Re: More Than A Puppet...A matted down old Door Mat

[Guest guest]

Yes.....we can and I am posting those words in my world, so I can see

them over and over again.

I think it is so important we keep things in our physical environment

to remind ourselves that we can stand tall and strong despite all of

the pain that we have endured.

I also recently started wearing a necklace with charms on it. Each

reminds me of what and who I can be. On the necklace I have 4 charms.

One is a heart, to remind me that I want my heart to remain open. I

wear another charm that says, " love is a journey not a destination. "

Another charm that was a gift from a student that says teacher, and

the finally charm says, " love much and laugh often. "

I do all I can to remind my soul of all the good and healing things

available to me.

love and gratitude to all of you,

malinda

> > >

> > > Jackie -- I could have written your last several posts. My dad

> > also

> > > tries to keep dragging me to nada (we're currently in an

extended

> > > silent treatment phase from her)

> > >

> > > When I refused, he got pissy and had a tantrum -- even though,

> > > behind my back, he agreed with the points I raised when he was

> > > discussing it with my brother. He wouldn't dare admit it to me.

> > >

> > > He would just rather I make peace, shut up, cram my feelings

down

> > > and go to her. I'd rather not.

> > >

> > > I, too, always kept the hope that we had a close relationship --

> > my

> > > nada has her good points, too. But, when she goes into one of

her

> > > emotional storms, watch out. I got tired of it.

> > >

> > > I still wrestle with the guilt of not contacting her -- but I

have

> > > to remind myself " Hey, she's not contacting you, either. " My dad

> > is

> > > still punishing me for abandoning the " Family Script " , too.

> > >

> > > I feel as though I'm hanging out on a limb -- and every once in

> > > awhile I have to beat back those old waves of guilt for not

> > rushing

> > > in to fix things. It feels very wierd.

> > >

> > > -Kyla

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Yes.....we can and I am posting those words in my world, so I can see

them over and over again.

I think it is so important we keep things in our physical environment

to remind ourselves that we can stand tall and strong despite all of

the pain that we have endured.

I also recently started wearing a necklace with charms on it. Each

reminds me of what and who I can be. On the necklace I have 4 charms.

One is a heart, to remind me that I want my heart to remain open. I

wear another charm that says, " love is a journey not a destination. "

Another charm that was a gift from a student that says teacher, and

the finally charm says, " love much and laugh often. "

I do all I can to remind my soul of all the good and healing things

available to me.

love and gratitude to all of you,

malinda

> > >

> > > Jackie -- I could have written your last several posts. My dad

> > also

> > > tries to keep dragging me to nada (we're currently in an

extended

> > > silent treatment phase from her)

> > >

> > > When I refused, he got pissy and had a tantrum -- even though,

> > > behind my back, he agreed with the points I raised when he was

> > > discussing it with my brother. He wouldn't dare admit it to me.

> > >

> > > He would just rather I make peace, shut up, cram my feelings

down

> > > and go to her. I'd rather not.

> > >

> > > I, too, always kept the hope that we had a close relationship --

> > my

> > > nada has her good points, too. But, when she goes into one of

her

> > > emotional storms, watch out. I got tired of it.

> > >

> > > I still wrestle with the guilt of not contacting her -- but I

have

> > > to remind myself " Hey, she's not contacting you, either. " My dad

> > is

> > > still punishing me for abandoning the " Family Script " , too.

> > >

> > > I feel as though I'm hanging out on a limb -- and every once in

> > > awhile I have to beat back those old waves of guilt for not

> > rushing

> > > in to fix things. It feels very wierd.

> > >

> > > -Kyla

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

> 'Guilt' is a hard nut to crack - but we can do it.

exactly...it is hard, especially when someone keeps grinding it into you,

but it can be defeated ;-)

Jackie

[Guest guest]

> 'Guilt' is a hard nut to crack - but we can do it.

exactly...it is hard, especially when someone keeps grinding it into you,

but it can be defeated ;-)

Jackie

[Guest guest]

thanks, but I'm not courageous, I'm just a surviver... " no one knows how hard

it is to live without a mother " ??? we've been doing it our whole lives !

Jackie

> Thanks Jackie,

> I am not going back either!!! My mother is also in her early 80s;

> sometimes I slip-up and start to feel like perhaps I should just hang in

> there - you never know 'how long' she will be here. But then I realize,

> that is what she has been saying to me for the past 20 years - in order

> to get her way. 'You'll miss me when I am gone', 'No one know how hard

> it is to live without a mother' and on and on and on . . . . . . . . .

