BPD is a disorder but it doesn't excuse her behavior

[Guest guest]

any of you have a hard time feeling sorry for your nadas/fadas because

they have BPD? i know it's a disorder and that my nada is mentally ill

but i can't bring myself to blame it all on BPD and excuse her abuse.

i feel like somewhere in there she knows what she's doing and has

done, is conscious of it and i just can't say " BPD " and be okay with it.

i have a long, LONG road ahead in the area of forgiveness because of

this. any of you feel the same?

thank you!

love,

christine.

[Guest guest]

any of you have a hard time feeling sorry for your nadas/fadas because

they have BPD? i know it's a disorder and that my nada is mentally ill

but i can't bring myself to blame it all on BPD and excuse her abuse.

i feel like somewhere in there she knows what she's doing and has

done, is conscious of it and i just can't say " BPD " and be okay with it.

i have a long, LONG road ahead in the area of forgiveness because of

this. any of you feel the same?

,

but is it really a mental illness, per say ? My nada has total control over

her " condition " she never rages, berates etc her friends or and is much

nicer to other family members, she's just extremely nasty to her husband,

kids and to a lesser extent grand kids.., and never does orbital it in

public...she would glare, and under her breath in a very threatining tone

say " just wait until we get home " so I see it as a choice..she chooses to

act this way and treat us this way...she never does to her friends or

strnagers, ...so she can control it..as for forgiveness..I forgive her, but

that doesn't mean I will ever forget...I can say these things and tell you

all about nada, and have no emotional feelings about it at all...that also

means I will never, ever let her treat me this way again..if I have to just

walk out of the room and go home, I will do that...I have been LC for over a

year ( NC since Christmas...she's " punishing " me LOL) but this summer I plan

on going to see them as it will be my dads 85th birthday...but if she's

going to act like her usual self, we will just leave, go to a hotel, and go

home in the morning..

Jackie

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I find it very difficult to accept my mother's behavior and I'm not at the

forgiveness stage yet (out of sight/communication, out of mind right now).

She's had opportunities to get profressional help but she seems incapable of

helping herself. There was a time when I wanted to get her committed because of

her problems. Right now, she is close to her siblings and I consider that the

best solution. They can take care of her and I don't feel bad for having

removed myself from her life. Even though I know she has a sickness, I'm still

at a stage where I can't forgive the things that she has done.

is

---------------------------------

Don't be flakey. Get Yahoo! Mail for Mobile and

always stay connected to friends.

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I find it very difficult to accept my mother's behavior and I'm not at the

forgiveness stage yet (out of sight/communication, out of mind right now).

She's had opportunities to get profressional help but she seems incapable of

helping herself. There was a time when I wanted to get her committed because of

her problems. Right now, she is close to her siblings and I consider that the

best solution. They can take care of her and I don't feel bad for having

removed myself from her life. Even though I know she has a sickness, I'm still

at a stage where I can't forgive the things that she has done.

is

---------------------------------

Don't be flakey. Get Yahoo! Mail for Mobile and

always stay connected to friends.

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone,

I have a somewhat different opinion, so I hope I don't offend anyone;

if I do I'm sorry.

I understand that most everyone is still in the anger phase because

you still have to deal with all of the drama. I would be right there

with you if my mom was still alive. My anger was debilitating and my

emotions were all over the place.

Like everyone who has posted, I always thought my mom could turn on

and off the crazy at her convenience- and exhibited this many times-

like you have all stated as well. I think this is a very confusing

issue because although they seem to be crazy when it's convenient,

I've been told by therapists this is a major aspect of the illness

and they can't really turn it on and off.

My mom was more high functioning when she was younger, and became

more low functioning as she aged. Her BPD and everthing else

progressed at a rapid rate.

The last 10 years or so, she couldn't hide it, or turn it on and

off. The last time I saw her she was so riddled with anxiety that

she couldn't stop marching, couldn't sit still. She was literally a

shell of a person, completely dead inside.

I think after she died it became more clear to me what the therapist

said, that turning it on and off is all part of the illness- I never

bought into that before because when my mom was alive this seemed to

be completely unbelievable and I could give many examples of her

turning it on and off.

This does not give BPs the right to do whatever they want to us, and

everyone's feelings should be validated and accepted. Feelings are

feelings, there's no such thing as a wrong feeling.

But I think understanding this is all part of the disease, no matter

how much we hate it, gets us closer to acceptance and healing. For

me, without my mom dying, I don't know if I could have gotten to the

place of acceptance- she drove me too crazy and the pain was always

there. I could never have any contact with her whether it was a

message she left me, an actual visit, or conversation where I did not

feel like I had been hit by a bus or worse. I was always shattered

and broken. It's nice to have some sense of peace now...

I hope this made sense, I am having a hard time articulating what I'm

trying to say- I guess it all boils down to acceptance of the disease.

Much love,

> > any of you have a hard time feeling sorry for your

> nadas/fadas because

> > they have BPD? i know it's a disorder and that my nada is

mentally ill

> > but i can't bring myself to blame it all on BPD and excuse her

abuse.

> > i feel like somewhere in there she knows what she's doing and has

> > done, is conscious of it and i just can't say " BPD " and be okay

with

> it.

> >

> > i have a long, LONG road ahead in the area of forgiveness because

of

> > this. any of you feel the same?

> >

> > thank you!

> > love,

> > christine.

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > Kisses and Nibbles,

> >

> > Bunny

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone,

I have a somewhat different opinion, so I hope I don't offend anyone;

if I do I'm sorry.

