Re: Comparing KO Stories and Minimizing Mine

[Guest guest]

of course.

we all do it now and then and i think it's for a couple of reasons:

1. survival

2. whatever our BPD parents have told us over the years( " you think you

have it so bad, etc... " )

just remember that abuse is abuse. there is no hierarchical law that

governs it. you are entitled to your feelings about what you've

endured and i hope you find validation here. we all have had similar

experiences and yet they are all unique to each of us. furthermore,

it's not a contest! (take that in the most humorous sense, sweetie!)

trust me, none of us want to be the worst-off one!

don't compare or minimize....own your feelings - they are yours!

lots of love,

christine.

>

> Ok, I've caught myself a few times reading posts of some pretty bad

> BPD behavior and getting caught up in minimizing my experience and

> even questioning if I have anything to complain about....

>

> Anyone else do this?

>

[Guest guest]

of course.

we all do it now and then and i think it's for a couple of reasons:

1. survival

2. whatever our BPD parents have told us over the years( " you think you

have it so bad, etc... " )

just remember that abuse is abuse. there is no hierarchical law that

governs it. you are entitled to your feelings about what you've

endured and i hope you find validation here. we all have had similar

experiences and yet they are all unique to each of us. furthermore,

it's not a contest! (take that in the most humorous sense, sweetie!)

trust me, none of us want to be the worst-off one!

don't compare or minimize....own your feelings - they are yours!

lots of love,

christine.

>

> Ok, I've caught myself a few times reading posts of some pretty bad

> BPD behavior and getting caught up in minimizing my experience and

> even questioning if I have anything to complain about....

>

> Anyone else do this?

>

[Guest guest]

Yes! Sometimes I read what some of these other mothers have done and

thought " Oh, maybe I am not qualified to be here " ....

said it beautifully -- I think we all have been raised under

the same umbrella -- the BPD behaviors that resulted are as varied as

the individuals themselves. Makes sense. Kind of like addicts: they

all have a " hole " they're trying to feed -- some prefer crystal meth,

some prefer alcohol, some cut themselves, some prefer comfort food,

etc.

But, the basic driving " forces " under the spectrum of behaviors are

the same. (And my mom did beat my brother -- I've just blocked it out)

I think, for me, the most hurtful thing was that I was invisible --

(except when I was pissing off my mother! THen I was the object of

her rage). Our family wasn't very cohesive and nurturing of my and my

brother's individual talents and gifts. My goings on weren't

important -- just mom's feelings and moods. I had no voice. As a

result, when I left that " nest " , I was lost. Completely lost.

Now that I look back, I think my mom couldn't wait to be rid of me.

But the funny thing is, after I left the nest and actually started to

thrive, she started yanking the chain for me to come back. I guess

her fear that I would walk out and never return (thus, invalidating

her as a mother) was too much. She had to orchestrate it so it looked

like I " longed for home. "

I see that common thread throughout the stories here, too. Just the

abuse stories run the gamut.

But I do feel really badly when I read of horrific abuse here. Makes

me want to give everyone a big {hug}.

-Kyla

>

> Ok, I've caught myself a few times reading posts of some pretty bad

> BPD behavior and getting caught up in minimizing my experience and

> even questioning if I have anything to complain about....

>

> Anyone else do this?

>

[Guest guest]

I feel like that sometimes, especially reading the posts of people

whose BPs are much older and in ill health or dying. That's an added

level of stress that I can't even imagine. I also think that sometimes

it's easy for me to think to myself " well, if the poster would just do

suchandsuch. " But then I remind myself, that not everyone is at the

same place, and that I *still* struggle, and it's probably something

that never goes away. You just learn to deal with it better, and the

episodes become less frequent as you learn to put up boundaries. Don't

feel like you have to talk yourself into thinking you don't have it so

bad. We each have our own journey, and we each struggle with what has

happened to us. Minimizing it could put you in a dangerous self-talk

that could prevent your healing.

