Re: coming to terms with everything

[Guest guest]

Oh, yes, this all sounds familiar. One of my most vivid memories of

boundary violation was my mom sneaking into the bathroom and

flinging open the shower curtain while I was showering. When I

jumped because I was startled, she laughed at me and said she just

wanted " to see what was taking so long. " I was already a teenager

when she did that.

I hung onto my faith for all it was worth when I was growing up.

MJL

>

> I just recently found out about BPD and everything I have had to

go

> through growing up makes sense. Do any of you remember having

your

> boundries violated by your mom? I know my mom took off all the

locks

> in the whole house so there was no where to hide. She would come

in on

> me taking a shower and if I pushed her out of the bathroom in

attempt

> to regain my privacy,and dignity she would call me violent. Since

> there were no locks my brothers would often walk in on me going to

the

> bathroom. There was nothing I could do. I hated being called

violent

> so I just took the abuse. I was also afraid that my mom was going

to

> call the police on me because she always threatned too. She told

me I

> acted like a juvenile deliquent. Hanging on to my faith always

got me

> through these hard times. I am just wondering if any of this

sounds

> familiar?

>

[Guest guest]

We had a lock in our house, it was on the outside of my door. That way I

couldn't get out. Not quite sure where they thought I was going to go, but you

know.

Lilly

walkinthereign wrote:

I just recently found out about BPD and everything I have had to go

through growing up makes sense. Do any of you remember having your

boundries violated by your mom? I know my mom took off all the locks

in the whole house so there was no where to hide. She would come in on

me taking a shower and if I pushed her out of the bathroom in attempt

to regain my privacy,and dignity she would call me violent. Since

there were no locks my brothers would often walk in on me going to the

bathroom. There was nothing I could do. I hated being called violent

so I just took the abuse. I was also afraid that my mom was going to

call the police on me because she always threatned too. She told me I

acted like a juvenile deliquent. Hanging on to my faith always got me

through these hard times. I am just wondering if any of this sounds

familiar?

---------------------------------

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[Guest guest]

Lily, I am so sorry to hear that happened. You must have been so

scared, and so angry. I remember times feeling that trapped it was

awful. I would lay on the bathroom floor and just cry. We had

alarms on each door so whenever me or my siblings would try to go

outside the door would beep. But to be locked in one room. Its sad

that parents treat their children the way they do. Its a lack of

love.

> I just recently found out about BPD and everything I

have had to go

> through growing up makes sense. Do any of you remember having your

> boundries violated by your mom? I know my mom took off all the

locks

> in the whole house so there was no where to hide. She would come

in on

> me taking a shower and if I pushed her out of the bathroom in

attempt

> to regain my privacy,and dignity she would call me violent. Since

> there were no locks my brothers would often walk in on me going to

the

> bathroom. There was nothing I could do. I hated being called

violent

> so I just took the abuse. I was also afraid that my mom was going

to

> call the police on me because she always threatned too. She told

me I

> acted like a juvenile deliquent. Hanging on to my faith always got

me

> through these hard times. I am just wondering if any of this

sounds

> familiar?

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> TV dinner still cooling?

> Check out " Tonight's Picks " on Yahoo! TV.

>

>

[Guest guest]

So so familiar. Nada actually has called the police on me. Twice. The

second time I was in college and she was " worried " because I hadn't

called her to say happy mother's day, so she thought I was dying

somewhere in a ditch. The police finally tracked me down and gave me

the message with a weary voice that " your mother is looking for you "

(I'm sure she drove them up the wall. To get police to comply with

something so rediculous she must have really pulled a crazy on them).

I called her and she tells me she was just about to buy a plane ticket

to come look for me herself. I ask her if she's checked her email. No,

she hasn't. I had left a message for her two days earlier telling her

that since I was moving, my phone would be off for a week (in the days

before cell phones) so I wouldn't be in touch via phone, but she could

email. Hmm. If you thought your daughter was dying in a ditch

somewhere because she hadn't called you, might you not check your

email first?

The original question/issue was about boundaries. Nada has certainly

violated my boundaries so many times and in so many ways, I'm amazed

she could even think of some of it.

