Guest guest Posted February 23, 1999 Report Share Posted February 23, 1999 Heidi, I am really sorry about your situation with your Father. Have you ever listened to Dr. on the radio? She is a therapist that gives advice to people that call in with their " moral dilemas " . I have listened to her so many times that I am almost positive what she would say to you. Your Father is a lousy Father and you have to give up the fantasy of the Father you wish he were because it's not going to happen. I had an abusive father as well. He wasn't physically abusive but he was extremely emotionally abusive and made m brother, Mother, and my life miserable. He has since passed away and although he lived in the Midwest and I live in the East I was always afraid of him and uncomfortable around him. I realize now that he was a controlling miserable person and he was never going to change and that it had nothing to do with my Mother, brother, or myself. You are a warm, caring person that is helping so many people on this list. If your Father can't recognize that and appreciate you and treat you with respect, it's his loss. You are an adult now and need to let go of the fantasy of what your Father should be or what you wish he were. I know it's not easy but once you let go you will remove an enormous weight from your shoulders. I hope I haven't said anything hurtful to you because I am really trying to support you. Darlene P.S. I think it's great that you could open up and vent on this list. We are here to support each other and you have supported all of us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 23, 1999 Report Share Posted February 23, 1999 Heidi, I am really sorry about your situation with your Father. Have you ever listened to Dr. on the radio? She is a therapist that gives advice to people that call in with their " moral dilemas " . I have listened to her so many times that I am almost positive what she would say to you. Your Father is a lousy Father and you have to give up the fantasy of the Father you wish he were because it's not going to happen. I had an abusive father as well. He wasn't physically abusive but he was extremely emotionally abusive and made m brother, Mother, and my life miserable. He has since passed away and although he lived in the Midwest and I live in the East I was always afraid of him and uncomfortable around him. I realize now that he was a controlling miserable person and he was never going to change and that it had nothing to do with my Mother, brother, or myself. You are a warm, caring person that is helping so many people on this list. If your Father can't recognize that and appreciate you and treat you with respect, it's his loss. You are an adult now and need to let go of the fantasy of what your Father should be or what you wish he were. I know it's not easy but once you let go you will remove an enormous weight from your shoulders. I hope I haven't said anything hurtful to you because I am really trying to support you. Darlene P.S. I think it's great that you could open up and vent on this list. We are here to support each other and you have supported all of us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 23, 1999 Report Share Posted February 23, 1999 Heidi, I am really sorry about your situation with your Father. Have you ever listened to Dr. on the radio? She is a therapist that gives advice to people that call in with their " moral dilemas " . I have listened to her so many times that I am almost positive what she would say to you. Your Father is a lousy Father and you have to give up the fantasy of the Father you wish he were because it's not going to happen. I had an abusive father as well. He wasn't physically abusive but he was extremely emotionally abusive and made m brother, Mother, and my life miserable. He has since passed away and although he lived in the Midwest and I live in the East I was always afraid of him and uncomfortable around him. I realize now that he was a controlling miserable person and he was never going to change and that it had nothing to do with my Mother, brother, or myself. You are a warm, caring person that is helping so many people on this list. If your Father can't recognize that and appreciate you and treat you with respect, it's his loss. You are an adult now and need to let go of the fantasy of what your Father should be or what you wish he were. I know it's not easy but once you let go you will remove an enormous weight from your shoulders. I hope I haven't said anything hurtful to you because I am really trying to support you. Darlene P.S. I think it's great that you could open up and vent on this list. We are here to support each other and you have supported all of us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 23, 1999 Report Share Posted February 23, 1999 Heidi....I think its great that you were able to confront you father, even if nothing else came from your conversation with him. Being able to ask him if he regrets how he treated you is a first step in healing from an abusive childhood. Unfortunately, his answer isn't what you wanted to hear, but at least you know how he feels. Now you can make the decision of whether you want him in your life or not. I feel for you. I know how it feels to have an unloving, uncaring father, but in my case it only made me a stronger person & much better parent. Remember, you did nothing to cause his treatment of you....he is the one with a problem. Take care.....Diane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 23, 1999 Report Share Posted February 23, 1999 Heidi, I'm really sorry you have to deal with that kind of situation. I don't have any good advice for you - but I do send my empathy and love to you. I hope you are able to sort things out for yourself and be happy. e >---------- >From: Heidi Walsh[sMTP:dwalsh@...] >Sent: Tuesday, February 23, 1999 1:08 AM >To: VulvarDisordersonelist >Subject: Totally off topic > > > >Hi ladies: > >I'm going to post something completely off-topic now, so if you aren't >in the mood for it - just delete this now. > >I have had an absolutely horrible night. My father is in town on >business and so he called me up so we can get together tomorrow night >for dinner. We're chatting and everything is fine and then all of a >sudden he starts going off on me. He starts saying that I'm a 'weak >person' and maybe that's why I'm always sick and that I should listen to >Dr. (the radio lady) and it would do me some good. So - at first >I'm just totally blown away by this and wondering how the heck I >provoked this, and then I start to get mad. > >See - I grew up in total fear of my father. He was abusive physically, >verbally and emotionally. He reminded me of the dad in " The Shining " , >for those who have seen that. We walked on pins and needles around him >because we never knew what would set him off. Well something set him >off tonight and I really lost it when he started telling me that I >should not be so effected by what people do/say. He starts saying stuff >like " you're still carrying around pain from your childhood and you need >to let that go " ...and I'm sitting there on the phone thinking WHAT >NERVE! Finally, I just ripped into him. I asked him if he was even >sorry for the way he treated me and my brother/mother. He said no, he >had no regrets and thought he was a great father. I was flabbergasted. >Then - when I said, " I can't believe you still won't own up to the >damage you did " he said, " Well, if I was that bad - why do you still >want to be around me? If I were you, I wouldn't have anything to do >with me. " So I said, " You think I should write you out of my life? " and >he said, " Heidi, there are billions of people in the world and just >because your my daughter doesn't mean I want to see you any more or any >less that the rest of the people on this planet. " So I said, " Fine. I >hope you realize what a jerk you are someday and then I hung up the >phone. " Later, I called his wife (my parents are divorced since I was >sixteen, after my mom finally had the courage to leave him) and told her >that she would not be seeing me anymore and that I was sorry because I >really loved and cared about her. > >*sigh* > >I know this isn't about vulvar disorders, but I HAD to get it off my >chest. Sorry. I just don't know what to do. Part of me thinks I >should just accept him for the jerk he is, part of me thinks I should >say goodbye and never look back. Family stuff is so fun, isn't it? > >Anyway - thanks to those who read through this and I'm sorry again for >posting off topic. > >Heidi > >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >Check out our new web site! http://www.onelist.com >------------------------------------------------------------------------ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 23, 1999 Report Share Posted February 23, 1999 Heidi, I'm really sorry you have to deal with that kind of situation. I don't have any good advice for you - but I do send my empathy and love to you. I hope you are able to sort things out for yourself and be happy. e >---------- >From: Heidi Walsh[sMTP:dwalsh@...] >Sent: Tuesday, February 23, 1999 1:08 AM >To: VulvarDisordersonelist >Subject: Totally off topic > > > >Hi ladies: > >I'm going to post something completely off-topic now, so if you aren't >in the mood for it - just delete this now. > >I have had an absolutely horrible night. My father is in town on >business and so he called me up so we can get together tomorrow night >for dinner. We're chatting and everything is fine and then all of a >sudden he starts going off on me. He starts saying that I'm a 'weak >person' and maybe that's why I'm always sick and that I should listen to >Dr. (the radio lady) and it would do me some good. So - at first >I'm just totally blown away by this and wondering how the heck I >provoked this, and then I start to get mad. > >See - I grew up in total fear of my father. He was abusive physically, >verbally and emotionally. He reminded me of the dad in " The Shining " , >for those who have seen that. We walked on pins and needles around him >because we never knew what would set him off. Well something set him >off tonight and I really lost it when he started telling me that I >should not be so effected by what people do/say. He starts saying stuff >like " you're still carrying around pain from your childhood and you need >to let that go " ...and I'm sitting there on the phone thinking WHAT >NERVE! Finally, I just ripped into him. I asked him if he was even >sorry for the way he treated me and my brother/mother. He said no, he >had no regrets and thought he was a great father. I was flabbergasted. >Then - when I said, " I can't believe you still won't own up to the >damage you did " he said, " Well, if I was that bad - why do you still >want to be around me? If I were you, I wouldn't have anything to do >with me. " So I said, " You think I should write you out of my life? " and >he said, " Heidi, there are billions of people in the world and just >because your my daughter doesn't mean I want to see you any more or any >less that the rest of the people on this planet. " So I said, " Fine. I >hope you realize what a jerk you are someday and then I hung up the >phone. " Later, I called his wife (my parents are divorced since I was >sixteen, after my mom finally had the courage to leave him) and told her >that she would not be seeing me anymore and that I was sorry because I >really loved and cared about her. > >*sigh* > >I know this isn't about vulvar disorders, but I HAD to get it off my >chest. Sorry. I just don't know what to do. Part of me thinks I >should just accept him for the jerk he is, part of me thinks I should >say goodbye and never look back. Family stuff is so fun, isn't it? > >Anyway - thanks to those who read through this and I'm sorry again for >posting off topic. > >Heidi > >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >Check out our new web site! http://www.onelist.com >------------------------------------------------------------------------ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 23, 1999 Report Share Posted February 23, 1999 Heidi/all, Just my .02. Of course your father would deny how he treated you and your family. If he came out of denial he would have to face himself which it's obvious he's unable to do. This is typical dysfunctional family behavior which has absolutely nothing to do with you except for you had to endure the behavior as a child but have a choice as to what you can/will endure as an adult. I'm sure you can tell I spent some time in therapy dealing with my dysfunctional family!! Take care, Robin Totally off topic Hi ladies: I'm going to post something completely off-topic now, so if you aren't in the mood for it - just delete this now. I have had an absolutely horrible night. My father is in town on business and so he called me up so we can get together tomorrow night for dinner. We're chatting and everything is fine and then all of a sudden he starts going off on me. He starts saying that I'm a 'weak person' and maybe that's why I'm always sick and that I should listen to Dr. (the radio lady) and it would do me some good. So - at first I'm just totally blown away by this and wondering how the heck I provoked this, and then I start to get mad. See - I grew up in total fear of my father. He was abusive physically, verbally and emotionally. He reminded me of the dad in " The Shining " , for those who have seen that. We walked on pins and needles around him because we never knew what would set him off. Well something set him off tonight and I really lost it when he started telling me that I should not be so effected by what people do/say. He starts saying stuff like " you're still carrying around pain from your childhood and you need to let that go " ...and I'm sitting there on the phone thinking WHAT NERVE! Finally, I just ripped into him. I asked him if he was even sorry for the way he treated me and my brother/mother. He said no, he had no regrets and thought he was a great father. I was flabbergasted. Then - when I said, " I can't believe you still won't own up to the damage you did " he said, " Well, if I was that bad - why do you still want to be around me? If I were you, I wouldn't have anything to do with me. " So I said, " You think I should write you out of my life? " and he said, " Heidi, there are billions of people in the world and just because your my daughter doesn't mean I want to see you any more or any less that the rest of the people on this planet. " So I said, " Fine. I hope you realize what a jerk you are someday and then I hung up the phone. " Later, I called his wife (my parents are divorced since I was sixteen, after my mom finally had the courage to leave him) and told her that she would not be seeing me anymore and that I was sorry because I really loved and cared about her. *sigh* I know this isn't about vulvar disorders, but I HAD to get it off my chest. Sorry. I just don't know what to do. Part of me thinks I should just accept him for the jerk he is, part of me thinks I should say goodbye and never look back. Family stuff is so fun, isn't it? Anyway - thanks to those who read through this and I'm sorry again for posting off topic. Heidi ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Check out our new web site! http://www.onelist.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 23, 1999 Report Share Posted February 23, 1999 Dear Darlene: Thank you SO much for your message. I totally got a kick out your thoughts about Dr. . My dad swears by her, so I feel it's really ironic that you think she would tell me to give it up with him. Thank you for making me smile! You absolutely did not say anything to me that I could have possibly believed was hurtful. Rather, you really made it seem all the more clear as to what I should do about this. Thanks so much for your support! Heidi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 23, 1999 Report Share Posted February 23, 1999 Sorry about that gang! I meant for that message to go to Darlene off-list. I didn't notice it had been addressed to the whole list. Woops! BTW: Thank you to all who have been so compassionate and supportive of my situation with my dad. I feel so blessed to be part of this group of women!! Each and every one of you is incredible! Warmly, Heidi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 23, 1999 Report Share Posted February 23, 1999 Heidi: I just read your e-mail concerning your father. I agree - families!!! I didn't have a father like yours but I did have a very turbulent relationship with my Mother especially through my pre-teen and teens. I had a great deal of anger and resentment built up by the time I was in my late 20's. So much that it started to have a real affect on my life. Even today I run through bad times in my head and get all worked up again. The best thing I ever did was go to a counselor just to verbally relive some of the resentment I was feeling. It was hard but boy did it work. Like I said I still feel anger but it no longer takes over my everyday life. It was a real healthy experience for me. I finally realized I wasn't a bad daughter. She was not such a great parent. Just a thought. My love to you Rochelle > Totally off topic > > > > > > > >Hi ladies: > > > >I'm going to post something completely off-topic now, so if you aren't > >in the mood for it - just delete this now. > > > >I have had an absolutely horrible night. My father is in town on > >business and so he called me up so we can get together tomorrow night > >for dinner. We're chatting and everything is fine and then all of a > >sudden he starts going