[Guest guest]

I feel like that sometimes, especially reading the posts of people

whose BPs are much older and in ill health or dying. That's an added

level of stress that I can't even imagine. I also think that sometimes

it's easy for me to think to myself " well, if the poster would just do

suchandsuch. " But then I remind myself, that not everyone is at the

same place, and that I *still* struggle, and it's probably something

that never goes away. You just learn to deal with it better, and the

episodes become less frequent as you learn to put up boundaries. Don't

feel like you have to talk yourself into thinking you don't have it so

bad. We each have our own journey, and we each struggle with what has

happened to us. Minimizing it could put you in a dangerous self-talk

that could prevent your healing.

[Guest guest]

I think we all have done this....even if it is only for a second, I think we

have allll said " wow...i thought I had it bad! " Keep in mind, I don't think

anyone here looks at this as a contest....it would be like comparing a death in

the family...if someone you love dies it hurts...it doesn't matter if it is your

great-great Aunt Thelma or a cherished pet....when you lose someone you love, it

hurts. Having a parent (and I use parent because the name of the group is

WTOAdultChildren) with BPD is horrible. It's bittersweet that we have people

here to help us through. I'm going back to the death analogy

here..sorry...several years ago, my son died. So many people offered to help

me...to just be there for me to listen....but the only person I felt like I

could really lean on was a friend of the family who had earlier that year, also

buried her child. Granted, it was a different situation, her son was almost 20

and committed suicide, mine was 9 weeks old and died from SIDS.

There were other people who could have listened...who could help...but I felt

like this friend of ours was the only one who TRULY understood. (Ironically, my

nada was the only one mad at me because of it, everyone else was just happy that

i had someone to talk to, and was feeling better.)

My point is...I think when we share stories, that is just our way of explaining

that we understand. My nada is one of the extreme ones....but she doesn't

always act extreme...there are many, many levels of her. I don't think we could

ever make a list of who's nada is worse...at any given time of the day that list

is always changing. I encourage you to not allow yourself to ever, ever

minimize in your mind what has happened to you...hurt is hurt...pain is

pain....no matter what the situation we are all in the same boat and we are all

here for each other.

baast2play wrote: Ok,

I've caught myself a few times reading posts of some pretty bad

BPD behavior and getting caught up in minimizing my experience and

even questioning if I have anything to complain about....

Anyone else do this?

Kisses and Nibbles,

Bunny

[Guest guest]

I think we all have done this....even if it is only for a second, I think we

have allll said " wow...i thought I had it bad! " Keep in mind, I don't think

anyone here looks at this as a contest....it would be like comparing a death in

the family...if someone you love dies it hurts...it doesn't matter if it is your

great-great Aunt Thelma or a cherished pet....when you lose someone you love, it

hurts. Having a parent (and I use parent because the name of the group is

WTOAdultChildren) with BPD is horrible. It's bittersweet that we have people

here to help us through. I'm going back to the death analogy

here..sorry...several years ago, my son died. So many people offered to help

me...to just be there for me to listen....but the only person I felt like I

could really lean on was a friend of the family who had earlier that year, also

buried her child. Granted, it was a different situation, her son was almost 20

and committed suicide, mine was 9 weeks old and died from SIDS.

There were other people who could have listened...who could help...but I felt

like this friend of ours was the only one who TRULY understood. (Ironically, my

nada was the only one mad at me because of it, everyone else was just happy that

i had someone to talk to, and was feeling better.)

My point is...I think when we share stories, that is just our way of explaining

that we understand. My nada is one of the extreme ones....but she doesn't

always act extreme...there are many, many levels of her. I don't think we could

ever make a list of who's nada is worse...at any given time of the day that list

is always changing. I encourage you to not allow yourself to ever, ever

minimize in your mind what has happened to you...hurt is hurt...pain is

pain....no matter what the situation we are all in the same boat and we are all

here for each other.

baast2play wrote: Ok,

I've caught myself a few times reading posts of some pretty bad

BPD behavior and getting caught up in minimizing my experience and

even questioning if I have anything to complain about....

