zyprexa withdrawal-help!

[Guest guest]

I am hoping to get some support. I'm in a very bad state.

I voluntarily checked myself into a psychiatric hospital after suffering from severe panic attacks and hypochondriasis. Big mistake. They mistakenly diagnosed me as psychotic and put me on 15 mg zyprexa. This was back in May of last year. I was determined to get off it once they released me, 2 weeks later. I tapered, but I think I tapered too fast. I had such terrible vomiting that I ended up back in the hospital--they transferred me back to the psychiatric hospital, which held me as being "gravely disabled." They put me back on zyprexa (10 mg this time). I was better (which tells me now, in hindsight, that I MUST have been undergoing withdrawals.I didn't realize at the time. I had also had a tetanus shot and thought it was a bad reaction to the shot. Bad coincidence.)My husband was worried, to say the least, and the psychiatrists said I needed to go to a residential treatment facility for further treatment. As a matter of fact, they would only release me (once again, 2

weeks later) under the condition that I go to another hospital or residential facility. My health insurnace would only pay for the Menninger Clinic, so that's where I went (none too happily). Anyway, Menninger wanted to keep me on zyprexa. I ended up cheeking the med and spitting it out into the toilet. For some reason, going "cold turkey" this time didn't result in any problems. For a long time, I was doing so much better, being off the med. To make a long story short, I had to take zyprexa again because they were going to give me a blood test. At that point, I was a voluntary patient and should have just "come clean" and stood my ground, saying that's it. I won't take this medication. However, my husband had threatened to divorce me ifI didn't keep on the med. So instead, I thought it would be okay to take the drug (10 mg) just until I had the blood test, and then stop cold turkey. So that's what I did--I took zyprexa for 10 days leading up to the blood test, then stopped.

Everything was ok for a couple of weeks, then I got bad insomnia and the worst headache of my life. This time, I knew it had to be withdrawal. I went back on zyprexa, intending to taper more carefully and slowly, and sure enough, the insomnia and headache stopped. After 3 days, I went off again, because I was experiencing what I thought might be the beginnings of tardive dyskenisia.A few weeks later, I started feeling very odd in my head, very disconnected, and started having songs getting stuck in my head. I went back on zyprexa, but it didn't have any effect. Plus, my emotions feel very blunted. I feel as if there is cotton or wool around my brain. In bed, I cannot seem to feel comfortable. I have not been sleeping for the last few days. I went totally off the med a few days ago but went back on 10 mg last night because I was desperate and thought it might help me sleep.I won't be doing that again.My therapist (who, btw, is very anti-drug) keeps telling me the

brain has amazing capabilities to heal. I am afraid I might be permanently brain damaged and will never heal. I would love to hear from people who went cold turkey or withdrew from antipsychotics in general and survived their withdrawals.Any advice or support would be appreciated.

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