Re: Comparing KO Stories and Minimizing Mine

[Guest guest]

This message is for Angel and for Jackie:

I haven't read through all the messages that have come in the last couple of

hours, I started at the top.

One of the most devastating things in life is the loss of a child. I don't

know of anything that compares to that.

I want to thank you for your comments about the abuse I have suffered through.

They were very comforting. The physical wounds heal, but it is really hard to

forget the emotional wounds, especially when at 89 she is still physically

abusive. She came at me with a sharp cornered picture frame 8 days before

Christmas. My son who is grown watched her and listened to her scream her vile

remarks for 4 1/2 months and finally got sick of it and watched her physically

attack me. The last time when she came at me I put my hands on her shoulders to

move her back and she fell. I regret that, but I just couldn't take anymore. I

stayed away from her for over a month.

I know I have a lot of issues to deal with, and sometimes I don't handle

things the way a normal person might. All of you know, dealing with a nada can

make life very difficult, and cause us to not handle things normally. The book

that has helped me the most is " Children of the self-absorbed " so far it has

really been a help. It is one of the books recommended in Eggshells.

Thanks again for the thoughts.

Janie

" Beach Bunny (Angel) " wrote:

Thank you so very much Jackie....I appreciate that. I never gave it a

thought about how my son's death effected other family members...but it makes me

feel better that like you, i'm sure they think of him from time to time. You put

a huge smile on my face today...thank you

I've been thinking about some previous posts and I wanted share this thought

about minimizing our own life experiences. I try to read every last

post....sometimes I get busy and just can't catch up with all the posts I've

missed...but occasionally someone will share something that just moves me so

much i'm at a loss for words...often, i will hear such tragic things that like

many of the rest of you, i feel like " wow...here i was complaining...this

person's life has been WAY worse than mine " . One of the posts that stick in my

mind is one of Janies...the way she talks about how horribly she was physically

abused...i don't know HOW to respond....i almost feel unworthy to post a

response...what can i say?? I'm sure she has heard " i'm sorry " a billion

times...i can't imagine anything that i can say that will make her feel

better...so i remain silent....nada has done alot of things, but i never

experienced that degree of abuse. I remain silent because i am speechless....and

horrified for her. I'm sure Jackie felt the same way here when she

responded...yet her words made me feel so much better.

This is a wonderful topic....i think it helps us understand each other even

more.

sleddog wrote:

>the only person I felt like I could really lean on was a friend of the

>family who had earlier that year, also buried her child. Granted, it was a

>different situation, her son >was almost 20 and committed suicide, mine was

>9 weeks old and died from SIDS.

I'm so sorry for you...it's never easy loosing a loved one, no matter what

length they've been in our lives. I had a cousin die of SIDS many many

years ago, but the child is still remembered and thought of.

Jackie

Kisses and Nibbles,

Bunny

[Guest guest]

Thank you Janie...I appreciate your thoughts.

I'm so sorry you had to go through what you did with your mom...i can't

imagine how you must have felt for your son to watch this unfold...i hope that

maybe after seeing this he can help you heal...and that he can offer support to

you. I hope you can move past the regret you feel...it sounds to me that you

did the exact right thing...her getting hurt wasn't your fault...it was a

concequence of HER actions...not your re-action...you were defending

yourself...and there is nothing wrong with that.

I'm going to check out that book you talked about...another great book that

helped me alot was the book " How to hug a porcupine " ...If you are interested I

can look up the author for you(or anyone else that wants it)..since your mom is

still around and you have to deal with her, it may help you get through it.

Kisses and Nibbles,

Bunny (Angel)

White wrote:

This message is for Angel and for Jackie:

I haven't read through all the messages that have come in the last couple of

hours, I started at the top.

One of the most devastating things in life is the loss of a child. I don't know

of anything that compares to that.

I want to thank you for your comments about the abuse I have suffered through.

