Re: Giving In and Feeling Terrible

[Guest guest]

Maybe our collective voices of warning will reach her at her young

age, and she won't waste so much time serving the demands of

others. I was 44 before I wised up. Mother, of course, disliked my

fiance, but I forged on. From then on came the demands to come over

for Christmas (when we already made plans) and other things...

I distinctly remember being 8 months pregnant and my father telling

me I needed to come by on Christmas Day. I said " Oh, we're going to

the s (in laws) for that Day -- we've already made plans. "

Father: " Well, you just tell them you're leaving early and you come

over here. " (Gee -- used to giving orders, aren't you?)

Me (meekly): " Well, I will have just had a baby, and I don't think

we want to be moving around, etc... "

Father: " Your grandmother will be here and you guys need to just

tell MR. SMITH that you're leaving. F*** HIM! "

(he said " Mr. " in a snobby tone -- like my father in law is a

snob or something. Just projecting his own insecurities that creep

up when he's in my father in law's presence. My father in law has

been nothing but kind to my father.)

I was so taken aback -- and so used to being meek and compliant in

his presence -- plus I was pregnant -- that I went and hid in the

bathroom and started crying.

I wouldn't wish these constant demands and hardships on anybody.

All they did was continue to exhibit how selfish they are. I

finally wised up at age 43 -- last June. It's like a blackmailer --

you think the first time you pay him off he's going to go away. We

all know it never works that way -- he just gets greedy for more.

He likes the high of making someone else cower in fear and do his

bidding. The urge to do it again is irresistible.

I don't want to see Mishael -- or anyone else -- waste those

precious years on the unattainable " peace " just over that next

hill.

The truth is: You NEVER get to the land of peace. And God doesn't

give you back the years you wasted denying your right to live your

own life.

-Kyla

> > >

> > > So, for those of you who remember, I told grandnada that I

wasn't

> > coming

> > > over to her house for Easter lunch because nada and fada would

be

> > there and

> > > fiancee isn't invited because he's " unworthy. "

> > > Well, since then, my fiancee has urged me to change my mind -

in

> > the

> > > interest of keeping the peace, I guess. He loves me and my

family

> > so much

> > > that he will do anything - even sacrifice his own rights - to

try

> > to make

> > > things better. He - because of what the ministers said when

they

> > were

> > > counseling us - thinks that if I give in a little, then nada

and

> > fada will

> > > be more willing to accept him - yeah, right. <sigh>

> > > We went over to his mom's house last Sunday, and I told her

what

> > the

> > > situation was, and she asked me, " Well, what do YOU want to

do? "

> > Funny.

> > > Nobody's really asked me - in all of this - what I want -

except

> > you guys

> > > ...

> > > I told her I want nada and fada to accept him and at least be

> > willing to eat

> > > a meal with him. I mean, seriously, would it KILL them? And I

> > don't want to

> > > go over there without him.

> > > But now - because my fiancee is so willing to sacrifice

> > everything, I'm

> > > starting to think that maybe I should give in. At any rate, I

> > convinced

> > > myself that I shouldn't make grandnada suffer because of the

rift

> > between me

> > > and my parents. So I called her and told her that I changed my

> > mind. I'm

> > > going over there, after all - without my fiancee.

> > > As you can imagine, grandnada, nada, and fada are THRILLED.

Nada

> > even had

> > > the nerve to tell me - when I last talked to her on the phone -

> > " maybe it's

> > > just my perception, but you seem so different - more loving -

> > without him. "

> > > Um, excuse me???? HE was the one who suggested this in the

first

> > place!

> > > WITHOUT HIM? He's still in the picture! She's just talking

crazy

> > now - well,

> > > AGAIN.

> > > Anyway, everyone seems to be happy with this arrangement

except

> > for me and

> > > my fiancee's mother (who said she wouldn't blame me at all if

I

> > didn't go -

> > > well, of course, how COULD she?). Even my fiancee seems

> > relieved... Nada and

> > > fada get what they want - AGAIN - and whatever little part of

> > myself is left

> > > is fuming with anger. Happy Easter, huh?

> > >

> >

>