E-mail communication - help!

[Guest guest]

I just want to say this group is a great source of support - and since

i see such good advice here all the time, I wanted to ask for some.

I'm feeling low because I feel as though another onslaught from my

nada is underway.

Our communication has been very limited for the last year, it was

nonexistent for about 10 months but after the birth of my son this

autumn she began to phone me again - before she wouldn't due to

the " betrayal " of me getting married. Visits are not an issue due to

physical distance. I feel bad about never having told her off for

treating me very badly - or just pointing out the ridiculousness of

having sworn never to speak to me again, keeping it up for about a

year and then starting to phone again as though nothing had happened.

But, as always, I wasn't able to do this because I was too frightened

of the pain it would have caused my father - who conveniently is

nearly always on or next to the phone when she calls. (I do not call

her, I do not give her any information, and I do get off the phone

within a matter of minutes - but I still avoid confrontation because I

know that will lead to an absolute barrage of phone calls and who

knows what else...)

I have blocked her e-mail from my account, following a lot of horrible

e-mails she sent me before my wedding - and also following quite a

nasty episode where she broke into my e-mail and attacked everyone in

my family who had communicated with me, which means that even now they

are afraid to be in touch. But she has somehow figured out that I

did block her personal e-mail, and has started sending these super-

creepy e-cards (they come from the ecard site, not the individual, and

are not blockable - and yes, I know that i could just not read them,

but I do). The last one told me that she loved me so much she would

die for me and always would, and that must be how much I love my son

so now I must understand... the projection was really strong, and

upset me quite badly. Then tonight I have received another creepycard

with the message " I am your mother! Talk to me!!!!! " (she tried to

phone this morning, when I explained that i both I and the baby were

asleep and I couldn't talk). So i shudder to think of what lies in

wait for me later this week.

I hate this, feeling so good about my life and family here and then

having these interactions, which make me so nervous that she will, as

so often in the past, phone 20 times in a row, or get other family

members to intervene - she has all of a sudden remembered that i exist

and will continue to harass me until something else comes across her

radar...

Suggestions? many thanks!!

Sara

[Guest guest]

I wouldn't know what to do. Are you certain you can't block the e-cards site? If

you can't, maybe you could use a filter to route them into a specific folder. I

do that for this group. I have a folder called BPD and everything from here goes

straight into it. That way, I can sit down and read when I know I have enough

time. You could do that and automatically delete the cards (I know it's hard, I

can't even delete my nada's old e-mails) or just wait until you know you can

handle it. Or have someone else read them and tell you if there's anything you

actually need to see.

Otherwise, maybe you could set up only one day she gets to call. Like the first

of the month, and set a time too. Let her know you will not answer or respond to

her except on that day at that time. That would at least cut down on the

unexpected calls.

That's all I got. I haven't tried to work out any LC rules with my nada. I know

I'm not strong enough to keep up those boundaries so I just don't try. Maybe in

a few years when I'm further along.

Good luck and stay strong!

Jae

sage153 wrote: I just want

to say this group is a great source of support - and since

i see such good advice here all the time, I wanted to ask for some.

I'm feeling low because I feel as though another onslaught from my

nada is underway.

Our communication has been very limited for the last year, it was

nonexistent for about 10 months but after the birth of my son this

autumn she began to phone me again - before she wouldn't due to

the " betrayal " of me getting married. Visits are not an issue due to

physical distance. I feel bad about never having told her off for

treating me very badly - or just pointing out the ridiculousness of

having sworn never to speak to me again, keeping it up for about a

year and then starting to phone again as though nothing had happened.

But, as always, I wasn't able to do this because I was too frightened

of the pain it would have caused my father - who conveniently is

nearly always on or next to the phone when she calls. (I do not call

her, I do not give her any information, and I do get off the phone

within a matter of minutes - but I still avoid confrontation because I

know that will lead to an absolute barrage of phone calls and who

knows what else...)