Anyone else do this?

Kisses and Nibbles,

Bunny

[Guest guest]

Great thoughts, everyone. Boy, your level of understanding of

yourselves and the situations amaze me. We have some pretty smart

people on this board!

In no way do I want to join the " my BPD is worse than your BPD

contest " and I think a majority of us are against doing that as well.

I'm guessing that most of you are like me and hated the whole BPD

victim conversations and " my life is worse than yours " contest they

seem to hold at every turn to get their way.

I guess what I'm still struggling with is a bit of self questioning on

levels of abuse. I'm sure a lot of it is grounded in my FOO's

minimization of family problems. Where does one draw the line, 1

abusive episode, 5, 10? Do you compare quantity of abuse vs quality?

This seems a rather silly internal excercise for me to do and at the

same time it is helping me get to the the resolution that none of this

is simple to analyze. It does help that we have each other. I'm so

blessed to have found you guys.

a

>

> Ok, I've caught myself a few times reading posts of some pretty bad

> BPD behavior and getting caught up in minimizing my experience and

> even questioning if I have anything to complain about....

>

> Anyone else do this?

>

[Guest guest]

Great thoughts, everyone. Boy, your level of understanding of

yourselves and the situations amaze me. We have some pretty smart

people on this board!

In no way do I want to join the " my BPD is worse than your BPD

contest " and I think a majority of us are against doing that as well.

I'm guessing that most of you are like me and hated the whole BPD

victim conversations and " my life is worse than yours " contest they

seem to hold at every turn to get their way.

I guess what I'm still struggling with is a bit of self questioning on

levels of abuse. I'm sure a lot of it is grounded in my FOO's

minimization of family problems. Where does one draw the line, 1

abusive episode, 5, 10? Do you compare quantity of abuse vs quality?

This seems a rather silly internal excercise for me to do and at the

same time it is helping me get to the the resolution that none of this

is simple to analyze. It does help that we have each other. I'm so

blessed to have found you guys.

a

>

> Ok, I've caught myself a few times reading posts of some pretty bad

> BPD behavior and getting caught up in minimizing my experience and

> even questioning if I have anything to complain about....

>

> Anyone else do this?

>

[Guest guest]

Well, if you are interested in measuring the severity of abuse, I think

the standard way to look at it is how much it has affected YOU. There

aren't any benchmarks or measuring sticks for it. I'm like you, in

that I'm an analyst (it's what I do for a living, in fact, quantifying

non-numeric things), but some things can't be analyzed scientifically.

I wish life was as simple as data and math, but it's so much more fluid

than that. It's hard for me to accept sometimes, because I view the

world in such an analytical way. Rather than trying to fit your

experience into a medium you can understand, try learning new methods

of understanding so you can really wrap your mind around your

experience.

[Guest guest]

Well, if you are interested in measuring the severity of abuse, I think

the standard way to look at it is how much it has affected YOU. There

aren't any benchmarks or measuring sticks for it. I'm like you, in

that I'm an analyst (it's what I do for a living, in fact, quantifying

non-numeric things), but some things can't be analyzed scientifically.

I wish life was as simple as data and math, but it's so much more fluid

than that. It's hard for me to accept sometimes, because I view the

world in such an analytical way. Rather than trying to fit your

experience into a medium you can understand, try learning new methods

of understanding so you can really wrap your mind around your

experience.

[Guest guest]

Beach Bunny -- I'm so sorry that you lost your child. That is so

very sad.

Also, I completely connected with what you said when you said that,

while grieving, you related best and got the most comfort from

someone who had experienced what you had.

I think that's one of the beautiful things that God gives us in this

life: we never know WHERE help is going to walk in from -- and it

often is from the most unexpected people.

