Re: Re: As a KO what are you still afraid of?

[Guest guest]

>I still struggle with the same

issues of guilt and fear of what nada will think or say, even though

>I've been in limited contact with her for almost 7 years.

this is a very hard thing to over come...she's been working her mental

illness onto you since you were born...it's ingrained into you to be guilty

and fearful

>And

sometimes I can feel a naggy little voice in the back of my head

sometimes that says " you should tell nada about this, it would

>really please her " . But I know deep down that there's nothing I can

do to please her. In fact, it's not my JOB to please her! That's

>the warped thing. I'm her daughter, not her royal subject.

I get this too..and you are exactly right...

>Another thing I'm afraid of, and something that may never go away,

is that something will happen to her (death, disability, etc.), and

>I will feel tremendous guilt for being in such limited contact.

I keep telling myself I HAVE to be in limited contact, for my own sanity and

well being. The awful things my nada has done and continues to do...she's

" rob " me of my younger years, she's not going to get my whole life :-)

> I'm

also afraid for when/if I have children how I'll be able to navigate

that aspect of the relationship. I would want my children to at

>least know who she is, and for her to meet them and see them, but I

would never leave them under her care, nor spend more than a little

>bit of time with her. I don't want them to suffer the same mental

abuse that I went/go through. It's just one more thing that's made

>it difficult for me to really know if I want kids or not.

my nada seems to not be so nasty to her grand kids...she IS mean, and weird,

but not as bad as she is to her own kids...I have no idea if others BPD

mothers are this way

> Seems like such an easy decision for everyone else...

oh, it's NOT easy !!! I have to keep reminding myself of what she's like

and that I can't have a normal relationship with her...especially when my

friends talk about how great their mothers are and that they wish they lived

closer and could talk more with them...

Jackie

[Guest guest]

Sometiems it's also smart to be a little afraid, one thing I've feared with my

nada is that she will destroy the family I've found/married into. Not

unreasonalbe, she's chased off her own family and my dad's family and always

tried to isolate me.

I also am afraid of her damages financially. She's already tried to swindle

money out of me demanding a credit card in my name and give it to her.

Some of these fears are very reasonable, because if you dont' worry about them

and fall for a trick she could do serious damage.

MC

sleddog wrote:

>I still struggle with the same

issues of guilt and fear of what nada will think or say, even though

>I've been in limited contact with her for almost 7 years.

this is a very hard thing to over come...she's been working her mental

illness onto you since you were born...it's ingrained into you to be guilty

and fearful

>And

sometimes I can feel a naggy little voice in the back of my head

sometimes that says " you should tell nada about this, it would

>really please her " . But I know deep down that there's nothing I can

do to please her. In fact, it's not my JOB to please her! That's

>the warped thing. I'm her daughter, not her royal subject.

I get this too..and you are exactly right...

>Another thing I'm afraid of, and something that may never go away,

is that something will happen to her (death, disability, etc.), and

>I will feel tremendous guilt for being in such limited contact.

I keep telling myself I HAVE to be in limited contact, for my own sanity and

well being. The awful things my nada has done and continues to do...she's

" rob " me of my younger years, she's not going to get my whole life :-)

> I'm

also afraid for when/if I have children how I'll be able to navigate

that aspect of the relationship. I would want my children to at

>least know who she is, and for her to meet them and see them, but I

would never leave them under her care, nor spend more than a little

>bit of time with her. I don't want them to suffer the same mental

abuse that I went/go through. It's just one more thing that's made

>it difficult for me to really know if I want kids or not.

my nada seems to not be so nasty to her grand kids...she IS mean, and weird,

but not as bad as she is to her own kids...I have no idea if others BPD

mothers are this way

> Seems like such an easy decision for everyone else...

oh, it's NOT easy !!! I have to keep reminding myself of what she's like

and that I can't have a normal relationship with her...especially when my

friends talk about how great their mothers are and that they wish they lived

closer and could talk more with them...

Jackie

---------------------------------

Now that's room service! Choose from over 150,000 hotels

in 45,000 destinations on Yahoo! Travel to find your fit.

[Guest guest]

>Sometiems it's also smart to be a little afraid,

yes, this is true..it will keep you alret to what she's doing/saying

> I also am afraid of her damages financially. She's already tried to

swindle money >out of me demanding a credit card in my name and give it to

her.

LOL I'm sorry, but this sounds so absurd it's funny...she demands you put a

credit card in your name and turn it over to her...and WHY does she think

you would ever do this ?? What could she possibly be thinking on why this

would be the right thing for you to do...