I have blocked her e-mail from my account, following a lot of horrible

e-mails she sent me before my wedding - and also following quite a

nasty episode where she broke into my e-mail and attacked everyone in

my family who had communicated with me, which means that even now they

are afraid to be in touch. But she has somehow figured out that I

did block her personal e-mail, and has started sending these super-

creepy e-cards (they come from the ecard site, not the individual, and

are not blockable - and yes, I know that i could just not read them,

but I do). The last one told me that she loved me so much she would

die for me and always would, and that must be how much I love my son

so now I must understand... the projection was really strong, and

upset me quite badly. Then tonight I have received another creepycard

with the message " I am your mother! Talk to me!!!!! " (she tried to

phone this morning, when I explained that i both I and the baby were

asleep and I couldn't talk). So i shudder to think of what lies in

wait for me later this week.

I hate this, feeling so good about my life and family here and then

having these interactions, which make me so nervous that she will, as

so often in the past, phone 20 times in a row, or get other family

members to intervene - she has all of a sudden remembered that i exist

and will continue to harass me until something else comes across her

radar...

Suggestions? many thanks!!

Sara

---------------------------------

Ahhh...imagining that irresistible " new car " smell?

Check outnew cars at Yahoo! Autos.

[Guest guest]

A phone thouht, let all your calls go to voice mail, if you suspect it is her

calling. If you accidently pick up and it is her then put the phone back on the

hook. If she calls a bunch of times in a row, take the phone off the hook.

Lilly

sage153 wrote:

I just want to say this group is a great source of support - and since

i see such good advice here all the time, I wanted to ask for some.

I'm feeling low because I feel as though another onslaught from my

nada is underway.

Our communication has been very limited for the last year, it was

nonexistent for about 10 months but after the birth of my son this

autumn she began to phone me again - before she wouldn't due to

the " betrayal " of me getting married. Visits are not an issue due to

physical distance. I feel bad about never having told her off for

treating me very badly - or just pointing out the ridiculousness of

having sworn never to speak to me again, keeping it up for about a

year and then starting to phone again as though nothing had happened.

But, as always, I wasn't able to do this because I was too frightened

of the pain it would have caused my father - who conveniently is

nearly always on or next to the phone when she calls. (I do not call

her, I do not give her any information, and I do get off the phone

within a matter of minutes - but I still avoid confrontation because I

know that will lead to an absolute barrage of phone calls and who

knows what else...)

I have blocked her e-mail from my account, following a lot of horrible

e-mails she sent me before my wedding - and also following quite a

nasty episode where she broke into my e-mail and attacked everyone in

my family who had communicated with me, which means that even now they

are afraid to be in touch. But she has somehow figured out that I

did block her personal e-mail, and has started sending these super-

creepy e-cards (they come from the ecard site, not the individual, and

are not blockable - and yes, I know that i could just not read them,

but I do). The last one told me that she loved me so much she would

die for me and always would, and that must be how much I love my son

so now I must understand... the projection was really strong, and

upset me quite badly. Then tonight I have received another creepycard

with the message " I am your mother! Talk to me!!!!! " (she tried to

phone this morning, when I explained that i both I and the baby were

asleep and I couldn't talk). So i shudder to think of what lies in

wait for me later this week.

I hate this, feeling so good about my life and family here and then

having these interactions, which make me so nervous that she will, as

so often in the past, phone 20 times in a row, or get other family

members to intervene - she has all of a sudden remembered that i exist

and will continue to harass me until something else comes across her

radar...

Suggestions? many thanks!!

Sara

---------------------------------

Ahhh...imagining that irresistible " new car " smell?

Check outnew cars at Yahoo! Autos.

[Guest guest]

A phone thouht, let all your calls go to voice mail, if you suspect it is her

calling. If you accidently pick up and it is her then put the phone back on the

hook. If she calls a bunch of times in a row, take the phone off the hook.

Lilly

sage153 wrote:

I just want to say this group is a great source of support - and since

i see such good advice here all the time, I wanted to ask for some.

I'm feeling low because I feel as though another onslaught from my

nada is underway.

Our communication has been very limited for the last year, it was

nonexistent for about 10 months but after the birth of my son this

autumn she began to phone me again - before she wouldn't due to

the " betrayal " of me getting married. Visits are not an issue due to

physical distance. I feel bad about never having told her off for

treating me very badly - or just pointing out the ridiculousness of

having sworn never to speak to me again, keeping it up for about a

year and then starting to phone again as though nothing had happened.