> You are courageous; I will try the book Boundaries.

>

> K

[Guest guest]

thanks, but I'm not courageous, I'm just a surviver... " no one knows how hard

it is to live without a mother " ??? we've been doing it our whole lives !

Jackie

> Thanks Jackie,

> I am not going back either!!! My mother is also in her early 80s;

> sometimes I slip-up and start to feel like perhaps I should just hang in

> there - you never know 'how long' she will be here. But then I realize,

> that is what she has been saying to me for the past 20 years - in order

> to get her way. 'You'll miss me when I am gone', 'No one know how hard

> it is to live without a mother' and on and on and on . . . . . . . . .

> You are courageous; I will try the book Boundaries.

>

> K

[Guest guest]

Thanks Dee, I am not discounting the 'night terrors' themselves are a

true medical diagnosis. Just expressing my concern about the reaction to

them, which is to pretend they didn't exist. And the following 'silence'

and pretense that the preceding night was normal. It is so difficult to

sort our what is real and not with a BP. It is also frustrating for me,

that she won't seek help, be honest with her doctors and that this just

continues to go on. . and on . .and on . . . . .

K

gmat60 wrote:

>

> > He would tell us

> > not to worry, 'It is just one of your Mom's night terrors'.

> What????? In

> > the morning, they would act like it had never happened!!! No mention of

> > it and she would act like everything was normal.

>

> Actually, night terrors are a very real thing. My sister has two

> children who are now adults who have them. They are not just normal

> nighmares. They are very real and absolutely terrifying. My neice

> once flew out of bad so fast she cut her head open on a table near by.

> My nephew would come up to his parents' room sobbing well into his

> 20's. Your mom may have actually had 'night terrors " . Dee

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks Dee, I am not discounting the 'night terrors' themselves are a

true medical diagnosis. Just expressing my concern about the reaction to

them, which is to pretend they didn't exist. And the following 'silence'

and pretense that the preceding night was normal. It is so difficult to

sort our what is real and not with a BP. It is also frustrating for me,

that she won't seek help, be honest with her doctors and that this just

continues to go on. . and on . .and on . . . . .

K

gmat60 wrote:

>

> > He would tell us

> > not to worry, 'It is just one of your Mom's night terrors'.

> What????? In

> > the morning, they would act like it had never happened!!! No mention of

> > it and she would act like everything was normal.

>

> Actually, night terrors are a very real thing. My sister has two

> children who are now adults who have them. They are not just normal

> nighmares. They are very real and absolutely terrifying. My neice

> once flew out of bad so fast she cut her head open on a table near by.

> My nephew would come up to his parents' room sobbing well into his

> 20's. Your mom may have actually had 'night terrors " . Dee

>

>

[Guest guest]

Your charms are a wonderful idea. I have a bracelet that I wear

when I know I might have to deal with something stressful. It is

just a simbolic reminder of what I believe in, who I am, and how I

want to act in any situation.

Sylvia

> > > >

> > > > Jackie -- I could have written your last several posts. My

dad

> > > also

> > > > tries to keep dragging me to nada (we're currently in an

> extended

> > > > silent treatment phase from her)

> > > >

> > > > When I refused, he got pissy and had a tantrum -- even

though,

> > > > behind my back, he agreed with the points I raised when he

was

> > > > discussing it with my brother. He wouldn't dare admit it to

me.

> > > >

> > > > He would just rather I make peace, shut up, cram my feelings

> down

> > > > and go to her. I'd rather not.

> > > >

> > > > I, too, always kept the hope that we had a close

relationship --

> > > my

> > > > nada has her good points, too. But, when she goes into one

of

> her

> > > > emotional storms, watch out. I got tired of it.

> > > >

> > > > I still wrestle with the guilt of not contacting her -- but

I

> have

> > > > to remind myself " Hey, she's not contacting you, either. " My

dad

> > > is

> > > > still punishing me for abandoning the " Family Script " , too.

> > > >

> > > > I feel as though I'm hanging out on a limb -- and every once

in

> > > > awhile I have to beat back those old waves of guilt for not

> > > rushing

> > > > in to fix things. It feels very wierd.

> > > >

> > > > -Kyla

> > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Your charms are a wonderful idea. I have a bracelet that I wear

when I know I might have to deal with something stressful. It is

just a simbolic reminder of what I believe in, who I am, and how I

want to act in any situation.

