Re: Does your annoyance depend on who the person is making the noise?

[Guest guest]

Yes - I dont have misphonia I have hyperacusis, but I too have problems with certain noises and pitches, and any noise my mother makes drives me crazy.   however, I am pretty sure that although it is a genuine annoyance, I do spend a lot of time angry with her - we have a very negative relationship after childhood abuse from her - indeed she would abuse me still if she could, and I am 54

 

Liz

 

Are any of you like me where your annoyance depends on the person, but it is still genuine annoyance?

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[Guest guest]

I'm so sorry about your childhood.

I my case I had a very happy childhood and I suspect my dislike of certain

sounds is not as severe as some people because of that. Of course, I have no

proof whatsoever. To my knowledge no one has done a study of this yet.

I recall being really annoyed with snoring as a child. As the only people I

heard snoring were my family - whom I liked - it was only the noise I hated.

As an adult I mostly get annoyed if I hear a noise while I have to be " doing "

something. Like, if my mother whispers (while she prays) and I am trying to

concentrate on driving. Wow, do I ever HATE that!

But I love my mommy.

I think part of the issue is that I can't remove myself from the noise and I

can't remove the noise from me. So the frustration increases.

But, it's not the person making the noise. Of course, if I knew a person who

made noises knowing it was rude or annoying it would just make it worse.

>

> I am 44 and have had misophonia since I was small and mine was due to a

stressful and abuse-filled childhood. I have done things like counseling,

hypnotherapy, EMDR, meditation, etc. to get rid of my annoyance at mouth noises.

Something that has worked well in the past is Lovingkindness Meditation. I

should get back to it, in case it can help me more if I keep at it longer.

> Are any of you like me where your annoyance depends on the person, but it is

still genuine annoyance?

>

[Guest guest]

I think it does for me!! I don't get annoyed at all with my children but anyone

else, my husband, mom, brother, classmates, coworkers, i get furious and end up

in a complete state of rage. I've noticed this and i don't understand why!!

There has to be some psychological/relationship ties to this disorder.

> >

> > I am 44 and have had misophonia since I was small and mine was due to a

stressful and abuse-filled childhood. I have done things like counseling,

hypnotherapy, EMDR, meditation, etc. to get rid of my annoyance at mouth noises.

Something that has worked well in the past is Lovingkindness Meditation. I

should get back to it, in case it can help me more if I keep at it longer.

>

>

> > Are any of you like me where your annoyance depends on the person, but it is

still genuine annoyance?

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I just brought my son to a Dr who works w/Marsha .This Dr. was very interested in that component of relationships to people who are bigger triggers to them then others (for example, my son can tolerate more of his trigger noises when they come from his grandparents then he can from his step-dad & step brother .... )I'm so grateful to have this Dr close by to help my son and our family with the 4S/Misophonia.Has anyone else used any of the Dr.s on Marsha 's network site? If so, any thoughts or comments you'd like to share?

I think it does for me!! I don't get annoyed at all with my children but anyone else, my husband, mom, brother, classmates, coworkers, i get furious and end up in a complete state of rage. I've noticed this and i don't understand why!! There has to be some psychological/relationship ties to this disorder.

> >

> > I am 44 and have had misophonia since I was small and mine was due to a stressful and abuse-filled childhood. I have done things like counseling, hypnotherapy, EMDR, meditation, etc. to get rid of my annoyance at mouth noises. Something that has worked well in the past is Lovingkindness Meditation. I should get back to it, in case it can help me more if I keep at it longer.

>

>

> > Are any of you like me where your annoyance depends on the person, but it is still genuine annoyance?

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I have the same sense of rage whether the noise is coming from my parents,

(ex)husband, or strangers who are around me. One doesn't seem greater than

another.

> > > >

> > > > I am 44 and have had misophonia since I was small and mine was due to a

stressful and abuse-filled childhood. I have done things like counseling,

hypnotherapy, EMDR, meditation, etc. to get rid of my annoyance at mouth noises.

Something that has worked well in the past is Lovingkindness Meditation. I

should get back to it, in case it can help me more if I keep at it longer.

> > >

> > >

> > > > Are any of you like me where your annoyance depends on the person, but

it is still genuine annoyance?

> > > >

> > >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

That's very interesting. I really do think a serious study needs to be done to

understand this phenomenon fully. And I mean a neurological examination. Looking

at brain activity, stimulus reactions, etc.

Because it really does not appear to be a psychological 'all in one's head' kind

of thing. I don't think we are 'nuts', just easily aggravated by certain

stimuli.

