Finding Myself

[Guest guest]

Hello everyone. I am new here and I just got the book " Surviving a

Borderline Parent " . I have read it aND i have found out ALOT about

myself and why I am the way that I am and why I don't like the way

that I am. My mother has BPD and I and everyone els around me knew

for YEARS that something was not right with her, but no one did

anything. She was staying with me and my family and I finally got her

to go to the hospital and get evaluated and when they took her

upstairs I talked to the therapist one on one and told her what I

thought she had and they told me I nailed it on the head. After that,

I found out that she had kept my father from me for almost 27 years,

telling me god gave me to HER and not to my father and that my father

was an alcoholic and evetything else. That was two years ago and I am

no longer talking to her. My husband encourages me to rekindle the

relationship, because at one time we were close and I told him, it was

her having control over me. I am still angry with her. I have even

wrote her telling her I forgive her but of course I got no respond.

My question is how long does it take to " get rid " of all the shit I am

feeling? Now that I am not " under her spell " I don't know who I am.

Ya know? Anyone else feel this way, Or am I nuts?

[Guest guest]

Forgot to address your other question: How long does it take for

those bad feelings to go away? Well, I like to call

them " unfamiliar " feelings -- mislabeled as " bad " .

You're in new territory, of course it's going to feel strange. And

you're not going by her playbook anymore, so OF COURSE she's going

to try to paint you as the bad guy.

Don't accept the title of " bad " . You're not -- in fact, you're

simply honoring yourself and refusing to accept crap from people

anymore. Doesn't matter if they're your mother, or a friend or a

stranger.

Keep reading books on the subject, keep reading here, and keep your

eyes on getting emotionally healthy. Eventually, those healthy

feelings will become the norm. Expect it to take a little time --

after all, you've had a lifetime of the other crap.

-Kyla

>

> Hello everyone. I am new here and I just got the book " Surviving a

> Borderline Parent " . I have read it aND i have found out ALOT about

> myself and why I am the way that I am and why I don't like the way

> that I am. My mother has BPD and I and everyone els around me knew

> for YEARS that something was not right with her, but no one did

> anything. She was staying with me and my family and I finally got

her

> to go to the hospital and get evaluated and when they took her

> upstairs I talked to the therapist one on one and told her what I

> thought she had and they told me I nailed it on the head. After

that,

> I found out that she had kept my father from me for almost 27

years,

> telling me god gave me to HER and not to my father and that my

father

> was an alcoholic and evetything else. That was two years ago and

I am

> no longer talking to her. My husband encourages me to rekindle the

> relationship, because at one time we were close and I told him, it

was

> her having control over me. I am still angry with her. I have even

> wrote her telling her I forgive her but of course I got no

respond.

> My question is how long does it take to " get rid " of all the shit

I am

> feeling? Now that I am not " under her spell " I don't know who I

am.

> Ya know? Anyone else feel this way, Or am I nuts?

>

[Guest guest]

Welcome Debi,

You're not nuts and you're not alone. You'd be

surprised how many people have been and are where

you're at with this. You're seeing things right and

clearly. Your well-meaning hubby seems to not

understand about BPD people. Keep reading here and

elsewhere, including Randi's and others' books about

BPD. Keep posting. Keep coming back.

One Non-BP Recovering Man

--- mcdebi wrote:

> Hello everyone. I am new here and I just got the

> book " Surviving a

> Borderline Parent " . I have read it aND i have found

> out ALOT about

> myself and why I am the way that I am and why I

> don't like the way

> that I am. My mother has BPD and I and everyone els

> around me knew

> for YEARS that something was not right with her, but

> no one did

> anything. She was staying with me and my family and

> I finally got her

> to go to the hospital and get evaluated and when

> they took her

> upstairs I talked to the therapist one on one and

> told her what I

> thought she had and they told me I nailed it on the

> head. After that,

> I found out that she had kept my father from me for

> almost 27 years,

> telling me god gave me to HER and not to my father

> and that my father

> was an alcoholic and evetything else. That was two

> years ago and I am

> no longer talking to her. My husband encourages me

> to rekindle the

> relationship, because at one time we were close and

> I told him, it was

> her having control over me. I am still angry with

> her. I have even

> wrote her telling her I forgive her but of course I

> got no respond.

> My question is how long does it take to " get rid " of

> all the shit I am

> feeling? Now that I am not " under her spell " I

> don't know who I am.

> Ya know? Anyone else feel this way, Or am I nuts?

>

>

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