They were very comforting. The physical wounds heal, but it is really hard to

forget the emotional wounds, especially when at 89 she is still physically

abusive. She came at me with a sharp cornered picture frame 8 days before

Christmas. My son who is grown watched her and listened to her scream her vile

remarks for 4 1/2 months and finally got sick of it and watched her physically

attack me. The last time when she came at me I put my hands on her shoulders to

move her back and she fell. I regret that, but I just couldn't take anymore. I

stayed away from her for over a month.

I know I have a lot of issues to deal with, and sometimes I don't handle things

the way a normal person might. All of you know, dealing with a nada can make

life very difficult, and cause us to not handle things normally. The book that

has helped me the most is " Children of the self-absorbed " so far it has really

been a help. It is one of the books recommended in Eggshells.

Thanks again for the thoughts.

Janie

" Beach Bunny (Angel) " wrote:

Thank you so very much Jackie....I appreciate that. I never gave it a thought

about how my son's death effected other family members...but it makes me feel

better that like you, i'm sure they think of him from time to time. You put a

huge smile on my face today...thank you

I've been thinking about some previous posts and I wanted share this thought

about minimizing our own life experiences. I try to read every last

post....sometimes I get busy and just can't catch up with all the posts I've

missed...but occasionally someone will share something that just moves me so

much i'm at a loss for words...often, i will hear such tragic things that like

many of the rest of you, i feel like " wow...here i was complaining...this

person's life has been WAY worse than mine " . One of the posts that stick in my

mind is one of Janies...the way she talks about how horribly she was physically

abused...i don't know HOW to respond....i almost feel unworthy to post a

response...what can i say?? I'm sure she has heard " i'm sorry " a billion

times...i can't imagine anything that i can say that will make her feel

better...so i remain silent....nada has done alot of things, but i never

experienced that degree of abuse. I remain silent because i am speechless....and

horrified for her. I'm sure Jackie felt the same way here when she

responded...yet her words made me feel so much better.

This is a wonderful topic....i think it helps us understand each other even

more.

sleddog wrote:

>the only person I felt like I could really lean on was a friend of the

>family who had earlier that year, also buried her child. Granted, it was a

>different situation, her son >was almost 20 and committed suicide, mine was

>9 weeks old and died from SIDS.

I'm so sorry for you...it's never easy loosing a loved one, no matter what

length they've been in our lives. I had a cousin die of SIDS many many

years ago, but the child is still remembered and thought of.

Jackie

Kisses and Nibbles,

Bunny

[Guest guest]

Thanks Angel for your thoughts and I would love to know the author's name. I

think books are our salvation.

I don't really feel guilty for the fall, she didn't hurt herself. Her kitchen

is carpeted. Of course she told everyone that I pushed her down. I told my

sister what I had done. I never tried to hide it. She is in denial to the

hilt, and can call you every name is the book, and an hour later she never said

any of it. Even my son told her that she had said things and she called him a

liar.

We will all make it through this, with the support of each other and those we

have around us.

Janie

" Beach Bunny (Angel) " wrote:

Thank you Janie...I appreciate your thoughts.

I'm so sorry you had to go through what you did with your mom...i can't imagine

how you must have felt for your son to watch this unfold...i hope that maybe

after seeing this he can help you heal...and that he can offer support to you. I

hope you can move past the regret you feel...it sounds to me that you did the

exact right thing...her getting hurt wasn't your fault...it was a concequence of

HER actions...not your re-action...you were defending yourself...and there is

nothing wrong with that.

I'm going to check out that book you talked about...another great book that

helped me alot was the book " How to hug a porcupine " ...If you are interested I

can look up the author for you(or anyone else that wants it)..since your mom is

still around and you have to deal with her, it may help you get through it.

Kisses and Nibbles,

Bunny (Angel)

White wrote:

This message is for Angel and for Jackie:

I haven't read through all the messages that have come in the last couple of

hours, I started at the top.

One of the most devastating things in life is the loss of a child. I don't know

of anything that compares to that.

I want to thank you for your comments about the abuse I have suffered through.