> > >

> > > I am 44 and have had misophonia since I was small and mine was due to a

stressful and abuse-filled childhood. I have done things like counseling,

hypnotherapy, EMDR, meditation, etc. to get rid of my annoyance at mouth noises.

Something that has worked well in the past is Lovingkindness Meditation. I

should get back to it, in case it can help me more if I keep at it longer.

> >

> >

> > > Are any of you like me where your annoyance depends on the person, but it

is still genuine annoyance?

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

EXCELLENT QUESTION.

I would be very interested in how much exposure we have to those who trigger us

the most. Does more and repeated exposure mean more triggering?

> > > >

> > > > I am 44 and have had misophonia since I was small and mine was due to a

stressful and abuse-filled childhood. I have done things like counseling,

hypnotherapy, EMDR, meditation, etc. to get rid of my annoyance at mouth noises.

Something that has worked well in the past is Lovingkindness Meditation. I

should get back to it, in case it can help me more if I keep at it longer.

> > >

> > >

> > > > Are any of you like me where your annoyance depends on the person, but

it is still genuine annoyance?

> > > >

> > >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

My annoyance very much depends on the source. Gum chewing by my mother would

drive me out of the room, or to rudely ask her to spit it out....but if a pretty

girl sitting behind me in school was chewing gum, it was a soothing chant of

some kind.

This is common for me. Sometimes I'm more agitated when I feel like I can " get

away with " getting angry with them. You can't really yell at strangers, and you

don't have to deal with them for extended periods of time.

[Guest guest]

If only we could always float around in that cloud of infatuation, soaked to the

gills with oxytocin! Sigh!

That would be a great cure.

>

> We've talked about the " honeymoon " stage of people we date and they don't

trigger us for awhile. What is utter fascinating to me is when I first start

dating someone I tell myself to pay attention to how they eat so I don't later

get annoyed. Then the meal starts and at the end I try to recollect and it's as

though they hadn't eaten a bite. I cannot conjure up not one memory of their

eating. Fascinating! The only caveats are: 1) super gross eating, and 2) I

don't really like them that much anyway, under those conditions I notice their

eating. It's like the oxytocin that comes with infatuation renders me entirely

deaf to their chewing. It's absolutely amazing!!!

> Heidi

>

> Sent from my iPhone

[Guest guest]

Okay, a lot of people have been saying that certain people are worse triggers

for them than others. It doesn't seem to be true for me. I've found that total

strangers are just as bad, if not worse, for me. Maybe because I can ask a

family member to stop what they're doing but not a stranger. The difference

ends up being that I can get upset with someone close to me, but I get enraged

when it's a stranger. One example that always comes to mind is the time I was

on a college tour with my daughter and son. This one woman was loudly cracking

her gum during the whole thing. I moved as far away from her as possible, which

was difficult because she was near the tour guide and I needed to be able to

hear the guide as well. It felt like the woman was following me around because

she kept ending up next to me as we walked. Her stupid gum-cracking was

drowning out the tour guide and I was so enraged it took all my self-control not

to punch her. I tried glaring at her, but all the woman did was look at me

blankly and continue to crack her gum! Argh!!

>

> The whole control idea makes a lot of sense. I'm gonna do some research and

see what i can come up with.

>

>

>

> ________________________________

>

> To: " Soundsensitivity " <Soundsensitivity >

> Sent: Friday, November 18, 2011 9:34 AM

> Subject: Re: Re: Does your annoyance depend on who the

person is making the noise?

>

>

>  

> I definitely agree that the people closest to me bother me more, especially

when I live with them because there is no escape.  It is that feeling of being

trapped with the sound that is the worst - I set up my life so I can escape as

quickly as possible (earphones on me all the time).  When I have a house guest

then they annoy me immediately, and it's terrible.  I feel so guilty and then

angry and then guilty again.  My sister came to stay with me because she was in

trouble and she knows about my misophonia (we shared a room as kids when it all

began and she is still traumatized by my angry reaction to her snoring) - and

even though I wanted to look after her as she needed help, I could barely look

at her when she scraped her fork on her teeth or hummed unconsciously.  I

prefer it, even if we live together, if we spend time together outside of the

house, and no matter how tired I am after work, I will suggest we go out to a

cafe so that I can

> contain my rage (a quiet cafe) and then when we go home, I can go to my room

guilt free.

