Re: When to open up?

[Guest guest]

Thanks for the support!

> > > >

> > > > Hi there,

> > > >

> > > > I'm not sure exactly either, as I am also dealing with

similar

> > > issues. I don't think you have

> > > > to fully disclose anything until you're really ready. You

could

> > say

> > > something vague like " I

> > > > had a difficult childhood/past and it makes it harder for me

to

> > > open up, but I'm working

> > > > hard on getting better at it and I'm really open to change "

or

> > > something like that. You

> > > > could make him a partner in your process of learning how to

> trust

> > > and open up. I think if

> > > > you engage people in open dialogue about the issue, even if

> > you're

> > > not ready to tell all,

> > > > you've already made the first step of letting someone in. If

it

> > > doesn't work out with him as

> > > > a result, then he maybe wasn't the right person for you at

this

> > > point in your life. None of

> > > > this is written in stone, just my thoughts.

> > > >

> > > > I haven't told my SO about any of this. He knows that my

family

> > is

> > > dysfunctional. But that's

> > > > all I've told him really. He's also seen me typing away on

here

> > and

> > > intensely reading books.

> > > > He asks me what I'm doing and so I tell him I'm working on a

> > secret

> > > project, which is true.

> > > > The project is my recovery, which is not something I'm ready

to

> > > share yet. I just told him

> > > > yesterday that my project involves self-improvement, and that

> I'm

> > > going through a

> > > > transition right now. Maybe little by little I will let him

in.

> > But

> > > I'm doing it on my time table.

> > > >

> > > > I know you want to run away right now, as I too have a hard

> time

> > > with commitment. But

> > > > this is a really great opportunity to prove to yourself that

> you

> > > can change for the better. He

> > > > may not turn out to be " the one " but if you make progress in

> > > opening up to someone with

> > > > him then it's totally worth it. If he seems to you like a

good,

> > > upstanding individual, letting

> > > > go a little and opening up to him might feel like the

greatest

> > > thing in the world. Good luck!

> > > >

> > >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Thanks for the support!

> > > >

> > > > Hi there,

> > > >

> > > > I'm not sure exactly either, as I am also dealing with

similar

> > > issues. I don't think you have

> > > > to fully disclose anything until you're really ready. You

could

> > say

> > > something vague like " I

> > > > had a difficult childhood/past and it makes it harder for me

to

> > > open up, but I'm working

> > > > hard on getting better at it and I'm really open to change "

or

> > > something like that. You

> > > > could make him a partner in your process of learning how to

> trust

> > > and open up. I think if

> > > > you engage people in open dialogue about the issue, even if

> > you're

> > > not ready to tell all,

> > > > you've already made the first step of letting someone in. If

it

> > > doesn't work out with him as

> > > > a result, then he maybe wasn't the right person for you at

this

> > > point in your life. None of

> > > > this is written in stone, just my thoughts.

> > > >

> > > > I haven't told my SO about any of this. He knows that my

family

> > is

> > > dysfunctional. But that's

> > > > all I've told him really. He's also seen me typing away on

here

> > and

> > > intensely reading books.

> > > > He asks me what I'm doing and so I tell him I'm working on a

> > secret

> > > project, which is true.

> > > > The project is my recovery, which is not something I'm ready

to

> > > share yet. I just told him

> > > > yesterday that my project involves self-improvement, and that

> I'm

> > > going through a

> > > > transition right now. Maybe little by little I will let him

in.

> > But

> > > I'm doing it on my time table.

> > > >

> > > > I know you want to run away right now, as I too have a hard

> time

> > > with commitment. But

> > > > this is a really great opportunity to prove to yourself that

> you

> > > can change for the better. He

> > > > may not turn out to be " the one " but if you make progress in

> > > opening up to someone with

> > > > him then it's totally worth it. If he seems to you like a

good,

> > > upstanding individual, letting

> > > > go a little and opening up to him might feel like the

greatest

> > > thing in the world. Good luck!

> > > >

> > >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Mel and Lilly,

I am so glad you both have found good men. I think healthy

relationships are a big step in healing for us.

No more bad boys for me, I'm done!!

>

> Same here for the 'bad boy syndrome'. I was attracted to

controlling,

> abusive men. My first boyfriend after I left home picked up where

nada

> left off. In retrospect, I believe he was both NPD and antisocial,

he

> did so many bad things, and really took advantage of the fact that I

> didn't trust my perception of reality. He convinced me once when I

> found a girl's wallet in his bedroom that it was his wallet, even

> though he hated all things remotely girly. The best thing that guy

> ever did for me was break up with me (for some twisted paranoid

> reason). I admire you for being strong enough to be the one

to

> end the relationship.

>

> I also was tricked into thinking my current SO was a bad boy, but

came

> to realize that he's just a softie with a thin bad boy shell. It is

> weirdly stable with him, as there is no drug dealing or using, no

> violent outbursts against anyone who makes a pass at me, no

> 'questionably might be rape' situations. I think maybe us KOs became

> so used to a constant adrenaline producing environment that it feels

> weird not to have that.

>

> Mel

>

[Guest guest]

Mel and Lilly,

I am so glad you both have found good men. I think healthy

relationships are a big step in healing for us.

No more bad boys for me, I'm done!!

>

> Same here for the 'bad boy syndrome'. I was attracted to

controlling,

> abusive men. My first boyfriend after I left home picked up where

nada

> left off. In retrospect, I believe he was both NPD and antisocial,

he

> did so many bad things, and really took advantage of the fact that I

> didn't trust my perception of reality. He convinced me once when I

> found a girl's wallet in his bedroom that it was his wallet, even

> though he hated all things remotely girly. The best thing that guy

> ever did for me was break up with me (for some twisted paranoid

> reason). I admire you for being strong enough to be the one

to

> end the relationship.

>

> I also was tricked into thinking my current SO was a bad boy, but

came

> to realize that he's just a softie with a thin bad boy shell. It is

> weirdly stable with him, as there is no drug dealing or using, no

> violent outbursts against anyone who makes a pass at me, no

> 'questionably might be rape' situations. I think maybe us KOs became

> so used to a constant adrenaline producing environment that it feels

> weird not to have that.

>

> Mel

>

[Guest guest]

I too have tried to sabotage the relationship that I am in. I kept trying to

push him away. One day he took me in his arms and held me so tight and said

knock it off I am not letting you go. It took me a long time to be ok in a

safe, non-crazy relationship. I kept thinking something really bad was going to

happen! But, it is three years later going on four and I everything is still

ok.