They were very comforting. The physical wounds heal, but it is really hard to

forget the emotional wounds, especially when at 89 she is still physically

abusive. She came at me with a sharp cornered picture frame 8 days before

Christmas. My son who is grown watched her and listened to her scream her vile

remarks for 4 1/2 months and finally got sick of it and watched her physically

attack me. The last time when she came at me I put my hands on her shoulders to

move her back and she fell. I regret that, but I just couldn't take anymore. I

stayed away from her for over a month.

I know I have a lot of issues to deal with, and sometimes I don't handle things

the way a normal person might. All of you know, dealing with a nada can make

life very difficult, and cause us to not handle things normally. The book that

has helped me the most is " Children of the self-absorbed " so far it has really

been a help. It is one of the books recommended in Eggshells.

Thanks again for the thoughts.

Janie

" Beach Bunny (Angel) " wrote:

Thank you so very much Jackie....I appreciate that. I never gave it a thought

about how my son's death effected other family members...but it makes me feel

better that like you, i'm sure they think of him from time to time. You put a

huge smile on my face today...thank you

I've been thinking about some previous posts and I wanted share this thought

about minimizing our own life experiences. I try to read every last

post....sometimes I get busy and just can't catch up with all the posts I've

missed...but occasionally someone will share something that just moves me so

much i'm at a loss for words...often, i will hear such tragic things that like

many of the rest of you, i feel like " wow...here i was complaining...this

person's life has been WAY worse than mine " . One of the posts that stick in my

mind is one of Janies...the way she talks about how horribly she was physically

abused...i don't know HOW to respond....i almost feel unworthy to post a

response...what can i say?? I'm sure she has heard " i'm sorry " a billion

times...i can't imagine anything that i can say that will make her feel

better...so i remain silent....nada has done alot of things, but i never

experienced that degree of abuse. I remain silent because i am speechless....and

horrified for her. I'm sure Jackie felt the same way here when she

responded...yet her words made me feel so much better.

This is a wonderful topic....i think it helps us understand each other even

more.

sleddog wrote:

>the only person I felt like I could really lean on was a friend of the

>family who had earlier that year, also buried her child. Granted, it was a

>different situation, her son >was almost 20 and committed suicide, mine was

>9 weeks old and died from SIDS.

I'm so sorry for you...it's never easy loosing a loved one, no matter what

length they've been in our lives. I had a cousin die of SIDS many many

years ago, but the child is still remembered and thought of.

Jackie

Kisses and Nibbles,

Bunny

[Guest guest]

Here is some more information for you: How to Hug a Porcupine: Dealing with

Toxic and Difficult to love personalities...Author is L. Lund. This was

the first book I left...I " accidentally " left it on my mom's coffee table one

time....after reading it she responded to my father that I had gotten the book

for her to help deal with how horrible my father was. (Actually I was hoping she

would read it and figure out that SHE was the porcupine in this scenario)

Eventullay she passed to book on to my Aunt (Which is fine but it would have

been nice to check with me if I was ok with HER giving away MY book that I let

her BORROW. My Aunt was dealing with some spousal abuse stuff...and what do you

know, it has completely changed her...she is happy and she had the moxy (thanks

to the book) to stand up to her loser husband and tell him to hit the bricks.

It's a great read...I highly suggest reading it.

Uuggh...I have so much more I want to say, but I just took a sleeping pill an

hour ago and it is taking me all the stregth that i can muster to get these

thing posted.

White wrote:

Thanks Angel for your thoughts and I would love to know the author's

name. I think books are our salvation.

I don't really feel guilty for the fall, she didn't hurt herself. Her kitchen is

carpeted. Of course she told everyone that I pushed her down. I told my sister

what I had done. I never tried to hide it. She is in denial to the hilt, and can

call you every name is the book, and an hour later she never said any of it.

Even my son told her that she had said things and she called him a liar.

We will all make it through this, with the support of each other and those we

have around us.

Janie

" Beach Bunny (Angel) " wrote:

Thank you Janie...I appreciate your thoughts.