I understand that most everyone is still in the anger phase because

you still have to deal with all of the drama. I would be right there

with you if my mom was still alive. My anger was debilitating and my

emotions were all over the place.

Like everyone who has posted, I always thought my mom could turn on

and off the crazy at her convenience- and exhibited this many times-

like you have all stated as well. I think this is a very confusing

issue because although they seem to be crazy when it's convenient,

I've been told by therapists this is a major aspect of the illness

and they can't really turn it on and off.

My mom was more high functioning when she was younger, and became

more low functioning as she aged. Her BPD and everthing else

progressed at a rapid rate.

The last 10 years or so, she couldn't hide it, or turn it on and

off. The last time I saw her she was so riddled with anxiety that

she couldn't stop marching, couldn't sit still. She was literally a

shell of a person, completely dead inside.

I think after she died it became more clear to me what the therapist

said, that turning it on and off is all part of the illness- I never

bought into that before because when my mom was alive this seemed to

be completely unbelievable and I could give many examples of her

turning it on and off.

This does not give BPs the right to do whatever they want to us, and

everyone's feelings should be validated and accepted. Feelings are

feelings, there's no such thing as a wrong feeling.

But I think understanding this is all part of the disease, no matter

how much we hate it, gets us closer to acceptance and healing. For

me, without my mom dying, I don't know if I could have gotten to the

place of acceptance- she drove me too crazy and the pain was always

there. I could never have any contact with her whether it was a

message she left me, an actual visit, or conversation where I did not

feel like I had been hit by a bus or worse. I was always shattered

and broken. It's nice to have some sense of peace now...

I hope this made sense, I am having a hard time articulating what I'm

trying to say- I guess it all boils down to acceptance of the disease.

Much love,

> > any of you have a hard time feeling sorry for your

> nadas/fadas because

> > they have BPD? i know it's a disorder and that my nada is

mentally ill

> > but i can't bring myself to blame it all on BPD and excuse her

abuse.

> > i feel like somewhere in there she knows what she's doing and has

> > done, is conscious of it and i just can't say " BPD " and be okay

with

> it.

> >

> > i have a long, LONG road ahead in the area of forgiveness because

of

> > this. any of you feel the same?

> >

> > thank you!

> > love,

> > christine.

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > Kisses and Nibbles,

> >

> > Bunny

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Bunny,

I totally get where you are coming from. If my mom was still alive,

I don't think I would be where I am in my acceptance of her disease.

Even though I can accept how sick she was, I really still have no

understanding whatsoever of whether BPs can involuntarily turn things

off and on at their convenience. It always seemed to me like she

could until the end, so I have no answers on this one- I accept it,

but I don't get it. I think I had a harder time explaining that

yesterday.

Some of the studies I've seen online says BPs can get better with

age, but this wasn't the case with my mom. I guess it depends on

the level and severity of each individual disorder. For my mom, the

fear of abandonment and desperate acts to hold on became worse, but

the rages stopped for the most part. This may be because of her

bipolar, I don't know, but the manic/ rage side ended and

depression/waif took over completely. I think this disease is so

hard to grasp and understand, I don't think mental health field gets

it either else there would be more resources available, but that's a

whole other post.

By the way, mom was diagnosed,medicated,(boy was she ever medicated),

and treated but it never helped. She was just on an endless cylce of

meds and mood swings that never stopped.

> > > any of you have a hard time feeling sorry for your

> > nadas/fadas because

> > > they have BPD? i know it's a disorder and that my nada is

> mentally ill

> > > but i can't bring myself to blame it all on BPD and excuse her

> abuse.

> > > i feel like somewhere in there she knows what she's doing and

has

> > > done, is conscious of it and i just can't say " BPD " and be

okay

> with

> > it.

> > >

> > > i have a long, LONG road ahead in the area of forgiveness

because

> of

> > > this. any of you feel the same?

> > >

> > > thank you!

> > > love,

> > > christine.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > Kisses and Nibbles,

> > >

> > > Bunny

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

Bunny,

I totally get where you are coming from. If my mom was still alive,

I don't think I would be where I am in my acceptance of her disease.

Even though I can accept how sick she was, I really still have no

understanding whatsoever of whether BPs can involuntarily turn things

off and on at their convenience. It always seemed to me like she

could until the end, so I have no answers on this one- I accept it,

but I don't get it. I think I had a harder time explaining that

yesterday.

Some of the studies I've seen online says BPs can get better with

age, but this wasn't the case with my mom. I guess it depends on

the level and severity of each individual disorder. For my mom, the

fear of abandonment and desperate acts to hold on became worse, but

the rages stopped for the most part. This may be because of her

bipolar, I don't know, but the manic/ rage side ended and

depression/waif took over completely. I think this disease is so

hard to grasp and understand, I don't think mental health field gets

it either else there would be more resources available, but that's a

whole other post.

By the way, mom was diagnosed,medicated,(boy was she ever medicated),

and treated but it never helped. She was just on an endless cylce of

meds and mood swings that never stopped.

> > > any of you have a hard time feeling sorry for your

> > nadas/fadas because

> > > they have BPD? i know it's a disorder and that my nada is

> mentally ill

> > > but i can't bring myself to blame it all on BPD and excuse her

> abuse.

> > > i feel like somewhere in there she knows what she's doing and

has

> > > done, is conscious of it and i just can't say " BPD " and be

okay

> with

> > it.

> > >

> > > i have a long, LONG road ahead in the area of forgiveness

because

> of

> > > this. any of you feel the same?

> > >

> > > thank you!

> > > love,

> > > christine.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > Kisses and Nibbles,

> > >

> > > Bunny

> > >

> > >

> > >