Lilly

christine wrote:

thanks for your kind words, malinda. that was about 11 years ago, so i

have done a lot of healing since then.

it's still a little bit of work; to trust my husband completely, to

know that he would never do anything to hurt me and that he loves me

unconditionally. i just felt the sabotage coming on strong before we

got married and it prompted me quickly into therapy. i knew something

wasn't right if i was trying to get out of a perfectly loving

relationship.

i just wanted to share that story of when i was 19 because it seems

that so many of us have chosen dysfunctional partners as a result of

parental abuse. it just really breaks my heart that we were all

children at some point, innocent, and that so many of us had to endure

extreme acts of abuse. i remember counting the months and days until i

could move out - and i moved out at 17. i thought i was finally free

when in fact all i found was that i was completely ill-equipped for

the adult world. i think a lot of us feel that way and maybe this

relates to a lot of us being here and dealing with issues of pain and

anger. you feel cheated, thus creating a whirlwind of emotions to deal

with that you never got a chance to as a child/adolescent...am i right?

thank you again malinda....

love,

christine.

> > >

> > > Same here for the 'bad boy syndrome'. I was attracted to

> controlling,

> > > abusive men. My first boyfriend after I left home picked up where

> nada

> > > left off. In retrospect, I believe he was both NPD and

> antisocial, he

> > > did so many bad things, and really took advantage of the fact

> that I

> > > didn't trust my perception of reality. He convinced me once when I

> > > found a girl's wallet in his bedroom that it was his wallet, even

> > > though he hated all things remotely girly. The best thing that guy

> > > ever did for me was break up with me (for some twisted paranoid

> > > reason). I admire you for being strong enough to be the

> one to

> > > end the relationship.

> > >

> > > I also was tricked into thinking my current SO was a bad boy, but

> came

> > > to realize that he's just a softie with a thin bad boy shell. It

> is

> > > weirdly stable with him, as there is no drug dealing or using, no

> > > violent outbursts against anyone who makes a pass at me, no

> > > 'questionably might be rape' situations. I think maybe us KOs

> became

> > > so used to a constant adrenaline producing environment that it

> feels

> > > weird not to have that.

> > >

> > > Mel

> > >

> >

>

---------------------------------

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[Guest guest]

I too have tried to sabotage the relationship that I am in. I kept trying to

push him away. One day he took me in his arms and held me so tight and said

knock it off I am not letting you go. It took me a long time to be ok in a

safe, non-crazy relationship. I kept thinking something really bad was going to

happen! But, it is three years later going on four and I everything is still

ok.

Lilly

christine wrote:

thanks for your kind words, malinda. that was about 11 years ago, so i

have done a lot of healing since then.

it's still a little bit of work; to trust my husband completely, to

know that he would never do anything to hurt me and that he loves me

unconditionally. i just felt the sabotage coming on strong before we

got married and it prompted me quickly into therapy. i knew something

wasn't right if i was trying to get out of a perfectly loving

relationship.

i just wanted to share that story of when i was 19 because it seems

that so many of us have chosen dysfunctional partners as a result of

parental abuse. it just really breaks my heart that we were all

children at some point, innocent, and that so many of us had to endure

extreme acts of abuse. i remember counting the months and days until i

could move out - and i moved out at 17. i thought i was finally free

when in fact all i found was that i was completely ill-equipped for

the adult world. i think a lot of us feel that way and maybe this

relates to a lot of us being here and dealing with issues of pain and

anger. you feel cheated, thus creating a whirlwind of emotions to deal

with that you never got a chance to as a child/adolescent...am i right?

thank you again malinda....

love,

christine.

> > >

> > > Same here for the 'bad boy syndrome'. I was attracted to

> controlling,

> > > abusive men. My first boyfriend after I left home picked up where

> nada

> > > left off. In retrospect, I believe he was both NPD and

> antisocial, he

> > > did so many bad things, and really took advantage of the fact

> that I

> > > didn't trust my perception of reality. He convinced me once when I

> > > found a girl's wallet in his bedroom that it was his wallet, even

> > > though he hated all things remotely girly. The best thing that guy

> > > ever did for me was break up with me (for some twisted paranoid

> > > reason). I admire you for being strong enough to be the

> one to

> > > end the relationship.

> > >

> > > I also was tricked into thinking my current SO was a bad boy, but

> came

> > > to realize that he's just a softie with a thin bad boy shell. It

> is

> > > weirdly stable with him, as there is no drug dealing or using, no

> > > violent outbursts against anyone who makes a pass at me, no

> > > 'questionably might be rape' situations. I think maybe us KOs

> became

> > > so used to a constant adrenaline producing environment that it

> feels

> > > weird not to have that.

> > >

> > > Mel

> > >

> >

>

---------------------------------

Don't be flakey. Get Yahoo! Mail for Mobile and

always stay connected to friends.

[Guest guest]

I too have tried to sabotage the relationship that I am in. I kept trying to

push him away. One day he took me in his arms and held me so tight and said

knock it off I am not letting you go. It took me a long time to be ok in a

safe, non-crazy relationship. I kept thinking something really bad was going to

happen! But, it is three years later going on four and I everything is still

ok.

Lilly

christine wrote:

thanks for your kind words, malinda. that was about 11 years ago, so i

have done a lot of healing since then.

it's still a little bit of work; to trust my husband completely, to

know that he would never do anything to hurt me and that he loves me

unconditionally. i just felt the sabotage coming on strong before we

got married and it prompted me quickly into therapy. i knew something

wasn't right if i was trying to get out of a perfectly loving

relationship.

i just wanted to share that story of when i was 19 because it seems

that so many of us have chosen dysfunctional partners as a result of

parental abuse. it just really breaks my heart that we were all

children at some point, innocent, and that so many of us had to endure

extreme acts of abuse. i remember counting the months and days until i

could move out - and i moved out at 17. i thought i was finally free

when in fact all i found was that i was completely ill-equipped for

the adult world. i think a lot of us feel that way and maybe this

relates to a lot of us being here and dealing with issues of pain and

anger. you feel cheated, thus creating a whirlwind of emotions to deal

with that you never got a chance to as a child/adolescent...am i right?

thank you again malinda....

love,

christine.

> > >

> > > Same here for the 'bad boy syndrome'. I was attracted to

> controlling,

> > > abusive men. My first boyfriend after I left home picked up where

> nada

> > > left off. In retrospect, I believe he was both NPD and

> antisocial, he

> > > did so many bad things, and really took advantage of the fact

> that I

> > > didn't trust my perception of reality. He convinced me once when I

> > > found a girl's wallet in his bedroom that it was his wallet, even

> > > though he hated all things remotely girly. The best thing that guy

> > > ever did for me was break up with me (for some twisted paranoid

> > > reason). I admire you for being strong enough to be the

> one to

> > > end the relationship.

