Guest guest Posted March 22, 2007 Report Share Posted March 22, 2007 Why are you reacting to what she does in her own home? Ignore it. You're smart to detach from what she's doing to your brother. Just go back to your life and ignore it. If it is an attempt to suck you back in, you can't be sucked in without allowing it yourself. Just consider it more of her crazy behavior. If you attach to it and take it in, and analyze it and react to it, etc......then you're sucked in! Write it off as her actions in her home. I don't see why you are bringing it to the table as an issue of yours. Careful! -Kyla > > I'm not sure if I'm just driven by paranoia here or what, so I wanted to > throw this out there to the group and see what everyone else thinks. > > Since last year I have had, what I believe to be a pretty successful run in > ending all the BPD madness with nada. I feel good about the choices I've > made so far...we've gone as NC as we possibly can and the kid gloves have > come off. I react to her the same way I would react to a stranger who walks > in my house uninvited or calls in the middle of the night. I've recognized > that she and my father are the cause of my anxiety and I have put my foot > down and I feel good about it. I've gotten to a point that we do not allow > the FOG in our home, and as soon as she starts I abrubtly announce " stop... > you are now trying to manipulate me through (fear, obligation, guilt.. > whatever the case may be) and I will not respond to that. This conversation > is over! " I have literally pulled her up by the arm out of my kitchen chair > and put her OUT of my home. It's been trial and error, but I finally have > gotten to a point where I feel like I have some control. It didn't happen > right away, but she has finally had to accept it and as a result has > enmeshed herself even MORE in my brother's life. I feel bad about it > sometimes because I feel like I'm throwing him under the bus....but I have > to allow him to deal with her on his own. Anyway....she has become > unbelievably horrible with my brother...he's lost 5 jobs in the past 6 > months entirely because of her...and it gets so much worse...but I want to > jump to the point here. Last week she really had it out with my brother... > it was knock down, drag out...I can't even BEGIN to describe how ugly it has > gotten. As a result, she has pretty much written him off....she acts like > he DIED...she won't even acknowledge his exsistance anymore. So here is > where I am starting to panic....I went over a few days ago to pick my > brother up and I went in the house because she wasn't home. She has decided > to pull all my old stuff out...my baby pictures were scattered all over the > dining room table...she put all my pictures back up on the walls from when I > was little...she's dug out all my old trophies and put them back up....she > has actually even cleaned out a home office that took the place of my old > room and put everything BACK...she has set my bedroom back up the way it > used to be when I was kid....and I'm TOTALLY freaking out! I did notice > last week my daughters came home from her house with some old stuff of mine. > ..but it was just a couple of old pictures and a couple of old programs from > events I was in...not enough to panic me...but now I am totally freaking out > I feel like she has me in her crosshairs now and is more determined than > ever to suck me back in. She hasn't said a word to me about it and my hubby > seems to think that maybe I'm just being paranoid...that perhaps she is just > doing all this to " punish " my brother....but I know her better than that... > besides, it's not like she's replacing his pictures with my pictures...she's > never HAD any pictures of him up. I'm just so scared that she is just > preparing an all out, no holds barred...not going to stop until she gets me > back kind of deal. Since the war with my brother she has REALLY lost it... > she's actually acting schizo now...like she has TOTALLY lost her mind. My > father has talked to me about episodes where she's seeing people who aren't > there...talking to people who aren't there....calling the police and telling > them these TOTALLY inplausable stories....she even called them 2 nights ago > and told them that this man who was half man, half dog...broke her bedroom > window, crawled through it and ripped through all the clothes in her closet > and stole the bed. When the cops came, everything was still intact....no > broken window, the bed had actually been MADE and all of her clothes in the > closet. (They actually had an article about it in our town paper, but I can > t attach anything to my post) She sat there, mad because " they saw all the > damage, but refused to do anything " ....she's stark raving mad I tell ya.. > and it's freaking me out. > > I just don't know what to do from here....I feel like I need to prepare for > a major blowout with her...but my husband is telling me to relax and stop > worrying about it. I feel like this is the WORST time to let my guard down. > All I can see is this BIG wave of water headed in my direction like a > tsunami. My first reaction is to sound the alarms, build an ark and start > lining up the animals 2 by 2...but my hubby feels like it is more like a > tornado...touching down in one town, skipping over another and touching down > in the next without any rhyme or reason. Yeah right....if hurricaine nada > was about 15 seconds of destruction and then she moves on, I wouldn't be in > therapy right now! Any suggestions?? > > Kisses and Nibbles, > Bunny > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 22, 2007 Report Share Posted March 22, 2007 Why are you reacting to what she does in her own home? Ignore it. You're smart to detach from what she's doing to your brother. Just go back to your life and ignore it. If it is an attempt to suck you back in, you can't be sucked in without allowing it yourself. Just consider it more of her crazy behavior. If you attach to it and take it in, and analyze it and react to it, etc......then you're sucked in! Write it off as her actions in her home. I don't see why you are bringing it to the table as an issue of yours. Careful! -Kyla > > I'm not sure if I'm just driven by paranoia here or what, so I wanted to > throw this out there to the group and see what everyone else thinks. > > Since last year I have had, what I believe to be a pretty successful run in > ending all the