I'm so sorry you had to go through what you did with your mom...i can't imagine

how you must have felt for your son to watch this unfold...i hope that maybe

after seeing this he can help you heal...and that he can offer support to you. I

hope you can move past the regret you feel...it sounds to me that you did the

exact right thing...her getting hurt wasn't your fault...it was a concequence of

HER actions...not your re-action...you were defending yourself...and there is

nothing wrong with that.

I'm going to check out that book you talked about...another great book that

helped me alot was the book " How to hug a porcupine " ...If you are interested I

can look up the author for you(or anyone else that wants it)..since your mom is

still around and you have to deal with her, it may help you get through it.

Kisses and Nibbles,

Bunny (Angel)

White wrote:

This message is for Angel and for Jackie:

I haven't read through all the messages that have come in the last couple of

hours, I started at the top.

One of the most devastating things in life is the loss of a child. I don't know

of anything that compares to that.

I want to thank you for your comments about the abuse I have suffered through.

They were very comforting. The physical wounds heal, but it is really hard to

forget the emotional wounds, especially when at 89 she is still physically

abusive. She came at me with a sharp cornered picture frame 8 days before

Christmas. My son who is grown watched her and listened to her scream her vile

remarks for 4 1/2 months and finally got sick of it and watched her physically

attack me. The last time when she came at me I put my hands on her shoulders to

move her back and she fell. I regret that, but I just couldn't take anymore. I

stayed away from her for over a month.

I know I have a lot of issues to deal with, and sometimes I don't handle things

the way a normal person might. All of you know, dealing with a nada can make

life very difficult, and cause us to not handle things normally. The book that

has helped me the most is " Children of the self-absorbed " so far it has really

been a help. It is one of the books recommended in Eggshells.

Thanks again for the thoughts.

Janie

" Beach Bunny (Angel) " wrote:

Thank you so very much Jackie....I appreciate that. I never gave it a thought

about how my son's death effected other family members...but it makes me feel

better that like you, i'm sure they think of him from time to time. You put a

huge smile on my face today...thank you

I've been thinking about some previous posts and I wanted share this thought

about minimizing our own life experiences. I try to read every last

post....sometimes I get busy and just can't catch up with all the posts I've

missed...but occasionally someone will share something that just moves me so

much i'm at a loss for words...often, i will hear such tragic things that like

many of the rest of you, i feel like " wow...here i was complaining...this

person's life has been WAY worse than mine " . One of the posts that stick in my

mind is one of Janies...the way she talks about how horribly she was physically

abused...i don't know HOW to respond....i almost feel unworthy to post a

response...what can i say?? I'm sure she has heard " i'm sorry " a billion

times...i can't imagine anything that i can say that will make her feel

better...so i remain silent....nada has done alot of things, but i never

experienced that degree of abuse. I remain silent because i am speechless....and

horrified for her. I'm sure Jackie felt the same way here when she

responded...yet her words made me feel so much better.

This is a wonderful topic....i think it helps us understand each other even

more.

sleddog wrote:

>the only person I felt like I could really lean on was a friend of the

>family who had earlier that year, also buried her child. Granted, it was a

>different situation, her son >was almost 20 and committed suicide, mine was

>9 weeks old and died from SIDS.

I'm so sorry for you...it's never easy loosing a loved one, no matter what

length they've been in our lives. I had a cousin die of SIDS many many

years ago, but the child is still remembered and thought of.

Jackie

Kisses and Nibbles,

Bunny

[Guest guest]

Here is some more information for you: How to Hug a Porcupine: Dealing with

Toxic and Difficult to love personalities...Author is L. Lund. This was

the first book I left...I " accidentally " left it on my mom's coffee table one

time....after reading it she responded to my father that I had gotten the book

for her to help deal with how horrible my father was. (Actually I was hoping she

would read it and figure out that SHE was the porcupine in this scenario)

Eventullay she passed to book on to my Aunt (Which is fine but it would have

been nice to check with me if I was ok with HER giving away MY book that I let

her BORROW. My Aunt was dealing with some spousal abuse stuff...and what do you

know, it has completely changed her...she is happy and she had the moxy (thanks

to the book) to stand up to her loser husband and tell him to hit the bricks.