> > >

> > > I also was tricked into thinking my current SO was a bad boy, but

> came

> > > to realize that he's just a softie with a thin bad boy shell. It

> is

> > > weirdly stable with him, as there is no drug dealing or using, no

> > > violent outbursts against anyone who makes a pass at me, no

> > > 'questionably might be rape' situations. I think maybe us KOs

> became

> > > so used to a constant adrenaline producing environment that it

> feels

> > > weird not to have that.

> > >

> > > Mel

> > >

> >

>

---------------------------------

Don't be flakey. Get Yahoo! Mail for Mobile and

always stay connected to friends.

[Guest guest]

awe, congratulations lilly. you got yourself a keeper. i feel the same

way sometimes- when is it going to get bad? it's been about 5 years

and it keeps getting better. i wish the same (continuing years of

happiness) for you sweetie!

love,

christine.

> > > >

> > > > Same here for the 'bad boy syndrome'. I was attracted to

> > controlling,

> > > > abusive men. My first boyfriend after I left home picked up where

> > nada

> > > > left off. In retrospect, I believe he was both NPD and

> > antisocial, he

> > > > did so many bad things, and really took advantage of the fact

> > that I

> > > > didn't trust my perception of reality. He convinced me once when I

> > > > found a girl's wallet in his bedroom that it was his wallet, even

> > > > though he hated all things remotely girly. The best thing that guy

> > > > ever did for me was break up with me (for some twisted paranoid

> > > > reason). I admire you for being strong enough to be the

> > one to

> > > > end the relationship.

> > > >

> > > > I also was tricked into thinking my current SO was a bad boy, but

> > came

> > > > to realize that he's just a softie with a thin bad boy shell. It

> > is

> > > > weirdly stable with him, as there is no drug dealing or using, no

> > > > violent outbursts against anyone who makes a pass at me, no

> > > > 'questionably might be rape' situations. I think maybe us KOs

> > became

> > > > so used to a constant adrenaline producing environment that it

> > feels

> > > > weird not to have that.

> > > >

> > > > Mel

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Don't be flakey. Get Yahoo! Mail for Mobile and

> always stay connected to friends.

>

>

[Guest guest]

awe, congratulations lilly. you got yourself a keeper. i feel the same

way sometimes- when is it going to get bad? it's been about 5 years

and it keeps getting better. i wish the same (continuing years of

happiness) for you sweetie!

love,

christine.

> > > >

> > > > Same here for the 'bad boy syndrome'. I was attracted to

> > controlling,

> > > > abusive men. My first boyfriend after I left home picked up where

> > nada

> > > > left off. In retrospect, I believe he was both NPD and

> > antisocial, he

> > > > did so many bad things, and really took advantage of the fact

> > that I

> > > > didn't trust my perception of reality. He convinced me once when I

> > > > found a girl's wallet in his bedroom that it was his wallet, even

> > > > though he hated all things remotely girly. The best thing that guy

> > > > ever did for me was break up with me (for some twisted paranoid

> > > > reason). I admire you for being strong enough to be the

> > one to

> > > > end the relationship.

> > > >

> > > > I also was tricked into thinking my current SO was a bad boy, but

> > came

> > > > to realize that he's just a softie with a thin bad boy shell. It

> > is

> > > > weirdly stable with him, as there is no drug dealing or using, no

> > > > violent outbursts against anyone who makes a pass at me, no

> > > > 'questionably might be rape' situations. I think maybe us KOs

> > became

> > > > so used to a constant adrenaline producing environment that it

> > feels

> > > > weird not to have that.

> > > >

> > > > Mel

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Don't be flakey. Get Yahoo! Mail for Mobile and

> always stay connected to friends.

>

>

[Guest guest]

,

I'm sorry all that happened to you!! At least with age, we get some

wisdom.

We are definitely conditioned to live with chaos; when there wasn't

any around I created some. This is what I thought was normal.

Guys who were nice to me bored me to tears and like you, I sabotaged

things. I also think I sabotaged good men because I didn't think I

deserved any better.

Now I appreciate the lack of drama, I don't have to create chaos

anymore. Calm is a good thing, not something I fear anymore...

> >

> > Same here for the 'bad boy syndrome'. I was attracted to

controlling,

> > abusive men. My first boyfriend after I left home picked up where

nada

> > left off. In retrospect, I believe he was both NPD and

antisocial, he

> > did so many bad things, and really took advantage of the fact

that I

> > didn't trust my perception of reality. He convinced me once when I

> > found a girl's wallet in his bedroom that it was his wallet, even

> > though he hated all things remotely girly. The best thing that guy

> > ever did for me was break up with me (for some twisted paranoid

> > reason). I admire you for being strong enough to be the

one to

> > end the relationship.

> >

> > I also was tricked into thinking my current SO was a bad boy, but

came

> > to realize that he's just a softie with a thin bad boy shell. It

is

> > weirdly stable with him, as there is no drug dealing or using, no

> > violent outbursts against anyone who makes a pass at me, no

> > 'questionably might be rape' situations. I think maybe us KOs

became

> > so used to a constant adrenaline producing environment that it

feels

> > weird not to have that.

> >

> > Mel

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Lilly,

That is too sweet!! Sounds like a great guy.

> > > >

> > > > Same here for the 'bad boy syndrome'. I was attracted to

> > controlling,

> > > > abusive men. My first boyfriend after I left home picked up

where

> > nada

> > > > left off. In retrospect, I believe he was both NPD and

> > antisocial, he

> > > > did so many bad things, and really took advantage of the fact

> > that I

> > > > didn't trust my perception of reality. He convinced me once

when I

> > > > found a girl's wallet in his bedroom that it was his wallet,

even

> > > > though he hated all things remotely girly. The best thing

that guy

> > > > ever did for me was break up with me (for some twisted

paranoid

> > > > reason). I admire you for being strong enough to be

the

> > one to

> > > > end the relationship.

> > > >

> > > > I also was tricked into thinking my current SO was a bad boy,

but

> > came

> > > > to realize that he's just a softie with a thin bad boy shell.

It

> > is

> > > > weirdly stable with him, as there is no drug dealing or

using, no

> > > > violent outbursts against anyone who makes a pass at me, no

> > > > 'questionably might be rape' situations. I think maybe us KOs

> > became

> > > > so used to a constant adrenaline producing environment that

it

> > feels

> > > > weird not to have that.

> > > >

> > > > Mel

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Don't be flakey. Get Yahoo! Mail for Mobile and

> always stay connected to friends.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Lilly,

That is too sweet!! Sounds like a great guy.

> > > >

> > > > Same here for the 'bad boy syndrome'. I was attracted to

> > controlling,

> > > > abusive men. My first boyfriend after I left home picked up

where

> > nada

> > > > left off. In retrospect, I believe he was both NPD and

> > antisocial, he

> > > > did so many bad things, and really took advantage of the fact

> > that I

> > > > didn't trust my perception of reality. He convinced me once

when I

> > > > found a girl's wallet in his bedroom that it was his wallet,

even

> > > > though he hated all things remotely girly. The best thing

that guy

> > > > ever did for me was break up with me (for some twisted

paranoid

> > > > reason). I admire you for being strong enough to be

the

> > one to

> > > > end the relationship.

