Re: I'm throwing a pity party, and you're invited!

January 25, 2010

After reading your post I thought I had been writing in my sleep again! It's

uncanny how you just described exactly what I am going through and how I feel

right now.

I am a college student, in class sizes of 10 to 15 people. Every class, never

fail, I am sitting next to at least one gum chewer if not more. At this point my

aversion to the sound of gum chewing has expanded to seeing " chewing motions "

end even the minty gum smell is becoming repulsive to me, simply because I know

that the gum noises go with it.

If you can, try to get plenty of sleep. I know it helps me to be well rested

when I am going to be in a stressful situation (such as being in a classroom

full of gum chewers.)

Maybe a small part of the reason things seem worse with your 4s is because

you've been losing so much sleep over it. But I understand that, because trust

me I have lost a lot of sleep over this too.

There have been so many times when I have been within an inch of dropping out of

school. But I don't want to shut myself away from the world and other people

because, like you, I LOVE being around friends and family, and just human

interaction in general! It plain sucks to be so torn between what I can handle

doing with my 4s and what I desperately want.

Until there is some sort of cure for all this I hope you can take a bit of

comfort in knowing that there are other people out there going through nearly

the same thing as you. When you're in class ready to scream because the guy next

to you just started offering everyone around him gum, just know that I'm out

there somewhere stuffing my fingers in my ears to block the noise, strategically

placing my jacket hood to hide the gum chewing motions, and holding my breath to

keep from smelling that awful gum. After that last sentence I can conclude with

confidence that I'm probably way more nuts than you are ;D So hang in there,

and let's pity-party it up!

-

>

> Hi everyone. I'm sorry i've been gone for about the past two months or so. Its

a tad rude of me to only come back after such a prolonged absence to rant and

expect support even though I haven't been offering it for so long, but I'm at

the end of my rope here and you're the only people that get it.

>

> I swear, I am absolutely losing my mind.

>

> I'm a college student, and the new semester just started two weeks ago. My

classes are all much smaller now, making it nearly impossible for me to get away

with wearing headphones in class. I'm also in a group project in all but two of

my classes, so I always have to be able to hear my team members. And I don't

know why, but every class I go to, no matter what, there's always somebody

chewing gum near me.

>

> I've only been back in school for two weeks since Christmas break, and I've

skipped class 5 times and walked out of one right in the middle of a lecture. I

couldn't take it; people were chewing gum on either side of me. After that I

came back to my room, drowned in white noise and slept for nearly 24 hours.

>

> Near the end of last semester, I went to the student health center and talked

to them so I could have accommodations in class; i was told they would send me a

letter to show to my professors that would give me the right to wear a white

noise generator in class. That was before Thanksgiving, and still no letter. If

it's not magically in my mailbox tomorrow morning, I'm going over there to beg

for it. Because I can't take this anymore, I'm going crazy but I need to go to

class. I'm not that great of a student to begin with, and 4S is going to be

death of my education and quite possibly my sanity.

>

> It's just gotten so much worse than it used to be, and I don't know WHY. I

can't even walk to class without being triggered; people dragging their feet on

the sidewalk it's starting to be on the same level as lip smacking. Visual

triggers are getting more irritating, and just the smell of gum is enough to

make me have to fight back tears. It's like all triggers are starting to be

equally painful.

>

> I just don't understand why it's getting worse, or why it's happening so

freaking fast. Every day I can stand it a little less than the day before. I

thought maybe not reading the messages from the group would make me think about

it less, but no such luck. Now I've just got a backlog of over 200 messages I

need to read. I've even been getting more exercise and been eating healthier; I

haven't had a Coke in two weeks, damnit. Am I just becoming weaker, or am I

thinking about it too much, or what? Why is it suddenly taking over my life more

than it used to? Its 3 in the morning, I've got an 8:30 class in the morning,

but I can't sleep because I'm too freaking worried about getting to class extra

early so I can get a seat in the back. Last week I ended up not even sleeping so

I would get there early. And I'm stressing over the fact that that gum chewers

or kids with colds might come sit near me, even if I am in the back. Chances are

I'm just going to end up skipping it again, because I'm letting it control me

too much. I'm scared of, terrified of being triggered. I feel like its beginning

to stray into phobia territory. I'm this close to just buying some in-ear white

noise generators that look like hearing aids and pretending I suddenly went deaf

so I don't ever have to be without white noise or have to listen to people at

all. Which is a horrible thing to say because I love people; I'm majoring in

Hospitality, for crying out loud. I've tried so hard to stay positive, because

I'm that one person every group of friends has that's the just sickeningly

upbeat and happy one, but it's hard to stay that positive when every day this

just keep wearing me down further and further.

>

> I just feel so defeated.

>

> I know that in the morning, I'm just going to have to suck it up like all of

us with 4S do every day and go on with life.