Sylvia

> > > >

> > > > Jackie -- I could have written your last several posts. My

dad

> > > also

> > > > tries to keep dragging me to nada (we're currently in an

> extended

> > > > silent treatment phase from her)

> > > >

> > > > When I refused, he got pissy and had a tantrum -- even

though,

> > > > behind my back, he agreed with the points I raised when he

was

> > > > discussing it with my brother. He wouldn't dare admit it to

me.

> > > >

> > > > He would just rather I make peace, shut up, cram my feelings

> down

> > > > and go to her. I'd rather not.

> > > >

> > > > I, too, always kept the hope that we had a close

relationship --

> > > my

> > > > nada has her good points, too. But, when she goes into one

of

> her

> > > > emotional storms, watch out. I got tired of it.

> > > >

> > > > I still wrestle with the guilt of not contacting her -- but

I

> have

> > > > to remind myself " Hey, she's not contacting you, either. " My

dad

> > > is

> > > > still punishing me for abandoning the " Family Script " , too.

> > > >

> > > > I feel as though I'm hanging out on a limb -- and every once

in

> > > > awhile I have to beat back those old waves of guilt for not

> > > rushing

> > > > in to fix things. It feels very wierd.

> > > >

> > > > -Kyla

> > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

" you realize you will never have a normal

relationship with your mother, and your healing has begun "

That's a comforting thought, Jackie. Losing the fantasy means real life can

begin and we can be okay.

pandoodle2001 wrote: I totally understand, I was

there too...you're still trying to hold

on to some relationship with your mother...and always try to hope

there will be a normal mother/daughter thing with you two. It's a

hard realization that she will never be your mom, and you will never

have a mother/daughter relationship like normal people, and yes, you

do have to mourn it....but this is a good thing..because it means

you are moving forward...you realize you will never have a normal

relationship with your mother, and your healing has begun

Jackie

>

> Thanks Jackie,

>

> I hear you. I, too, have recently gone limited n/c after years of

abuse

> and watching her try her best to destroy me and my children. I am

just

> feeling completely sad and empty. Even though I know I did the

right

> thing, I have a huge void in my heart. I guess this is where the

work of

> true healing really begins.

>

> K

---------------------------------

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[Guest guest]

Interesting about your necklace, Malinda. I'm not much of a jewelry-wearer, but

I have a small heart necklace that my husband gave me for our 15th anniversary.

Until recently, I only wore it on rare occasions - loved it, just not a

necklace-wearer. Lately, I've started wearing it all the time and when I feel

threatened by those 'vagrant vibes' from mom, I place my hand over the heart and

the necklace and silently recite, " His heart protects My heart from Her heart. "

And it quiets me. -

maparise17 wrote: Yes.....we can and I am

posting those words in my world, so I can see

them over and over again.

I think it is so important we keep things in our physical environment

to remind ourselves that we can stand tall and strong despite all of

the pain that we have endured.

I also recently started wearing a necklace with charms on it. Each

reminds me of what and who I can be. On the necklace I have 4 charms.

One is a heart, to remind me that I want my heart to remain open. I

wear another charm that says, " love is a journey not a destination. "

Another charm that was a gift from a student that says teacher, and

the finally charm says, " love much and laugh often. "

I do all I can to remind my soul of all the good and healing things

available to me.

love and gratitude to all of you,

malinda

> > >

> > > Jackie -- I could have written your last several posts. My dad

> > also

> > > tries to keep dragging me to nada (we're currently in an

extended

> > > silent treatment phase from her)

> > >

> > > When I refused, he got pissy and had a tantrum -- even though,

> > > behind my back, he agreed with the points I raised when he was

> > > discussing it with my brother. He wouldn't dare admit it to me.

> > >

> > > He would just rather I make peace, shut up, cram my feelings

down

> > > and go to her. I'd rather not.

> > >

> > > I, too, always kept the hope that we had a close relationship --

> > my

> > > nada has her good points, too. But, when she goes into one of

her

> > > emotional storms, watch out. I got tired of it.

> > >

> > > I still wrestle with the guilt of not contacting her -- but I

have

> > > to remind myself " Hey, she's not contacting you, either. " My dad

> > is

> > > still punishing me for abandoning the " Family Script " , too.

> > >

> > > I feel as though I'm hanging out on a limb -- and every once in

> > > awhile I have to beat back those old waves of guilt for not

> > rushing

> > > in to fix things. It feels very wierd.

> > >

> > > -Kyla

> >

> >

>

---------------------------------

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[Guest guest]

Interesting about your necklace, Malinda. I'm not much of a jewelry-wearer, but

I have a small heart necklace that my husband gave me for our 15th anniversary.

