Guest guest Posted April 7, 2007 Report Share Posted April 7, 2007 I am so excited to have found this site. I am 40 years old and just now working on getting a heathly relationship with my BPD mother. I have been working through the workbook " Stop Walking on Eggshells " . It has helped a great deal, but I'm still having a hard time setting my limits and boundaries. In the last two years my mother has moved into the same town that I live with my family, and to make matters even worse, she lives only two small house down from mine. (Not my choice) so she can see everything that goes on. It has been sooo hard. Recently she has destroyed her relationship with both my children due to her unstable behaviors and verbal abuse towards them. I have hit my emotional wall. Her 5th husband has passed away and my brother lives miles away, he makes his call on Sunday but other than that I have total burden of dealing with my mother. I have allowed her to come into my life and take over. I never realized how much of my behaviors and actions I change because of my mother. I feel quilty having lunch with my husband and friends, and my daughter and I have not been out of town for a girls trip without taking my mother along in years unless we sneak away, and even then I am scared of her reaction when she does find out. I feel trapped. Recently I have lost a great deal of weight, because my mother does not want the attention taken away from her she has made sure she is smaller, even if she is almost unhealthy. She has always been jealous of me and my life. When our relationship is good we talk very openly, so when things are bad I am scared that she will use the information I have told her to hurt me. You would think after all these years I would learn. I am very thankful for all the support and advise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 8, 2007 Report Share Posted April 8, 2007 welcome..a great book on boundaries is " Boundaries " by Dr Henry Cloud !! that really opend my eyes !! Jackie I am so excited to have found this site. I am 40 years old and just now working on getting a heathly relationship with my BPD mother. I have been working through the workbook " Stop Walking on Eggshells " . It has helped a great deal, but I'm still having a hard time setting my limits and boundaries. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 8, 2007 Report Share Posted April 8, 2007 " Boundaries " opened my eyes - but in an interesting way. It was recommended to me long before I knew about BPD. I read it thinking that it was great advice and would be very useful for helping me relate with co-workers, my husband, etc. But I read it to get some suggestion about how to deal with my mother. I kept wanting to write the authors and say, " This is great advice, but it won't work with my mom. You don't understand how she works. " After I found out about BPD, I realized that the book decribes healthy boundaries with healthly people. I got a read idea of what normal looks like and realized that my mom was not normal. > > welcome..a great book on boundaries is " Boundaries " by Dr Henry Cloud !! > that really opend my eyes !! > > Jackie > > > > I am so excited to have found this site. I am 40 years old and just now > working on getting a heathly relationship with my BPD mother. I have > been working through the workbook " Stop Walking on Eggshells " . It has > helped a great deal, but I'm still having a hard time setting my limits > and boundaries. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 8, 2007 Report Share Posted April 8, 2007 " Boundaries " opened my eyes - but in an interesting way. It was recommended to me long before I knew about BPD. I read it thinking that it was great advice and would be very useful for helping me relate with co-workers, my husband, etc. But I read it to get some suggestion about how to deal with my mother. I kept wanting to write the authors and say, " This is great advice, but it won't work with my mom. You don't understand how she works. " After I found out about BPD, I realized that the book decribes healthy boundaries with healthly people. I got a read idea of what normal looks like and realized that my mom was not normal. > > welcome..a great book on boundaries is " Boundaries " by Dr Henry Cloud !! > that really opend my eyes !! > > Jackie > > > > I am so excited to have found this site. I am 40 years old and just now > working on getting a heathly relationship with my BPD mother. I have > been working through the workbook " Stop Walking on Eggshells " . It has > helped a great deal, but I'm still having a hard time setting my limits > and boundaries. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 8, 2007 Report Share Posted April 8, 2007 > I realized that the book decribes healthy boundaries with healthly people. I got a read idea of what normal looks like and realized that >my mom was not normal. oh, yes, and that is what I mean by opening my eyes..I didn't KNOW other mothers didn't manipulate their daughters like mine did me, and other mothers didn't say " ..but I'm your mother, so that doesn't count " and get away with anything she wanted..we were not allowed boundaries..so this book made me aware of what boundaries are, what they're used for and how much my nada was violating what little I had ! Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 8, 2007 Report Share Posted April 8, 2007 > I realized that the book decribes healthy boundaries with healthly people. I got a read idea of what normal looks like and realized that >my mom was not normal. oh, yes, and that is what I mean by opening my eyes..I didn't KNOW other mothers didn't manipulate their daughters like mine did me, and other mothers didn't say " ..but I'm your mother, so that doesn't count " and get away with anything she wanted..we were not allowed boundaries..so this book made me aware of what boundaries are, what they're used for and how much my nada was violating what little I had ! Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 8, 2007 Report Share Posted April 8, 2007 >Hi Jackie, Thank you for the information. With dealing with my Mother I feel I need all the great information I can get my hands on. Why is it so hard to set the boundaries and stick to them??? > welcome..a great book on boundaries is " Boundaries " by Dr Henry Cloud !! > that really opend my eyes !! > > Jackie > > > > I am so excited to have found this site. I am 40 years old and just now > working on getting a heathly relationship with my BPD mother. I have > been working through the workbook " Stop Walking on Eggshells " . It has > helped a great deal, but I'm still having a hard time setting my limits > and boundaries. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 8, 2007 Report Share Posted April 8, 2007 >Hi Jackie, Thank you for the information. With dealing with my Mother I feel I need all the great information I can get my hands on. Why is it so hard to set the boundaries and stick to them??? > welcome..a great book on boundaries is " Boundaries " by Dr Henry Cloud !! > that really opend my eyes !! > > Jackie > > > > I am so excited to have found this site. I am 40 years old and just now > working on getting a heathly relationship with my BPD mother. I have > been working through the workbook " Stop Walking on Eggshells " . It has > helped a great deal, but I'm still having a hard time setting my limits > and boundaries. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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