off on me. He starts saying that I'm a 'weak > >person' and maybe that's why I'm always sick and that I should listen to > >Dr. (the radio lady) and it would do me some good. So - at first > >I'm just totally blown away by this and wondering how the heck I > >provoked this, and then I start to get mad. > > > >See - I grew up in total fear of my father. He was abusive physically, > >verbally and emotionally. He reminded me of the dad in " The Shining " , > >for those who have seen that. We walked on pins and needles around him > >because we never knew what would set him off. Well something set him > >off tonight and I really lost it when he started telling me that I > >should not be so effected by what people do/say. He starts saying stuff > >like " you're still carrying around pain from your childhood and you need > >to let that go " ...and I'm sitting there on the phone thinking WHAT > >NERVE! Finally, I just ripped into him. I asked him if he was even > >sorry for the way he treated me and my brother/mother. He said no, he > >had no regrets and thought he was a great father. I was flabbergasted. > >Then - when I said, " I can't believe you still won't own up to the > >damage you did " he said, " Well, if I was that bad - why do you still > >want to be around me? If I were you, I wouldn't have anything to do > >with me. " So I said, " You think I should write you out of my life? " and > >he said, " Heidi, there are billions of people in the world and just > >because your my daughter doesn't mean I want to see you any more or any > >less that the rest of the people on this planet. " So I said, " Fine. I > >hope you realize what a jerk you are someday and then I hung up the > >phone. " Later, I called his wife (my parents are divorced since I was > >sixteen, after my mom finally had the courage to leave him) and told her > >that she would not be seeing me anymore and that I was sorry because I > >really loved and cared about her. > > > >*sigh* > > > >I know this isn't about vulvar disorders, but I HAD to get it off my > >chest. Sorry. I just don't know what to do. Part of me thinks I > >should just accept him for the jerk he is, part of me thinks I should > >say goodbye and never look back. Family stuff is so fun, isn't it? > > > >Anyway - thanks to those who read through this and I'm sorry again for > >posting off topic. > > > >Heidi > > > >------------------------------------------------------------------------ > >Check out our new web site! http://www.onelist.com > >------------------------------------------------------------------------ > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 24, 1999 Report Share Posted February 24, 1999 HI Heidi, I don't write often but my heart goes out to you. No wonder you have fibro, at the least. Don't you dare feel guilty if you don't want to be around your dad. People become sick (I believe) by accepting the unacceptable. I used to. I would really urge you to get some counselling by someone you trust. I bet you have a lot of suppressed anger, and you need to get rid of it, especially before you have a child, if not for your sake, for the child's sake. Good luck and love, Joanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 24, 1999 Report Share Posted February 24, 1999 HI Heidi, I don't write often but my heart goes out to you. No wonder you have fibro, at the least. Don't you dare feel guilty if you don't want to be around your dad. People become sick (I believe) by accepting the unacceptable. I used to. I would really urge you to get some counselling by someone you trust. I bet you have a lot of suppressed anger, and you need to get rid of it, especially before you have a child, if not for your sake, for the child's sake. Good luck and love, Joanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 24, 1999 Report Share Posted February 24, 1999 Hi Heidi, I have been quietly " lurking " behind the scenes these days..but, your letter brought tears to my eyes and me out of the woodwork! I am a FIRM believer that a LOT of what goes wrong with us...is due to STRESS in our lives...both past and present. It is a WELL known medical FACT that stress wears down your immune system, opening us/you up for all kinds of health problems. Emotional and Physical. Stress is the number one killer in the US. I have had MUCH stress related problems due to my family in the past too. (I won't bore everyone with the details!) Pretty big ones at that! It's a shame like the old saying goes, you can pick your friends but NOT YOUR FAMILY! I think you should have NOTHING to do with your father. The man sounds like a complete narcissist. He is in total denial. He is in a dream world and NOTHING anyone says to him is he going to change what he thinks/believes. Stop beating your head against the wall. Believe me, I know where you are coming from. I have only ONE sister, no other siblings...and have similar problems with her too. My Mom is Manic/Schizophrenic and is DREADFULLY co- dependent on me for much of her support. My sister has nothing to do with her. My Dad works 60 hours a week, so a LOT falls on my shoulders. There comes a time when you have to take care of YOURSELF and the hell with anyone else. This is not being selfish...it's merely about surviving without totally losing your mind! If they (whoever is upsetting you) has a problem with this...they can go to you know where! ) I call this ''CLEANING HOUSE " and believe you me..as difficult as it can be to do, someday, you will be grateful that you did! You have NOTHING to prove to anyone. Love yourself and be your own best friend first and foremost. As time goes on, I'm willing to bet, emotionally you will become a lot stronger for taking this stand! Keep in touch either via this list...or behind the scenes and let me know how you are doing! You are in my thoughts! Hugs & Love, Carla Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 