Until recently, I only wore it on rare occasions - loved it, just not a

necklace-wearer. Lately, I've started wearing it all the time and when I feel

threatened by those 'vagrant vibes' from mom, I place my hand over the heart and

the necklace and silently recite, " His heart protects My heart from Her heart. "

And it quiets me. -

maparise17 wrote: Yes.....we can and I am

posting those words in my world, so I can see

them over and over again.

I think it is so important we keep things in our physical environment

to remind ourselves that we can stand tall and strong despite all of

the pain that we have endured.

I also recently started wearing a necklace with charms on it. Each

reminds me of what and who I can be. On the necklace I have 4 charms.

One is a heart, to remind me that I want my heart to remain open. I

wear another charm that says, " love is a journey not a destination. "

Another charm that was a gift from a student that says teacher, and

the finally charm says, " love much and laugh often. "

I do all I can to remind my soul of all the good and healing things

available to me.

love and gratitude to all of you,

malinda

> > >

> > > Jackie -- I could have written your last several posts. My dad

> > also

> > > tries to keep dragging me to nada (we're currently in an

extended

> > > silent treatment phase from her)

> > >

> > > When I refused, he got pissy and had a tantrum -- even though,

> > > behind my back, he agreed with the points I raised when he was

> > > discussing it with my brother. He wouldn't dare admit it to me.

> > >

> > > He would just rather I make peace, shut up, cram my feelings

down

> > > and go to her. I'd rather not.

> > >

> > > I, too, always kept the hope that we had a close relationship --

> > my

> > > nada has her good points, too. But, when she goes into one of

her

> > > emotional storms, watch out. I got tired of it.

> > >

> > > I still wrestle with the guilt of not contacting her -- but I

have

> > > to remind myself " Hey, she's not contacting you, either. " My dad

> > is

> > > still punishing me for abandoning the " Family Script " , too.

> > >

> > > I feel as though I'm hanging out on a limb -- and every once in

> > > awhile I have to beat back those old waves of guilt for not

> > rushing

> > > in to fix things. It feels very wierd.

> > >

> > > -Kyla

> >

> >

>

---------------------------------

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Try the Yahoo! Mail Beta.

[Guest guest]

Interesting about your necklace, Malinda. I'm not much of a jewelry-wearer, but

I have a small heart necklace that my husband gave me for our 15th anniversary.

Until recently, I only wore it on rare occasions - loved it, just not a

necklace-wearer. Lately, I've started wearing it all the time and when I feel

threatened by those 'vagrant vibes' from mom, I place my hand over the heart and

the necklace and silently recite, " His heart protects My heart from Her heart. "

And it quiets me. -

maparise17 wrote: Yes.....we can and I am

posting those words in my world, so I can see

them over and over again.

I think it is so important we keep things in our physical environment

to remind ourselves that we can stand tall and strong despite all of

the pain that we have endured.

I also recently started wearing a necklace with charms on it. Each

reminds me of what and who I can be. On the necklace I have 4 charms.

One is a heart, to remind me that I want my heart to remain open. I

wear another charm that says, " love is a journey not a destination. "

Another charm that was a gift from a student that says teacher, and

the finally charm says, " love much and laugh often. "

I do all I can to remind my soul of all the good and healing things

available to me.

love and gratitude to all of you,

malinda

> > >

> > > Jackie -- I could have written your last several posts. My dad

> > also

> > > tries to keep dragging me to nada (we're currently in an

extended

> > > silent treatment phase from her)

> > >

> > > When I refused, he got pissy and had a tantrum -- even though,

> > > behind my back, he agreed with the points I raised when he was

> > > discussing it with my brother. He wouldn't dare admit it to me.

> > >

> > > He would just rather I make peace, shut up, cram my feelings

down

> > > and go to her. I'd rather not.

> > >

> > > I, too, always kept the hope that we had a close relationship --

> > my

> > > nada has her good points, too. But, when she goes into one of

her

> > > emotional storms, watch out. I got tired of it.

> > >

> > > I still wrestle with the guilt of not contacting her -- but I

have

> > > to remind myself " Hey, she's not contacting you, either. " My dad

> > is

> > > still punishing me for abandoning the " Family Script " , too.

> > >

> > > I feel as though I'm hanging out on a limb -- and every once in

> > > awhile I have to beat back those old waves of guilt for not

> > rushing

> > > in to fix things. It feels very wierd.

> > >

> > > -Kyla

> >

> >

>

---------------------------------

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