That also illustrates how titles can be meaningless -- Who can say

where you'll get your comfort? A nada may push herself to the head

of the line, thinking " Well, I'm the only one who can comfort my

daughter while she grieves -- I'm her MOTHER. " Or a sister, or

another relative.

But the truth is, any of us can offer comfort to another human

being. Sometimes, we don't even realize that we've said something,

or some life experience of ours helps.

Once, I went to a used book sale at my kids' school library. There

was a whole box of books on grieving -- it was obvious that whoever

made this donation had had a terrible loss. (But, I thought it a

good sign that they were ready to give the books away!)

Anyway, an acquaintance had just lost her 4 year old son in a

terrible, awful accident. She was there when it happened. She was

in a deep, dark hole of grief and misery. Thinking of her, I

brought those books home. I boxed them up and addressed them to

her. Mind you, I was terrified -- I hardly knew this woman! She

was a friend of a friend! I'd only seen her twice! Maybe she

wasn't ready to read books on grieving -- maybe she was too raw!

Before I sent the books, I put my hands on the box and prayed " Lord,

let these books go where they're meant to go. If she doesn't want

to see them, then let someone open the box who'll know where they'll

be put to best use. I don't want to hurt or insult anyone. I'm

letting them go and ask you to guide them. "

About a week later, I got a call from her -- and she also told our

mutual friend -- saying that those books were a turning point. She

got so much comfort from them, she kept them with her whenever she

could. I am positive that God was just using me as the conduit to

get those books to her. Otherwise, I would have been too scared to

intrude on her grief.

Even in this cyber-community, of people who don't know each other,

in a way, we DO know each other. This is a place of great comfort.

Again, sorry for your loss. And I'm sure when you looked into the

eyes of that friend of the family that comforted you, you saw

someone who had been through the fire you were going through,

someone who SURVIVED -- and they were going to lead you out of the

darkness. Your survival instinct -- and, I believe, God -- led you

to someone you could hold onto in your time of greatest pain and let

you know that there was hope that you'd survive and smile again.

{hugs}

Kyla

Ok, I've caught myself a few times reading posts of some pretty bad

> BPD behavior and getting caught up in minimizing my experience

and

> even questioning if I have anything to complain about....

>

> Anyone else do this?

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Kisses and Nibbles,

>

> Bunny

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Good question, a!

I've often thought that sometimes we think there has to be some sort

of hugely dramatic episode to finally cause the lightbulb to go on

in our brains.

But, sometimes, I think the " straw that broke the camels back "

moments are just as enlightening.

Remember in the movie " Bridget 's Diary " when her " moment " was

when she overheard Mark Darcy insulting her outfit and implying she

was a lush? She kept smiling, but walked out saying " That's IT. "

Mine was a 3 sentence e-mail from my dad, bluntly chastising me for

them not " hearing from me " . (Translation: " Come comfort your

mother! She's in one of her brooding depressions and I can't stand

it anymore! " )

Oh, and a follow up e-mail -- friendly as could be! -- told me

to " bite the bullet " and call my mom. (As I read those words, I

thought " Bite the bullet? " Who the hell do you think you are? You

might as well say " Bite the bullet and lick the dirt off my boots. " )

Just a couple of short e-mails -- but they were " straws " that broke

the camels back.

That pivotal moment in my life was more of a " whimper " than

a " bang " , strange as it seems.

-Kyla

> >

> > Ok, I've caught myself a few times reading posts of some pretty

bad

> > BPD behavior and getting caught up in minimizing my experience

and

> > even questioning if I have anything to complain about....

> >

> > Anyone else do this?

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Good question, a!

I've often thought that sometimes we think there has to be some sort

of hugely dramatic episode to finally cause the lightbulb to go on

in our brains.

But, sometimes, I think the " straw that broke the camels back "

moments are just as enlightening.