24, 1999 Report Share Posted February 24, 1999 Hi Heidi, I have been quietly " lurking " behind the scenes these days..but, your letter brought tears to my eyes and me out of the woodwork! I am a FIRM believer that a LOT of what goes wrong with us...is due to STRESS in our lives...both past and present. It is a WELL known medical FACT that stress wears down your immune system, opening us/you up for all kinds of health problems. Emotional and Physical. Stress is the number one killer in the US. I have had MUCH stress related problems due to my family in the past too. (I won't bore everyone with the details!) Pretty big ones at that! It's a shame like the old saying goes, you can pick your friends but NOT YOUR FAMILY! I think you should have NOTHING to do with your father. The man sounds like a complete narcissist. He is in total denial. He is in a dream world and NOTHING anyone says to him is he going to change what he thinks/believes. Stop beating your head against the wall. Believe me, I know where you are coming from. I have only ONE sister, no other siblings...and have similar problems with her too. My Mom is Manic/Schizophrenic and is DREADFULLY co- dependent on me for much of her support. My sister has nothing to do with her. My Dad works 60 hours a week, so a LOT falls on my shoulders. There comes a time when you have to take care of YOURSELF and the hell with anyone else. This is not being selfish...it's merely about surviving without totally losing your mind! If they (whoever is upsetting you) has a problem with this...they can go to you know where! ) I call this ''CLEANING HOUSE " and believe you me..as difficult as it can be to do, someday, you will be grateful that you did! You have NOTHING to prove to anyone. Love yourself and be your own best friend first and foremost. As time goes on, I'm willing to bet, emotionally you will become a lot stronger for taking this stand! Keep in touch either via this list...or behind the scenes and let me know how you are doing! You are in my thoughts! Hugs & Love, Carla Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 24, 1999 Report Share Posted February 24, 1999 Hi Heidi, I have been quietly " lurking " behind the scenes these days..but, your letter brought tears to my eyes and me out of the woodwork! I am a FIRM believer that a LOT of what goes wrong with us...is due to STRESS in our lives...both past and present. It is a WELL known medical FACT that stress wears down your immune system, opening us/you up for all kinds of health problems. Emotional and Physical. Stress is the number one killer in the US. I have had MUCH stress related problems due to my family in the past too. (I won't bore everyone with the details!) Pretty big ones at that! It's a shame like the old saying goes, you can pick your friends but NOT YOUR FAMILY! I think you should have NOTHING to do with your father. The man sounds like a complete narcissist. He is in total denial. He is in a dream world and NOTHING anyone says to him is he going to change what he thinks/believes. Stop beating your head against the wall. Believe me, I know where you are coming from. I have only ONE sister, no other siblings...and have similar problems with her too. My Mom is Manic/Schizophrenic and is DREADFULLY co- dependent on me for much of her support. My sister has nothing to do with her. My Dad works 60 hours a week, so a LOT falls on my shoulders. There comes a time when you have to take care of YOURSELF and the hell with anyone else. This is not being selfish...it's merely about surviving without totally losing your mind! If they (whoever is upsetting you) has a problem with this...they can go to you know where! ) I call this ''CLEANING HOUSE " and believe you me..as difficult as it can be to do, someday, you will be grateful that you did! You have NOTHING to prove to anyone. Love yourself and be your own best friend first and foremost. As time goes on, I'm willing to bet, emotionally you will become a lot stronger for taking this stand! Keep in touch either via this list...or behind the scenes and let me know how you are doing! You are in my thoughts! Hugs & Love, Carla Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 24, 1999 Report Share Posted February 24, 1999 I am under so much stress I can barely hold together. As well as my pain I also have severe bowel disease - stress related of course - and a elderly mother to look after. We have to move and that is all down to me. I have such a bad infection in my bartholin gland I am racked with pain and fever. I have to get to the GP tomorrow and demand a hospital referral but it wil take weeks to be given an appointment. I can't even have salt baths - which always helped in the past, this is the 8th or 9th time its happened -but in this rented house the bath is so small I can't open my legs wide enough to get any relief. Two gygnaes told me green pus is normal!!!!! It is agony. Once the pus comes away the pain eases but I think it is closing up all the time. The stress of our housing situation and being us me and Mum with no family or friends is crippling me ....... this is not life. I know most of you guys in the states have had hellish doctors but in my experiance it is a million times worse over here. I can hardly face having to see a new one but can't go on like this........PAIN is the worst thing there is. The relief when PAIN stops defies description. I find myself totally intolerant of people who have it all - health etc - \nd constantly moan. As far as I am concerned if you have no pain, sleep at night and get up and can work all day then you have NOTHING to worry about. I am 45 and can't remember what it feels like tobe well. My gygynae problems started at 11 and I have never worked or had any sort of normal life. ......I just know I am going to cry when I se the GP, may'be letting it all out to you guys has helped me a bit and I will stay