> > > >

> > > > I also was tricked into thinking my current SO was a bad boy,

but

> > came

> > > > to realize that he's just a softie with a thin bad boy shell.

It

> > is

> > > > weirdly stable with him, as there is no drug dealing or

using, no

> > > > violent outbursts against anyone who makes a pass at me, no

> > > > 'questionably might be rape' situations. I think maybe us KOs

> > became

> > > > so used to a constant adrenaline producing environment that

it

> > feels

> > > > weird not to have that.

> > > >

> > > > Mel

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Don't be flakey. Get Yahoo! Mail for Mobile and

> always stay connected to friends.

>

>

[Guest guest]

thank you kristin. thank god for time healing those things. i'm glad

you've come to terms with the " boring " guys, too! i have as well and i

prefer to be happy aka " bored " rather than in pain....

love,

christine.

> > >

> > > Same here for the 'bad boy syndrome'. I was attracted to

> controlling,

> > > abusive men. My first boyfriend after I left home picked up where

> nada

> > > left off. In retrospect, I believe he was both NPD and

> antisocial, he

> > > did so many bad things, and really took advantage of the fact

> that I

> > > didn't trust my perception of reality. He convinced me once when I

> > > found a girl's wallet in his bedroom that it was his wallet, even

> > > though he hated all things remotely girly. The best thing that guy

> > > ever did for me was break up with me (for some twisted paranoid

> > > reason). I admire you for being strong enough to be the

> one to

> > > end the relationship.

> > >

> > > I also was tricked into thinking my current SO was a bad boy, but

> came

> > > to realize that he's just a softie with a thin bad boy shell. It

> is

> > > weirdly stable with him, as there is no drug dealing or using, no

> > > violent outbursts against anyone who makes a pass at me, no

> > > 'questionably might be rape' situations. I think maybe us KOs

> became

> > > so used to a constant adrenaline producing environment that it

> feels

> > > weird not to have that.

> > >

> > > Mel

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

thank you kristin. thank god for time healing those things. i'm glad

you've come to terms with the " boring " guys, too! i have as well and i

prefer to be happy aka " bored " rather than in pain....

love,

christine.

> > >

> > > Same here for the 'bad boy syndrome'. I was attracted to

> controlling,

> > > abusive men. My first boyfriend after I left home picked up where

> nada

> > > left off. In retrospect, I believe he was both NPD and

> antisocial, he

> > > did so many bad things, and really took advantage of the fact

> that I

> > > didn't trust my perception of reality. He convinced me once when I

> > > found a girl's wallet in his bedroom that it was his wallet, even

> > > though he hated all things remotely girly. The best thing that guy

> > > ever did for me was break up with me (for some twisted paranoid

> > > reason). I admire you for being strong enough to be the

> one to

> > > end the relationship.

> > >

> > > I also was tricked into thinking my current SO was a bad boy, but

> came

> > > to realize that he's just a softie with a thin bad boy shell. It

> is

> > > weirdly stable with him, as there is no drug dealing or using, no

> > > violent outbursts against anyone who makes a pass at me, no

> > > 'questionably might be rape' situations. I think maybe us KOs

> became

> > > so used to a constant adrenaline producing environment that it

> feels

> > > weird not to have that.

> > >

> > > Mel

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

thank you kristin. thank god for time healing those things. i'm glad

you've come to terms with the " boring " guys, too! i have as well and i

prefer to be happy aka " bored " rather than in pain....

love,

christine.

> > >

> > > Same here for the 'bad boy syndrome'. I was attracted to

> controlling,

> > > abusive men. My first boyfriend after I left home picked up where

> nada

> > > left off. In retrospect, I believe he was both NPD and

> antisocial, he

> > > did so many bad things, and really took advantage of the fact

> that I

> > > didn't trust my perception of reality. He convinced me once when I

> > > found a girl's wallet in his bedroom that it was his wallet, even

> > > though he hated all things remotely girly. The best thing that guy

> > > ever did for me was break up with me (for some twisted paranoid

> > > reason). I admire you for being strong enough to be the

> one to

> > > end the relationship.

> > >

> > > I also was tricked into thinking my current SO was a bad boy, but

> came

> > > to realize that he's just a softie with a thin bad boy shell. It

> is

> > > weirdly stable with him, as there is no drug dealing or using, no

> > > violent outbursts against anyone who makes a pass at me, no

> > > 'questionably might be rape' situations. I think maybe us KOs

> became

> > > so used to a constant adrenaline producing environment that it

> feels

> > > weird not to have that.

> > >

> > > Mel

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Lilly,

I can't have a dog in the apt. I live in, in fact most of the rental property

here does not allow you to have a dog. I would love to have another one. My

cat's name is Tinker Bell and it fits her to a tee. She is a royal snob all the

time, she does give us pleasure with the silly things she does, and she loves to

play. She never has been a loving, affectionate cat. Last night she came and

laid on the couch by me, because she likes my blanket. hahahaha

Janie

Lilly LaFlure wrote:

I can understand that completly. Each of us need to find out what

works for us. May I suggest that there are so many little dogs from puppy mills

that have been saved and need homes. Just a thought. I am big into rescued

animals. The only problem with cats is they can be a bit BP one minuet they want

to love all over you and other times they want nothing to do with you!

Lilly

White wrote:

Hey Lily,

I have been alone going on 16 years, and it doesn't bother me one little bit. I

don't know if there is someone out there or not, I just don't even look. I had a

little dog until last August and I got unconditional love from her, I miss her.

Our cat is a snob and doesn't cuddle with anyone.

Janie

Lilly LaFlure wrote:

Amen Sister. That being said after dating one abuser after another it finally

dawned on me that I was attracting the wrong type of men. After taking two years

to fix men I found a good one. We are both care takers who needed someone to

take care of us. So, the give and take in our relationship works wonders. He

also had one relationship after another where he was verbaly abused and cheated

on. He actually pretty much stopped dating for 8 years before he meet me.

Lilly

White wrote:

To all who have contributed on this subject:

I told a experience I had earlier in regard to this but Malinda is absolutely

right. I have been married 3 times, and all my husbands used and abused me,

everyone of them was a lying cheat. When my last husband took off with a 22 yr.

old, and left me high and dry, I swore off men. The man I e-mailed for over 3

years would have done the same thing to me. When most men find out our family

dynamics they tend to abuse us the same way our mother's did. I don't hate men

and I am totally hetrosexual, but I have discovered I don't need a man to be a

whole person. It takes self acceptance and love and TIME. At 60 I would rather

be alone that abused more.