Remember in the movie " Bridget 's Diary " when her " moment " was

when she overheard Mark Darcy insulting her outfit and implying she

was a lush? She kept smiling, but walked out saying " That's IT. "

Mine was a 3 sentence e-mail from my dad, bluntly chastising me for

them not " hearing from me " . (Translation: " Come comfort your

mother! She's in one of her brooding depressions and I can't stand

it anymore! " )

Oh, and a follow up e-mail -- friendly as could be! -- told me

to " bite the bullet " and call my mom. (As I read those words, I

thought " Bite the bullet? " Who the hell do you think you are? You

might as well say " Bite the bullet and lick the dirt off my boots. " )

Just a couple of short e-mails -- but they were " straws " that broke

the camels back.

That pivotal moment in my life was more of a " whimper " than

a " bang " , strange as it seems.

-Kyla

> >

> > Ok, I've caught myself a few times reading posts of some pretty

bad

> > BPD behavior and getting caught up in minimizing my experience

and

> > even questioning if I have anything to complain about....

> >

> > Anyone else do this?

> >

>

[Guest guest]

You're right, Kyla! The straw for me was a whimper too. A fairly

nasty, manipulative and calm conversation with Nada (the last) in

which she told me I wasn't good family.

As my husband pointed out to me, I'm successful in all aspects and

relationships of my life except for the relationships with the FOO.

So I could safely assume it wasn't me.

Her comment was such a load of crap after all that I felt I had

sacrificed to parent my parents that I said, " I'm done. "

> > >

> > > Ok, I've caught myself a few times reading posts of some

pretty

> bad

> > > BPD behavior and getting caught up in minimizing my experience

> and

> > > even questioning if I have anything to complain about....

> > >

> > > Anyone else do this?

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

>the only person I felt like I could really lean on was a friend of the

>family who had earlier that year, also buried her child. Granted, it was a

>different situation, her son >was almost 20 and committed suicide, mine was

>9 weeks old and died from SIDS.

I'm so sorry for you...it's never easy loosing a loved one, no matter what

length they've been in our lives. I had a cousin die of SIDS many many

years ago, but the child is still remembered and thought of.

Jackie

[Guest guest]

>the only person I felt like I could really lean on was a friend of the

>family who had earlier that year, also buried her child. Granted, it was a

>different situation, her son >was almost 20 and committed suicide, mine was

>9 weeks old and died from SIDS.

I'm so sorry for you...it's never easy loosing a loved one, no matter what

length they've been in our lives. I had a cousin die of SIDS many many

years ago, but the child is still remembered and thought of.

Jackie

[Guest guest]

>the only person I felt like I could really lean on was a friend of the

>family who had earlier that year, also buried her child. Granted, it was a

>different situation, her son >was almost 20 and committed suicide, mine was

>9 weeks old and died from SIDS.

I'm so sorry for you...it's never easy loosing a loved one, no matter what

length they've been in our lives. I had a cousin die of SIDS many many

years ago, but the child is still remembered and thought of.

Jackie

[Guest guest]

Thank you so very much Jackie....I appreciate that. I never gave it a thought

about how my son's death effected other family members...but it makes me feel

better that like you, i'm sure they think of him from time to time. You put a

huge smile on my face today...thank you

I've been thinking about some previous posts and I wanted share this thought

about minimizing our own life experiences. I try to read every last

post....sometimes I get busy and just can't catch up with all the posts I've

missed...but occasionally someone will share something that just moves me so

much i'm at a loss for words...often, i will hear such tragic things that like

many of the rest of you, i feel like " wow...here i was complaining...this

person's life has been WAY worse than mine " . One of the posts that stick in my

mind is one of Janies...the way she talks about how horribly she was physically

abused...i don't know HOW to respond....i almost feel unworthy to post a

response...what can i say?? I'm sure she has heard " i'm sorry " a billion

times...i can't imagine anything that i can say that will make her feel

better...so i remain silent....nada has done alot of things, but i never

experienced that degree of abuse. I remain silent because i am

speechless....and

horrified for her. I'm sure Jackie felt the same way here when she

responded...yet her words made me feel so much better.