calm......I BELIEVE in emotion but it won't help with the GPs over here, they just treat it like a job, just have no caring in them.....the one I saw WAS nice the first time I saw her, lets hope she is ok tomorrow.......thanks for listening, if anyone has stayed with this ramble, it does help to get it out.......Oh, and all this happened after many years of abuse from my father, mental abuse to Mum and me, cruelty and almost torture.....we ran away evenually and he is long dead but the anger is still there.....all the stress just gets mixed up together and eats away inside........HOW can anyone iunderstand who isn't suffering. God, I am rambling, I must stop............Thank you to anyone who has read this, I hope you are doing well today.......Love, Carole Re: Totally off topic >From: CBSTOPSMom@... > >Hi Heidi, > >I have been quietly " lurking " behind the scenes these days..but, your letter >brought tears to my eyes and me out of the woodwork! > >I am a FIRM believer that a LOT of what goes wrong with us...is due to STRESS >in our lives...both past and present. It is a WELL known medical FACT that >stress wears down your immune system, opening us/you up for all kinds of >health problems. Emotional and Physical. Stress is the number one killer in >the US. I have had MUCH stress related problems due to my family in the past >too. (I won't bore everyone with the details!) Pretty big ones at that! >It's a shame like the old saying goes, you can pick your friends but NOT YOUR >FAMILY! > >I think you should have NOTHING to do with your father. The man sounds like a >complete narcissist. He is in total denial. He is in a dream world and >NOTHING anyone says to him is he going to change what he thinks/believes. >Stop beating your head against the wall. Believe me, I know where you are >coming from. I have only ONE sister, no other siblings...and have similar >problems with her too. My Mom is Manic/Schizophrenic and is DREADFULLY co- >dependent on me for much of her support. My sister has nothing to do with >her. My Dad works 60 hours a week, so a LOT falls on my shoulders. There >comes a time when you have to take care of YOURSELF and the hell with anyone >else. This is not being selfish...it's merely about surviving without totally >losing your mind! If they (whoever is upsetting you) has a problem with >this...they can go to you know where! ) I call this ''CLEANING HOUSE " and >believe you me..as difficult as it can be to do, someday, you will be grateful >that you did! You have NOTHING to prove to anyone. Love yourself and be your >own best friend first and foremost. As time goes on, I'm willing to bet, >emotionally you will become a lot stronger for taking this stand! > >Keep in touch either via this list...or behind the scenes and let me know how >you are doing! >You are in my thoughts! >Hugs & Love, >Carla > >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >Suggestions on how we can improve ONElist? Go to the 'Suggestion' >box on our new web site. http://www.onelist.com >------------------------------------------------------------------------ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 24, 1999 Report Share Posted February 24, 1999 I am under so much stress I can barely hold together. As well as my pain I also have severe bowel disease - stress related of course - and a elderly mother to look after. We have to move and that is all down to me. I have such a bad infection in my bartholin gland I am racked with pain and fever. I have to get to the GP tomorrow and demand a hospital referral but it wil take weeks to be given an appointment. I can't even have salt baths - which always helped in the past, this is the 8th or 9th time its happened -but in this rented house the bath is so small I can't open my legs wide enough to get any relief. Two gygnaes told me green pus is normal!!!!! It is agony. Once the pus comes away the pain eases but I think it is closing up all the time. The stress of our housing situation and being us me and Mum with no family or friends is crippling me ....... this is not life. I know most of you guys in the states have had hellish doctors but in my experiance it is a million times worse over here. I can hardly face having to see a new one but can't go on like this........PAIN is the worst thing there is. The relief when PAIN stops defies description. I find myself totally intolerant of people who have it all - health etc - \nd constantly moan. As far as I am concerned if you have no pain, sleep at night and get up and can work all day then you have NOTHING to worry about. I am 45 and can't remember what it feels like tobe well. My gygynae problems started at 11 and I have never worked or had any sort of normal life. ......I just know I am going to cry when I se the GP, may'be letting it all out to you guys has helped me a bit and I will stay calm......I BELIEVE in emotion but it won't help with the GPs over here, they just treat it like a job, just have no caring in them.....the one I saw WAS nice the first time I saw her, lets hope she is ok tomorrow.......thanks for listening, if anyone has stayed with this ramble, it does help to get it out.......Oh, and all this happened after many years of abuse from my father, mental abuse to Mum and me, cruelty and almost torture.....we ran away evenually and he is long dead but the anger is still there.....all the stress just gets mixed up together and eats away inside........HOW can anyone iunderstand who isn't suffering. God, I am rambling, I must stop............Thank you to anyone who has read this, I hope you are doing well today.......Love, Carole Re: Totally off topic >From: CBSTOPSMom@... > >Hi Heidi, > >I have been quietly " lurking " behind the scenes these days..but, your letter >brought tears to my eyes and me out of the woodwork! > >I am a FIRM believer that a LOT of what goes wrong with us...is due to STRESS >in our