Janie

maparise17 wrote:

Amen.....your are so right!

Thank you for your honesty and wisdom.

Malinda

> >

> > Hi there,

> >

> > I'm not sure exactly either, as I am also dealing with similar

> issues. I don't think you have

> > to fully disclose anything until you're really ready. You could

say

> something vague like " I

> > had a difficult childhood/past and it makes it harder for me to

> open up, but I'm working

> > hard on getting better at it and I'm really open to change " or

> something like that. You

> > could make him a partner in your process of learning how to trust

> and open up. I think if

> > you engage people in open dialogue about the issue, even if

you're

> not ready to tell all,

> > you've already made the first step of letting someone in. If it

> doesn't work out with him as

> > a result, then he maybe wasn't the right person for you at this

> point in your life. None of

> > this is written in stone, just my thoughts.

> >

> > I haven't told my SO about any of this. He knows that my family

is

> dysfunctional. But that's

> > all I've told him really. He's also seen me typing away on here

and

> intensely reading books.

> > He asks me what I'm doing and so I tell him I'm working on a

secret

> project, which is true.

> > The project is my recovery, which is not something I'm ready to

> share yet. I just told him

> > yesterday that my project involves self-improvement, and that I'm

> going through a

> > transition right now. Maybe little by little I will let him in.

But

> I'm doing it on my time table.

> >

> > I know you want to run away right now, as I too have a hard time

> with commitment. But

> > this is a really great opportunity to prove to yourself that you

> can change for the better. He

> > may not turn out to be " the one " but if you make progress in

> opening up to someone with

> > him then it's totally worth it. If he seems to you like a good,

> upstanding individual, letting

> > go a little and opening up to him might feel like the greatest

> thing in the world. Good luck!

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Lilly,

I can't have a dog in the apt. I live in, in fact most of the rental property

here does not allow you to have a dog. I would love to have another one. My

cat's name is Tinker Bell and it fits her to a tee. She is a royal snob all the

time, she does give us pleasure with the silly things she does, and she loves to

play. She never has been a loving, affectionate cat. Last night she came and

laid on the couch by me, because she likes my blanket. hahahaha

Janie

Lilly LaFlure wrote:

I can understand that completly. Each of us need to find out what

works for us. May I suggest that there are so many little dogs from puppy mills

that have been saved and need homes. Just a thought. I am big into rescued

animals. The only problem with cats is they can be a bit BP one minuet they want

to love all over you and other times they want nothing to do with you!

Lilly

White wrote:

Hey Lily,

I have been alone going on 16 years, and it doesn't bother me one little bit. I

don't know if there is someone out there or not, I just don't even look. I had a

little dog until last August and I got unconditional love from her, I miss her.

Our cat is a snob and doesn't cuddle with anyone.

Janie

Lilly LaFlure wrote:

Amen Sister. That being said after dating one abuser after another it finally

dawned on me that I was attracting the wrong type of men. After taking two years

to fix men I found a good one. We are both care takers who needed someone to

take care of us. So, the give and take in our relationship works wonders. He

also had one relationship after another where he was verbaly abused and cheated

on. He actually pretty much stopped dating for 8 years before he meet me.

Lilly

White wrote:

To all who have contributed on this subject:

I told a experience I had earlier in regard to this but Malinda is absolutely

right. I have been married 3 times, and all my husbands used and abused me,

everyone of them was a lying cheat. When my last husband took off with a 22 yr.

old, and left me high and dry, I swore off men. The man I e-mailed for over 3

years would have done the same thing to me. When most men find out our family

dynamics they tend to abuse us the same way our mother's did. I don't hate men

and I am totally hetrosexual, but I have discovered I don't need a man to be a

whole person. It takes self acceptance and love and TIME. At 60 I would rather

be alone that abused more.

Janie

maparise17 wrote:

Amen.....your are so right!

Thank you for your honesty and wisdom.

Malinda

> >

> > Hi there,

> >

> > I'm not sure exactly either, as I am also dealing with similar

> issues. I don't think you have

> > to fully disclose anything until you're really ready. You could

say

> something vague like " I

> > had a difficult childhood/past and it makes it harder for me to

> open up, but I'm working

> > hard on getting better at it and I'm really open to change " or

> something like that. You

> > could make him a partner in your process of learning how to trust

> and open up. I think if

> > you engage people in open dialogue about the issue, even if

you're

> not ready to tell all,

> > you've already made the first step of letting someone in. If it

> doesn't work out with him as

> > a result, then he maybe wasn't the right person for you at this

> point in your life. None of

> > this is written in stone, just my thoughts.

> >

> > I haven't told my SO about any of this. He knows that my family

is

> dysfunctional. But that's

> > all I've told him really. He's also seen me typing away on here

and

> intensely reading books.

> > He asks me what I'm doing and so I tell him I'm working on a

secret

> project, which is true.

> > The project is my recovery, which is not something I'm ready to

> share yet. I just told him

> > yesterday that my project involves self-improvement, and that I'm

> going through a

> > transition right now. Maybe little by little I will let him in.

But

> I'm doing it on my time table.

> >

> > I know you want to run away right now, as I too have a hard time

> with commitment. But

> > this is a really great opportunity to prove to yourself that you

> can change for the better. He

> > may not turn out to be " the one " but if you make progress in

> opening up to someone with

> > him then it's totally worth it. If he seems to you like a good,

> upstanding individual, letting

> > go a little and opening up to him might feel like the greatest

> thing in the world. Good luck!

> >

>

[Guest guest]

There is a certain joy in watching a cat play with abandon! We have one, that

used to just lay around all the time. Know that things have setteled down in

our household, everyday around 2, she tears around with wonderus abandon and

excitment. It is so wonderfull to watch!

Lilly

White wrote:

Lilly,

I can't have a dog in the apt. I live in, in fact most of the rental property

here does not allow you to have a dog. I would love to have another one. My

cat's name is Tinker Bell and it fits her to a tee. She is a royal snob all the

time, she does give us pleasure with the silly things she does, and she loves to

play. She never has been a loving, affectionate cat. Last night she came and

laid on the couch by me, because she likes my blanket. hahahaha

Janie

Lilly LaFlure wrote:

I can understand that completly. Each of us need to find out what works for us.

May I suggest that there are so many little dogs from puppy mills that have been

saved and need homes. Just a thought. I am big into rescued animals. The only

problem with cats is they can be a bit BP one minuet they want to love all over

you and other times they want nothing to do with you!

Lilly

White wrote:

Hey Lily,

I have been alone going on 16 years, and it doesn't bother me one little bit. I

don't know if there is someone out there or not, I just don't even look. I had a

little dog until last August and I got unconditional love from her, I miss her.

