Guest guest Posted April 19, 2007 Report Share Posted April 19, 2007 My father goes along with my mom, he seems so clueless about her disorder and the havoc she has caused her children. ************************************** See what's free at http://www.aol.com. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 19, 2007 Report Share Posted April 19, 2007 Oh YEA I know exactly what you are talking about!!! My fada is just like that, I remember when I was little they used to fight alot and my nada would tell me they were getting a divorce. (Of course she would blame it on me and say it was all my fault) I used to pray that they would get a divorce and I could live with just my fada. But they never did and the older I got the more my fada disappeared (working15-20 hr. days, overtime and weekends). In fact I am just now beginning to realize the reason why he was never there was because he didn't want to hear it. But he had no problem leaving me and my brother alone with her!!! To me that is disgusting! Not only is my mother an abusive psycho, but my father forced me to stay in a situation like that. He would always tell me to apologize to her! I would have done NOTHING to her and she would be calling me all kinds of awful names and saying all kinds of horrible things and I had to apologize to her!!!!? It's insane the whole situtaion, my whole life, is just insane. I lived it and I still can't believe it really happened. I used to think he didn't understand and that is why he acted like that, but now I KNOW that is not true! He knew what was going on, he just didn't want to have to deal with it, he didn't want to have to hear her. Just because he was too lazy to deal with his own problems he forced his chidren to endure years of emotional turture. He taught me my opinion didn't count, he taught me to not stick up for myself, he taught me to let people walk all over me! He basically taught me how to be a good little 'whipping boy'. I'm still angry, can ya tell? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 19, 2007 Report Share Posted April 19, 2007 Oh YEA I know exactly what you are talking about!!! My fada is just like that, I remember when I was little they used to fight alot and my nada would tell me they were getting a divorce. (Of course she would blame it on me and say it was all my fault) I used to pray that they would get a divorce and I could live with just my fada. But they never did and the older I got the more my fada disappeared (working15-20 hr. days, overtime and weekends). In fact I am just now beginning to realize the reason why he was never there was because he didn't want to hear it. But he had no problem leaving me and my brother alone with her!!! To me that is disgusting! Not only is my mother an abusive psycho, but my father forced me to stay in a situation like that. He would always tell me to apologize to her! I would have done NOTHING to her and she would be calling me all kinds of awful names and saying all kinds of horrible things and I had to apologize to her!!!!? It's insane the whole situtaion, my whole life, is just insane. I lived it and I still can't believe it really happened. I used to think he didn't understand and that is why he acted like that, but now I KNOW that is not true! He knew what was going on, he just didn't want to have to deal with it, he didn't want to have to hear her. Just because he was too lazy to deal with his own problems he forced his chidren to endure years of emotional turture. He taught me my opinion didn't count, he taught me to not stick up for myself, he taught me to let people walk all over me! He basically taught me how to be a good little 'whipping boy'. I'm still angry, can ya tell? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 20, 2007 Report Share Posted April 20, 2007 My nada is an absolutely awful driver. I don't think she is scared of driving, but she should be. Her anxiety is just out of control - jerky movements, terrible hunched-over posture...and then add in the total lack of car maintenance (I'm serious, mirrors are hanging off the car, windows won't roll up, dents, and mechnical problems...and she absolutely refsues to fix any of it). > > > > > > Oh YEA I know exactly what you are talking about!!! My fada is > just > > > like that, I remember when I was little they used to fight alot > and > > > my nada would tell me they were getting a divorce. (Of course > she > > > would blame it on me and say it was all my fault) I used to pray > > > that they would get a divorce and I could live with just my > fada. > > > But they never did and the older I got the more my fada > disappeared > > > (working15-20 hr. days, overtime and weekends). In fact I am > just > > > now beginning to realize the reason why he was never there was > > > because he didn't want to hear it. But he had no problem leaving > me > > > and my brother alone with her!!! To me that is disgusting! Not > only > > > is my mother an abusive psycho, but my father forced me to stay > in > > a > > > situation like that. He would always tell me to apologize to > her! I > > > would have done NOTHING to her and she would be calling me all > > kinds > > > of awful names and saying all kinds of horrible things and I had > to > > > apologize to her!!!!? It's insane the whole situtaion, my whole > > > life, is just insane. I lived it and I still can't believe it > > really > > > happened. I used to think he didn't understand and that is why > he > > > acted like that, but now I KNOW that is not true! He knew what > was > > > going on, he just didn't want to have to deal with it, he didn't > > > want to have to hear her. Just because he was too lazy to deal > with > > > his own problems he forced his chidren to endure years of > emotional > > > turture. He taught me my opinion didn't count, he taught me to > not > > > stick up for myself, he taught me to let people walk all over > me! > > He > > > basically taught me how to be a good little 'whipping boy'. I'm > > > still angry, can ya tell? > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 20, 2007 Report Share Posted April 20, 2007 This was similar for me...when I was very young my parents would fight all the time, my nada would also tell me they would divorce and it would be my fault...and I too prayed they would and I could go live with my father. My father didn't leave us alone with her, he was the only one who took care of our physical neds - fed us, washed us, took us to school - I don't remember my nada doing any of that. But he never stepped in, always told me to accommodate her, " she's your mother, after all " . When I told him I'd decided she wouldn't be invited to my wedding because she had managed to ruin every other celebration, he said " but she is your mother, after all " . I don't hate him, but I can't keep in close touch either, because anything I tell him he will tell her. She is my mother, after all. Aaargh. Sara > > Oh YEA I know exactly what you are talking about!!! My fada is just > like that, I remember when I was little they used to fight alot and > my nada would tell me they were getting a divorce. (Of course she > would blame it on me and say it was all my fault) I used to pray > that they would get a divorce and I could live with just my fada. > But they never did and the older I got the more my fada disappeared > (working15-20 hr. days, overtime and weekends). In fact I am just > now beginning to realize the reason why he was never there was > because he didn't want to hear it. But he had no problem leaving me > and my brother alone with her!!! To me that is disgusting! Not only > is my mother an abusive psycho, but my father forced me to stay in a > situation like that. He would always tell me to apologize to her! I > would have done NOTHING to her and she would be calling me all kinds > of awful names and saying all kinds of horrible things and I had to > apologize to her!!!!? It's insane the whole situtaion, my whole > life, is just insane. I lived it and I still can't believe it really > happened. I used to think he didn't understand and that is why he > acted like that, but now I KNOW that is not true! He knew what was > going on, he just didn't want to have to deal with it, he didn't > want to have to hear her. Just because he was too lazy to deal with > his own problems he forced his chidren to endure years of emotional > turture. He taught me my opinion didn't count, he taught me to not > stick up for myself, he taught me to let people walk all over me! He > basically taught me how to be a good little 'whipping boy'. I'm > still angry, can ya tell? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 20, 2007 Report Share Posted April 20, 2007 yes..my dad always sticks up for nada...when I would complain to him about her, he would agree that she was unfair ( to me, never to her) and then say " but you know mother loves you " I used to say no she doesn't because you don't treat those you love this way. He'd just not say anything more...I do know if he ever did stick up for her, she'd attack him so viciously...like she does to him now that he's alone with her and all us kids are out of the house. I always figured he was scared of her. Bing Catholic, divorce was out of the question. He has major heart problems...maybe from all the stress ?? Jackie One amazingly screwed up aspect of my family has been the behavior of my dad towards nada. He protects her every move. When he was in his 20s & 30s, he used to rage back at her. (As a child, that would truly terrify me...especially because nada would make dramatic suicide threats.) But in his 40s-70s, my dad kind of just gave up. He never learned how to set healthy boundaries for her. And he never protected his kids. His motto became: " your mother can say (do) whatever she wants " . Nada took full advantage of this and my dad became a master at disappearing & tuning her out. He NEVER defended me or my sister. He clearly doesn't really care about our feelings. It's always about nada... " you hurt your nada " " it's your duty to care for your nada " , etc. Does anyone else have a denialcentraldad? It's sooo frustrating! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 20, 2007 Report Share Posted April 20, 2007 next time he calls for you to pick up nada, say you're busy, give no more explanation...just tell him to find someone else... Jackie My father just called me tonight and it was on behalf of nada. My parents own 2 cars...and they both drive. My mother hates to drive, so my father drives her everywhere. If he is not available to pick her up and or take her somewhere, then my dad will call my daughter and or I to make arrangements to have nada taken care of. I am not sure what is worse him calling or me agreeing to do the job. My father worked long hours too and was never home. So of course I always felt stuck with nada. Almost like I was rescuing him. When he should have been rescuing me. It was never quite right...is it? Then if it would have been, I guess I wouldn't need therapy and have to recover from all of it. Thanks