Re: Re: can we talk......or can i talk....

[Guest guest]

He isn't aware of how the noises bother you? I'll bet he's aware of something wrong going on between you two. When you leave the room suddenly, put on headphones, wear earplugs around the house, and cringe, he has to be wondering what's the matter with you. Why not tell him?Beth

hi....bettergoodbeth....yes i do...but sometimes, i just cant get away or get away fast enough,i run small internet business from home and im disabled to...so getting out hard to do....but i do have bedroom set up with tv laptop chair tv and im in there most evenings...and he isnt aware how the noises bother me...and i do have headset/music and earplugs, but thanks for suggestion....note found new trigger, my 19 grandaughter visiting, and constantly cracks her knuckles and also noticed most her friends do to...for life of me cant figure out why you would want to do that..the noise though is awful, makes me cringe...lol...

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[Guest guest]

He isn't aware of how the noises bother you? I'll bet he's aware of something wrong going on between you two. When you leave the room suddenly, put on headphones, wear earplugs around the house, and cringe, he has to be wondering what's the matter with you. Why not tell him?Beth

hi....bettergoodbeth....yes i do...but sometimes, i just cant get away or get away fast enough,i run small internet business from home and im disabled to...so getting out hard to do....but i do have bedroom set up with tv laptop chair tv and im in there most evenings...and he isnt aware how the noises bother me...and i do have headset/music and earplugs, but thanks for suggestion....note found new trigger, my 19 grandaughter visiting, and constantly cracks her knuckles and also noticed most her friends do to...for life of me cant figure out why you would want to do that..the noise though is awful, makes me cringe...lol...

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[Guest guest]

My husband and I are having major difficulty in dealing with my misophonia. He is my MAIN trigger, not only trigger, but definitely the main one. He breathes extremely loudly, both through his throat and through his nose. He has had 3 surgeries for allergies/sinuses/polyps etc.. and now has begun this smacking sound like he sticks his tongue to the roof of his mouth.GRRRRRRRRRR...anyways, I either yell at him or cuss at him because the sounds make me so angry instantly. So obviously we avoid each other at all times. This is NO LIFE and we are both at our wits end. Can anyone suggest how to deal with this? He feels constantly criticized for things he believes he can't help, and I tell him that I can't help that it angers me so suddenly. It really feels like a LOSE/LOSE situation. Please HELP!

hi....bettergoodbeth....yes i do...but sometimes, i just cant get away or get away fast enough,i run small internet business from home and im disabled to...so getting out hard to do....but i do have bedroom set up with tv laptop chair tv and im in there most evenings...and he isnt aware how the noises bother me...and i do have headset/music and earplugs, but thanks for suggestion....note found new trigger, my 19 grandaughter visiting, and constantly cracks her knuckles and also noticed most her friends do to...for life of me cant figure out why you would want to do that..the noise though is awful, makes me cringe...lol... =

[Guest guest]

Have you tried the earplugs and headset route?

My husband and I are having major difficulty in dealing with my misophonia. He is my MAIN trigger, not only trigger, but definitely the main one. He breathes extremely loudly, both through his throat and through his nose. He has had 3 surgeries for allergies/sinuses/polyps etc.. and now has begun this smacking sound like he sticks his tongue to the roof of his mouth.GRRRRRRRRRR...anyways, I either yell at him or cuss at him because the sounds make me so angry instantly. So obviously we avoid each other at all times. This is NO LIFE and we are both at our wits end. Can anyone suggest how to deal with this? He feels constantly criticized for things he believes he can't help, and I tell him that I can't help that it angers me so suddenly. It really feels like a LOSE/LOSE situation. Please HELP!

hi....bettergoodbeth....yes i do...but sometimes, i just cant get away or get away fast enough,i run small internet business from home and im disabled to...so getting out hard to do....but i do have bedroom set up with tv laptop chair tv and im in there most evenings...and he isnt aware how the noises bother me...and i do have headset/music and earplugs, but thanks for suggestion....note found new trigger, my 19 grandaughter visiting, and constantly cracks her knuckles and also noticed most her friends do to...for life of me cant figure out why you would want to do that..the noise though is awful, makes me cringe...lol... =

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[Guest guest]

I never tell anyone about my misophonia except doctors. As soon as I tell someone I start interpreting their noises as attacks, caused by carelessness, insensitivity, or mean-ness. It’s much easier to deal with my triggers if I’m not burdened by “they know it hurts meâ€.