lives...both past and present. It is a WELL known medical FACT that >stress wears down your immune system, opening us/you up for all kinds of >health problems. Emotional and Physical. Stress is the number one killer in >the US. I have had MUCH stress related problems due to my family in the past >too. (I won't bore everyone with the details!) Pretty big ones at that! >It's a shame like the old saying goes, you can pick your friends but NOT YOUR >FAMILY! > >I think you should have NOTHING to do with your father. The man sounds like a >complete narcissist. He is in total denial. He is in a dream world and >NOTHING anyone says to him is he going to change what he thinks/believes. >Stop beating your head against the wall. Believe me, I know where you are >coming from. I have only ONE sister, no other siblings...and have similar >problems with her too. My Mom is Manic/Schizophrenic and is DREADFULLY co- >dependent on me for much of her support. My sister has nothing to do with >her. My Dad works 60 hours a week, so a LOT falls on my shoulders. There >comes a time when you have to take care of YOURSELF and the hell with anyone >else. This is not being selfish...it's merely about surviving without totally >losing your mind! If they (whoever is upsetting you) has a problem with >this...they can go to you know where! ) I call this ''CLEANING HOUSE " and >believe you me..as difficult as it can be to do, someday, you will be grateful >that you did! You have NOTHING to prove to anyone. Love yourself and be your >own best friend first and foremost. As time goes on, I'm willing to bet, >emotionally you will become a lot stronger for taking this stand! > >Keep in touch either via this list...or behind the scenes and let me know how >you are doing! >You are in my thoughts! >Hugs & Love, >Carla > >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >Suggestions on how we can improve ONElist? Go to the 'Suggestion' >box on our new web site. http://www.onelist.com >------------------------------------------------------------------------ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 24, 1999 Report Share Posted February 24, 1999 I am under so much stress I can barely hold together. As well as my pain I also have severe bowel disease - stress related of course - and a elderly mother to look after. We have to move and that is all down to me. I have such a bad infection in my bartholin gland I am racked with pain and fever. I have to get to the GP tomorrow and demand a hospital referral but it wil take weeks to be given an appointment. I can't even have salt baths - which always helped in the past, this is the 8th or 9th time its happened -but in this rented house the bath is so small I can't open my legs wide enough to get any relief. Two gygnaes told me green pus is normal!!!!! It is agony. Once the pus comes away the pain eases but I think it is closing up all the time. The stress of our housing situation and being us me and Mum with no family or friends is crippling me ....... this is not life. I know most of you guys in the states have had hellish doctors but in my experiance it is a million times worse over here. I can hardly face having to see a new one but can't go on like this........PAIN is the worst thing there is. The relief when PAIN stops defies description. I find myself totally intolerant of people who have it all - health etc - \nd constantly moan. As far as I am concerned if you have no pain, sleep at night and get up and can work all day then you have NOTHING to worry about. I am 45 and can't remember what it feels like tobe well. My gygynae problems started at 11 and I have never worked or had any sort of normal life. ......I just know I am going to cry when I se the GP, may'be letting it all out to you guys has helped me a bit and I will stay calm......I BELIEVE in emotion but it won't help with the GPs over here, they just treat it like a job, just have no caring in them.....the one I saw WAS nice the first time I saw her, lets hope she is ok tomorrow.......thanks for listening, if anyone has stayed with this ramble, it does help to get it out.......Oh, and all this happened after many years of abuse from my father, mental abuse to Mum and me, cruelty and almost torture.....we ran away evenually and he is long dead but the anger is still there.....all the stress just gets mixed up together and eats away inside........HOW can anyone iunderstand who isn't suffering. God, I am rambling, I must stop............Thank you to anyone who has read this, I hope you are doing well today.......Love, Carole Re: Totally off topic >From: CBSTOPSMom@... > >Hi Heidi, > >I have been quietly " lurking " behind the scenes these days..but, your letter >brought tears to my eyes and me out of the woodwork! > >I am a FIRM believer that a LOT of what goes wrong with us...is due to STRESS >in our lives...both past and present. It is a WELL known medical FACT that >stress wears down your immune system, opening us/you up for all kinds of >health problems. Emotional and Physical. Stress is the number one killer in >the US. I have had MUCH stress related problems due to my family in the past >too. (I won't bore everyone with the details!) Pretty big ones at that! >It's a shame like the old saying goes, you can pick your friends but NOT YOUR >FAMILY! > >I think you should have NOTHING to do with your father. The man sounds like a >complete narcissist. He is in total denial. He is in a dream world and >NOTHING anyone says to him is he going to change what he thinks/believes. >Stop beating your head against the wall. Believe me, I know where you are >coming from. I have only ONE sister, no other siblings...and have similar >problems with her too. My Mom is Manic/Schizophrenic and is DREADFULLY co- >dependent on me for much of her support. My sister has nothing to do with >her. My Dad works 60 hours a week, so a LOT falls on my