>

> But for tonight, I'm throwing myself a simply fabulous pity party, and you're

all invited

>

January 26, 2010

That is not a crazy idea at all. Breathing techniques can help with the flight or fight response. You can also look up how breathing is used to treat panic disorder. Nice thing about using your breath to calm yourself, it's a tool that is always readily available.To: Soundsensitivity Sent:

Mon, January 25, 2010 9:21:27 PMSubject: RE: Re: I'm throwing a pity party, and you're invited!

That gives me an idea . . . and this will probably sound crazy, but I remember how well the childbirth breathing exercises worked for handling "pain" during childbirth - lilke self-hypnosis to sort of separate the pain from all the domino effect feelings that follow. I've actually used those breathing exercises since then during times of other kinds of physical pain and it made it easier to deal with (i.e., to stay sane during that period). Except for other people seeing you do that and thinking you're having a heart attack or something (may be best for when you're alone), maybe it would help distract from noises also - your own breathing (if it doesn't bother you) would partly cover up the other sounds, and intently focusing on your own breath sounds would help take your mind away from the other sounds (same as it works with pain). Like I said, it might sound crazy, but you never know what might help, even for only one other person. I can just see everyone going out now to buy books on pregnancy to find out how to do the breathing exercises. . . .

F

January 26, 2010

What kind of white noise generator is it that you want to wear in class ? I wear

the kind that look like a hearing aid.

My long hair covers them but even if I had short hair, I think I could wear them

in public and probably no one would ask. Have you ever gone up to someone to ask

them about their hearing aid (in appearance) device ?

If someone did ask you could tell them it was for tinnitus (if you don't want to

tell the truth).

Or you could grow your hair out long enough to cover them.

I must assume that you want to wear earphones and listen to white noise through

an ipod ?

This probably sounds critical and I don't mean to sound that way (poor writing

skills). Even if this doesn't apply to you (maybe you don't have the kind of

noise generators that look like a hearing aid) I thought I would post anyway. My

advice if you do have noise generators is wear them and lie, lie, lie (or tell

the truth), whatever works to give you relief.

January 27, 2010

That sounds like a great idea, and relatively simple to implement: breathing is

the one thing you (hopefully) always have with you. If people ask what's wrong,

you can always say something like " I'm dizzy " or " I'm nervous and I'm breathing

to calm down, " or even " Don't you know meditation boosts your performance? I

thought everyone knew that. "

-Kate

> >

> > Hi everyone. I'm sorry i've been gone for about the past two months or

> so. Its a tad rude of me to only come back after such a prolonged

> absence to rant and expect support even though I haven't been offering

> it for so long, but I'm at the end of my rope here and you're the only

> people that get it.

> >

> > I swear, I am absolutely losing my mind.

> >

> > I'm a college student, and the new semester just started two weeks

> ago. My classes are all much smaller now, making it nearly impossible

> for me to get away with wearing headphones in class. I'm also in a group

> project in all but two of my classes, so I always have to be able to

> hear my team members. And I don't know why, but every class I go to, no

> matter what, there's always somebody chewing gum near me.

> >

> > I've only been back in school for two weeks since Christmas break, and

> I've skipped class 5 times and walked out of one right in the middle of

> a lecture. I couldn't take it; people were chewing gum on either side of

> me. After that I came back to my room, drowned in white noise and slept

> for nearly 24 hours.

> >

> > Near the end of last semester, I went to the student health center and

> talked to them so I could have accommodations in class; i was told they

> would send me a letter to show to my professors that would give me the

> right to wear a white noise generator in class. That was before

> Thanksgiving, and still no letter. If it's not magically in my mailbox

> tomorrow morning, I'm going over there to beg for it. Because I can't

> take this anymore, I'm going crazy but I need to go to class. I'm not

> that great of a student to begin with, and 4S is going to be death of my

> education and quite possibly my sanity.

> >

> > It's just gotten so much worse than it used to be, and I don't know

> WHY. I can't even walk to class without being triggered; people dragging

> their feet on the sidewalk it's starting to be on the same level as lip

> smacking. Visual triggers are getting more irritating, and just the

> smell of gum is enough to make me have to fight back tears. It's like

> all triggers are starting to be equally painful.

> >

> > I just don't understand why it's getting worse, or why it's happening

> so freaking fast. Every day I can stand it a little less than the day

> before. I thought maybe not reading the messages from the group would

> make me think about it less, but no such luck. Now I've just got a

> backlog of over 200 messages I need to read. I've even been getting more

> exercise and been eating healthier; I haven't had a Coke in two weeks,

> damnit. Am I just becoming weaker, or am I thinking about it too much,

> or what? Why is it suddenly taking over my life more than it used to?