To flip that around, it’s much harder to deal with my triggers if “they know it hurts meâ€.

I hide my pain at all costs.

From: doublell22

Sent: Friday, August 31, 2012 2:02 AM

To: Soundsensitivity

Subject: Re: can we talk......or can i talk....

hi beth, I just say im listening to music and or say I'm going to bedroom and watch tv, I don't just go suddenly, he is getting old, we been married 30 yrs and he 16 yrs my senior, and I just hate to tell him...I don't know why, getting him wireless headset for tv, because he needs it so loud was big help and I hate to say more...so I listen to music or go to other room when I can...worst time is when we sit down for dinner...and that would be hardest to explain why I wont eat with him...for now I just live with it best I can....> > > > > > > hi....bettergoodbeth....yes i do...but sometimes, i just cant get away or get away fast enough,i run small internet business from home and im disabled to...so getting out hard to do....but i do have bedroom set up with tv laptop chair tv and im in there most evenings...and he isnt aware how the noises bother me...and i do have headset/music and earplugs, but thanks for suggestion....note found new trigger, my 19 grandaughter visiting, and constantly cracks her knuckles and also noticed most her friends do to...for life of me cant figure out why you would want to do that..the noise though is awful, makes me cringe...lol... > > > > > > > > > > > > > >>

[Guest guest]

Thanks for this suggestion Emma! It might work for me because I do try to hang onto the reality that he loves me and isn't doing any of triggers on purpose, although the feeling is that it is absolutely a personal attack on my life! It was hard for him to hear that even his breathing was a source of pain for me. He knew of my misophonia (he's the one who discovered it being discussed and named on Reddit and ultimately led to me finding this group) but he didn't know the true extent of it. I decided to bring it up in our couples counseling where he could then safely have his feelings and reactions to it. The ideal thing is to stay connected, a team, as we confront and problem solve these issues. I recommend being thoughtful about talking to our partners about it because they may have an initial negative reaction and may need time and resource for them to process and realize it's not personal. This may be hard for us to supply because we are truly needing empathy and understanding of our own. So for us, the therapist worked wonderfully.I truly believe that no matter who I am married to, given time and exposure, triggers will develop. In the past I even contemplated divorce thinking it was just him who had annoying habits, but everybody does and it would just be a matter of time before a new partner was full of triggers!I am going to try your suggestion Emma. I think I will make a commitment to you guys that I will do it, otherwise in the moment I may just take the easy way and go out of the room or something.Regards,JanetSent from my iPad

Have you tried therapy with you both? That way you can talk it all through in a calm way with someone on hand to better explain things if you can't quite get the words out? I know its not a solution but it might help him understand things better if he feels criticised. I'm in a similar (altho less bad) situation with my boyfriend and I know its incredibly hard on him to feel like he's constantly doing things wrong when they're just natural things but he's suggested (which I do) that every time he makes a noise or does something that annoys me, that I jus give him a kiss and cuddle and reassure him that I don't hate him. Which works in two ways coz it does that but also distracts me and calms me down. Hope this helps

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> hi....bettergoodbeth....yes i do...but sometimes, i just cant get away or get away fast enough,i run small internet business from home and im disabled to...so getting out hard to do....but i do have bedroom set up with tv laptop chair tv and im in there most evenings...and he isnt aware how the noises bother me...and i do have headset/music and earplugs, but thanks for suggestion....note found new trigger, my 19 grandaughter visiting, and constantly cracks her knuckles and also noticed most her friends do to...for life of me cant figure out why you would want to do that..the noise though is awful, makes me cringe...lol...