But, as always, I wasn't able to do this because I was too frightened

of the pain it would have caused my father - who conveniently is

nearly always on or next to the phone when she calls. (I do not call

her, I do not give her any information, and I do get off the phone

within a matter of minutes - but I still avoid confrontation because I

know that will lead to an absolute barrage of phone calls and who

knows what else...)

I have blocked her e-mail from my account, following a lot of horrible

e-mails she sent me before my wedding - and also following quite a

nasty episode where she broke into my e-mail and attacked everyone in

my family who had communicated with me, which means that even now they

are afraid to be in touch. But she has somehow figured out that I

did block her personal e-mail, and has started sending these super-

creepy e-cards (they come from the ecard site, not the individual, and

are not blockable - and yes, I know that i could just not read them,

but I do). The last one told me that she loved me so much she would

die for me and always would, and that must be how much I love my son

so now I must understand... the projection was really strong, and

upset me quite badly. Then tonight I have received another creepycard

with the message " I am your mother! Talk to me!!!!! " (she tried to

phone this morning, when I explained that i both I and the baby were

asleep and I couldn't talk). So i shudder to think of what lies in

wait for me later this week.

I hate this, feeling so good about my life and family here and then

having these interactions, which make me so nervous that she will, as

so often in the past, phone 20 times in a row, or get other family

members to intervene - she has all of a sudden remembered that i exist

and will continue to harass me until something else comes across her

radar...

Suggestions? many thanks!!

Sara

---------------------------------

Ahhh...imagining that irresistible " new car " smell?

Check outnew cars at Yahoo! Autos.

[Guest guest]

A phone thouht, let all your calls go to voice mail, if you suspect it is her

calling. If you accidently pick up and it is her then put the phone back on the

hook. If she calls a bunch of times in a row, take the phone off the hook.

Lilly

sage153 wrote:

I just want to say this group is a great source of support - and since

i see such good advice here all the time, I wanted to ask for some.

I'm feeling low because I feel as though another onslaught from my

nada is underway.

Our communication has been very limited for the last year, it was

nonexistent for about 10 months but after the birth of my son this

autumn she began to phone me again - before she wouldn't due to

the " betrayal " of me getting married. Visits are not an issue due to

physical distance. I feel bad about never having told her off for

treating me very badly - or just pointing out the ridiculousness of

having sworn never to speak to me again, keeping it up for about a

year and then starting to phone again as though nothing had happened.

But, as always, I wasn't able to do this because I was too frightened

of the pain it would have caused my father - who conveniently is

nearly always on or next to the phone when she calls. (I do not call

her, I do not give her any information, and I do get off the phone

within a matter of minutes - but I still avoid confrontation because I

know that will lead to an absolute barrage of phone calls and who

knows what else...)

I have blocked her e-mail from my account, following a lot of horrible

e-mails she sent me before my wedding - and also following quite a

nasty episode where she broke into my e-mail and attacked everyone in

my family who had communicated with me, which means that even now they

are afraid to be in touch. But she has somehow figured out that I

did block her personal e-mail, and has started sending these super-

creepy e-cards (they come from the ecard site, not the individual, and

are not blockable - and yes, I know that i could just not read them,

but I do). The last one told me that she loved me so much she would

die for me and always would, and that must be how much I love my son

so now I must understand... the projection was really strong, and

upset me quite badly. Then tonight I have received another creepycard

with the message " I am your mother! Talk to me!!!!! " (she tried to

phone this morning, when I explained that i both I and the baby were

asleep and I couldn't talk). So i shudder to think of what lies in

wait for me later this week.

I hate this, feeling so good about my life and family here and then

having these interactions, which make me so nervous that she will, as

so often in the past, phone 20 times in a row, or get other family

members to intervene - she has all of a sudden remembered that i exist

and will continue to harass me until something else comes across her

radar...

Suggestions? many thanks!!

Sara

---------------------------------

Ahhh...imagining that irresistible " new car " smell?

Check outnew cars at Yahoo! Autos.