> Some of these fears are very reasonable, because if you dont' worry about

them >and fall for a trick she could do serious damage.

oh, exactly !!

Jackie

[Guest guest]

>Sometiems it's also smart to be a little afraid,

yes, this is true..it will keep you alret to what she's doing/saying

> I also am afraid of her damages financially. She's already tried to

swindle money >out of me demanding a credit card in my name and give it to

her.

LOL I'm sorry, but this sounds so absurd it's funny...she demands you put a

credit card in your name and turn it over to her...and WHY does she think

you would ever do this ?? What could she possibly be thinking on why this

would be the right thing for you to do...

> Some of these fears are very reasonable, because if you dont' worry about

them >and fall for a trick she could do serious damage.

oh, exactly !!

Jackie

[Guest guest]

> I wonder a lot if I will ever be able to reconcile with her. It's hard

for me to imagine not inviting her to my wedding (that is...if I ever have

one...) or my children >having a grandmother, even if it is very restricted

visitation. But it's still hard to just think that she would be completely

left out, even with her past behavior.

if I had it to do over, she would not have been invited to my weddin...it

wasn't my wedding, it was hers..she picked the reception hall, she picked

the menue, she had me wear her dress ( with the understanding if we cut

corners, any amount left over she's give to us..LOL I was stupid back then,

I belived her we didn't get anything) she picked the flowers..the only thing

she didn't pick was the groom and she tried real hard to break us up

Jackie

[Guest guest]

> I wonder a lot if I will ever be able to reconcile with her. It's hard

for me to imagine not inviting her to my wedding (that is...if I ever have

one...) or my children >having a grandmother, even if it is very restricted

visitation. But it's still hard to just think that she would be completely

left out, even with her past behavior.

if I had it to do over, she would not have been invited to my weddin...it

wasn't my wedding, it was hers..she picked the reception hall, she picked

the menue, she had me wear her dress ( with the understanding if we cut

corners, any amount left over she's give to us..LOL I was stupid back then,

I belived her we didn't get anything) she picked the flowers..the only thing

she didn't pick was the groom and she tried real hard to break us up

Jackie

[Guest guest]

Jackie,

One comment. You were not /stupid/ back then. You were just naive, and

could not imagine that a mother would act this way. Who could???

K

sleddog wrote:

> > I wonder a lot if I will ever be able to reconcile with her. It's hard

> for me to imagine not inviting her to my wedding (that is...if I ever

> have

> one...) or my children >having a grandmother, even if it is very

> restricted

> visitation. But it's still hard to just think that she would be

> completely

> left out, even with her past behavior.

>

> if I had it to do over, she would not have been invited to my weddin...it

> wasn't my wedding, it was hers..she picked the reception hall, she picked

> the menue, she had me wear her dress ( with the understanding if we cut

> corners, any amount left over she's give to us..LOL I was stupid back

> then,

> I belived her we didn't get anything) she picked the flowers..the only

> thing

> she didn't pick was the groom and she tried real hard to break us up

>

> Jackie

>

>

[Guest guest]

Jackie,

One comment. You were not /stupid/ back then. You were just naive, and

could not imagine that a mother would act this way. Who could???

K

sleddog wrote:

> > I wonder a lot if I will ever be able to reconcile with her. It's hard

> for me to imagine not inviting her to my wedding (that is...if I ever

> have

> one...) or my children >having a grandmother, even if it is very

> restricted

> visitation. But it's still hard to just think that she would be

> completely

> left out, even with her past behavior.

>

> if I had it to do over, she would not have been invited to my weddin...it

> wasn't my wedding, it was hers..she picked the reception hall, she picked

> the menue, she had me wear her dress ( with the understanding if we cut

> corners, any amount left over she's give to us..LOL I was stupid back

> then,

> I belived her we didn't get anything) she picked the flowers..the only

> thing

> she didn't pick was the groom and she tried real hard to break us up

>

> Jackie

>

>

[Guest guest]

I think that is when we know we have truly healed. When they can no

longer evoke the hurt and reaction (anger response) that they have been

able to for so long. Yours is a normal reaction. Getting past it is a

challenge for all of us.

K

econ2econ wrote:

>

> > I almost immediately started yelling at her for not respecting my

> boundaries

>

> I get like this, too. I am such a calm, rational, even-keeled person

> in every part of my life, but when it comes to her, I have a short

> fuse. Even though I didn't deserve the treatments she dished out, I

> should still learn how to communicate more calmly, robotically with

> her. She's a fight picker, and likes to say things that stir up

> arguments and drama. She gets off on it, and it's really sick.