BPD madness with nada. I feel good about the choices I've > made so far...we've gone as NC as we possibly can and the kid gloves have > come off. I react to her the same way I would react to a stranger who walks > in my house uninvited or calls in the middle of the night. I've recognized > that she and my father are the cause of my anxiety and I have put my foot > down and I feel good about it. I've gotten to a point that we do not allow > the FOG in our home, and as soon as she starts I abrubtly announce " stop... > you are now trying to manipulate me through (fear, obligation, guilt.. > whatever the case may be) and I will not respond to that. This conversation > is over! " I have literally pulled her up by the arm out of my kitchen chair > and put her OUT of my home. It's been trial and error, but I finally have > gotten to a point where I feel like I have some control. It didn't happen > right away, but she has finally had to accept it and as a result has > enmeshed herself even MORE in my brother's life. I feel bad about it > sometimes because I feel like I'm throwing him under the bus....but I have > to allow him to deal with her on his own. Anyway....she has become > unbelievably horrible with my brother...he's lost 5 jobs in the past 6 > months entirely because of her...and it gets so much worse...but I want to > jump to the point here. Last week she really had it out with my brother... > it was knock down, drag out...I can't even BEGIN to describe how ugly it has > gotten. As a result, she has pretty much written him off....she acts like > he DIED...she won't even acknowledge his exsistance anymore. So here is > where I am starting to panic....I went over a few days ago to pick my > brother up and I went in the house because she wasn't home. She has decided > to pull all my old stuff out...my baby pictures were scattered all over the > dining room table...she put all my pictures back up on the walls from when I > was little...she's dug out all my old trophies and put them back up....she > has actually even cleaned out a home office that took the place of my old > room and put everything BACK...she has set my bedroom back up the way it > used to be when I was kid....and I'm TOTALLY freaking out! I did notice > last week my daughters came home from her house with some old stuff of mine. > ..but it was just a couple of old pictures and a couple of old programs from > events I was in...not enough to panic me...but now I am totally freaking out > I feel like she has me in her crosshairs now and is more determined than > ever to suck me back in. She hasn't said a word to me about it and my hubby > seems to think that maybe I'm just being paranoid...that perhaps she is just > doing all this to " punish " my brother....but I know her better than that... > besides, it's not like she's replacing his pictures with my pictures...she's > never HAD any pictures of him up. I'm just so scared that she is just > preparing an all out, no holds barred...not going to stop until she gets me > back kind of deal. Since the war with my brother she has REALLY lost it... > she's actually acting schizo now...like she has TOTALLY lost her mind. My > father has talked to me about episodes where she's seeing people who aren't > there...talking to people who aren't there....calling the police and telling > them these TOTALLY inplausable stories....she even called them 2 nights ago > and told them that this man who was half man, half dog...broke her bedroom > window, crawled through it and ripped through all the clothes in her closet > and stole the bed. When the cops came, everything was still intact....no > broken window, the bed had actually been MADE and all of her clothes in the > closet. (They actually had an article about it in our town paper, but I can > t attach anything to my post) She sat there, mad because " they saw all the > damage, but refused to do anything " ....she's stark raving mad I tell ya.. > and it's freaking me out. > > I just don't know what to do from here....I feel like I need to prepare for > a major blowout with her...but my husband is telling me to relax and stop > worrying about it. I feel like this is the WORST time to let my guard down. > All I can see is this BIG wave of water headed in my direction like a > tsunami. My first reaction is to sound the alarms, build an ark and start > lining up the animals 2 by 2...but my hubby feels like it is more like a > tornado...touching down in one town, skipping over another and touching down > in the next without any rhyme or reason. Yeah right....if hurricaine nada > was about 15 seconds of destruction and then she moves on, I wouldn't be in > therapy right now! Any suggestions?? > > Kisses and Nibbles, > Bunny > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 22, 2007 Report Share Posted March 22, 2007 Why are you reacting to what she does in her own home? Ignore it. You're smart to detach from what she's doing to your brother. Just go back to your life and ignore it. If it is an attempt to suck you back in, you can't be sucked in without allowing it yourself. Just consider it more of her crazy behavior. If you attach to it and take it in, and analyze it and react to it, etc......then you're sucked in! Write it off as her actions in her home. I don't see why you are bringing it to the table as an issue of yours. Careful! -Kyla > > I'm not sure if I'm just driven by paranoia here or what, so I wanted to > throw this out there to the group and see what everyone else thinks. > > Since last year I have had, what I believe to be a pretty successful run in > ending all the BPD madness with nada. I feel good about the choices I've > made so far...we've gone as NC as we possibly can and the kid gloves have > come off. I react to her the same way I would react to a stranger who walks > in my house uninvited or calls in the middle of the night. I've recognized > that she and my father are the cause of my anxiety and I have put my foot > down and I feel good about it. I've gotten to a point that we do not allow > the FOG in our home, and as soon as she starts I abrubtly announce " stop... > you are now trying to manipulate me through (fear, obligation, guilt.. > whatever the case may be) and I will not respond to that. This conversation > is over! " I have literally pulled her up by the arm out of my kitchen chair > and put her OUT of my home. It's been trial and error, but I finally have > gotten to a point