A few jokes to lighten your day

[Guest guest]

JOB SEARCH

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My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned

because I couldn't concentrate.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack

it, so they gave me the axe.

After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it.

Mainly because it was a so-so job.

Next I tried working in a muffler factory but that was exhausting.

I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn't cut it.

Then I tried to be a chef--figured it would add a little spice to my

life but I just didn't have the thyme.

Finally, I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I

couldn't cut the mustard.

My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't

noteworthy.

I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have any

patients.

Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried but I just didn't fit in.

I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live

on my net income.

Thought about becoming a witch, so I tried that for a spell.

I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the

work was just too draining.

I got a job at a zoo feeding giraffes but I was fired because I wasn't

up to it.

So then I got a job in a gymnasium (work-out-center), but they said I

wasn't fit for the job.

Next, I found being an electrician interesting, but the work was

shocking.

After many years of trying to find steady work I finally got a job as

a historian until I realized there was no future in it.

My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was

always the same old grind.

You have any ideas for a job? Maybe you have something that WORKS....

because I don't.

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Subject: Pillsbury Doughboy

Dear Friends,

It is with the saddest heart I pass on the following:

Please join me in remembering a great icon - the veteran Pillsbury

spokesman. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and

complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin.

Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including

Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the

Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The gravesite was piled high with

flours.

His long-time friend, Aunt Jemima, delivered the eulogy, describing

Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded.

Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was

filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very " smart " cookie,

wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little

flaky at times, he even still, as a crusty old man, was considered a roll

model for millions.

Toward the end it was thought he would rise again, but alas, he was

no tart.

Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough; two children,

Dough and Jane Dough; plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by

his elderly father, Pop Tart.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about twenty minutes.

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[Guest guest]

Peg,

Love it !!! I have tons of people to forward them to. My daughter dated a guy they called doughboy ( he had a round face ) so she'll be #1 Thanks for the smiles. Barb