Melany

[Guest guest]

So so familiar. Nada actually has called the police on me. Twice. The

second time I was in college and she was " worried " because I hadn't

called her to say happy mother's day, so she thought I was dying

somewhere in a ditch. The police finally tracked me down and gave me

the message with a weary voice that " your mother is looking for you "

(I'm sure she drove them up the wall. To get police to comply with

something so rediculous she must have really pulled a crazy on them).

I called her and she tells me she was just about to buy a plane ticket

to come look for me herself. I ask her if she's checked her email. No,

she hasn't. I had left a message for her two days earlier telling her

that since I was moving, my phone would be off for a week (in the days

before cell phones) so I wouldn't be in touch via phone, but she could

email. Hmm. If you thought your daughter was dying in a ditch

somewhere because she hadn't called you, might you not check your

email first?

The original question/issue was about boundaries. Nada has certainly

violated my boundaries so many times and in so many ways, I'm amazed

she could even think of some of it.

Melany

[Guest guest]

So so familiar. Nada actually has called the police on me. Twice. The

second time I was in college and she was " worried " because I hadn't

called her to say happy mother's day, so she thought I was dying

somewhere in a ditch. The police finally tracked me down and gave me

the message with a weary voice that " your mother is looking for you "

(I'm sure she drove them up the wall. To get police to comply with

something so rediculous she must have really pulled a crazy on them).

I called her and she tells me she was just about to buy a plane ticket

to come look for me herself. I ask her if she's checked her email. No,

she hasn't. I had left a message for her two days earlier telling her

that since I was moving, my phone would be off for a week (in the days

before cell phones) so I wouldn't be in touch via phone, but she could

email. Hmm. If you thought your daughter was dying in a ditch

somewhere because she hadn't called you, might you not check your

email first?

The original question/issue was about boundaries. Nada has certainly

violated my boundaries so many times and in so many ways, I'm amazed

she could even think of some of it.

Melany

[Guest guest]

>Oh, yes, this all sounds familiar. One of my most vivid memories of

boundary violation was my mom sneaking into the bathroom and

>flinging open the shower curtain while I was showering. When I

jumped because I was startled, she laughed at me and said she just

wanted " to see what was taking so long. " I was already a teenager

>when she did that.

my nada didn't enter the bathroom all that much while someone was showering,

but if you were in there with the water running longer than 10 minutes,

she'd bang on the door and say hurry up you're wasting water...she still

does this...oh, she also makes my dad pee right after her so they only have

to flush the toilet once !! this from a couple who have so much money they

have to cash in CD's so they don't get taxed on them...they've been

everywhere in the world except Antarctica...

Jackie

[Guest guest]

>Oh, yes, this all sounds familiar. One of my most vivid memories of

boundary violation was my mom sneaking into the bathroom and

>flinging open the shower curtain while I was showering. When I

jumped because I was startled, she laughed at me and said she just

wanted " to see what was taking so long. " I was already a teenager

>when she did that.

my nada didn't enter the bathroom all that much while someone was showering,

but if you were in there with the water running longer than 10 minutes,

she'd bang on the door and say hurry up you're wasting water...she still

does this...oh, she also makes my dad pee right after her so they only have

to flush the toilet once !! this from a couple who have so much money they

have to cash in CD's so they don't get taxed on them...they've been

everywhere in the world except Antarctica...

Jackie

[Guest guest]

>Oh, yes, this all sounds familiar. One of my most vivid memories of

boundary violation was my mom sneaking into the bathroom and

>flinging open the shower curtain while I was showering. When I

jumped because I was startled, she laughed at me and said she just

wanted " to see what was taking so long. " I was already a teenager

>when she did that.

my nada didn't enter the bathroom all that much while someone was showering,

but if you were in there with the water running longer than 10 minutes,

she'd bang on the door and say hurry up you're wasting water...she still

does this...oh, she also makes my dad pee right after her so they only have

to flush the toilet once !! this from a couple who have so much money they

have to cash in CD's so they don't get taxed on them...they've been

everywhere in the world except Antarctica...