where I feel like I have some control. It didn't happen > right away, but she has finally had to accept it and as a result has > enmeshed herself even MORE in my brother's life. I feel bad about it > sometimes because I feel like I'm throwing him under the bus....but I have > to allow him to deal with her on his own. Anyway....she has become > unbelievably horrible with my brother...he's lost 5 jobs in the past 6 > months entirely because of her...and it gets so much worse...but I want to > jump to the point here. Last week she really had it out with my brother... > it was knock down, drag out...I can't even BEGIN to describe how ugly it has > gotten. As a result, she has pretty much written him off....she acts like > he DIED...she won't even acknowledge his exsistance anymore. So here is > where I am starting to panic....I went over a few days ago to pick my > brother up and I went in the house because she wasn't home. She has decided > to pull all my old stuff out...my baby pictures were scattered all over the > dining room table...she put all my pictures back up on the walls from when I > was little...she's dug out all my old trophies and put them back up....she > has actually even cleaned out a home office that took the place of my old > room and put everything BACK...she has set my bedroom back up the way it > used to be when I was kid....and I'm TOTALLY freaking out! I did notice > last week my daughters came home from her house with some old stuff of mine. > ..but it was just a couple of old pictures and a couple of old programs from > events I was in...not enough to panic me...but now I am totally freaking out > I feel like she has me in her crosshairs now and is more determined than > ever to suck me back in. She hasn't said a word to me about it and my hubby > seems to think that maybe I'm just being paranoid...that perhaps she is just > doing all this to " punish " my brother....but I know her better than that... > besides, it's not like she's replacing his pictures with my pictures...she's > never HAD any pictures of him up. I'm just so scared that she is just > preparing an all out, no holds barred...not going to stop until she gets me > back kind of deal. Since the war with my brother she has REALLY lost it... > she's actually acting schizo now...like she has TOTALLY lost her mind. My > father has talked to me about episodes where she's seeing people who aren't > there...talking to people who aren't there....calling the police and telling > them these TOTALLY inplausable stories....she even called them 2 nights ago > and told them that this man who was half man, half dog...broke her bedroom > window, crawled through it and ripped through all the clothes in her closet > and stole the bed. When the cops came, everything was still intact....no > broken window, the bed had actually been MADE and all of her clothes in the > closet. (They actually had an article about it in our town paper, but I can > t attach anything to my post) She sat there, mad because " they saw all the > damage, but refused to do anything " ....she's stark raving mad I tell ya.. > and it's freaking me out. > > I just don't know what to do from here....I feel like I need to prepare for > a major blowout with her...but my husband is telling me to relax and stop > worrying about it. I feel like this is the WORST time to let my guard down. > All I can see is this BIG wave of water headed in my direction like a > tsunami. My first reaction is to sound the alarms, build an ark and start > lining up the animals 2 by 2...but my hubby feels like it is more like a > tornado...touching down in one town, skipping over another and touching down > in the next without any rhyme or reason. Yeah right....if hurricaine nada > was about 15 seconds of destruction and then she moves on, I wouldn't be in > therapy right now! Any suggestions?? > > Kisses and Nibbles, > Bunny > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 22, 2007 Report Share Posted March 22, 2007 It does sound like she starting to step more from the neurotic zone into the psychotic zone. In those cases, its really hard to guage what's the right thing to do. You've already got her listed in the town newspaper as pretty much crazy and there's plenty of bps who never get to that point- especially w/seeing things and whatnot. Is she perhaps getting dementia or is it stepping more into psychotic behavior? And not all psychotics are mean. There's some really sweet nut jobs as my friend's mother is totally psychotic but a very sweet type- wouldn't hurt a flea just absolutely out of touch w/our reality. Not that paranoia is good, but I do think I would take a different approach than just the dealing w/a bp here as it does sound like your stepping into a new realm of mental illness. I'd keep the boundaries up and keep doing what you are doing, but I'd also seek advise on how to get her into a hospital w/these kinds of episodes, ya know? > > I'm not sure if I'm just driven by paranoia here or what, so I wanted to > throw this out there to the group and see what everyone else thinks. > > Since last year I have had, what I believe to be a pretty successful run in > ending all the BPD madness with nada. I feel good about the choices I've > made so far...we've gone as NC as we possibly can and the kid gloves have > come off. I react to her the same way I would react to a stranger who walks > in my house uninvited or calls in the middle of the night. I've recognized > that she and my father are the cause of my anxiety and I have put my foot > down and I feel good about it. I've gotten to a point that we do not allow > the FOG in our home, and as soon as she starts I abrubtly announce " stop... > you are now trying to manipulate me through (fear, obligation, guilt.. > whatever the case may be) and I will not respond to that. This conversation > is over! " I have literally pulled her up by the arm out of my kitchen chair > and put her OUT of my home. It's been trial and error, but I finally have > gotten to a point where I feel like I have some control. It didn't happen > right away, but she has finally had to accept it and as a result has > enmeshed herself even MORE in my brother's life. I feel bad about it > sometimes because I feel like I'm throwing him under the bus....but I have > to allow him to deal with her on his own. Anyway....she has become > unbelievably horrible with my brother...he's lost 5 jobs in the past 6 > months entirely