It's a great read...I highly suggest reading it.

Uuggh...I have so much more I want to say, but I just took a sleeping pill an

hour ago and it is taking me all the stregth that i can muster to get these

thing posted.

White wrote:

Thanks Angel for your thoughts and I would love to know the author's

name. I think books are our salvation.

I don't really feel guilty for the fall, she didn't hurt herself. Her kitchen is

carpeted. Of course she told everyone that I pushed her down. I told my sister

what I had done. I never tried to hide it. She is in denial to the hilt, and can

call you every name is the book, and an hour later she never said any of it.

Even my son told her that she had said things and she called him a liar.

We will all make it through this, with the support of each other and those we

have around us.

Janie

" Beach Bunny (Angel) " wrote:

Thank you Janie...I appreciate your thoughts.

I'm so sorry you had to go through what you did with your mom...i can't imagine

how you must have felt for your son to watch this unfold...i hope that maybe

after seeing this he can help you heal...and that he can offer support to you. I

hope you can move past the regret you feel...it sounds to me that you did the

exact right thing...her getting hurt wasn't your fault...it was a concequence of

HER actions...not your re-action...you were defending yourself...and there is

nothing wrong with that.

I'm going to check out that book you talked about...another great book that

helped me alot was the book " How to hug a porcupine " ...If you are interested I

can look up the author for you(or anyone else that wants it)..since your mom is

still around and you have to deal with her, it may help you get through it.

Kisses and Nibbles,

Bunny (Angel)

White wrote:

This message is for Angel and for Jackie:

I haven't read through all the messages that have come in the last couple of

hours, I started at the top.

One of the most devastating things in life is the loss of a child. I don't know

of anything that compares to that.

I want to thank you for your comments about the abuse I have suffered through.

They were very comforting. The physical wounds heal, but it is really hard to

forget the emotional wounds, especially when at 89 she is still physically

abusive. She came at me with a sharp cornered picture frame 8 days before

Christmas. My son who is grown watched her and listened to her scream her vile

remarks for 4 1/2 months and finally got sick of it and watched her physically

attack me. The last time when she came at me I put my hands on her shoulders to

move her back and she fell. I regret that, but I just couldn't take anymore. I

stayed away from her for over a month.

I know I have a lot of issues to deal with, and sometimes I don't handle things

the way a normal person might. All of you know, dealing with a nada can make

life very difficult, and cause us to not handle things normally. The book that

has helped me the most is " Children of the self-absorbed " so far it has really

been a help. It is one of the books recommended in Eggshells.

Thanks again for the thoughts.

Janie

" Beach Bunny (Angel) " wrote:

Thank you so very much Jackie....I appreciate that. I never gave it a thought

about how my son's death effected other family members...but it makes me feel

better that like you, i'm sure they think of him from time to time. You put a

huge smile on my face today...thank you

I've been thinking about some previous posts and I wanted share this thought

about minimizing our own life experiences. I try to read every last

post....sometimes I get busy and just can't catch up with all the posts I've

missed...but occasionally someone will share something that just moves me so

much i'm at a loss for words...often, i will hear such tragic things that like

many of the rest of you, i feel like " wow...here i was complaining...this

person's life has been WAY worse than mine " . One of the posts that stick in my

mind is one of Janies...the way she talks about how horribly she was physically

abused...i don't know HOW to respond....i almost feel unworthy to post a

response...what can i say?? I'm sure she has heard " i'm sorry " a billion

times...i can't imagine anything that i can say that will make her feel

better...so i remain silent....nada has done alot of things, but i never

experienced that degree of abuse. I remain silent because i am speechless....and

horrified for her. I'm sure Jackie felt the same way here when she

responded...yet her words made me feel so much better.