Our cat is a snob and doesn't cuddle with anyone.

Janie

Lilly LaFlure wrote:

Amen Sister. That being said after dating one abuser after another it finally

dawned on me that I was attracting the wrong type of men. After taking two years

to fix men I found a good one. We are both care takers who needed someone to

take care of us. So, the give and take in our relationship works wonders. He

also had one relationship after another where he was verbaly abused and cheated

on. He actually pretty much stopped dating for 8 years before he meet me.

Lilly

White wrote:

To all who have contributed on this subject:

I told a experience I had earlier in regard to this but Malinda is absolutely

right. I have been married 3 times, and all my husbands used and abused me,

everyone of them was a lying cheat. When my last husband took off with a 22 yr.

old, and left me high and dry, I swore off men. The man I e-mailed for over 3

years would have done the same thing to me. When most men find out our family

dynamics they tend to abuse us the same way our mother's did. I don't hate men

and I am totally hetrosexual, but I have discovered I don't need a man to be a

whole person. It takes self acceptance and love and TIME. At 60 I would rather

be alone that abused more.

Janie

maparise17 wrote:

Amen.....your are so right!

Thank you for your honesty and wisdom.

Malinda

> >

> > Hi there,

> >

> > I'm not sure exactly either, as I am also dealing with similar

> issues. I don't think you have

> > to fully disclose anything until you're really ready. You could

say

> something vague like " I

> > had a difficult childhood/past and it makes it harder for me to

> open up, but I'm working

> > hard on getting better at it and I'm really open to change " or

> something like that. You

> > could make him a partner in your process of learning how to trust

> and open up. I think if

> > you engage people in open dialogue about the issue, even if

you're

> not ready to tell all,

> > you've already made the first step of letting someone in. If it

> doesn't work out with him as

> > a result, then he maybe wasn't the right person for you at this

> point in your life. None of

> > this is written in stone, just my thoughts.

> >

> > I haven't told my SO about any of this. He knows that my family

is

> dysfunctional. But that's

> > all I've told him really. He's also seen me typing away on here

and

> intensely reading books.

> > He asks me what I'm doing and so I tell him I'm working on a

secret

> project, which is true.

> > The project is my recovery, which is not something I'm ready to

> share yet. I just told him

> > yesterday that my project involves self-improvement, and that I'm

> going through a

> > transition right now. Maybe little by little I will let him in.

But

> I'm doing it on my time table.

> >

> > I know you want to run away right now, as I too have a hard time

> with commitment. But

> > this is a really great opportunity to prove to yourself that you

> can change for the better. He

> > may not turn out to be " the one " but if you make progress in

> opening up to someone with

> > him then it's totally worth it. If he seems to you like a good,

> upstanding individual, letting

> > go a little and opening up to him might feel like the greatest

> thing in the world. Good luck!

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Lilly,

Tinker does a lot of laying around all day too. She comes out in the morning

and begs for her food, eats or turns up her nose at the food and disappears into

the bedrooms. Once in a while she will lay out in the living room with me,

around dinner time she comes out and wants to play for a while, and then we feed

her and eat. She usually stays in the LR the rest of the evening, she is

nocturnal, and is up most of the night running from window to window in the LR.

You're right it is wonderful to watch.

Janie

Lilly LaFlure wrote:

There is a certain joy in watching a cat play with abandon! We have

one, that used to just lay around all the time. Know that things have setteled

down in our household, everyday around 2, she tears around with wonderus abandon

and excitment. It is so wonderfull to watch!

Lilly

White wrote:

Lilly,

I can't have a dog in the apt. I live in, in fact most of the rental property

here does not allow you to have a dog. I would love to have another one. My

cat's name is Tinker Bell and it fits her to a tee. She is a royal snob all the

time, she does give us pleasure with the silly things she does, and she loves to

play. She never has been a loving, affectionate cat. Last night she came and

laid on the couch by me, because she likes my blanket. hahahaha

Janie

Lilly LaFlure wrote:

I can understand that completly. Each of us need to find out what works for us.

May I suggest that there are so many little dogs from puppy mills that have been

saved and need homes. Just a thought. I am big into rescued animals. The only

problem with cats is they can be a bit BP one minuet they want to love all over

you and other times they want nothing to do with you!

Lilly

White wrote:

Hey Lily,

I have been alone going on 16 years, and it doesn't bother me one little bit. I

don't know if there is someone out there or not, I just don't even look. I had a

little dog until last August and I got unconditional love from her, I miss her.

Our cat is a snob and doesn't cuddle with anyone.

Janie

Lilly LaFlure wrote:

Amen Sister. That being said after dating one abuser after another it finally

dawned on me that I was attracting the wrong type of men. After taking two years

to fix men I found a good one. We are both care takers who needed someone to

take care of us. So, the give and take in our relationship works wonders. He

also had one relationship after another where he was verbaly abused and cheated

on. He actually pretty much stopped dating for 8 years before he meet me.

Lilly

White wrote:

To all who have contributed on this subject:

I told a experience I had earlier in regard to this but Malinda is absolutely

right. I have been married 3 times, and all my husbands used and abused me,

everyone of them was a lying cheat. When my last husband took off with a 22 yr.

old, and left me high and dry, I swore off men. The man I e-mailed for over 3

years would have done the same thing to me. When most men find out our family

dynamics they tend to abuse us the same way our mother's did. I don't hate men

and I am totally hetrosexual, but I have discovered I don't need a man to be a

whole person. It takes self acceptance and love and TIME. At 60 I would rather

be alone that abused more.

Janie

maparise17 wrote:

Amen.....your are so right!

Thank you for your honesty and wisdom.

Malinda

> >

> > Hi there,

> >

> > I'm not sure exactly either, as I am also dealing with similar

> issues. I don't think you have

> > to fully disclose anything until you're really ready. You could

say

> something vague like " I

> > had a difficult childhood/past and it makes it harder for me to

> open up, but I'm working

> > hard on getting better at it and I'm really open to change " or

> something like that. You

> > could make him a partner in your process of learning how to trust

> and open up. I think if

> > you engage people in open dialogue about the issue, even if

you're

> not ready to tell all,

> > you've already made the first step of letting someone in. If it

> doesn't work out with him as

> > a result, then he maybe wasn't the right person for you at this

> point in your life. None of

> > this is written in stone, just my thoughts.

> >

> > I haven't told my SO about any of this. He knows that my family

is

> dysfunctional. But that's

> > all I've told him really. He's also seen me typing away on here

and

> intensely reading books.

> > He asks me what I'm doing and so I tell him I'm working on a

secret

> project, which is true.

> > The project is my recovery, which is not something I'm ready to

> share yet. I just told him

> > yesterday that my project involves self-improvement, and that I'm

> going through a

> > transition right now. Maybe little by little I will let him in.