because of her...and it gets so much worse...but I want to > jump to the point here. Last week she really had it out with my brother... > it was knock down, drag out...I can't even BEGIN to describe how ugly it has > gotten. As a result, she has pretty much written him off....she acts like > he DIED...she won't even acknowledge his exsistance anymore. So here is > where I am starting to panic....I went over a few days ago to pick my > brother up and I went in the house because she wasn't home. She has decided > to pull all my old stuff out...my baby pictures were scattered all over the > dining room table...she put all my pictures back up on the walls from when I > was little...she's dug out all my old trophies and put them back up....she > has actually even cleaned out a home office that took the place of my old > room and put everything BACK...she has set my bedroom back up the way it > used to be when I was kid....and I'm TOTALLY freaking out! I did notice > last week my daughters came home from her house with some old stuff of mine. > ..but it was just a couple of old pictures and a couple of old programs from > events I was in...not enough to panic me...but now I am totally freaking out > I feel like she has me in her crosshairs now and is more determined than > ever to suck me back in. She hasn't said a word to me about it and my hubby > seems to think that maybe I'm just being paranoid...that perhaps she is just > doing all this to " punish " my brother....but I know her better than that... > besides, it's not like she's replacing his pictures with my pictures...she's > never HAD any pictures of him up. I'm just so scared that she is just > preparing an all out, no holds barred...not going to stop until she gets me > back kind of deal. Since the war with my brother she has REALLY lost it... > she's actually acting schizo now...like she has TOTALLY lost her mind. My > father has talked to me about episodes where she's seeing people who aren't > there...talking to people who aren't there....calling the police and telling > them these TOTALLY inplausable stories....she even called them 2 nights ago > and told them that this man who was half man, half dog...broke her bedroom > window, crawled through it and ripped through all the clothes in her closet > and stole the bed. When the cops came, everything was still intact....no > broken window, the bed had actually been MADE and all of her clothes in the > closet. (They actually had an article about it in our town paper, but I can > t attach anything to my post) She sat there, mad because " they saw all the > damage, but refused to do anything " ....she's stark raving mad I tell ya.. > and it's freaking me out. > > I just don't know what to do from here....I feel like I need to prepare for > a major blowout with her...but my husband is telling me to relax and stop > worrying about it. I feel like this is the WORST time to let my guard down. > All I can see is this BIG wave of water headed in my direction like a > tsunami. My first reaction is to sound the alarms, build an ark and start > lining up the animals 2 by 2...but my hubby feels like it is more like a > tornado...touching down in one town, skipping over another and touching down > in the next without any rhyme or reason. Yeah right....if hurricaine nada > was about 15 seconds of destruction and then she moves on, I wouldn't be in > therapy right now! Any suggestions?? > > Kisses and Nibbles, > Bunny > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 22, 2007 Report Share Posted March 22, 2007 Bunny, Have you considered that if you hadn't gone into your mother's house, you wouldn't have seen any of this? I agree that you need to plan how to protect yourself from her, but I think you made a mistake in going into her house and looking around. I think you may be perpetuating your problems by doing this. You are now worrying about things that you wouldn't have been worrying about if you hadn't gone into her house. Let it go. Know what you are going to do when/if she violates your boundaries. But what she is doing in her own home is not violating your boundaries. And you are right about your brother. That is his problem to deal with. You cannot protect him from, nor save him from nada. (That is not your purpose nor your responsibility.) Sylvia > > I'm not sure if I'm just driven by paranoia here or what, so I wanted to > throw this out there to the group and see what everyone else thinks. > > Since last year I have had, what I believe to be a pretty successful run in > ending all the BPD madness with nada. I feel good about the choices I've > made so far...we've gone as NC as we possibly can and the kid gloves have > come off. I react to her the same way I would react to a stranger who walks > in my house uninvited or calls in the middle of the night. I've recognized > that she and my father are the cause of my anxiety and I have put my foot > down and I feel good about it. I've gotten to a point that we do not allow > the FOG in our home, and as soon as she starts I abrubtly announce " stop... > you are now trying to manipulate me through (fear, obligation, guilt.. > whatever the case may be) and I will not respond to that. This conversation > is over! " I have literally pulled her up by the arm out of my kitchen chair > and put her OUT of my home. It's been trial and error, but I finally have > gotten to a point where I feel like I have some control. It didn't happen > right away, but she has finally had to accept it and as a result has > enmeshed herself even MORE in my brother's life. I feel bad about it > sometimes because I feel like I'm throwing him under the bus....but I have > to allow him to deal with her on his own. Anyway....she has become > unbelievably horrible with my brother...he's lost 5 jobs in the past 6 > months entirely because of her...and it gets so much worse...but I want to > jump to the point here. Last week she really had it out with my brother... > it was knock down, drag out...I can't even BEGIN to describe how ugly it has > gotten. As a result, she has pretty much written him off....she acts like > he DIED...she won't even acknowledge his exsistance anymore. So here is > where I am starting to panic....I went over a few days ago to pick my > brother up and I went in the house because she wasn't home. She has decided > to pull all my old stuff out...my baby pictures were scattered all over the > dining room table...she put