> Sometimes it's hard to say " I'm sorry, we'll have to talk later " and

> hang up. I'm so angry at her, and she gives these wide openings for me

> to yell at her. But it's a sick trap. I'm GIVING her what she wants,

> which is a fight. But it's so tempting to just go off on her because

> there's so much to yell at her about!

>

>

[Guest guest]

I think that is when we know we have truly healed. When they can no

longer evoke the hurt and reaction (anger response) that they have been

able to for so long. Yours is a normal reaction. Getting past it is a

challenge for all of us.

K

econ2econ wrote:

>

> > I almost immediately started yelling at her for not respecting my

> boundaries

>

> I get like this, too. I am such a calm, rational, even-keeled person

> in every part of my life, but when it comes to her, I have a short

> fuse. Even though I didn't deserve the treatments she dished out, I

> should still learn how to communicate more calmly, robotically with

> her. She's a fight picker, and likes to say things that stir up

> arguments and drama. She gets off on it, and it's really sick.

> Sometimes it's hard to say " I'm sorry, we'll have to talk later " and

> hang up. I'm so angry at her, and she gives these wide openings for me

> to yell at her. But it's a sick trap. I'm GIVING her what she wants,

> which is a fight. But it's so tempting to just go off on her because

> there's so much to yell at her about!

>

>

[Guest guest]

> One comment. You were not /stupid/ back then. You were just naive, and

> could not imagine that a mother would act this way. Who could???

>

> K

thanks, but sometimes I'm not so sure LOL by now, I KNOW how she is and I

know pretty much that she's going to either 1) have a temper tantrum 2) take

over and be in full contol bossing everyone around or 3) pouting because she

can't be in control...pretty much it's always been the same, and after all

these years I should know she's going to be like this...so I should not be

surprised or shocked when she does this..I shoudl expect it

Jackie

[Guest guest]

The subject of this topic really jumped out at me....the answer for me is..

..being hoovered back in.

After all of the ground I have covered and trial and error " reactions " to

her, I finally feel like I have felt a very comfortable groove for not only

myself, but for my family. My greatest fear as a KO is that something will

happen and I will get sucked back into her madness....to a point that my

therapist has diagnosed me with PTSD....and I am on an ongoing treatment for

severe anxiety attacks. It's almost enough to cause me to hyper-ventalate

just at the THOUGHT of being her puppet again and giving way to her madness.

I'm never going back there again....she couldn't take me alive...I would

literally have heart failure if I had to live that way again.

Kisses and Nibbles,

Bunny

-- Re: As a KO what are you still afraid of?

Ditto for me, too. I keep hearing those old " bad girl " tapes as

this NC stretches on and on. It's a struggle sometimes to remind

myself of the reality. I keep going back to the fantasy family --

the one that I've " destroyed " with my " severing " the relationship

with FOO.

I did nothing of the sort -- I called their bluff. Quit being their

puppet. Quit reacting to their temper tantrums or silent treatment.

As a grown woman, I should feel no guilt for THAT. But it's amazing

how those old feelings persistently bubble up sometimes. It's like

a scar that tingles every once in awhile. Nothing you can do about

it.

-Kyla

> ...... Sometimes I'm still afraid of my

> > mother...it's been drilled into me for so long..andshe was

working

> on me

> > when I was very young and impressionable...

> >

> > Jackie

> >

>

[Guest guest]

The subject of this topic really jumped out at me....the answer for me is..

..being hoovered back in.

After all of the ground I have covered and trial and error " reactions " to

her, I finally feel like I have felt a very comfortable groove for not only

myself, but for my family. My greatest fear as a KO is that something will

happen and I will get sucked back into her madness....to a point that my

therapist has diagnosed me with PTSD....and I am on an ongoing treatment for

severe anxiety attacks. It's almost enough to cause me to hyper-ventalate

just at the THOUGHT of being her puppet again and giving way to her madness.

I'm never going back there again....she couldn't take me alive...I would

literally have heart failure if I had to live that way again.

Kisses and Nibbles,

Bunny

-- Re: As a KO what are you still afraid of?

Ditto for me, too. I keep hearing those old " bad girl " tapes as

this NC stretches on and on. It's a struggle sometimes to remind

myself of the reality. I keep going back to the fantasy family --

the one that I've " destroyed " with my " severing " the relationship

with FOO.

