At breaking point

[Guest guest]

I can barely see the computer screen at the moment through my tears. I am just SO SICK of not being able to lead a normal life. 4S is starting to feel like it is in complete control of meWas having dinner with my sisters (whilst watching TV - usually not too bad as background noise) and just had to run from the room because of the noise of their cutlery against their plates and their teeth scraping against their fork. Sat by myself in the kitchen crying whilst trying to force myself to eat. They were exasperated at me earlier because I got all 'funny' and overreacted whilst I was cooking tea earlier (they were walking around in thongs so anything was going to set me off!)Am so overwhelmed with everything. It makes me feel like a

monster and I just don't know how to bring all of these things up because how can others without 4S understand the bubbling rage that builds up inside? That overwhelming need to just get out of there. I mean how can I tell my sisters that they can't wear thongs around the house because I can't cope with the flipping noise as they walk around? And cleaning their teeth outside the bathroom. And scraping their breakfast bowl out with their spoon (I have to sit in my bedroom with the door closed and the fan on so I can't hear both of those things). Not to mention banging the cupboard doors. And chopping vegetables loudly. And tapping. And fiddling. The list goes on.... I mean what normal person brings all of that up that? I've been able to hold back so many times when I've wanted to say something, and remove myself from the trigger, but just don't think I can cope anymore. It's just so damn hard to be that strong all the time!And

that's just home, work is even worse (my colleague is a compulsive whistler/tapper/fiddler).Sorry to spill all of this, am just in a bit of a state. But sure is nice knowing there are other people out there who know how I feel  :-)Big deep breath....