all my pictures back up on the walls from when I > was little...she's dug out all my old trophies and put them back up....she > has actually even cleaned out a home office that took the place of my old > room and put everything BACK...she has set my bedroom back up the way it > used to be when I was kid....and I'm TOTALLY freaking out! I did notice > last week my daughters came home from her house with some old stuff of mine. > ..but it was just a couple of old pictures and a couple of old programs from > events I was in...not enough to panic me...but now I am totally freaking out > I feel like she has me in her crosshairs now and is more determined than > ever to suck me back in. She hasn't said a word to me about it and my hubby > seems to think that maybe I'm just being paranoid...that perhaps she is just > doing all this to " punish " my brother....but I know her better than that... > besides, it's not like she's replacing his pictures with my pictures...she's > never HAD any pictures of him up. I'm just so scared that she is just > preparing an all out, no holds barred...not going to stop until she gets me > back kind of deal. Since the war with my brother she has REALLY lost it... > she's actually acting schizo now...like she has TOTALLY lost her mind. My > father has talked to me about episodes where she's seeing people who aren't > there...talking to people who aren't there....calling the police and telling > them these TOTALLY inplausable stories....she even called them 2 nights ago > and told them that this man who was half man, half dog...broke her bedroom > window, crawled through it and ripped through all the clothes in her closet > and stole the bed. When the cops came, everything was still intact....no > broken window, the bed had actually been MADE and all of her clothes in the > closet. (They actually had an article about it in our town paper, but I can > t attach anything to my post) She sat there, mad because " they saw all the > damage, but refused to do anything " ....she's stark raving mad I tell ya.. > and it's freaking me out. > > I just don't know what to do from here....I feel like I need to prepare for > a major blowout with her...but my husband is telling me to relax and stop > worrying about it. I feel like this is the WORST time to let my guard down. > All I can see is this BIG wave of water headed in my direction like a > tsunami. My first reaction is to sound the alarms, build an ark and start > lining up the animals 2 by 2...but my hubby feels like it is more like a > tornado...touching down in one town, skipping over another and touching down > in the next without any rhyme or reason. Yeah right....if hurricaine nada > was about 15 seconds of destruction and then she moves on, I wouldn't be in > therapy right now! Any suggestions?? > > Kisses and Nibbles, > Bunny > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 22, 2007 Report Share Posted March 22, 2007 I almost didn't post this question here...and I can't begin to tell all of you how much you have helped me with this. I have a whole new perspective with this now, and these posts are the only things that have really helped me look at this in a different light. I feel cautiously optimistic now.. which is a huge step from pulling my hair out...it's amazing how the panic that i was feeling has been lifted now. Thank you all so very much....I say that very sincerely...from the bottom of my heart. It feels so good to get advice who have been through what I have...because I know you all understand...Sylvia...I wish you were my therapist...after reading your post I have set up another boundrie for ME....I never thought about how going into her house would effect me....you were absolutely right. ..had i not gone in there, i wouldn't be feeling what i was feeling...I can't let what's going on within her walls effect me....otherwise, i might as well just move in there....which, ironically i just posted was one of my greatest fears. New rule...for no reason will i ever set foot in that house again. I've set up boundries that are working for me....they have been tested and tried and they have stayed up....and as result i have grown and i have healed....there is no reason for me to worry about them crumbling now.. those walls will only be as strong as my will...nothing has changed, so there is no reason to panic. If, for some reason those boundries are tested, then all i need to do is stay the course. Thank you all for helping me see that....and thank you all for being there. Kisses and Nibbles, Bunny -- Re: A bad sign? It does sound like she starting to step more from the neurotic zone into the psychotic zone. In those cases, its really hard to guage what's the right thing to do. You've already got her listed in the town newspaper as pretty much crazy and there's plenty of bps who never get to that point- especially w/seeing things and whatnot. Is she perhaps getting dementia or is it stepping more into psychotic behavior? And not all psychotics are mean. There's some really sweet nut jobs as my friend's mother is totally psychotic but a very sweet type- wouldn't hurt a flea just absolutely out of touch w/our reality. Not that paranoia is good, but I do think I would take a different approach than just the dealing w/a bp here as it does sound like your stepping into a new realm of mental illness. I'd keep the boundaries up and keep doing what you are doing, but I'd also seek advise on how to get her into a hospital w/these kinds of episodes, ya know? > > I'm not sure if I'm just driven by paranoia here or what, so I wanted to > throw this out there to the group and see what everyone else thinks. > > Since last year I have had, what I believe to be a pretty successful run in > ending all the BPD madness with nada. I feel good about the choices I've > made so far...we've gone as NC as we possibly can and the kid gloves have > come off. I react to her the same way I would react to a stranger who walks > in my house uninvited or calls in the middle of the night. I've recognized > that she and my father are the cause of my anxiety and I have put my foot > down and I feel good about it. I've gotten to a point that we do not allow > the FOG in our home, and as soon as she starts I abrubtly announce " stop... > you are now trying to manipulate me through (fear, obligation, guilt.. > whatever the case may be) and I will not respond to that. This conversation > is over! " I have literally