for listening, Malinda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 20, 2007 Report Share Posted April 20, 2007 I am also Catholic. It was the reason my father never considered divorce. And one great big tool that my nada really used to try to induce guilt telling me that i would go to hell if I didn't love and obey her! Now I find it difficult to practice. Does anyone else feel the same? Jackie, I would have basically the same darned dialogue with my dad, all the time. AND my nada is more vicious now too, with fewer children at home to attack. Sara > > yes..my dad always sticks up for nada...when I would complain to him about > her, he would agree that she was unfair ( to me, never to her) and then say > " but you know mother loves you " I used to say no she doesn't because you > don't treat those you love this way. He'd just not say anything more...I do > know if he ever did stick up for her, she'd attack him so viciously...like > she does to him now that he's alone with her and all us kids are out of the > house. I always figured he was scared of her. Bing Catholic, divorce was > out of the question. He has major heart problems...maybe from all the > stress ?? > > Jackie > > > One amazingly screwed up aspect of my family has been the behavior of > my dad towards nada. He protects her every move. When he was in his > 20s & 30s, he used to rage back at her. (As a child, that would truly > terrify me...especially because nada would make dramatic suicide > threats.) But in his 40s-70s, my dad kind of just gave up. He never > learned how to set healthy boundaries for her. And he never protected > his kids. His motto became: " your mother can say (do) whatever she > wants " . Nada took full advantage of this and my dad became a master at > disappearing & tuning her out. He NEVER defended me or my sister. He > clearly doesn't really care about our feelings. It's always about > nada... " you hurt your nada " " it's your duty to care for your nada " , > etc. Does anyone else have a denialcentraldad? It's sooo frustrating! > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 20, 2007 Report Share Posted April 20, 2007 I am also Catholic. It was the reason my father never considered divorce. And one great big tool that my nada really used to try to induce guilt telling me that i would go to hell if I didn't love and obey her! Now I find it difficult to practice. Does anyone else feel the same? Jackie, I would have basically the same darned dialogue with my dad, all the time. AND my nada is more vicious now too, with fewer children at home to attack. Sara > > yes..my dad always sticks up for nada...when I would complain to him about > her, he would agree that she was unfair ( to me, never to her) and then say > " but you know mother loves you " I used to say no she doesn't because you > don't treat those you love this way. He'd just not say anything more...I do > know if he ever did stick up for her, she'd attack him so viciously...like > she does to him now that he's alone with her and all us kids are out of the > house. I always figured he was scared of her. Bing Catholic, divorce was > out of the question. He has major heart problems...maybe from all the > stress ?? > > Jackie > > > One amazingly screwed up aspect of my family has been the behavior of > my dad towards nada. He protects her every move. When he was in his > 20s & 30s, he used to rage back at her. (As a child, that would truly > terrify me...especially because nada would make dramatic suicide > threats.) But in his 40s-70s, my dad kind of just gave up. He never > learned how to set healthy boundaries for her. And he never protected > his kids. His motto became: " your mother can say (do) whatever she > wants " . Nada took full advantage of this and my dad became a master at > disappearing & tuning her out. He NEVER defended me or my sister. He > clearly doesn't really care about our feelings. It's always about > nada... " you hurt your nada " " it's your duty to care for your nada " , > etc. Does anyone else have a denialcentraldad? It's sooo frustrating! > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 20, 2007 Report Share Posted April 20, 2007 I have gone through this too. My mom used religion against me and yes, there has been times when I have not wanted to follow my religion. She would get in my face and call me a liar. Screaming at me, she would say, " How can you call yourself Catholic? I don't get how you can dance around and talk about all this God stuff and lie to me. " In fact, growing up it was my mom who lied to me all the time. She would put me and my brothers in the car and say we were going one place and actually take us somewhere else. In order to have my own personal space growing up there were times I had to lie. I had to hide things, lie about having an email address, lie about having a journal, granted I hated lying. I hated it!! I really did want to be open and honest with my mom but it just wasn't possible. Everytime I tried to be honest about how I felt she turned it around against me. For example, during my 10th grade year in high school I told her that I was more interested in school then I was in boys. She turned it around and start calling me a lesbian. Then I went through this phase of dating a lot of guys just to prove to my mom that I was not a lesbian. I would purposly make out with guys in front of my mom!!!! Sick right? But I dont know. Eventually I came to realize that our God is a forgiving God and if I had lied and was truly sorry God