This is a wonderful topic....i think it helps us understand each other even

more.

sleddog wrote:

>the only person I felt like I could really lean on was a friend of the

>family who had earlier that year, also buried her child. Granted, it was a

>different situation, her son >was almost 20 and committed suicide, mine was

>9 weeks old and died from SIDS.

I'm so sorry for you...it's never easy loosing a loved one, no matter what

length they've been in our lives. I had a cousin die of SIDS many many

years ago, but the child is still remembered and thought of.

Jackie

Kisses and Nibbles,

Bunny

[Guest guest]

>The physical wounds heal, but it is really hard to forget the emotional

wounds, especially when at 89 she is still physically abusive. She came at

me with a sharp cornered picture frame 8 days before Christmas. My son who

is grown watched her >and listened to her scream her vile remarks for 4 1/2

months and finally got sick of it and watched her physically attack me. The

last time when she came at me I put my >hands on her shoulders to move her

back and she fell. I regret that, but I just couldn't take anymore. I

stayed away from her for over a month.

My 83 year old mother is still abusive towards me as well...I don't ever let

myself forget what shes done..I've forgivin her, but never forget, otherwise

I might let my guard down too much ( this is just awful to have to feel this

way about your onw mother !!)

> I know I have a lot of issues to deal with, and sometimes I don't handle

things the way a normal person might. All of you know, dealing with a nada

can make life very >difficult, and cause us to not handle things normally.

The book that has helped me the most is " Children of the self-absorbed " so

far it has really been a help. It is one >of the books recommended in

Eggshells.

I know this is true for me..I never learned the proper way to handel things,

and didn't want to handel them like nada does...so I understand..never heard

of that book, sounds interesting, will have to look it up :-)

Jackie

[Guest guest]

>The physical wounds heal, but it is really hard to forget the emotional

wounds, especially when at 89 she is still physically abusive. She came at

me with a sharp cornered picture frame 8 days before Christmas. My son who

is grown watched her >and listened to her scream her vile remarks for 4 1/2

months and finally got sick of it and watched her physically attack me. The

last time when she came at me I put my >hands on her shoulders to move her

back and she fell. I regret that, but I just couldn't take anymore. I

stayed away from her for over a month.

My 83 year old mother is still abusive towards me as well...I don't ever let

myself forget what shes done..I've forgivin her, but never forget, otherwise

I might let my guard down too much ( this is just awful to have to feel this

way about your onw mother !!)

> I know I have a lot of issues to deal with, and sometimes I don't handle

things the way a normal person might. All of you know, dealing with a nada

can make life very >difficult, and cause us to not handle things normally.

The book that has helped me the most is " Children of the self-absorbed " so

far it has really been a help. It is one >of the books recommended in

Eggshells.

I know this is true for me..I never learned the proper way to handel things,

and didn't want to handel them like nada does...so I understand..never heard

of that book, sounds interesting, will have to look it up :-)

Jackie

[Guest guest]

First, I see your " kisses and nibbles " signature again and I'm so glad to see

it! Second, I had an older sister who died of SIDS before I was born and every

time my mom did something 'overboard' (calling my work, my neighbors, my

preacher, etc when I told her I'd be 5 minutes late and I was 6 minutes

late...only me. Sis could never show up at all and mom said, " that's just

her " ), mom said " you just don't understand what it's like to lose a child. " The

older sister died in 1946. The incident about calling everyone occurred in

1991. Can you give me some insight? Is there healing? Does the fear go on

forever? -

" Beach Bunny (Angel) " wrote:

Thank you so very much Jackie....I appreciate that. I never gave it a

thought about how my son's death effected other family members...but it makes me

feel better that like you, i'm sure they think of him from time to time. You put

a huge smile on my face today...thank you

I've been thinking about some previous posts and I wanted share this thought

about minimizing our own life experiences. I try to read every last

post....sometimes I get busy and just can't catch up with all the posts I've

missed...but occasionally someone will share something that just moves me so

much i'm at a loss for words...often, i will hear such tragic things that like

many of the rest of you, i feel like " wow...here i was complaining...this

person's life has been WAY worse than mine " . One of the posts that stick in my

mind is one of Janies...the way she talks about how horribly she was physically

abused...i don't know HOW to respond....i almost feel unworthy to post a

response...what can i say?? I'm sure she has heard " i'm sorry " a billion

times...i can't imagine anything that i can say that will make her feel

better...so i remain silent....nada has done alot of things, but i never

experienced that degree of abuse. I remain silent because i am speechless....and

horrified for her. I'm sure Jackie felt the same way here when she

responded...yet her words made me feel so much better.