pulled her up by the arm out of my kitchen chair > and put her OUT of my home. It's been trial and error, but I finally have > gotten to a point where I feel like I have some control. It didn't happen > right away, but she has finally had to accept it and as a result has > enmeshed herself even MORE in my brother's life. I feel bad about it > sometimes because I feel like I'm throwing him under the bus....but I have > to allow him to deal with her on his own. Anyway....she has become > unbelievably horrible with my brother...he's lost 5 jobs in the past 6 > months entirely because of her...and it gets so much worse...but I want to > jump to the point here. Last week she really had it out with my brother... > it was knock down, drag out...I can't even BEGIN to describe how ugly it has > gotten. As a result, she has pretty much written him off....she acts like > he DIED...she won't even acknowledge his exsistance anymore. So here is > where I am starting to panic....I went over a few days ago to pick my > brother up and I went in the house because she wasn't home. She has decided > to pull all my old stuff out...my baby pictures were scattered all over the > dining room table...she put all my pictures back up on the walls from when I > was little...she's dug out all my old trophies and put them back up....she > has actually even cleaned out a home office that took the place of my old > room and put everything BACK...she has set my bedroom back up the way it > used to be when I was kid....and I'm TOTALLY freaking out! I did notice > last week my daughters came home from her house with some old stuff of mine. > ..but it was just a couple of old pictures and a couple of old programs from > events I was in...not enough to panic me...but now I am totally freaking out > I feel like she has me in her crosshairs now and is more determined than > ever to suck me back in. She hasn't said a word to me about it and my hubby > seems to think that maybe I'm just being paranoid...that perhaps she is just > doing all this to " punish " my brother....but I know her better than that... > besides, it's not like she's replacing his pictures with my pictures...she's > never HAD any pictures of him up. I'm just so scared that she is just > preparing an all out, no holds barred...not going to stop until she gets me > back kind of deal. Since the war with my brother she has REALLY lost it... > she's actually acting schizo now...like she has TOTALLY lost her mind. My > father has talked to me about episodes where she's seeing people who aren't > there...talking to people who aren't there....calling the police and telling > them these TOTALLY inplausable stories....she even called them 2 nights ago > and told them that this man who was half man, half dog...broke her bedroom > window, crawled through it and ripped through all the clothes in her closet > and stole the bed. When the cops came, everything was still intact....no > broken window, the bed had actually been MADE and all of her clothes in the > closet. (They actually had an article about it in our town paper, but I can > t attach anything to my post) She sat there, mad because " they saw all the > damage, but refused to do anything " ....she's stark raving mad I tell ya.. > and it's freaking me out. > > I just don't know what to do from here....I feel like I need to prepare for > a major blowout with her...but my husband is telling me to relax and stop > worrying about it. I feel like this is the WORST time to let my guard down. > All I can see is this BIG wave of water headed in my direction like a > tsunami. My first reaction is to sound the alarms, build an ark and start > lining up the animals 2 by 2...but my hubby feels like it is more like a > tornado...touching down in one town, skipping over another and touching down > in the next without any rhyme or reason. Yeah right....if hurricaine nada > was about 15 seconds of destruction and then she moves on, I wouldn't be in > therapy right now! Any suggestions?? > > Kisses and Nibbles, > Bunny > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 22, 2007 Report Share Posted March 22, 2007 Hi Bunny, I think your intuition is right - she is trying to pull you back. Remember, you don't have to go!!! Also, it is not your fault that she projected things on him when you went NC. He is an adult. You can't save everyone. You can share with him what you have learned about BP. The choices on how he uses it are his responsibility. Also, we all know when the tsunami is coming. Go with your gut. Prepare yourself. K Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry A bad sign? I'm not sure if I'm just driven by paranoia here or what, so I wanted to throw this out there to the group and see what everyone else thinks. Since last year I have had, what I believe to be a pretty successful run in ending all the BPD madness with nada. I feel good about the choices I've made so far...we've gone as NC as we possibly can and the kid gloves have come off. I react to her the same way I would react to a stranger who walks in my house uninvited or calls in the middle of the night. I've recognized that she and my father are the cause of my anxiety and I have put my foot down and I feel good about it. I've gotten to a point that we do not allow the FOG in our home, and as soon as she starts I abrubtly announce " stop... you are now trying to manipulate me through (fear, obligation, guilt.. whatever the case may be) and I will not respond to that. This conversation is over! " I have literally pulled her up by the arm out of my kitchen chair and put her OUT of my home. It's been trial and error, but I finally have gotten to a point where I feel like I have some control. It didn't happen right away, but she has finally had to accept it and as a result has enmeshed herself even MORE in my brother's life. I feel bad about it sometimes because I feel like I'm throwing him under the bus....but I have to allow him to deal with her on his own. Anyway....she has become unbelievably horrible with my brother...he's lost 5 jobs in the past 6 months entirely because of her...and it gets so much worse...but I want to jump to the point here. Last week she really had it out with my brother... it was knock down, drag out...I can't even BEGIN to describe how ugly it has gotten. As a result, she has pretty much written him off....she acts like he DIED...she won't even acknowledge his exsistance anymore. So here is