I did nothing of the sort -- I called their bluff. Quit being their

puppet. Quit reacting to their temper tantrums or silent treatment.

As a grown woman, I should feel no guilt for THAT. But it's amazing

how those old feelings persistently bubble up sometimes. It's like

a scar that tingles every once in awhile. Nothing you can do about

it.

-Kyla

> ...... Sometimes I'm still afraid of my

> > mother...it's been drilled into me for so long..andshe was

working

> on me

> > when I was very young and impressionable...

> >

> > Jackie

> >

>

[Guest guest]

The subject of this topic really jumped out at me....the answer for me is..

..being hoovered back in.

After all of the ground I have covered and trial and error " reactions " to

her, I finally feel like I have felt a very comfortable groove for not only

myself, but for my family. My greatest fear as a KO is that something will

happen and I will get sucked back into her madness....to a point that my

therapist has diagnosed me with PTSD....and I am on an ongoing treatment for

severe anxiety attacks. It's almost enough to cause me to hyper-ventalate

just at the THOUGHT of being her puppet again and giving way to her madness.

I'm never going back there again....she couldn't take me alive...I would

literally have heart failure if I had to live that way again.

Kisses and Nibbles,

Bunny

-- Re: As a KO what are you still afraid of?

Ditto for me, too. I keep hearing those old " bad girl " tapes as

this NC stretches on and on. It's a struggle sometimes to remind

myself of the reality. I keep going back to the fantasy family --

the one that I've " destroyed " with my " severing " the relationship

with FOO.

I did nothing of the sort -- I called their bluff. Quit being their

puppet. Quit reacting to their temper tantrums or silent treatment.

As a grown woman, I should feel no guilt for THAT. But it's amazing

how those old feelings persistently bubble up sometimes. It's like

a scar that tingles every once in awhile. Nothing you can do about

it.

-Kyla

> ...... Sometimes I'm still afraid of my

> > mother...it's been drilled into me for so long..andshe was

working

> on me

> > when I was very young and impressionable...

> >

> > Jackie

> >

>

[Guest guest]

this is why I'm SO glad I do not live anywhere near my nada !! I'm sure

this is just how she'd be if I did...so controlling and demanding..I'm not

sure I'd have ever healed at all if I had to deal with her on a regular

basis. I feel for you !! It IS always about them..and she was angry

because you FORGOT her...she thinks she should be the most important thing

in your world, before yourself, before your spouse, before your children...

Jackie

I forgot to call her...( the mighty sin). So I thought I will leave a

message on her answering machine at home.

On the way home from her job today, she had nada call me, and that

would be I feel for further guilt. She could have called me. He I

could tell was in his panic voice, wanting to know why I didn't call

my mother about the tooth repair.

I explained I did call and left a message on the answering machine,

which my father is now explaining to nada who is in the background.

She then takes the phone to remind me first and foremost I didn't

call her, and after the scolding....I then explain again I left a

message. She had little to say about my tooth, just again why didn't

I call her?

It is NEVER about me, and this just another moment of my mother not

caring about my tooth, but how I responded to her request and why I

didn't do it the way she had requested and within her allowable

timeframe.

My god.......why it is ALWAYS so complex and entangled? It was really

nothing, and she always makes it into something....the drama!

I do hate it and yes at times I think I hate nada for her controling,

and manipulative ways.

Yes....I was afraid today, I had forgotten to call the way she had

requested.... so I am the bad daughter again, and again and again and

again. It is exhausting...

Many much gratitude and love to all who are listening,

Malinda

[Guest guest]

Hang in there Malinda,

One day/one encounter at a time. You see the pattern and you know how it makes

you feel. Stay strong and resolute. This is not about not loving you Mom or

being 'bad': that is her distortion. It is about the peace you deserve.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Re: As a KO what are you still afraid of?

Omg....thank you this thread.

What I am afraid, somedays so little, other days EVERYthing.

Every time I let my guard down, she not to be vulger spits on the

boundaries I have made.

Today was the typical relationship I can have with nada.

Nada knew I had the day off work. So she called me this morning to

converse about herself and to do the questioning about my daughter

and me. I had a dentist appt. and she told me to call her, to see how

I did with the tooth repair.

My nada works in a restuarant, so she told me to call her anytime,

but I am uncomfortable with that. Most of the time she is busy, so I

will call doing what I hope is a down time. So I told her I will let

her know how I did.

I forgot to call her...( the mighty sin). So I thought I will leave a

message on her answering machine at home.

