Guest guest Posted November 18, 2010 Report Share Posted November 18, 2010 It appears that all of us first started noticing our 4S in childhood so we've all been there. And many people here have kids with it. Today kids have one advantage: the internet. Which leads to this discussion board which lets parents know their kids aren't just acting out, they have a real problem that is not their fault. I can tell you punishment will not work, this is not a behavorial problem. With trust and respect you may be able to help her coop and deal with this awful issue, but I can guarantee that if punishment is involved the trust wont happen and you will have no ability to help her learn the appropriate ways to deal with it. Trust me, she is beating herself up and that self hate is only going to get worse with age. She needs in turn you won't be able to help her. Once you are fully supportive and understanding and then you can help guide her with ways to deal with it, and how she can respond more respectfully.I'm so very sorry for both you and her, 4S takes it toll on everyone. A good counselor who doesn't discount this would be a terrific start.Good luck,HeidiI have> > tried writing 100 times ever day, no tv, taking away privileges, reward> > systems, etc... nothing work Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 18, 2010 Report Share Posted November 18, 2010 It appears that all of us first started noticing our 4S in childhood so we've all been there. And many people here have kids with it. Today kids have one advantage: the internet. Which leads to this discussion board which lets parents know their kids aren't just acting out, they have a real problem that is not their fault. I can tell you punishment will not work, this is not a behavorial problem. With trust and respect you may be able to help her coop and deal with this awful issue, but I can guarantee that if punishment is involved the trust wont happen and you will have no ability to help her learn the appropriate ways to deal with it. Trust me, she is beating herself up and that self hate is only going to get worse with age. She needs in turn you won't be able to help her. Once you are fully supportive and understanding and then you can help guide her with ways to deal with it, and how she can respond more respectfully.I'm so very sorry for both you and her, 4S takes it toll on everyone. A good counselor who doesn't discount this would be a terrific start.Good luck,HeidiI have> > tried writing 100 times ever day, no tv, taking away privileges, reward> > systems, etc... nothing work Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 18, 2010 Report Share Posted November 18, 2010 It appears that all of us first started noticing our 4S in childhood so we've all been there. And many people here have kids with it. Today kids have one advantage: the internet. Which leads to this discussion board which lets parents know their kids aren't just acting out, they have a real problem that is not their fault. I can tell you punishment will not work, this is not a behavorial problem. With trust and respect you may be able to help her coop and deal with this awful issue, but I can guarantee that if punishment is involved the trust wont happen and you will have no ability to help her learn the appropriate ways to deal with it. Trust me, she is beating herself up and that self hate is only going to get worse with age. She needs in turn you won't be able to help her. Once you are fully supportive and understanding and then you can help guide her with ways to deal with it, and how she can respond more respectfully.I'm so very sorry for both you and her, 4S takes it toll on everyone. A good counselor who doesn't discount this would be a terrific start.Good luck,HeidiI have> > tried writing 100 times ever day, no tv, taking away privileges, reward> > systems, etc... nothing work Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 19, 2010 Report Share Posted November 19, 2010 , Thank you (and everyone who has replied) for your input. The information you've all provided is extremely helpful. Finding the right therapist sounds key. I'm just glad we've figured this thing out while she's still young. I have started leaving the room to clear my throat or to sniffle. We've started allowing her to watch TV while eating on a tray in the living room which is right next to our breakfast room. That way she's sort of included in dinner with us. At this point she can't even tolerate seeing me go towards my mouth with food, just the mere sight of food in my hand sends her into a fit. You'd think I was a sloppy eater...but nope closed mouth with good manners. Drinking triggers the same behavior. So does breathing too loudly. Everything I do around my child seems to drive her nuts. It's as if the anticipation of my noises is almost as disturbing as the offense itself. If anyone happens to know of a great therapist in or around the Atlanta area, please let me know. I agree with you, we need to get away from the current therapist. Thank you for your help, To: Soundsensitivity Sent: Thu, November 18, 2010 2:26:39 PMSubject: Re: Children with 4S ,Yes, I am the father of a child with 4S. I know exactly what you're going through; I'm the original trigger person, too. My daughter's trigger noises are all things that I have historically done frequently, due to my allergies and asthma, as well.I really identify with all the challenges you've described and just want to say, I'm sorry that you are also going through this - hang in there.My daughter has also gone through different phases where she'll be extremely sensitive and stressed out about 4S but at the same time feels guilty and self-loathing for having problems. That's what hurts me the most; I can't stand to see my "little" girl (she's 15 now) feel so badly about herself. All of the disorders she suffers with are genetically inherited medical conditions about which she can do nothing to change. It's NOT HER FAULT! We have never felt punishment of any sort was an appropriate response to these challenges. I have gotten some counseling myself and it was tremendously helpful.Since I am the original trigger person for my daughter's 4S, I have had the most time to learn tactics to avoid causing her distress. I really regret that it has come to this, sometimes, but I deal with it the best way I can. We do eat family meals, but always have music playing fairly loudly. If we go out to eat, we tend to choose medium-loud restaurants (not sports bars, but not 5-star dining, either). I never blow or sniff my nose within earshot. If I have to clear my throat, I leave the room. If I accidentally do something that bothers her (and there's no mistaking when I do, due to the death glare that immediately follows), I apologize. I do not expect the same of others, however, and if she starts mocking or glaring at other people, I usually try to subtly and privately call her attention to it and suggest that maybe she would be more comfortable in another room.Whomever the child psychiatrist was that suggested 4S is "just OCD" is someone you need to never go back to. He has no idea what he's talking about. If your daughter has OCD, it's nothing to be dealt with lightly; believe me, I know.Some of your child's behaviors do seem to resemble other disorders, though, like possibly Tourette Syndrome, which is also widely misunderstood.Some medications have had some positive benefit for my daughter. I regret that we hesitated considering them as a possible ingredient in her treatment for two years.Best wishes, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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