where I am starting to panic....I went over a few days ago to pick my brother up and I went in the house because she wasn't home. She has decided to pull all my old stuff out...my baby pictures were scattered all over the dining room table...she put all my pictures back up on the walls from when I was little...she's dug out all my old trophies and put them back up....she has actually even cleaned out a home office that took the place of my old room and put everything BACK...she has set my bedroom back up the way it used to be when I was kid....and I'm TOTALLY freaking out! I did notice last week my daughters came home from her house with some old stuff of mine. ..but it was just a couple of old pictures and a couple of old programs from events I was in...not enough to panic me...but now I am totally freaking out I feel like she has me in her crosshairs now and is more determined than ever to suck me back in. She hasn't said a word to me about it and my hubby seems to think that maybe I'm just being paranoid...that perhaps she is just doing all this to " punish " my brother....but I know her better than that... besides, it's not like she's replacing his pictures with my pictures...she's never HAD any pictures of him up. I'm just so scared that she is just preparing an all out, no holds barred...not going to stop until she gets me back kind of deal. Since the war with my brother she has REALLY lost it... she's actually acting schizo now...like she has TOTALLY lost her mind. My father has talked to me about episodes where she's seeing people who aren't there...talking to people who aren't there....calling the police and telling them these TOTALLY inplausable stories....she even called them 2 nights ago and told them that this man who was half man, half dog...broke her bedroom window, crawled through it and ripped through all the clothes in her closet and stole the bed. When the cops came, everything was still intact....no broken window, the bed had actually been MADE and all of her clothes in the closet. (They actually had an article about it in our town paper, but I can t attach anything to my post) She sat there, mad because " they saw all the damage, but refused to do anything " ....she's stark raving mad I tell ya.. and it's freaking me out. I just don't know what to do from here....I feel like I need to prepare for a major blowout with her...but my husband is telling me to relax and stop worrying about it. I feel like this is the WORST time to let my guard down. All I can see is this BIG wave of water headed in my direction like a tsunami. My first reaction is to sound the alarms, build an ark and start lining up the animals 2 by 2...but my hubby feels like it is more like a tornado...touching down in one town, skipping over another and touching down in the next without any rhyme or reason. Yeah right....if hurricaine nada was about 15 seconds of destruction and then she moves on, I wouldn't be in therapy right now! Any suggestions?? Kisses and Nibbles, Bunny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 22, 2007 Report Share Posted March 22, 2007 Great advice!!!! K Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry Re: A bad sign? Why are you reacting to what she does in her own home? Ignore it. You're smart to detach from what she's doing to your brother. Just go back to your life and ignore it. If it is an attempt to suck you back in, you can't be sucked in without allowing it yourself. Just consider it more of her crazy behavior. If you attach to it and take it in, and analyze it and react to it, etc......then you're sucked in! Write it off as her actions in her home. I don't see why you are bringing it to the table as an issue of yours. Careful! -Kyla > > I'm not sure if I'm just driven by paranoia here or what, so I wanted to > throw this out there to the group and see what everyone else thinks. > > Since last year I have had, what I believe to be a pretty successful run in > ending all the BPD madness with nada. I feel good about the choices I've > made so far...we've gone as NC as we possibly can and the kid gloves have > come off. I react to her the same way I would react to a stranger who walks > in my house uninvited or calls in the middle of the night. I've recognized > that she and my father are the cause of my anxiety and I have put my foot > down and I feel good about it. I've gotten to a point that we do not allow > the FOG in our home, and as soon as she starts I abrubtly announce " stop... > you are now trying to manipulate me through (fear, obligation, guilt.. > whatever the case may be) and I will not respond to that. This conversation > is over! " I have literally pulled her up by the arm out of my kitchen chair > and put her OUT of my home. It's been trial and error, but I finally have > gotten to a point where I feel like I have some control. It didn't happen > right away, but she has finally had to accept it and as a result has > enmeshed herself even MORE in my brother's life. I feel bad about it > sometimes because I feel like I'm throwing him under the bus....but I have > to allow him to deal with her on his own. Anyway....she has become > unbelievably horrible with my brother...he's lost 5 jobs in the past 6 > months entirely because of her...and it gets so much worse...but I want to > jump to the point here. Last week she really had it out with my brother... > it was knock down, drag out...I can't even BEGIN to describe how ugly it has > gotten. As a result, she has pretty much written him off....she acts like > he DIED...she won't even acknowledge his exsistance anymore. So here is > where I am starting to panic....I went over a few days ago to pick my > brother up and I went in the house because she wasn't home. She has decided > to pull all my old stuff out...my baby pictures were scattered all over the > dining room table...she put all my pictures back up on the walls from when I > was little...she's dug out all my old trophies and put them back up....she > has actually even cleaned out a home office that took the place of my old > room and put everything BACK...she has set my bedroom back up the way it > used to be when I was kid....and I'm TOTALLY freaking out! I did notice > last week my daughters came home from her house with some old stuff of mine. > ..but it was just a couple of old pictures and a couple of old programs from > events I was in...not enough to panic me...but now I am totally freaking out > I