Jackie

[Guest guest]

Reading my diary and my bag of notes and lying about it. Sneaking

around corners to listen to my phone calls. And, just recently (at 36

years old), straining to hear me tell my old friend at a shower that,

no I would not ever be having kids. She then brought it up a week

later and asked, " was your childhood so terrible?? " A question which

is chiding, manipulative and of course, rhetorical, because had I

answered her truthfully, she would have told me to quit my sniveling

and get over it.

And of course banging on the door if my shower went over 10 minutes,

flying into a rage about nothing all the time, walking up when I'm

watching a man on Oprah talk about being picked on when he was a kid

and saying " hey, isn't that what you say happened to you??? " and

laughing, then yelling at the tv that he should " get over it " .

>

> So if I were to use BP logic all one needs to do to get rich is have

there

> spouse pee after them and only flush once! ROFL! I crack myself up!

We

> should all write a book of BP humor!

>

> Lilly

>

> I can't believe my dad puts up with this...but they will have a room

for of

> guests, nada will go pee, when she's done, come back and tell dad

it's his

> turn...

>

> Jackie

>

[Guest guest]

Wow, I can definitly relate to the whole diary thing. My mom

confiscated my diary too and made a copy of it. She then used

everything I had written against me and start trying to convince me

that she was such a good mother and that I had such a good

childhood. It was hard because my mom worked in the mental health

field. Everyday she would pick a new mental illness to label me

as. For instance if I lost my keys I was ADD. If I was sad, she

assumed I was depressed, suicidal and needed help fast. If I

recovered from being sad and decided to go out with friends I was

then bipolar...It never ends.

> >

> > So if I were to use BP logic all one needs to do to get rich is

have

> there

> > spouse pee after them and only flush once! ROFL! I crack myself

up!

> We

> > should all write a book of BP humor!

> >

> > Lilly

> >

> > I can't believe my dad puts up with this...but they will have a

room

> for of

> > guests, nada will go pee, when she's done, come back and tell dad

> it's his

> > turn...

> >

> > Jackie

> >

>

[Guest guest]

My mom not only read my diary, but she photocopied it and showed it

to my dad when I was having problems with him. Talk about privacy

violations...

> >

> > So if I were to use BP logic all one needs to do to get rich is

have

> there

> > spouse pee after them and only flush once! ROFL! I crack myself

up!

> We

> > should all write a book of BP humor!

> >

> > Lilly

> >

> > I can't believe my dad puts up with this...but they will have a

room

> for of

> > guests, nada will go pee, when she's done, come back and tell dad

> it's his

> > turn...

> >

> > Jackie

> >

>

[Guest guest]

My mom not only read my diary, but she photocopied it and showed it

to my dad when I was having problems with him. Talk about privacy

violations...

> >

> > So if I were to use BP logic all one needs to do to get rich is

have

> there

> > spouse pee after them and only flush once! ROFL! I crack myself

up!

> We

> > should all write a book of BP humor!

> >

> > Lilly

> >

> > I can't believe my dad puts up with this...but they will have a

room

> for of

> > guests, nada will go pee, when she's done, come back and tell dad

> it's his

> > turn...

> >

> > Jackie

> >

>

[Guest guest]

My mom not only read my diary, but she photocopied it and showed it

to my dad when I was having problems with him. Talk about privacy

violations...

> >

> > So if I were to use BP logic all one needs to do to get rich is

have

> there

> > spouse pee after them and only flush once! ROFL! I crack myself

up!

> We

> > should all write a book of BP humor!

> >

> > Lilly

> >

> > I can't believe my dad puts up with this...but they will have a

room

> for of

> > guests, nada will go pee, when she's done, come back and tell dad

> it's his

> > turn...

> >

> > Jackie

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I could never keep a diary, my mother always read it and would make

fun of whatever I wrote...last year we had a big incident (well, I

thought it was big) where she managed to get my e-mail password

(through some dodgy software she had, I checked my mail on her

computer once) and she read my e-mail for weeks before i found out!

Now I know I can't e-mail or telephone any of my family living with

her because she listens in on phone calls and monitors all of their

e-mails - somehow this doesn't bother them...weird.

> > >

> > > So if I were to use BP logic all one needs to do to get rich

is

> have

> > there

> > > spouse pee after them and only flush once! ROFL! I crack

myself

> up!