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[Guest guest]

Yes I agree. I do the same thing. It's hard though to hide it from those who are really close to you though. And it sucks incredibly when they do find out. I feel like there is way less problems when nobody knows, because It is easier to walk away. If its someone close you're obligated to stay and try to make it work and chastised when unable to do so. It makes me so frustrated.

Bonnie B. 

 

I never tell anyone about my misophonia except doctors.  As soon as I tell someone I start interpreting their noises as attacks, caused by carelessness, insensitivity, or mean-ness.  It’s much easier to deal with my triggers if I’m not burdened by “they know it hurts me”.

 

To flip that around, it’s much harder to deal with my triggers if “they know it hurts me”.

 

I hide my pain at all costs.

 

 

 

From: doublell22

Sent: Friday, August 31, 2012 2:02 AM

To: Soundsensitivity

Subject: Re: can we talk......or can i talk....

 

 

hi beth, I just say im listening to music and or say I'm going to bedroom and watch tv, I don't just go suddenly, he is getting old, we been married 30 yrs and he 16 yrs my senior, and I just hate to tell him...I don't know why, getting him wireless headset for tv, because he needs it so loud was big help and I hate to say more...so I listen to music or go to other room when I can...worst time is when we sit down for dinner...and that would be hardest to explain why I wont eat with him...for now I just live with it best I can....> > > > > > > hi....bettergoodbeth....yes i do...but sometimes, i just cant get away or get away fast enough,i run small internet business from home and im disabled to...so getting out hard to do....but i do have bedroom set up with tv laptop chair tv and im in there most evenings...and he isnt aware how the noises bother me...and i do have headset/music and earplugs, but thanks for suggestion....note found new trigger, my 19 grandaughter visiting, and constantly cracks her knuckles and also noticed most her friends do to...for life of me cant figure out why you would want to do that..the noise though is awful, makes me cringe...lol... > > > > > > > > > > > > > >>

[Guest guest]

I would stop being close to someone who chastised me for a disability.

Yes I agree. I do the same thing. It's hard though to hide it from those who are really close to you though. And it sucks incredibly when they do find out. I feel like there is way less problems when nobody knows, because It is easier to walk away. If its someone close you're obligated to stay and try to make it work and chastised when unable to do so. It makes me so frustrated.

Bonnie B.

I never tell anyone about my misophonia except doctors. As soon as I tell someone I start interpreting their noises as attacks, caused by carelessness, insensitivity, or mean-ness. It’s much easier to deal with my triggers if I’m not burdened by “they know it hurts meâ€.

To flip that around, it’s much harder to deal with my triggers if “they know it hurts meâ€.

I hide my pain at all costs.

From: doublell22

Sent: Friday, August 31, 2012 2:02 AM

To: Soundsensitivity

Subject: Re: can we talk......or can i talk....

hi beth, I just say im listening to music and or say I'm going to bedroom and watch tv, I don't just go suddenly, he is getting old, we been married 30 yrs and he 16 yrs my senior, and I just hate to tell him...I don't know why, getting him wireless headset for tv, because he needs it so loud was big help and I hate to say more...so I listen to music or go to other room when I can...worst time is when we sit down for dinner...and that would be hardest to explain why I wont eat with him...for now I just live with it best I can....> > > > > > > hi....bettergoodbeth....yes i do...but sometimes, i just cant get away or get away fast enough,i run small internet business from home and im disabled to...so getting out hard to do....but i do have bedroom set up with tv laptop chair tv and im in there most evenings...and he isnt aware how the noises bother me...and i do have headset/music and earplugs, but thanks for suggestion....note found new trigger, my 19 grandaughter visiting, and constantly cracks her knuckles and also noticed most her friends do to...for life of me cant figure out why you would want to do that..the noise though is awful, makes me cringe...lol... > > > > > > > > > > > > > >>

[Guest guest]

I tell anyone who will listen. Very few negative responses.

Yes I agree. I do the same thing. It's hard though to hide it from those who are really close to you though. And it sucks incredibly when they do find out. I feel like there is way less problems when nobody knows, because It is easier to walk away. If its someone close you're obligated to stay and try to make it work and chastised when unable to do so. It makes me so frustrated.

Bonnie B.