This is a wonderful topic....i think it helps us understand each other even

more.

sleddog wrote:

>the only person I felt like I could really lean on was a friend of

the

>family who had earlier that year, also buried her child. Granted, it was a

>different situation, her son >was almost 20 and committed suicide, mine was

>9 weeks old and died from SIDS.

I'm so sorry for you...it's never easy loosing a loved one, no matter what

length they've been in our lives. I had a cousin die of SIDS many many

years ago, but the child is still remembered and thought of.

Jackie

Kisses and Nibbles,

Bunny

[Guest guest]

Thank you so very much Jackie....I appreciate that. I never gave it a thought

about how my son's death effected other family members...but it makes me feel

better that like you, i'm sure they think of him from time to time. You put a

huge smile on my face today...thank you

I've been thinking about some previous posts and I wanted share this thought

about minimizing our own life experiences. I try to read every last

post....sometimes I get busy and just can't catch up with all the posts I've

missed...but occasionally someone will share something that just moves me so

much i'm at a loss for words...often, i will hear such tragic things that like

many of the rest of you, i feel like " wow...here i was complaining...this

person's life has been WAY worse than mine " . One of the posts that stick in my

mind is one of Janies...the way she talks about how horribly she was physically

abused...i don't know HOW to respond....i almost feel unworthy to post a

response...what can i say?? I'm sure she has heard " i'm sorry " a billion

times...i can't imagine anything that i can say that will make her feel

better...so i remain silent....nada has done alot of things, but i never

experienced that degree of abuse. I remain silent because i am

speechless....and

horrified for her. I'm sure Jackie felt the same way here when she

responded...yet her words made me feel so much better.

This is a wonderful topic....i think it helps us understand each other even

more.

sleddog wrote:

>the only person I felt like I could really lean on was a friend of

the

>family who had earlier that year, also buried her child. Granted, it was a

>different situation, her son >was almost 20 and committed suicide, mine was

>9 weeks old and died from SIDS.

I'm so sorry for you...it's never easy loosing a loved one, no matter what

length they've been in our lives. I had a cousin die of SIDS many many

years ago, but the child is still remembered and thought of.

Jackie

Kisses and Nibbles,

Bunny

[Guest guest]

Thank you so very much Jackie....I appreciate that. I never gave it a thought

about how my son's death effected other family members...but it makes me feel

better that like you, i'm sure they think of him from time to time. You put a

huge smile on my face today...thank you

I've been thinking about some previous posts and I wanted share this thought

about minimizing our own life experiences. I try to read every last

post....sometimes I get busy and just can't catch up with all the posts I've

missed...but occasionally someone will share something that just moves me so

much i'm at a loss for words...often, i will hear such tragic things that like

many of the rest of you, i feel like " wow...here i was complaining...this

person's life has been WAY worse than mine " . One of the posts that stick in my

mind is one of Janies...the way she talks about how horribly she was physically

abused...i don't know HOW to respond....i almost feel unworthy to post a

response...what can i say?? I'm sure she has heard " i'm sorry " a billion

times...i can't imagine anything that i can say that will make her feel

better...so i remain silent....nada has done alot of things, but i never

experienced that degree of abuse. I remain silent because i am

speechless....and

horrified for her. I'm sure Jackie felt the same way here when she

responded...yet her words made me feel so much better.

This is a wonderful topic....i think it helps us understand each other even

more.

sleddog wrote:

>the only person I felt like I could really lean on was a friend of

the

>family who had earlier that year, also buried her child. Granted, it was a

>different situation, her son >was almost 20 and committed suicide, mine was

>9 weeks old and died from SIDS.