[Guest guest]

You can get a second number on the same phone line but it has a

different ring. keep the old number for her to call and leave

messages on the am. The new number you give to friends you want to

hear from and yo ucan answer them because you know the ring.

meanwhile she keeps leaving messages you never respond to on the old

ring that you never answer. In a way she still feels connected to you

so wont feel the need to rage and stalk in other ways. I know it

worked wonders with a stalking ex i had.

nan

> I just want to say this group is a great source of

support - and since

> i see such good advice here all the time, I wanted to ask for some.

> I'm feeling low because I feel as though another onslaught from my

> nada is underway.

>

> Our communication has been very limited for the last year, it was

> nonexistent for about 10 months but after the birth of my son this

> autumn she began to phone me again - before she wouldn't due to

> the " betrayal " of me getting married. Visits are not an issue due

to

> physical distance. I feel bad about never having told her off for

> treating me very badly - or just pointing out the ridiculousness of

> having sworn never to speak to me again, keeping it up for about a

> year and then starting to phone again as though nothing had

happened.

> But, as always, I wasn't able to do this because I was too

frightened

> of the pain it would have caused my father - who conveniently is

> nearly always on or next to the phone when she calls. (I do not

call

> her, I do not give her any information, and I do get off the phone

> within a matter of minutes - but I still avoid confrontation

because I

> know that will lead to an absolute barrage of phone calls and who

> knows what else...)

>

> I have blocked her e-mail from my account, following a lot of

horrible

> e-mails she sent me before my wedding - and also following quite a

> nasty episode where she broke into my e-mail and attacked everyone

in

> my family who had communicated with me, which means that even now

they

> are afraid to be in touch. But she has somehow figured out that I

> did block her personal e-mail, and has started sending these super-

> creepy e-cards (they come from the ecard site, not the individual,

and

> are not blockable - and yes, I know that i could just not read

them,

> but I do). The last one told me that she loved me so much she would

> die for me and always would, and that must be how much I love my

son

> so now I must understand... the projection was really strong, and

> upset me quite badly. Then tonight I have received another

creepycard

> with the message " I am your mother! Talk to me!!!!! " (she tried to

> phone this morning, when I explained that i both I and the baby

were

> asleep and I couldn't talk). So i shudder to think of what lies in

> wait for me later this week.

>

> I hate this, feeling so good about my life and family here and then

> having these interactions, which make me so nervous that she will,

as

> so often in the past, phone 20 times in a row, or get other family

> members to intervene - she has all of a sudden remembered that i

exist

> and will continue to harass me until something else comes across

her

> radar...

>

> Suggestions? many thanks!!

> Sara

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Ahhh...imagining that irresistible " new car " smell?

> Check outnew cars at Yahoo! Autos.

>

>

[Guest guest]

You can get a second number on the same phone line but it has a

different ring. keep the old number for her to call and leave

messages on the am. The new number you give to friends you want to

hear from and yo ucan answer them because you know the ring.

meanwhile she keeps leaving messages you never respond to on the old

ring that you never answer. In a way she still feels connected to you

so wont feel the need to rage and stalk in other ways. I know it

worked wonders with a stalking ex i had.

nan

> I just want to say this group is a great source of

support - and since

> i see such good advice here all the time, I wanted to ask for some.

> I'm feeling low because I feel as though another onslaught from my

> nada is underway.

>

> Our communication has been very limited for the last year, it was

> nonexistent for about 10 months but after the birth of my son this

> autumn she began to phone me again - before she wouldn't due to

> the " betrayal " of me getting married. Visits are not an issue due

to

> physical distance. I feel bad about never having told her off for

> treating me very badly - or just pointing out the ridiculousness of

> having sworn never to speak to me again, keeping it up for about a

> year and then starting to phone again as though nothing had

happened.

> But, as always, I wasn't able to do this because I was too

frightened

> of the pain it would have caused my father - who conveniently is

> nearly always on or next to the phone when she calls. (I do not

call

> her, I do not give her any information, and I do get off the phone

> within a matter of minutes - but I still avoid confrontation

because I

> know that will lead to an absolute barrage of phone calls and who

> knows what else...)