shoulders. There >comes a time when you have to take care of YOURSELF and the hell with anyone >else. This is not being selfish...it's merely about surviving without totally >losing your mind! If they (whoever is upsetting you) has a problem with >this...they can go to you know where! ) I call this ''CLEANING HOUSE " and >believe you me..as difficult as it can be to do, someday, you will be grateful >that you did! You have NOTHING to prove to anyone. Love yourself and be your >own best friend first and foremost. As time goes on, I'm willing to bet, >emotionally you will become a lot stronger for taking this stand! > >Keep in touch either via this list...or behind the scenes and let me know how >you are doing! >You are in my thoughts! >Hugs & Love, >Carla > >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >Suggestions on how we can improve ONElist? Go to the 'Suggestion' >box on our new web site. http://www.onelist.com >------------------------------------------------------------------------ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 23, 1999 Report Share Posted March 23, 1999 Heidi, I am finally going through some old posts, and came across yours about your Dad. I'm so sorry that you had to go through that! I have my share of family problems, and my theory is that just because someone is related to me, it doesn't mean that I have to like them. I can love them for being my Dad, or brother, but there's no rule saying that I have to like them as a person. We're all different, and at least you can thank the Lord that you didn't turn out to be like your father! Concentrate on your own life with your wonderful husband. Get involved in as many community things as you can that make you feel good. Adopt an elderly person at a nursing home who has no-one to come visit him, and make him your Dad! There are plenty of people in this world worthy of your love and affection, but unfortunately your father doesn't sound like one of them. You can't change him, but rest assured that one day he will regret his behavoir. It might take a higher power to show him this, but he will regret it. In the meantime, I would be cooly polite to him when you see him, but mention it again. I think you made your point clear, and now the ball is in his court. Good luck. Donna P. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 23, 1999 Report Share Posted March 23, 1999 Heidi, I am finally going through some old posts, and came across yours about your Dad. I'm so sorry that you had to go through that! I have my share of family problems, and my theory is that just because someone is related to me, it doesn't mean that I have to like them. I can love them for being my Dad, or brother, but there's no rule saying that I have to like them as a person. We're all different, and at least you can thank the Lord that you didn't turn out to be like your father! Concentrate on your own life with your wonderful husband. Get involved in as many community things as you can that make you feel good. Adopt an elderly person at a nursing home who has no-one to come visit him, and make him your Dad! There are plenty of people in this world worthy of your love and affection, but unfortunately your father doesn't sound like one of them. You can't change him, but rest assured that one day he will regret his behavoir. It might take a higher power to show him this, but he will regret it. In the meantime, I would be cooly polite to him when you see him, but mention it again. I think you made your point clear, and now the ball is in his court. Good luck. Donna P. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 23, 1999 Report Share Posted March 23, 1999 Hello ladies! This too is off topic, but I found it very moving and wanted to share it with all of you. It's a song (and/or a poem) written by a member of a Goddess Spirituality group. It wasn't addressed to our condition specifically, and it's just basically about pain and stress in people's lives, but I think it applies nicely (and it's a very beautiful melody when sung; I wish you could hear it!): HEALER Healer, Healer Hear my prayer The sorrow in my soul is deep and I long to be whole Make me whole again Healer, Healer Hear my thoughts The battles in my mind are burning the answers I need to find Give me strength again Healer, Healer Hear my cry My body's full of pain I'm hopeless and lifeless, on the ground Help me dance again Healer, Healer Hear my song The arrows in my heart are tearing me and the world apart Show me love again Healer, Healer Be with me And help my heart to see, my mind to feel and my soul to reach Your peace and clarity Healer, set me free --Solikena *************** Warmly, Gail R. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 23, 1999 Report Share Posted March 23, 1999 Hello ladies! This too is off topic, but I found it very moving and wanted to share it with all of you. It's a song (and/or a poem) written by a member of a Goddess Spirituality group. It wasn't addressed to our condition specifically, and it's just basically about pain and stress in people's lives, but I think it applies nicely (and it's a very beautiful melody when sung; I wish you could hear it!): HEALER Healer, Healer Hear my prayer The sorrow in my soul is deep and I long to be whole Make me whole again Healer, Healer Hear my thoughts The battles in my mind are burning the answers I need to find Give me strength again Healer, Healer Hear my cry My body's full of pain I'm hopeless and lifeless, on the ground Help me dance again Healer, Healer Hear my song The arrows in my heart are tearing me and the world apart Show me love again Healer, Healer Be with me And help my heart to see, my mind to feel and my soul to reach Your peace and clarity Healer, set me free --Solikena *************** Warmly, Gail R. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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