But

> I'm doing it on my time table.

> >

> > I know you want to run away right now, as I too have a hard time

> with commitment. But

> > this is a really great opportunity to prove to yourself that you

> can change for the better. He

> > may not turn out to be " the one " but if you make progress in

> opening up to someone with

> > him then it's totally worth it. If he seems to you like a good,

> upstanding individual, letting

> > go a little and opening up to him might feel like the greatest

> thing in the world. Good luck!

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I had a similar experience with my husband, Lilly - and we're at 29 years going

on 30. One word of advice - keep the communication relentlessly open. As KO's,

small things become big very quickly since the roots are so well established.

Talk out anything that gives you a " twitch " until you find out what triggered

it. Until I understood BPD, I'd feel a twinge sometimes and ignore it, only to

find out it had become huge overnight. Now we STOP and get to the root as soon

as I feel the shift, and our relationship remains solid. -

mitchell_kristin wrote: Lilly,

That is too sweet!! Sounds like a great guy.

> > > >

> > > > Same here for the 'bad boy syndrome'. I was attracted to

> > controlling,

> > > > abusive men. My first boyfriend after I left home picked up

where

> > nada

> > > > left off. In retrospect, I believe he was both NPD and

> > antisocial, he

> > > > did so many bad things, and really took advantage of the fact

> > that I

> > > > didn't trust my perception of reality. He convinced me once

when I

> > > > found a girl's wallet in his bedroom that it was his wallet,

even

> > > > though he hated all things remotely girly. The best thing

that guy

> > > > ever did for me was break up with me (for some twisted

paranoid

> > > > reason). I admire you for being strong enough to be

the

> > one to

> > > > end the relationship.

> > > >

> > > > I also was tricked into thinking my current SO was a bad boy,

but

> > came

> > > > to realize that he's just a softie with a thin bad boy shell.

It

> > is

> > > > weirdly stable with him, as there is no drug dealing or

using, no

> > > > violent outbursts against anyone who makes a pass at me, no

> > > > 'questionably might be rape' situations. I think maybe us KOs

> > became

> > > > so used to a constant adrenaline producing environment that

it

> > feels

> > > > weird not to have that.

> > > >

> > > > Mel

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Don't be flakey. Get Yahoo! Mail for Mobile and

> always stay connected to friends.

>

>

[Guest guest]

I had a similar experience with my husband, Lilly - and we're at 29 years going

on 30. One word of advice - keep the communication relentlessly open. As KO's,

small things become big very quickly since the roots are so well established.

Talk out anything that gives you a " twitch " until you find out what triggered

it. Until I understood BPD, I'd feel a twinge sometimes and ignore it, only to

find out it had become huge overnight. Now we STOP and get to the root as soon

as I feel the shift, and our relationship remains solid. -

mitchell_kristin wrote: Lilly,

That is too sweet!! Sounds like a great guy.

> > > >

> > > > Same here for the 'bad boy syndrome'. I was attracted to

> > controlling,

> > > > abusive men. My first boyfriend after I left home picked up

where

> > nada

> > > > left off. In retrospect, I believe he was both NPD and

> > antisocial, he

> > > > did so many bad things, and really took advantage of the fact

> > that I

> > > > didn't trust my perception of reality. He convinced me once

when I

> > > > found a girl's wallet in his bedroom that it was his wallet,

even

> > > > though he hated all things remotely girly. The best thing

that guy

> > > > ever did for me was break up with me (for some twisted

paranoid

> > > > reason). I admire you for being strong enough to be

the

> > one to

> > > > end the relationship.

> > > >

> > > > I also was tricked into thinking my current SO was a bad boy,

but

> > came

> > > > to realize that he's just a softie with a thin bad boy shell.

It

> > is

> > > > weirdly stable with him, as there is no drug dealing or

using, no

> > > > violent outbursts against anyone who makes a pass at me, no

> > > > 'questionably might be rape' situations. I think maybe us KOs

> > became

> > > > so used to a constant adrenaline producing environment that

it

> > feels

> > > > weird not to have that.

> > > >

> > > > Mel

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Don't be flakey. Get Yahoo! Mail for Mobile and

> always stay connected to friends.

>

>

[Guest guest]

I had a similar experience with my husband, Lilly - and we're at 29 years going

on 30. One word of advice - keep the communication relentlessly open. As KO's,

small things become big very quickly since the roots are so well established.

Talk out anything that gives you a " twitch " until you find out what triggered

it. Until I understood BPD, I'd feel a twinge sometimes and ignore it, only to

find out it had become huge overnight. Now we STOP and get to the root as soon

as I feel the shift, and our relationship remains solid. -

mitchell_kristin wrote: Lilly,

That is too sweet!! Sounds like a great guy.

> > > >

> > > > Same here for the 'bad boy syndrome'. I was attracted to

> > controlling,

> > > > abusive men. My first boyfriend after I left home picked up

where

> > nada

> > > > left off. In retrospect, I believe he was both NPD and

> > antisocial, he

> > > > did so many bad things, and really took advantage of the fact

> > that I

> > > > didn't trust my perception of reality. He convinced me once

when I

> > > > found a girl's wallet in his bedroom that it was his wallet,

even

> > > > though he hated all things remotely girly. The best thing

that guy

> > > > ever did for me was break up with me (for some twisted

paranoid

> > > > reason). I admire you for being strong enough to be

the

> > one to

> > > > end the relationship.

> > > >

> > > > I also was tricked into thinking my current SO was a bad boy,

but

> > came

> > > > to realize that he's just a softie with a thin bad boy shell.

It

> > is

> > > > weirdly stable with him, as there is no drug dealing or

using, no

> > > > violent outbursts against anyone who makes a pass at me, no

> > > > 'questionably might be rape' situations. I think maybe us KOs

> > became

> > > > so used to a constant adrenaline producing environment that

it

> > feels

> > > > weird not to have that.

> > > >

> > > > Mel

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Don't be flakey. Get Yahoo! Mail for Mobile and

> always stay connected to friends.

>

>

[Guest guest]

We have learned to become very open with one another. We, have extra to work

thru because we are both KO's. So, we have both have " twitches " and or

" triggers " . I figured out one of mine this week, while I was suppose to be down

with my messed up foot. I felt so guilty and horrible that I wasn't still doing

all of my housework. Fiance was getting mad, because I wouldn't stay down and

take care of myself. We finally figured out that we were both " twitching " and

worked things out.