> Its 3 in the morning, I've got an 8:30 class in the morning, but I can't

> sleep because I'm too freaking worried about getting to class extra

> early so I can get a seat in the back. Last week I ended up not even

> sleeping so I would get there early. And I'm stressing over the fact

> that that gum chewers or kids with colds might come sit near me, even if

> I am in the back. Chances are I'm just going to end up skipping it

> again, because I'm letting it control me too much. I'm scared of,

> terrified of being triggered. I feel like its beginning to stray into

> phobia territory. I'm this close to just buying some in-ear white noise

> generators that look like hearing aids and pretending I suddenly went

> deaf so I don't ever have to be without white noise or have to listen to

> people at all. Which is a horrible thing to say because I love people;

> I'm majoring in Hospitality, for crying out loud. I've tried so hard to

> stay positive, because I'm that one person every group of friends has

> that's the just sickeningly upbeat and happy one, but it's hard to stay

> that positive when every day this just keep wearing me down further and

> further.

> >

> > I just feel so defeated.

> >

> > I know that in the morning, I'm just going to have to suck it up like

> all of us with 4S do every day and go on with life.

> >

> > But for tonight, I'm throwing myself a simply fabulous pity party, and

> you're all invited

> >

>

January 27, 2010

Hi Paige,

Oh boy, do I feel your pain. I am so sorry that you're having such a hard time.

I am currently in grad school, in an all-online program. I would have gone

full-time, but I have to work, and I need this masters for my job. Anyway, I

feel like these types of programs were made for people like me -- no lectures,

no sniffers, thank goodness! Why not consider an online or distance learning

program? I will be getting a real degree from a real California state

university through mine, and I have not had to endure one lecture with sniffers

the whole time.

Hang in there,

Jen

>

> Hi everyone. I'm sorry i've been gone for about the past two months or so. Its

a tad rude of me to only come back after such a prolonged absence to rant and

expect support even though I haven't been offering it for so long, but I'm at

the end of my rope here and you're the only people that get it.

>

> I swear, I am absolutely losing my mind.

>

January 28, 2010

Well that was a tiny bit embarrassing. I wasn't 100% myself that night; being

that depressing is kind of uncharacteristic of me, and the frustration and lack

of sleep definitely contributed to spawning that angsty post.

Thanks for all the replies, guys. Give me a few paragraphs to work out a good

response…

Sleep. Yeah, I'm not even going to lie, whatever sleep I'm getting now isn't

semblance of a reasonable sleep schedule. I know sleep is really important to

your overall health. I've always had issues with it, but I'm working on it…

Today, though, I think I figured out what my biggest problem is. I couldn't

figure out why suddenly it's gotten so bad, so fast, but as I was popping in my

iPod ear-buds this morning in my only class large enough to get away with

wearing headphones, I realized something.

I've become far too dependent on white noise.

I've relied so heavily on my shield of white noise that when I'm without it I

feel ridiculously vulnerable. And I don't know about all of us here, but

personally the more vulnerable I feel, generally the trigger seems to hurt more.

I was so excited when I started using white noise last year that I think I

abused it. I got so used to NOT hearing trigger sounds as often that now that I

don't have the option of wearing white noise (until I get my flipping

accommodations letter!) in class, it's like this intense barrage of triggers

that I haven't had to deal with in months.

So really I think I brought this upon myself, but how was I supposed to know

that was going to be result?

About my white noise generator, since people asked; I use a white noise

generator application on my iPod Touch (an iPhone without the phone). I'm really

considering purchasing some more serious, in-ear white noise generators for

class. The iPod white noise is great for every-day use because it just looks

like I'm listening to music, but that's a problem in class because most

professors aren't okay with students listening to music during a lecture. I do

have long hair, so they would be hidden pretty well. I also wear hats a lot.

To pefectkiss07: I'm definitely not that confrontational, though I'm not ruling

out lying as an option. Actually I've sort of been half-lying to some people

just to experiment with believability. I've told a couple people I'm " Sound

Sensitive " which isn't a complete lie, it's just sort of leaving out two of the

words in the name of the condition. It makes people think noise in general is

painful, which I honestly think is easier for unaffected people to understand.

Because seriously, from an outsider's point of view, 4S has just got to sound

completely insane. I'd rather half-lie and have people think I have something

that don't really have than try to explain something as bizarre as 4S.

Becki: I actually did that in grade school once. The result was a bit

humiliating, so I'd rather not attempt it again. It's a good idea, but I'm just

way too chicken after that bad experience.

Maikaefer: Yeah, just plain old school stress probably isn't helping this much.

I don't take any medication for stress, or anything really.

Alon: that sounds awesome. If I could, I would do that in a heartbeat but I

think I'd have to jump through a lot of hoops at the student health center to

get that extreme of an accommodation. Who knows, though. They might be feeling

super sympathetic next time I go in there. Which will be soon, because I'm going

to go pester them about that letter they promised.

Jen: I'm way jealous. Unfortunately they don't offer classes for my major

online. Though I'm going to look into taking online classes for any of my other

required courses. I hadn't really thought about that, so thanks for the idea!