This is a wonderful topic....i think it helps us understand each other even

more.

sleddog wrote:

>the only person I felt like I could really lean on was a friend of the

>family who had earlier that year, also buried her child. Granted, it was a

>different situation, her son >was almost 20 and committed suicide, mine was

>9 weeks old and died from SIDS.

I'm so sorry for you...it's never easy loosing a loved one, no matter what

length they've been in our lives. I had a cousin die of SIDS many many

years ago, but the child is still remembered and thought of.

Jackie

Kisses and Nibbles,

Bunny

[Guest guest]

Bunny,

I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to respond to this earlier.

I am so SORRY and HEARTBROKEN for you over the loss of your child.

Being a somewhat new mother, this is absolutely the most horrific and

unimaginable thing I could ever go through.

My mom's brother committed suicide before my mom and my grandmother

was still alive when he died; she never got over his death and I was

glad she had died before my mom committed suicide. Its not natural

for a child to go first and my grandmother was so devastated.

I can't imagine what you went through.

You are so strong and such an inspiration!

Ok, I've caught myself a few times reading posts of some pretty bad

> BPD behavior and getting caught up in minimizing my experience and

> even questioning if I have anything to complain about....

>

> Anyone else do this?

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Kisses and Nibbles,

>

> Bunny

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Bunny,

I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to respond to this earlier.

I am so SORRY and HEARTBROKEN for you over the loss of your child.

Being a somewhat new mother, this is absolutely the most horrific and

unimaginable thing I could ever go through.

My mom's brother committed suicide before my mom and my grandmother

was still alive when he died; she never got over his death and I was

glad she had died before my mom committed suicide. Its not natural

for a child to go first and my grandmother was so devastated.

I can't imagine what you went through.

You are so strong and such an inspiration!

Ok, I've caught myself a few times reading posts of some pretty bad

> BPD behavior and getting caught up in minimizing my experience and

> even questioning if I have anything to complain about....

>

> Anyone else do this?

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Kisses and Nibbles,

>

> Bunny

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Bunny,

I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to respond to this earlier.

I am so SORRY and HEARTBROKEN for you over the loss of your child.

Being a somewhat new mother, this is absolutely the most horrific and

unimaginable thing I could ever go through.

My mom's brother committed suicide before my mom and my grandmother

was still alive when he died; she never got over his death and I was

glad she had died before my mom committed suicide. Its not natural

for a child to go first and my grandmother was so devastated.

I can't imagine what you went through.

You are so strong and such an inspiration!

Ok, I've caught myself a few times reading posts of some pretty bad

> BPD behavior and getting caught up in minimizing my experience and

> even questioning if I have anything to complain about....

>

> Anyone else do this?

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Kisses and Nibbles,

>

> Bunny

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Bunny,

Just so you know, I was touched by your email, but it didn't trigger

anything bad for me. I got that your info on your late son was a

comment in passing in your story.

No worries,

a

[Guest guest]

I've been doing that too. Also, I started reading Surviving a

Borderline Parent, and I've been sort of flip flopping between

breaking down in tears when I read a portion that basically mirrors

my own life, and then reading the more extreme pieces and wondering

if my life really was that bad after all. Intellectually, I think

it's because of things my father has said. Things like, 'the past is

the past,' and 'there were plenty of good times. You're just focusing

on the bad stuff.' I'm really glad I found this group, it keeps me

from buying into that line. Of my sisters, I'm the only one who's

gone NC, and as much as I believe that's the best thing for me, I

have moments of weakness where I wonder if I should just give in and

let the family go back into denial land.