would forgive me. > > > > yes..my dad always sticks up for nada...when I would complain to > him about > > her, he would agree that she was unfair ( to me, never to her) and > then say > > " but you know mother loves you " I used to say no she doesn't > because you > > don't treat those you love this way. He'd just not say anything > more...I do > > know if he ever did stick up for her, she'd attack him so > viciously...like > > she does to him now that he's alone with her and all us kids are > out of the > > house. I always figured he was scared of her. Bing Catholic, > divorce was > > out of the question. He has major heart problems...maybe from all > the > > stress ?? > > > > Jackie > > > > > > One amazingly screwed up aspect of my family has been the behavior > of > > my dad towards nada. He protects her every move. When he was in his > > 20s & 30s, he used to rage back at her. (As a child, that would > truly > > terrify me...especially because nada would make dramatic suicide > > threats.) But in his 40s-70s, my dad kind of just gave up. He never > > learned how to set healthy boundaries for her. And he never > protected > > his kids. His motto became: " your mother can say (do) whatever she > > wants " . Nada took full advantage of this and my dad became a > master at > > disappearing & tuning her out. He NEVER defended me or my sister. > He > > clearly doesn't really care about our feelings. It's always about > > nada... " you hurt your nada " " it's your duty to care for your nada " , > > etc. Does anyone else have a denialcentraldad? It's sooo > frustrating! > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 20, 2007 Report Share Posted April 20, 2007 I have gone through this too. My mom used religion against me and yes, there has been times when I have not wanted to follow my religion. She would get in my face and call me a liar. Screaming at me, she would say, " How can you call yourself Catholic? I don't get how you can dance around and talk about all this God stuff and lie to me. " In fact, growing up it was my mom who lied to me all the time. She would put me and my brothers in the car and say we were going one place and actually take us somewhere else. In order to have my own personal space growing up there were times I had to lie. I had to hide things, lie about having an email address, lie about having a journal, granted I hated lying. I hated it!! I really did want to be open and honest with my mom but it just wasn't possible. Everytime I tried to be honest about how I felt she turned it around against me. For example, during my 10th grade year in high school I told her that I was more interested in school then I was in boys. She turned it around and start calling me a lesbian. Then I went through this phase of dating a lot of guys just to prove to my mom that I was not a lesbian. I would purposly make out with guys in front of my mom!!!! Sick right? But I dont know. Eventually I came to realize that our God is a forgiving God and if I had lied and was truly sorry God would forgive me. > > > > yes..my dad always sticks up for nada...when I would complain to > him about > > her, he would agree that she was unfair ( to me, never to her) and > then say > > " but you know mother loves you " I used to say no she doesn't > because you > > don't treat those you love this way. He'd just not say anything > more...I do > > know if he ever did stick up for her, she'd attack him so > viciously...like > > she does to him now that he's alone with her and all us kids are > out of the > > house. I always figured he was scared of her. Bing Catholic, > divorce was > > out of the question. He has major heart problems...maybe from all > the > > stress ?? > > > > Jackie > > > > > > One amazingly screwed up aspect of my family has been the behavior > of > > my dad towards nada. He protects her every move. When he was in his > > 20s & 30s, he used to rage back at her. (As a child, that would > truly > > terrify me...especially because nada would make dramatic suicide > > threats.) But in his 40s-70s, my dad kind of just gave up. He never > > learned how to set healthy boundaries for her. And he never > protected > > his kids. His motto became: " your mother can say (do) whatever she > > wants " . Nada took full advantage of this and my dad became a > master at > > disappearing & tuning her out. He NEVER defended me or my sister. > He > > clearly doesn't really care about our feelings. It's always about > > nada... " you hurt your nada " " it's your duty to care for your nada " , > > etc. Does anyone else have a denialcentraldad? It's sooo > frustrating! > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 20, 2007 Report Share Posted April 20, 2007 Sara, All five of us kids left the Catholic church !! Yes, nada always threatened that we were going to hell for any infraction of the rules, and our souls were black..and God and Jesus hated us, and she was trying to " turn us around " so they'd love us again !! Jackie I am also Catholic. It was the reason my father never considered divorce. And one great big tool that my nada really used to try to induce guilt telling me that i would go to hell if I didn't love and obey her! Now I find it difficult to practice. Does anyone else feel the same? Jackie, I would have basically the same darned dialogue with my dad, all the time. AND my nada is more vicious now too, with fewer children at home to attack. Sara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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