For instance, I never met my maternal grandnada. My nada had a bad > > episode with her before I was born and decided that NC was the only > > solution. That was that. When I used to ask about grandnada, my folks > > would lie and tell me that she lived overseas. > > > > When I reached adulthood, nada would complain to me about the verbal & > > physical abuse that she'd been subjected to as a child. I used to just > > sit and listen... act sympathetic, etc. I never had the nerve to > > confront nada and tell her that all of this behavior sounded > > disturbingly familiar. I was too fearful of triggering a major > > meltdown. Nada also kept fantasizing that grandnada would apologize. > > Well that never happened. Grandnada is dead and gone — & no > > apology...surprise surprise! > > > > It really shocked me that my nada pushed me to the point of NC. > > History repeats itself. On and on it goes. Luckily I have no kids so > > the cycle will finally end. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 7, 2007 Report Share Posted May 7, 2007 OK this post is amazing! I always saw my nada as having a split personality--NICENADA vs EVILNADA. I gave these halves equal weight and validity. Yet reading your post really hit home. I could always sense that nicenada was a phony facade and that evilnada was the real-deal. Yet I didn't want to believe it...too scary...too painful. Yet nicenada was like those wireframe, cloth-covered monkey-moms that scientists gave to baby monkeys in their cruel experiments. (An illusion of comfort that the babies would cling to.) But then the wireframe starts emitting random, electric-shocks. The baby monkey still clings on tight. Nada was never anything more than that wireframe. The core energy inside her IS anger & pain. Niceness is a mask and a tool used to manipulate--to survive in this world. This is where my denial runs very deep. Thanks for your post! > > > > > > OK, I agree BPs can completely lose any pretense of reality and > become > > > psychotic. That's pretty well known. I wasn't really addressing > that: my > > > question is: what is your Mum like when not psychotic, when she's > > " normal " ? > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > No virus found in this incoming message. > > > Checked by AVG Free Edition. > > > Version: 7.5.467 / Virus Database: 269.6.4/789 - Release Date: > 4/05/2007 > > > 5:49 PM > > > > > > > > > > > > _____ > > > > > > << ella for Spam Control >> has removed 1527 Spam messages and set > > aside 0 > > > Newsletters for me > > > You can use it too - and it's FREE! HYPERLINK > > > " http://www.ellaforspam.com " www.ellaforspam.com > > > > > > No virus found in this outgoing message. > > > Checked by AVG Free Edition. > > > Version: 7.5.467 / Virus Database: 269.6.4/789 - Release Date: > 4/05/2007 > > > 5:49 PM > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 7, 2007 Report Share Posted May 7, 2007 OK this post is amazing! I always saw my nada as having a split personality--NICENADA vs EVILNADA. I gave these halves equal weight and validity. Yet reading your post really hit home. I could always sense that nicenada was a phony facade and that evilnada was the real-deal. Yet I didn't want to believe it...too scary...too painful. Yet nicenada was like those wireframe, cloth-covered monkey-moms that scientists gave to baby monkeys in their cruel experiments. (An illusion of comfort that the babies would cling to.) But then the wireframe starts emitting random, electric-shocks. The baby monkey still clings on tight. Nada was never anything more than that wireframe. The core energy inside her IS anger & pain. Niceness is a mask and a tool used to manipulate--to survive in this world. This is where my denial runs very deep. Thanks for your post! > > > > > > OK, I agree BPs can completely lose any pretense of reality and > become > > > psychotic. That's pretty well known. I wasn't really addressing > that: my > > > question is: what is your Mum like when not psychotic, when she's > > " normal " ? > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > No virus found in this incoming message. > > > Checked by AVG Free Edition. > > > Version: 7.5.467 / Virus Database: 269.6.4/789 - Release Date: > 4/05/2007 > > > 5:49 PM > > > > > > > > > > > > _____ > > > > > > << ella for Spam Control >> has removed 1527 Spam messages and set > > aside 0 > > > Newsletters for me > > > You can use it too - and it's FREE! HYPERLINK > > > " http://www.ellaforspam.com " www.ellaforspam.com > > > > > > No virus found in this outgoing message. > > > Checked by AVG Free Edition. > > > Version: 7.5.467 / Virus Database: 269.6.4/789 - Release Date: > 4/05/2007 > > > 5:49 PM > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 7, 2007 Report Share Posted May 7, 2007 OK this post is amazing! I always saw my nada as having a split personality--NICENADA vs EVILNADA. I gave these halves equal weight and validity. Yet reading your post really hit home. I could always sense that nicenada was a phony facade and that evilnada was the real-deal. Yet I didn't want to believe it...too scary...too painful. Yet nicenada was like those wireframe, cloth-covered monkey-moms that scientists gave to baby monkeys in their cruel experiments. (An illusion of comfort that the babies would cling to.) But then the wireframe starts