I also think that for many of us, it's hard to know what's real and

what's not. For me, some of the memories from my childhood are almost

dream-like. I know I dissasociated a lot as a child, and still do. My

Nada made up so many stories growing up, and I'm still trying to

figure out what was the truth. I sometimes find myself wondering if

I'm remembering an actual event, or if I'm making it worse in my

head. I'm so afraid of being like my mother, and she was the queen of

exaggeration. It's possible that we unconsciously swing to the other

side and minimize our own experiences so that we are as un-Nada-ish

as possible.

That's another thing I've struggled with. I've spent so much of my

life doing my best to be the opposite of Mother, that I wonder how

much of me is actually me.

So, short answer, yes we do that. And no, we shouldn't. Because

we're all here for a reason. There's always going to be someone in a

worse situation than yours, but that doesn't mean that you're living

the life you deserve. I realized that the hard way- I stayed with an

abusive boyfriend for way too many years. My rationale was that he

never hit me, it was just that he loved me so intensely that he lost

control of his temper. Yeah. That makes sense.

I thought that I was lucky to have someone need me that much, and

that compared to most abused women, I had it easy.

At any rate. I'm glad you're all here, because that means I'm not

alone on this path. Your war stories help me understand my own.

~ Leigh

>

> Ok, I've caught myself a few times reading posts of some pretty bad

> BPD behavior and getting caught up in minimizing my experience and

> even questioning if I have anything to complain about....

>

> Anyone else do this?

>

[Guest guest]

Bunny,

I had no idea that SIDS had a genetic link, thanks for the info.

My daughter is 18 months, so we have passed the SIDS stage, but if I

allowed myself to worry about all the things that could possibly

happen to her, I'd go crazy. Or crazier...lol

I am concerned about her genetic predisposition to mental illness and

substance abuse, both run in my family and her father's family is

full of alcholism. She has the genetics against her, so I'll be

damned if I add the environmental problems to her as well. It's so

important for me to be a good mom and role model so she doesn't have

all the cards stacked against her.

Please don't apologize for your grief, that's what this sight is for-

a place to freely express your feelings with no fear.

Love,

> Ok, I've caught myself a few times reading posts of some pretty

bad

> > BPD behavior and getting caught up in minimizing my experience

and

> > even questioning if I have anything to complain about....

> >

> > Anyone else do this?

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > Kisses and Nibbles,

> >

> > Bunny

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Leigh,

I agree with you 100%!!! I wonder about my memories too and this

sight has brought a lot of blocked memories out. I will read a post

and it triggers a memory.

Like you, I am still trying to figure out the truth about many of

moms made up stories. Some were so ridiculous, it's obvious now, but

I also would disassociate or block as a child- whatever you want to

call it.

Maybe you can ask some other family members about their memories to

see if they correlate with yours. I know Surviving Borderline Parent

recommends this.

Also, our perceptions of events change as we get older. I look at

things differently as an adult than I did as a child.

One example for you- when I was about 5 or 6 my mom hit me and banged

my head into the staircase (this was one of the only incidents of

physical abuse) and I had to go to the ER for stitches my head was

bleeding so badly .

My memory of this has always been that she hit me lightly and I

banged my head myself so I could tell the neighborhood my mom hit me

and make her look bad, that it was really me that hurt myself.

Where do you think that story came from- she obviously changed the

events to suit her. She didn't want me to go around telling people,

or the ER, that she had hit me.

I am 38 and just realized after coming to this group that more than

likely she hit me and I did not bang my own head into the staircase.

I had believed the story she told me for years, go figure!!!

What a tangled web these BPs weave...

> >

> > Ok, I've caught myself a few times reading posts of some pretty

bad

> > BPD behavior and getting caught up in minimizing my experience

and

> > even questioning if I have anything to complain about....

> >

> > Anyone else do this?

> >

>