On the way home from her job today, she had nada call me, and that

would be I feel for further guilt. She could have called me. He I

could tell was in his panic voice, wanting to know why I didn't call

my mother about the tooth repair.

I explained I did call and left a message on the answering machine,

which my father is now explaining to nada who is in the background.

She then takes the phone to remind me first and foremost I didn't

call her, and after the scolding....I then explain again I left a

message. She had little to say about my tooth, just again why didn't

I call her?

It is NEVER about me, and this just another moment of my mother not

caring about my tooth, but how I responded to her request and why I

didn't do it the way she had requested and within her allowable

timeframe.

My god.......why it is ALWAYS so complex and entangled? It was really

nothing, and she always makes it into something....the drama!

I do hate it and yes at times I think I hate nada for her controling,

and manipulative ways.

Yes....I was afraid today, I had forgotten to call the way she had

requested.... so I am the bad daughter again, and again and again and

again. It is exhausting...

Many much gratitude and love to all who are listening,

Malinda

> ...... Sometimes I'm still afraid of my

> > mother...it's been drilled into me for so long..andshe was

working

> on me

> > when I was very young and impressionable...

> >

> > Jackie

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Perfect analysis.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Re: As a KO what are you still afraid of?

This sounds like yet another example of how BPDs like to engineer

themselves into our thoughts -- like they have to MAKE us think

about them, otherwise we'd go on with our lives and leave them

behind.

So, they set up these things where we have to call them.

Otherwise, she would just tell herself, " Well, she probably forgot,

so I'm calling to check on her tooth repair. " But, that would be

what a NORMAL person would do. A person who isn't so full of

themselves that they think THEY have to be the top thing on our mind.

If it were me, I'd assume that you had had a busy day! Were

possibly in pain! Maybe you could use a hand!

She constructed it so that it was about how she's a victim.

Sheesh.

How is your tooth, by the way?!!!

-Kyla

> > ...... Sometimes I'm still afraid of my

> > > mother...it's been drilled into me for so long..andshe was

> working

> > on me

> > > when I was very young and impressionable...

> > >

> > > Jackie

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

>So, they set up these things where we have to call them.

the rules of her house...we are required to call her for valentines day (

and send a card, gift would be best), call her for mothers day ( and

card/flowers) call her for her birthday( card/flowers required), call her

for Easter ( card/flowers needed), call her on her wedding anniversary (

card required), call her for thanksgiving and call her for Christmas (

card/gift required) she only calls me on my birthday...sometimes, if she

remembers...needless to say..I don't follow the " rules " I will send a card

for her birthday, wedding anniversary, Christmas and sometimes Easter.( no

gifts at all)...I will call on her birthday, I have every Christmas but

probably wont any more..and she gets no card/call for mothers day !! I

called her last thanksgiving and last Christmas...and thats the last I've

heard from her ( although it's been nice and quiet LOL)

Jackie

[Guest guest]

LOL I found a GREAT card 2 years ago..on the front it said Happy Mothers Day

on the inside it said You have a terrific daughter !! I sent that to her

:-) for birthdays I send the cheapest and lest emotional one I can find..

Jackie

I always HATED buying Mother's Day cards, it felt so fake to buy a

card saying wonderful mother and all that crap. It never felt real

so I would buy the least sentimental card I could find. Same thing

for birthday cards.

[Guest guest]

Oh yeah. I do that. ; )

All those sappy cards - ³you¹re my best friend; you¹ve given me

unconditional love; etc. ...²

Yeah, right.

I usually just stick with - ³Have a happy Mother¹s Day. I love you.² And I

make sure the front of the card looks really pretty. : )

[Guest guest]

I make sure the card does NOT say I love you...I get one of those 99 cent

cards from Wal Mart that just says happy mothers day...only I don't do that

any more...no more mothers day cards for her...especially since she's been

giving me the silent treatment for over a year now...some mother, huh ?

Jackie

Oh yeah. I do that. ; )

All those sappy cards - ³you¹re my best friend; you¹ve given me

unconditional love; etc. ...²

Yeah, right.