> > We

> > > should all write a book of BP humor!

> > >

> > > Lilly

> > >

> > > I can't believe my dad puts up with this...but they will have

a

> room

> > for of

> > > guests, nada will go pee, when she's done, come back and tell

dad

> > it's his

> > > turn...

> > >

> > > Jackie

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I could never keep a diary, my mother always read it and would make

fun of whatever I wrote...last year we had a big incident (well, I

thought it was big) where she managed to get my e-mail password

(through some dodgy software she had, I checked my mail on her

computer once) and she read my e-mail for weeks before i found out!

Now I know I can't e-mail or telephone any of my family living with

her because she listens in on phone calls and monitors all of their

e-mails - somehow this doesn't bother them...weird.

> > >

> > > So if I were to use BP logic all one needs to do to get rich

is

> have

> > there

> > > spouse pee after them and only flush once! ROFL! I crack

myself

> up!

> > We

> > > should all write a book of BP humor!

> > >

> > > Lilly

> > >

> > > I can't believe my dad puts up with this...but they will have

a

> room

> > for of

> > > guests, nada will go pee, when she's done, come back and tell

dad

> > it's his

> > > turn...

> > >

> > > Jackie

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I could never keep a diary, my mother always read it and would make

fun of whatever I wrote...last year we had a big incident (well, I

thought it was big) where she managed to get my e-mail password

(through some dodgy software she had, I checked my mail on her

computer once) and she read my e-mail for weeks before i found out!

Now I know I can't e-mail or telephone any of my family living with

her because she listens in on phone calls and monitors all of their

e-mails - somehow this doesn't bother them...weird.

> > >

> > > So if I were to use BP logic all one needs to do to get rich

is

> have

> > there

> > > spouse pee after them and only flush once! ROFL! I crack

myself

> up!

> > We

> > > should all write a book of BP humor!

> > >

> > > Lilly

> > >

> > > I can't believe my dad puts up with this...but they will have

a

> room

> > for of

> > > guests, nada will go pee, when she's done, come back and tell

dad

> > it's his

> > > turn...

> > >

> > > Jackie

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

OMG, that is my mom 100%. We NEVER had any privacy, and our feelings

were squashed and minimized, too.

[Guest guest]

I could never keep a diary, my mother always read it and would make

fun of whatever I wrote...

this diary stuff..my nada read my sisters diary, and my poor sister would

get into a lot of trouble...so I never kept on as I knew she'd get ahold of

i..

Jackie

[Guest guest]

I could never keep a diary, my mother always read it and would make

fun of whatever I wrote...

this diary stuff..my nada read my sisters diary, and my poor sister would

get into a lot of trouble...so I never kept on as I knew she'd get ahold of

i..

Jackie

[Guest guest]

I could never keep a diary, my mother always read it and would make

fun of whatever I wrote...

this diary stuff..my nada read my sisters diary, and my poor sister would

get into a lot of trouble...so I never kept on as I knew she'd get ahold of

i..

Jackie

[Guest guest]

Never made this connection before but we had only one bathroom, so

it always had to be unlocked whenever you were in the shower in case

someone needed the toilet. Funny, the only one who was allowed to

lock it and have a private shower was my mother - otherwise there

was a tantrum about how self-centered we were to think about our

privacy when she needed to pee!!

> >

> > I just recently found out about BPD and everything I have had to

> go

> > through growing up makes sense. Do any of you remember having

> your

> > boundries violated by your mom? I know my mom took off all the

> locks

> > in the whole house so there was no where to hide. She would

come

> in on

> > me taking a shower and if I pushed her out of the bathroom in

> attempt

> > to regain my privacy,and dignity she would call me violent.

Since

> > there were no locks my brothers would often walk in on me going

to

> the

> > bathroom. There was nothing I could do. I hated being called

> violent

> > so I just took the abuse. I was also afraid that my mom was

going

> to

> > call the police on me because she always threatned too. She

told

> me I

> > acted like a juvenile deliquent. Hanging on to my faith always

> got me

> > through these hard times. I am just wondering if any of this

> sounds

> > familiar?