feel like she has me in her crosshairs now and is more determined than > ever to suck me back in. She hasn't said a word to me about it and my hubby > seems to think that maybe I'm just being paranoid...that perhaps she is just > doing all this to " punish " my brother....but I know her better than that... > besides, it's not like she's replacing his pictures with my pictures...she's > never HAD any pictures of him up. I'm just so scared that she is just > preparing an all out, no holds barred...not going to stop until she gets me > back kind of deal. Since the war with my brother she has REALLY lost it... > she's actually acting schizo now...like she has TOTALLY lost her mind. My > father has talked to me about episodes where she's seeing people who aren't > there...talking to people who aren't there....calling the police and telling > them these TOTALLY inplausable stories....she even called them 2 nights ago > and told them that this man who was half man, half dog...broke her bedroom > window, crawled through it and ripped through all the clothes in her closet > and stole the bed. When the cops came, everything was still intact....no > broken window, the bed had actually been MADE and all of her clothes in the > closet. (They actually had an article about it in our town paper, but I can > t attach anything to my post) She sat there, mad because " they saw all the > damage, but refused to do anything " ....she's stark raving mad I tell ya.. > and it's freaking me out. > > I just don't know what to do from here....I feel like I need to prepare for > a major blowout with her...but my husband is telling me to relax and stop > worrying about it. I feel like this is the WORST time to let my guard down. > All I can see is this BIG wave of water headed in my direction like a > tsunami. My first reaction is to sound the alarms, build an ark and start > lining up the animals 2 by 2...but my hubby feels like it is more like a > tornado...touching down in one town, skipping over another and touching down > in the next without any rhyme or reason. Yeah right....if hurricaine nada > was about 15 seconds of destruction and then she moves on, I wouldn't be in > therapy right now! Any suggestions?? > > Kisses and Nibbles, > Bunny > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 22, 2007 Report Share Posted March 22, 2007 Bunny, I hope you know what an awesome step you have taken by making this statement. You have transformed yourself from a victim to a person who can and will take care of herself. You have overcome what is to me one of the biggest hurdles we have as a KO - overcoming the helpless feelings we carried over from our childhood and recognizing our abilities to take care of ourselves in healthy ways. Way to go!!! Sylvia ......> I've set up boundries that are working for me....they have been tested and > tried and they have stayed up....and as result i have grown and i have > healed....there is no reason for me to worry about them crumbling now.. > those walls will only be as strong as my will...nothing has changed, so > there is no reason to panic. If, for some reason those boundries are tested, > then all i need to do is stay the course. Thank you all for helping me see > that....and thank you all for being there. > > Kisses and Nibbles, > Bunny ........ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 22, 2007 Report Share Posted March 22, 2007 Hear, Hear!!! GO BUNNY!! > .....> I've set up boundries that are working for me....they have > been tested and > > tried and they have stayed up....and as result i have grown and i > have > > healed....there is no reason for me to worry about them crumbling > now.. > > those walls will only be as strong as my will...nothing has > changed, so > > there is no reason to panic. If, for some reason those boundries > are tested, > > then all i need to do is stay the course. Thank you all for > helping me see > > that....and thank you all for being there. > > > > Kisses and Nibbles, > > Bunny > ....... > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 22, 2007 Report Share Posted March 22, 2007 Hear, Hear!!! GO BUNNY!! > .....> I've set up boundries that are working for me....they have > been tested and > > tried and they have stayed up....and as result i have grown and i > have > > healed....there is no reason for me to worry about them crumbling > now.. > > those walls will only be as strong as my will...nothing has > changed, so > > there is no reason to panic. If, for some reason those boundries > are tested, > > then all i need to do is stay the course. Thank you all for > helping me see > > that....and thank you all for being there. > > > > Kisses and Nibbles, > > Bunny > ....... > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 22, 2007 Report Share Posted March 22, 2007 Bunny, Great Posting!!! You are growing and getting so healthy! Wonderful words and positive intentions for you. Malinda:) > .....> I've set up boundries that are working for me....they have > been tested and > > tried and they have stayed up....and as result i have grown and i > have > > healed....there is no reason for me to worry about them crumbling > now.. > > those walls will only be as strong as my will...nothing has > changed, so > > there is no reason to panic. If, for some reason those boundries > are tested, > > then all i need to do is stay the course. Thank you all for > helping me see > > that....and thank you all for being there. > > > > Kisses and Nibbles, > > Bunny > ....... > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 22, 2007 Report Share Posted March 22, 2007 Hi Beach Bunny, I think your mum isn't saying anything to you, I think she is saying it to your brother. I feel sorry for your brother, but be thankful that you've been split white. I know even that can be frightening (but I've have rarely had the privilege). As for your mother losing her mind, well, she didn't really have much to lose. She's having major problems coping with feeling like an antimother. but like everyone knows here, they have major problems with reality. So in a sense, nothing's changed. All the energy they put in to whatever springs in to their minds (mindlets?) is really freaky. _____ << ella for Spam Control >> has removed 718 Spam messages and set aside 0 Newsletters for me You can use it too - and it's FREE! www.ellaforspam.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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