Guest guest Posted April 8, 2007 Report Share Posted April 8, 2007 It was a long 2 days. I did spend a chunk of the past 2 days with nada and fada because of the holiday. Nada told me today like she does every holiday how happy I made her. When I was a younger woman I think subconsciously waited to hear those words, I made her happy. Each holiday I would run around like a lunatic cooking, cleaning keeping up family traditions I had when I was a child. Just like Kyla pointed out in a recent post no automony ever for me, just an extension of what nada thought I should be or do. No thought ever what would have been best for my husband and daughter. Never once did nada ask even when I had a small child of my own, was this ok with me, these established traditions she expected me to carry out. Just because it worked for her, doesn't mean it would work for my family. Sad to say I never questioned it, until recently. Please don't even ask about my husband's family they were invisible, but then looking back really so was I. Of course nada is as negative as ever, making jugdements about everything. Today I could not take nada's critical words towards everyone, I finally jumped back at her. Actually all I did was disagree with nada and said to her what I thought. She then became highly offended. One comment from me and this after 2 days of all her comments and negativity. Nothing is fair in BP's world unless it services or benefits them or it is what they believe in. Well I hope everyone had a good Easter or Passover, and thank you for letting me vent...holidays are so very hard, so intense, so negative. Nada's comment today about how happy I made was short-lived and made me damn mad. I did not realize that this holiday was for nada, but then what else is new, everyday in her mind is nada's day. Many blessings, Ma' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 9, 2007 Report Share Posted April 9, 2007 I had to laugh at your writing; it is nada’s day every day! Yes. In de past I also did everything to get her approval. But it is never enough. So this year I just took care of my children only and me being polite. It feels as if I’m doing nothing. Worthless. Not helping. But when my sister took a “wrong plate”! (Irritations!) : it didn’t fit with the rest of the plate’s used, I remembered why, and it felt better. marieke --------------------------------- Now that's room service! Choose from over 150,000 hotels in 45,000 destinations on Yahoo! Travel to find your fit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 9, 2007 Report Share Posted April 9, 2007 I had to laugh at your writing; it is nada’s day every day! Yes. In de past I also did everything to get her approval. But it is never enough. So this year I just took care of my children only and me being polite. It feels as if I’m doing nothing. Worthless. Not helping. But when my sister took a “wrong plate”! (Irritations!) : it didn’t fit with the rest of the plate’s used, I remembered why, and it felt better. marieke --------------------------------- Now that's room service! Choose from over 150,000 hotels in 45,000 destinations on Yahoo! Travel to find your fit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 9, 2007 Report Share Posted April 9, 2007 I had to laugh at your writing; it is nada’s day every day! Yes. In de past I also did everything to get her approval. But it is never enough. So this year I just took care of my children only and me being polite. It feels as if I’m doing nothing. Worthless. Not helping. But when my sister took a “wrong plate”! (Irritations!) : it didn’t fit with the rest of the plate’s used, I remembered why, and it felt better. marieke --------------------------------- Now that's room service! Choose from over 150,000 hotels in 45,000 destinations on Yahoo! Travel to find your fit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 9, 2007 Report Share Posted April 9, 2007 >I had to laugh at your writing; it is nada's day every day! Yes. In de past >I also did everything to get her approval. But it is never enough. So this >year I just took care of >my children only and me being polite. It feels as >if I'm doing nothing. Worthless. Not helping. But when my sister took a > " wrong plate " ! (Irritations!) : it didn't fit with >the rest of the plate's >used, I remembered why, and it felt better. marieke oh, yes, my nada is this way too about the plates, glasses etc...and whoever dared take a non matching one was giving the silvent treatment and glared at all through dinner ! Like it was the end of the world...what does make these people tick ? Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 9, 2007 Report Share Posted April 9, 2007 >I had to laugh at your writing; it is nada's day every day! Yes. In de past >I also did everything to get her approval. But it is never enough. So this >year I just took care of >my children only and me being polite. It feels as >if I'm doing nothing. Worthless. Not helping. But when my sister took a > " wrong plate " ! (Irritations!) : it didn't fit with >the rest of the plate's >used, I remembered why, and it felt better. marieke oh, yes, my nada is this way too about the plates, glasses etc...and whoever dared take a non matching one was giving the silvent treatment and glared at all through dinner ! Like it was the end of the world...what does make these people tick ? Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 9, 2007 Report Share Posted April 9, 2007 >I had to laugh at your writing; it is nada's day every day! Yes. In de past >I also did everything to get her approval. But it is never enough. So this >year I just took care of >my children only and me being polite. It feels as >if I'm doing nothing. Worthless. Not helping. But when my sister took a > " wrong plate " ! (Irritations!) : it didn't fit with >the rest of the plate's >used, I remembered why, and it felt better. marieke oh, yes, my nada is this way too about the plates, glasses etc...and whoever dared take a non matching one was giving the silvent treatment and glared at all through dinner ! Like it was the end of the world...what does make these people tick ? Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 9, 2007 Report Share Posted April 9, 2007 > oh, yes, my nada is this way too about the plates, glasses etc...and whoever > dared take a non matching one was giving the silvent treatment and glared at > all through dinner ! Like it was the end of the world...what does make > these people tick ? > > Jackie Hi Jackie, I read in either SWOE or SABP (all these books are blending together now) that borderlines want/need the people around them to be predictable because there is so much chaos inside that they need the others around them to be orderly. For me that concept explained a lot of the controlling behavior. Melany Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 9, 2007 Report Share Posted April 9, 2007 > oh, yes, my nada is this way too about the plates, glasses etc...and whoever > dared take a non matching one was giving the silvent treatment and glared at > all through dinner ! Like it was the end of the world...what does make > these people tick ? > > Jackie Hi Jackie, I read in either SWOE or SABP (all these books are blending together now) that borderlines want/need the people around them to be predictable because there is so much chaos inside that they need the others around them to be orderly. For me that concept explained a lot of the controlling behavior. Melany Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 9, 2007 Report Share Posted April 9, 2007 > oh, yes, my nada is this way too about the plates, glasses etc...and whoever > dared take a non matching one was giving the silvent treatment and glared at > all through dinner ! Like it was the end of the world...what does make > these people tick ? > > Jackie Hi Jackie, I read in either SWOE or SABP (all these books are blending together now) that borderlines want/need the people around them to be predictable because there is so much chaos inside that they need the others around them to be orderly. For me that concept explained a lot of the controlling behavior. Melany Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 9, 2007 Report Share Posted April 9, 2007 Melany, You are right on, and it does make sense. Finding these make sense moments are very reassuring. Thanks, Malinda > > > oh, yes, my nada is this way too about the plates, glasses etc...and whoever > > dared take a non matching one was giving the silvent treatment and glared at > > all through dinner ! Like it was the end of the world...what does make > > these people tick ? > > > > Jackie > > > Hi Jackie, > > I read in either SWOE or SABP (all these books are blending together now) that borderlines > want/need the people around them to be predictable because there is so much chaos inside > that they need the others around them to be orderly. For me that concept explained a lot of > the controlling behavior. > > Melany > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 9, 2007 Report Share Posted April 9, 2007 Hi Jackie, I read in either SWOE or SABP (all these books are blending together now) that borderlines want/need the people around them to be predictable because there is so much chaos inside that they need the others around them to be orderly. For me that concept explained a lot of the controlling behavior. Melany one of my fleas was that my glasses had to be stacked by the " right " colors, the dishes had to be stacked just so, and the towels had to be folded just so. I had been married and away from nada for about 5 years, when I looked in the cupboard and FEAR over came me. My husband unloaded the dishes and stacked the glasses WRONG !! As I was restacking them, it hit me..why am I doing this..I don't care how they're stacked, it doesn't matter !! Nada used to drag me out of bed at night to restack everything if one thing was wrong..raging the whole time...so I worked on it and it was really hard LOL but it was one of many things I could let go of on my own :-) Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 9, 2007 Report Share Posted April 9, 2007 Hi Jackie, I read in either SWOE or SABP (all these books are blending together now) that borderlines want/need the people around them to be predictable because there is so much chaos inside that they need the others around them to be orderly. For me that concept explained a lot of the controlling behavior. Melany one of my fleas was that my glasses had to be stacked by the " right " colors, the dishes had to be stacked just so, and the towels had to be folded just so. I had been married and away from nada for about 5 years, when I looked in the cupboard and FEAR over came me. My husband unloaded the dishes and stacked the glasses WRONG !! As I was restacking them, it hit me..why am I doing this..I don't care how they're stacked, it doesn't matter !! Nada used to drag me out of bed at night to restack everything if one thing was wrong..raging the whole time...so I worked on it and it was really hard LOL but it was one of many things I could let go of on my own :-) Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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