emitting random, electric-shocks. The baby monkey still clings on tight. Nada was never anything more than that wireframe. The core energy inside her IS anger & pain. Niceness is a mask and a tool used to manipulate--to survive in this world. This is where my denial runs very deep. Thanks for your post! > > > > > > OK, I agree BPs can completely lose any pretense of reality and > become > > > psychotic. That's pretty well known. I wasn't really addressing > that: my > > > question is: what is your Mum like when not psychotic, when she's > > " normal " ? > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > No virus found in this incoming message. > > > Checked by AVG Free Edition. > > > Version: 7.5.467 / Virus Database: 269.6.4/789 - Release Date: > 4/05/2007 > > > 5:49 PM > > > > > > > > > > > > _____ > > > > > > << ella for Spam Control >> has removed 1527 Spam messages and set > > aside 0 > > > Newsletters for me > > > You can use it too - and it's FREE! HYPERLINK > > > " http://www.ellaforspam.com " www.ellaforspam.com > > > > > > No virus found in this outgoing message. > > > Checked by AVG Free Edition. > > > Version: 7.5.467 / Virus Database: 269.6.4/789 - Release Date: > 4/05/2007 > > > 5:49 PM > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 7, 2007 Report Share Posted May 7, 2007 When my nada could not get her way with me (i.e agreement, consensus, etc) she would threaten me with the saying " What goes around comes around " . This was a veiled reference to my children, meaning; 'they will hurt you one day like you are hurting me'. It was so ugly a thing to say, and I did not fully realize her condition 20 years ago when this started. Meanwhile, she did everything she could to undermine, demean, make me wrong in their eyes, and turn my children against me. It was a terrible existence and I finally moved away 12 years ago. She continued the barrage and it even worsened, as she perceived the move as abandonment - and we all know what that brings out. I was confused for a very long time, exposed my children to trips back to visit her, and by doing so, basically lost all the power I had in the situation. I can truely say, that I believe my nada's old adage, 'What goes around comes around' - which may be one reason we see many generational stories of BPD. I am clear now (no longer confused) and would add one caveat though, and that is . . . . " What goes around comes around, *unless you identify the disorder, get help for yourself adn other family members impacted, go LC or NC, and protect yourself!*! " Kris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 7, 2007 Report Share Posted May 7, 2007 When my nada could not get her way with me (i.e agreement, consensus, etc) she would threaten me with the saying " What goes around comes around " . This was a veiled reference to my children, meaning; 'they will hurt you one day like you are hurting me'. It was so ugly a thing to say, and I did not fully realize her condition 20 years ago when this started. Meanwhile, she did everything she could to undermine, demean, make me wrong in their eyes, and turn my children against me. It was a terrible existence and I finally moved away 12 years ago. She continued the barrage and it even worsened, as she perceived the move as abandonment - and we all know what that brings out. I was confused for a very long time, exposed my children to trips back to visit her, and by doing so, basically lost all the power I had in the situation. I can truely say, that I believe my nada's old adage, 'What goes around comes around' - which may be one reason we see many generational stories of BPD. I am clear now (no longer confused) and would add one caveat though, and that is . . . . " What goes around comes around, *unless you identify the disorder, get help for yourself adn other family members impacted, go LC or NC, and protect yourself!*! " Kris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 7, 2007 Report Share Posted May 7, 2007 When my nada could not get her way with me (i.e agreement, consensus, etc) she would threaten me with the saying " What goes around comes around " . This was a veiled reference to my children, meaning; 'they will hurt you one day like you are hurting me'. It was so ugly a thing to say, and I did not fully realize her condition 20 years ago when this started. Meanwhile, she did everything she could to undermine, demean, make me wrong in their eyes, and turn my children against me. It was a terrible existence and I finally moved away 12 years ago. She continued the barrage and it even worsened, as she perceived the move as abandonment - and we all know what that brings out. I was confused for a very long time, exposed my children to trips back to visit her, and by doing so, basically lost all the power I had in the situation. I can truely say, that I believe my nada's old adage, 'What goes around comes around' - which may be one reason we see many generational stories of BPD. I am clear now (no longer confused) and would add one caveat though, and that is . . . . " What goes around comes around, *unless you identify the disorder, get help for yourself adn other family members impacted, go LC or NC, and protect yourself!*! " Kris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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