I'm so sorry for you...it's never easy loosing a loved one, no matter what

length they've been in our lives. I had a cousin die of SIDS many many

years ago, but the child is still remembered and thought of.

Jackie

Kisses and Nibbles,

Bunny

[Guest guest]

Bunny,

I share that too, the silence because you're not quiet what sure to

say or what more to add.

I think the loss of a child has to be one of the most painful

relationships to lose. I have a 3 yr old son and can't even think

about losing him, let alone abusing him the way our BP's did. Hugs

and kisses to you.

a

[Guest guest]

Bunny,

I share that too, the silence because you're not quiet what sure to

say or what more to add.

I think the loss of a child has to be one of the most painful

relationships to lose. I have a 3 yr old son and can't even think

about losing him, let alone abusing him the way our BP's did. Hugs

and kisses to you.

a

[Guest guest]

Bunny,

I share that too, the silence because you're not quiet what sure to

say or what more to add.

I think the loss of a child has to be one of the most painful

relationships to lose. I have a 3 yr old son and can't even think

about losing him, let alone abusing him the way our BP's did. Hugs

and kisses to you.

a

[Guest guest]

This message is for Angel and for Jackie:

I haven't read through all the messages that have come in the last couple of

hours, I started at the top.

One of the most devastating things in life is the loss of a child. I don't

know of anything that compares to that.

I want to thank you for your comments about the abuse I have suffered through.

They were very comforting. The physical wounds heal, but it is really hard to

forget the emotional wounds, especially when at 89 she is still physically

abusive. She came at me with a sharp cornered picture frame 8 days before

Christmas. My son who is grown watched her and listened to her scream her vile

remarks for 4 1/2 months and finally got sick of it and watched her physically

attack me. The last time when she came at me I put my hands on her shoulders to

move her back and she fell. I regret that, but I just couldn't take anymore. I

stayed away from her for over a month.

I know I have a lot of issues to deal with, and sometimes I don't handle

things the way a normal person might. All of you know, dealing with a nada can

make life very difficult, and cause us to not handle things normally. The book

that has helped me the most is " Children of the self-absorbed " so far it has

really been a help. It is one of the books recommended in Eggshells.

Thanks again for the thoughts.

Janie

" Beach Bunny (Angel) " wrote:

Thank you so very much Jackie....I appreciate that. I never gave it a

thought about how my son's death effected other family members...but it makes me

feel better that like you, i'm sure they think of him from time to time. You put

a huge smile on my face today...thank you

I've been thinking about some previous posts and I wanted share this thought

about minimizing our own life experiences. I try to read every last

post....sometimes I get busy and just can't catch up with all the posts I've

missed...but occasionally someone will share something that just moves me so

much i'm at a loss for words...often, i will hear such tragic things that like

many of the rest of you, i feel like " wow...here i was complaining...this

person's life has been WAY worse than mine " . One of the posts that stick in my

mind is one of Janies...the way she talks about how horribly she was physically

abused...i don't know HOW to respond....i almost feel unworthy to post a

response...what can i say?? I'm sure she has heard " i'm sorry " a billion

times...i can't imagine anything that i can say that will make her feel

better...so i remain silent....nada has done alot of things, but i never

experienced that degree of abuse. I remain silent because i am speechless....and

horrified for her. I'm sure Jackie felt the same way here when she

responded...yet her words made me feel so much better.

This is a wonderful topic....i think it helps us understand each other even

more.

sleddog wrote:

>the only person I felt like I could really lean on was a friend of the

>family who had earlier that year, also buried her child. Granted, it was a

>different situation, her son >was almost 20 and committed suicide, mine was

>9 weeks old and died from SIDS.

I'm so sorry for you...it's never easy loosing a loved one, no matter what

length they've been in our lives. I had a cousin die of SIDS many many

years ago, but the child is still remembered and thought of.

Jackie

Kisses and Nibbles,

Bunny