Lady EL

[Guest guest]

NO WAY Lady El !God knows you have so much to deal with and this is perhaps more

than you can bear alone but even if you never post another again I will not sit

here and read you are leaving this family!You are making me cry El. You have

lifted me and so many others more times than I can count and if it would help I

would wipe this dragon off the face of this page and turn it into an Angel for

you because I know you HATE the dragon logo and all it stands for and you are

the Angel behind that ugly face that fights it.Please dear, I've not been close

lately like I would like but I will do anything to have you stay. I'll stand on

my head (oh yes I will) I'll quit jumpin in the shower (I'll make too)

We'll talk on the phone more often again, anything, just don't leave. The Board

doesn't care if your well enough to do anything but give your valued opinions.

They are valued and you still have your mind (oh yes you do!) I want you to tell

us you will stay please and get up in the morning and write a hello and say

whatever you feel. I don't care if it's negative, happy, sad, or delerious,

rediculous or whatever. PLEASE In Love and Light as someone said to me just

yesterday, your sister

To: stillsdisease

From: ellyandbilltroy@...

Date: Sat, 17 Sep 2011 04:29:25 -0700

Subject: RE:job!

Hi everyone, I want to tell everyone, especially my fellow board members

how sorry I am for not doing my job for such a long time!You have been more than

kind to me and I haven't been able to get it together enough to be of help to an

already over-worked board!I have'nt felt well and I am so depressed about it

most of the time that I just can't make myself do what I promised to do.

I just spent the last week and a half down state going to doctor appts. and

having tests. I don't have all my results yet,but I do know the nodes on my lung

have gotten bigger,the tech doing my heart ultra sound slipped up and asked me

to turn over so she could see if there was fluid on the other side of my heart

also!I haven't heard from the heart doc yet,but I know I have been short of

breath a lot lately and have had pain in my chest and collar bone. I felt that

way just before my last heart attack! I also have pain,actually an ache in the

right side of my neck and some sort of fungus on my stomach from my diabetes!I

just want to stop fighting everything and taking so many meds!

What hurt me really bad was when my Rheumy yesterday was looking at a picture of

my youngest son when he was about six (he treats my whole family pretty much)

and I was sitting beside him in the picture,he asked who that was and I said it

was me, he said no way, are you sure? I said yes I looked like that til I was 42

and got my first diagnosis and prednisone treatment! He said no way, that

couldn't be you!He said wow you really got hit hard in the face with Stills! I

said I knew that and he said it's not your fault,you've been fighting a hard

battle and it has taken it's toll oon you!He isn't a mean spirited man and he is

very empathetic normally,but I just wanted to cry.

I am thinking of leaving the group, because I can't seem to crawl out of this

funk I'm in and I know I am not being helpful to anyone else.I love this group

and feel like I have some very good friends in it,but I am not being a good

friend to anyone right now,and that's not fair to those who are also sick and

still able to help others.I'm so sorry!

love Elly