>

> I have blocked her e-mail from my account, following a lot of

horrible

> e-mails she sent me before my wedding - and also following quite a

> nasty episode where she broke into my e-mail and attacked everyone

in

> my family who had communicated with me, which means that even now

they

> are afraid to be in touch. But she has somehow figured out that I

> did block her personal e-mail, and has started sending these super-

> creepy e-cards (they come from the ecard site, not the individual,

and

> are not blockable - and yes, I know that i could just not read

them,

> but I do). The last one told me that she loved me so much she would

> die for me and always would, and that must be how much I love my

son

> so now I must understand... the projection was really strong, and

> upset me quite badly. Then tonight I have received another

creepycard

> with the message " I am your mother! Talk to me!!!!! " (she tried to

> phone this morning, when I explained that i both I and the baby

were

> asleep and I couldn't talk). So i shudder to think of what lies in

> wait for me later this week.

>

> I hate this, feeling so good about my life and family here and then

> having these interactions, which make me so nervous that she will,

as

> so often in the past, phone 20 times in a row, or get other family

> members to intervene - she has all of a sudden remembered that i

exist

> and will continue to harass me until something else comes across

her

> radar...

>

> Suggestions? many thanks!!

> Sara

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Ahhh...imagining that irresistible " new car " smell?

> Check outnew cars at Yahoo! Autos.

>

>

[Guest guest]

You can get a second number on the same phone line but it has a

different ring. keep the old number for her to call and leave

messages on the am. The new number you give to friends you want to

hear from and yo ucan answer them because you know the ring.

meanwhile she keeps leaving messages you never respond to on the old

ring that you never answer. In a way she still feels connected to you

so wont feel the need to rage and stalk in other ways. I know it

worked wonders with a stalking ex i had.

nan

> I just want to say this group is a great source of

support - and since

> i see such good advice here all the time, I wanted to ask for some.

> I'm feeling low because I feel as though another onslaught from my

> nada is underway.

>

> Our communication has been very limited for the last year, it was

> nonexistent for about 10 months but after the birth of my son this

> autumn she began to phone me again - before she wouldn't due to

> the " betrayal " of me getting married. Visits are not an issue due

to

> physical distance. I feel bad about never having told her off for

> treating me very badly - or just pointing out the ridiculousness of

> having sworn never to speak to me again, keeping it up for about a

> year and then starting to phone again as though nothing had

happened.

> But, as always, I wasn't able to do this because I was too

frightened

> of the pain it would have caused my father - who conveniently is

> nearly always on or next to the phone when she calls. (I do not

call

> her, I do not give her any information, and I do get off the phone

> within a matter of minutes - but I still avoid confrontation

because I

> know that will lead to an absolute barrage of phone calls and who

> knows what else...)

>

> I have blocked her e-mail from my account, following a lot of

horrible

> e-mails she sent me before my wedding - and also following quite a

> nasty episode where she broke into my e-mail and attacked everyone

in

> my family who had communicated with me, which means that even now

they

> are afraid to be in touch. But she has somehow figured out that I

> did block her personal e-mail, and has started sending these super-

> creepy e-cards (they come from the ecard site, not the individual,

and

> are not blockable - and yes, I know that i could just not read

them,

> but I do). The last one told me that she loved me so much she would

> die for me and always would, and that must be how much I love my

son

> so now I must understand... the projection was really strong, and

> upset me quite badly. Then tonight I have received another

creepycard

> with the message " I am your mother! Talk to me!!!!! " (she tried to

> phone this morning, when I explained that i both I and the baby

were

> asleep and I couldn't talk). So i shudder to think of what lies in

> wait for me later this week.

>

> I hate this, feeling so good about my life and family here and then

> having these interactions, which make me so nervous that she will,

as

> so often in the past, phone 20 times in a row, or get other family

> members to intervene - she has all of a sudden remembered that i

exist

> and will continue to harass me until something else comes across

her

> radar...

>

> Suggestions? many thanks!!

> Sara

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Ahhh...imagining that irresistible " new car " smell?

> Check outnew cars at Yahoo! Autos.

>

>