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Walk, (sorry! you didn't sign your posts so I don't know how else to

address you...) ;-)

My mother is in the mental health field as well, and also throws

around diagnoses a lot! I have gotten " ADD " and " Bipolar " too! As a

matter of fact, she was so adamant about both of those that (before I

knew she was BPD) I got evaluated for these things by other mental

health professionals without my mother's knowledge, and as I thought,

I don't have either. But she shakes my confidence at times. Other

ones she's tried to foist onto me I could recognize as completely

ridiculous, such as histrionic personality disorder, which fits her

much more closely than it does me.

Does your mom label other people she has conflicts with? My mom will

say " Oh he is clearly passive-aggressive, " or " She definitely has

narcisstic personality disorder. " Mind you, my mother is simply an RN

in a mental health clinic and doesn't have the qualifications to

diagnose. That doesn't stop her, though!!

Tara

> > >

> > > So if I were to use BP logic all one needs to do to get rich is

> have

> > there

> > > spouse pee after them and only flush once! ROFL! I crack

myself

> up!

> > We

> > > should all write a book of BP humor!

> > >

> > > Lilly

> > >

> > > I can't believe my dad puts up with this...but they will have a

> room

> > for of

> > > guests, nada will go pee, when she's done, come back and tell

dad

> > it's his

> > > turn...

> > >

> > > Jackie

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

no privacy in my house either ... feelings squashed and minimized .. time

after time.

remember one time... I was about oh maybe.. 10 years old. I

fell off my bicycle ... and broke a tooth. My upper lip was SO swollen .. and

I was in need of some TLC.

the Nada came home from work ... took one look at me ... and

yelled at me for riding my bicycle like a maniac. ( I took a turn on a newly

*paved* road... they would tar and gravel the road in front of my house every

year ... and fell and hit my face on the road.)

so much for comfort and caring.

... and then too. I remember the Nada calling me .. oh, last year

maybe. I don't even remember the circumstances. She was recounting a story to

me, about her going to see an MD about her carpal tunnel problem .. .and what

ever they were doing to examine her was causing her great pain ... and she would

scream out to them .. because she was in pain .

I got off the phone ... and cried. Not because she was in pain

....or I felt sorry for her... but, because ... this was my mother on the

phone... and I felt nothing.

I cried because I didn't feel anything for this woman who was apparently in

pain.

twin.less

econ2econ wrote:

OMG, that is my mom 100%. We NEVER had any privacy, and our feelings

were squashed and minimized, too.

---------------------------------

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[Guest guest]

Tara,

It is so assuring to hear that someone else has gone through the

same thing with mental diagnoises as I have. Just as your mom is

judgemental of others my mom is too. She diagnosoised all my

friends and said my best friend growing up was suicidal and

unhealthy;therefore, I could not hang out with her. First of all,my

friend was just upset, she had a physical disabilty to deal with

growing up that made life more challenging. Second of all, if

someone is suicidal you stay with them through the rough times not

dissociate from them! People who are suicidal need to know they are

loved!!!

I think a lot of the reason why our mothers diagnoised everyone else

was because they were projecting their feelings of themselves onto

other people. Though,as a kid growing up you dont understand this

phenomenon and instead internalize it.

I have gone through so many self esteem issues because of this. As

a child I learned to keep all my feeling inside. I was taught

feelings are bad. I rarely cried in front of my mom it was always

behind closed doors, during school or at night that I shed the most

tears. I felt like a robot at home. I was just supposed to walk

around do chores,homework, and babysit siblings...:::sigh:::

At least that's in the past...The future is bright. Spring is on

its way! And during all those rough times it really seemed like God

was looking out for me. There was always an " angel " to keep me on

the right track.

~Tori

> > > >

> > > > So if I were to use BP logic all one needs to do to get rich

is

> > have

> > > there

> > > > spouse pee after them and only flush once! ROFL! I crack

> myself

> > up!

> > > We

> > > > should all write a book of BP humor!

> > > >

> > > > Lilly

> > > >

> > > > I can't believe my dad puts up with this...but they will

have a

> > room

> > > for of

> > > > guests, nada will go pee, when she's done, come back and

tell

> dad

> > > it's his

> > > > turn...

> > > >

> > > > Jackie

> > > >

> > >

> >

>