Lilly

L Kay wrote:

I had a similar experience with my husband, Lilly - and we're at 29

years going on 30. One word of advice - keep the communication relentlessly

open. As KO's, small things become big very quickly since the roots are so well

established. Talk out anything that gives you a " twitch " until you find out what

triggered it. Until I understood BPD, I'd feel a twinge sometimes and ignore it,

only to find out it had become huge overnight. Now we STOP and get to the root

as soon as I feel the shift, and our relationship remains solid. -

mitchell_kristin wrote: Lilly,

That is too sweet!! Sounds like a great guy.

> > > >

> > > > Same here for the 'bad boy syndrome'. I was attracted to

> > controlling,

> > > > abusive men. My first boyfriend after I left home picked up

where

> > nada

> > > > left off. In retrospect, I believe he was both NPD and

> > antisocial, he

> > > > did so many bad things, and really took advantage of the fact

> > that I

> > > > didn't trust my perception of reality. He convinced me once

when I

> > > > found a girl's wallet in his bedroom that it was his wallet,

even

> > > > though he hated all things remotely girly. The best thing

that guy

> > > > ever did for me was break up with me (for some twisted

paranoid

> > > > reason). I admire you for being strong enough to be

the

> > one to

> > > > end the relationship.

> > > >

> > > > I also was tricked into thinking my current SO was a bad boy,

but

> > came

> > > > to realize that he's just a softie with a thin bad boy shell.

It

> > is

> > > > weirdly stable with him, as there is no drug dealing or

using, no

> > > > violent outbursts against anyone who makes a pass at me, no

> > > > 'questionably might be rape' situations. I think maybe us KOs

> > became

> > > > so used to a constant adrenaline producing environment that

it

> > feels

> > > > weird not to have that.

> > > >

> > > > Mel

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Don't be flakey. Get Yahoo! Mail for Mobile and

> always stay connected to friends.

>

>

[Guest guest]

That's fantastic! I spent a lot of years getting agitated " at him " and being

fidgety because I wasn't aware of the BPD upheavals...like seeing the tidal wave

and not the earthquake that caused it. Sounds like you're way ahead of the ball

game. Congratulations! -

Lilly LaFlure wrote: We have learned to

become very open with one another. We, have extra to work thru because we are

both KO's. So, we have both have " twitches " and or " triggers " . I figured out one

of mine this week, while I was suppose to be down with my messed up foot. I felt

so guilty and horrible that I wasn't still doing all of my housework. Fiance was

getting mad, because I wouldn't stay down and take care of myself. We finally

figured out that we were both " twitching " and worked things out.

Lilly

L Kay wrote:

I had a similar experience with my husband, Lilly - and we're at 29 years going

on 30. One word of advice - keep the communication relentlessly open. As KO's,

small things become big very quickly since the roots are so well established.

Talk out anything that gives you a " twitch " until you find out what triggered

it. Until I understood BPD, I'd feel a twinge sometimes and ignore it, only to

find out it had become huge overnight. Now we STOP and get to the root as soon

as I feel the shift, and our relationship remains solid. -

mitchell_kristin wrote: Lilly,

That is too sweet!! Sounds like a great guy.

> > > >

> > > > Same here for the 'bad boy syndrome'. I was attracted to

> > controlling,

> > > > abusive men. My first boyfriend after I left home picked up

where

> > nada

> > > > left off. In retrospect, I believe he was both NPD and

> > antisocial, he

> > > > did so many bad things, and really took advantage of the fact

> > that I

> > > > didn't trust my perception of reality. He convinced me once

when I

> > > > found a girl's wallet in his bedroom that it was his wallet,

even

> > > > though he hated all things remotely girly. The best thing

that guy

> > > > ever did for me was break up with me (for some twisted

paranoid

> > > > reason). I admire you for being strong enough to be

the

> > one to

> > > > end the relationship.

> > > >

> > > > I also was tricked into thinking my current SO was a bad boy,

but

> > came

> > > > to realize that he's just a softie with a thin bad boy shell.

It

> > is

> > > > weirdly stable with him, as there is no drug dealing or

using, no

> > > > violent outbursts against anyone who makes a pass at me, no

> > > > 'questionably might be rape' situations. I think maybe us KOs

> > became

> > > > so used to a constant adrenaline producing environment that

it

> > feels

> > > > weird not to have that.

> > > >

> > > > Mel

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Don't be flakey. Get Yahoo! Mail for Mobile and

> always stay connected to friends.

>

>

[Guest guest]

That's fantastic! I spent a lot of years getting agitated " at him " and being

fidgety because I wasn't aware of the BPD upheavals...like seeing the tidal wave

and not the earthquake that caused it. Sounds like you're way ahead of the ball

game. Congratulations! -

Lilly LaFlure wrote: We have learned to

become very open with one another. We, have extra to work thru because we are

both KO's. So, we have both have " twitches " and or " triggers " . I figured out one

of mine this week, while I was suppose to be down with my messed up foot. I felt

so guilty and horrible that I wasn't still doing all of my housework. Fiance was

getting mad, because I wouldn't stay down and take care of myself. We finally

figured out that we were both " twitching " and worked things out.

Lilly

L Kay wrote:

I had a similar experience with my husband, Lilly - and we're at 29 years going

on 30. One word of advice - keep the communication relentlessly open. As KO's,

small things become big very quickly since the roots are so well established.

Talk out anything that gives you a " twitch " until you find out what triggered

it. Until I understood BPD, I'd feel a twinge sometimes and ignore it, only to

find out it had become huge overnight. Now we STOP and get to the root as soon

as I feel the shift, and our relationship remains solid. -

mitchell_kristin wrote: Lilly,

That is too sweet!! Sounds like a great guy.

> > > >

> > > > Same here for the 'bad boy syndrome'. I was attracted to

> > controlling,

> > > > abusive men. My first boyfriend after I left home picked up

where

> > nada

> > > > left off. In retrospect, I believe he was both NPD and

> > antisocial, he

> > > > did so many bad things, and really took advantage of the fact

> > that I

> > > > didn't trust my perception of reality. He convinced me once

when I

> > > > found a girl's wallet in his bedroom that it was his wallet,

even

> > > > though he hated all things remotely girly. The best thing

that guy

> > > > ever did for me was break up with me (for some twisted

paranoid

> > > > reason). I admire you for being strong enough to be

the

> > one to

> > > > end the relationship.

> > > >

> > > > I also was tricked into thinking my current SO was a bad boy,

but

> > came

> > > > to realize that he's just a softie with a thin bad boy shell.

It

> > is

> > > > weirdly stable with him, as there is no drug dealing or

using, no

> > > > violent outbursts against anyone who makes a pass at me, no

> > > > 'questionably might be rape' situations. I think maybe us KOs

> > became

> > > > so used to a constant adrenaline producing environment that

it

> > feels

> > > > weird not to have that.

> > > >

> > > > Mel

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Don't be flakey. Get Yahoo! Mail for Mobile and

> always stay connected to friends.

>

>