I usually just stick with - ³Have a happy Mother¹s Day. I love you.² And I

make sure the front of the card looks really pretty. : )

[Guest guest]

That IS a great card. I¹ll have to remember that. Maybe I can make my own

card and put that in it. : )

[Guest guest]

I remember " planning my wedding " with my sister and mom. They had all the

details worked out just for me. My husband and I wanted a very small service

(10 or 20 people) and wanted, of course, to include our friends. Mom and Sis

started planning the invitation list with people I'd never even met and it was

quickly growing...none of our friends included. When I said it wasn't what I

wanted, they giggled and told me that they'd handle the wedding - all I had to

do was show up. I said, " Forget it. " and walked out. At the service, we had my

parents, his parents, and his 5 year old son in a sitting room of the local

church. Sis did the reception at his parent's house and we invited friends and

family to it. Ironically, nobody was bothered about the service except Mom who

complained that she couldn't see why I'd invite my husband's son to the wedding

and not my neices (same age), and that I should be forever grateful that sis did

the reception when I was too rude to invite

her to the wedding. (Sis and Mom planned for her to do the reception, and

called my MIL and told her they would do it but it was going to be at her

house.). Long story just to say their BPD presence at your wedding is not

necessarily a gift. If I had it to do over, I'd have eloped. -

sleddog wrote: > I wonder a lot if I will ever be

able to reconcile with her. It's hard

for me to imagine not inviting her to my wedding (that is...if I ever have

one...) or my children >having a grandmother, even if it is very restricted

visitation. But it's still hard to just think that she would be completely

left out, even with her past behavior.

if I had it to do over, she would not have been invited to my weddin...it

wasn't my wedding, it was hers..she picked the reception hall, she picked

the menue, she had me wear her dress ( with the understanding if we cut

corners, any amount left over she's give to us..LOL I was stupid back then,

I belived her we didn't get anything) she picked the flowers..the only thing

she didn't pick was the groom and she tried real hard to break us up

Jackie

---------------------------------

Don't get soaked. Take a quick peek at the forecast

with theYahoo! Search weather shortcut.

[Guest guest]

>I remember " planning my wedding " with my sister and mom. They had all the

>details worked out just for me. My husband and I wanted a very small

>service (10 or >20 people) and wanted, of course, to include our friends.

>Mom and Sis started planning the invitation list with people I'd never even

>met and it was quickly >growing...none of our friends included. When I

>said it wasn't what I wanted,

this is how mine happend, only nada did it alone...and invited all her

friends...she even wanted me to change the date so more of her friends could

come...I didn't even know her friends..so I wasn't going to change the date

( that and my groom was the only things I got to pick !!)

> If I had it to do over, I'd have eloped. -

LOL yup !! every time I'd hve something arrainged, mother would go behind

my back and change it...then she said " I " M paying for it, so I can have

whatever I want !! "

Jackie

[Guest guest]

We didn't elope, but my family didn't meet my husband until the day before the

wedding, and we still only had the 2 of us and our 2 best friends. And it was

because I knew my mom wouldn't know how to act...and I was right based on the

spectical she preformed the night before telling me it wasn't too late to throw

something-anything-together.

L Kay wrote:

I remember " planning my wedding " with my sister and mom. They had all

the details worked out just for me. My husband and I wanted a very small service

(10 or 20 people) and wanted, of course, to include our friends. Mom and Sis

started planning the invitation list with people I'd never even met and it was

quickly growing...none of our friends included. When I said it wasn't what I

wanted, they giggled and told me that they'd handle the wedding - all I had to

do was show up. I said, " Forget it. " and walked out. At the service, we had my

parents, his parents, and his 5 year old son in a sitting room of the local

church. Sis did the reception at his parent's house and we invited friends and

family to it. Ironically, nobody was bothered about the service except Mom who

complained that she couldn't see why I'd invite my husband's son to the wedding

and not my neices (same age), and that I should be forever grateful that sis did

the reception when I was too rude to

invite

her to the wedding. (Sis and Mom planned for her to do the reception, and called

my MIL and told her they would do it but it was going to be at her house.). Long

story just to say their BPD presence at your wedding is not necessarily a gift.

If I had it to do over, I'd have eloped. -

sleddog wrote: > I wonder a lot if I will ever be able to

reconcile with her. It's hard

for me to imagine not inviting her to my wedding (that is...if I ever have

one...) or my children >having a grandmother, even if it is very restricted

visitation. But it's still hard to just think that she would be completely

left out, even with her past behavior.

if I had it to do over, she would not have been invited to my weddin...it

wasn't my wedding, it was hers..she picked the reception hall, she picked

the menue, she had me wear her dress ( with the understanding if we cut

corners, any amount left over she's give to us..LOL I was stupid back then,

I belived her we didn't get anything) she picked the flowers..the only thing

she didn't pick was the groom and she tried real hard to break us up

Jackie

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