>

> My boyfriend's noises don't bother me, thank god - he sometimes breathes

heavily so I imitate his breathing and he stops.  Or when he sucks his teeth

after eating (a very Indonesian habit - he is Indonesian - and the reason I hate

going out to local restaurants) I look at him and he says sorry and because he

reacts in a nice way to my craziness, I can calm down. Luckily for me he is an

extremely patient and kind man and very tolerant.  When he puts his hand over

my ear as soon as the dog next door starts barking, I just love him so much.  I

think that when you have misophonia,, or the fact that someone is quiet, chews

quietly, doesn't snore etc, and then the fact that they take it seriously and

really try to understand, is enough for them not to enter the " everything you do

makes me feel crazy " stage, like I have with my dad.  It's a shame because I

love my dad so much, but I just can't be around him to eat with him, or drink -

cause he is a slurper.

>

> From: Paris

> To: Soundsensitivity

> Sent: Friday, November 18, 2011 8:51 PM

> Subject: Re: Re: Does your annoyance depend on who the

person is making the noise?

>

>

>  

> I definitely have outside triggers, but I have to say that the people closest

to me bother me more.  But, I wonder if it's because we can't always " get away "

from the people living in our homes, so that would trigger more offending

sounds??? I wonder if these same people that seem to not bother us would be

bothersome if we lived with them? I wonder....

>

>

>

>

> ________________________________

>

> To: Soundsensitivity

> Sent: Thu, November 17, 2011 9:47:06 PM

> Subject: Re: Does your annoyance depend on who the person

is making the noise?

>

>  

> My annoyance very much depends on the source. Gum chewing by my mother would

drive me out of the room, or to rudely ask her to spit it out....but if a pretty

girl sitting behind me in school was chewing gum, it was a soothing chant of

some kind.

>

> This is common for me. Sometimes I'm more agitated when I feel like I can " get

away with " getting angry with them. You can't really yell at strangers, and you

don't have to deal with them for extended periods of time.

>

[Guest guest]

, in your situation I think I would turn around and put my finger to my

lips (like " Shhh! " ) and then whisper " I can't hear the professor " and then point

at the food...with a smile. Might be worth a try, anyway!

> >

> > The whole control idea makes a lot of sense. I'm gonna do some research and

see what i can come up with.

> >

> >

> >

> > ________________________________

> > From: Katrina May <treenmay3@>

> > To: " Soundsensitivity " <Soundsensitivity >

> > Sent: Friday, November 18, 2011 9:34 AM

> > Subject: Re: Re: Does your annoyance depend on who the

person is making the noise?

> >

> >

> >  

> > I definitely agree that the people closest to me bother me more, especially

when I live with them because there is no escape.  It is that feeling of

being trapped with the sound that is the worst - I set up my life so I can

escape as quickly as possible (earphones on me all the time).  When I have a

house guest then they annoy me immediately, and it's terrible.  I feel so

guilty and then angry and then guilty again.  My sister came to stay with me

because she was in trouble and she knows about my misophonia (we shared a room

as kids when it all began and she is still traumatized by my angry reaction to

her snoring) - and even though I wanted to look after her as she needed help, I

could barely look at her when she scraped her fork on her teeth or hummed

unconsciously.  I prefer it, even if we live together, if we spend time

together outside of the house, and no matter how tired I am after work, I will

suggest we go

> out to a cafe so that I can

> > contain my rage (a quiet cafe) and then when we go home, I can go to my

room guilt free.

> >

> > My boyfriend's noises don't bother me, thank god - he sometimes breathes

heavily so I imitate his breathing and he stops.  Or when he sucks his teeth

after eating (a very Indonesian habit - he is Indonesian - and the reason I hate

going out to local restaurants) I look at him and he says sorry and because he

reacts in a nice way to my craziness, I can calm down. Luckily for me he is an

extremely patient and kind man and very tolerant.  When he puts his hand over

my ear as soon as the dog next door starts barking, I just love him so much.

 I think that when you have misophonia,, or the fact that someone is quiet,

chews quietly, doesn't snore etc, and then the fact that they take it seriously

and really try to understand, is enough for them not to enter the " everything

you do makes me feel crazy " stage, like I have with my dad.  It's a shame

because I love my dad so much, but I just can't be around him to eat with him,

or

> drink - cause he is a slurper.

> >

> > From: Paris <soozyqcm1@>

> > To: Soundsensitivity

> > Sent: Friday, November 18, 2011 8:51 PM

> > Subject: Re: Re: Does your annoyance depend on who the

person is making the noise?

> >

> >

> >  

> > I definitely have outside triggers, but I have to say that the people

closest to me bother me more.  But, I wonder if it's because we can't always

" get away " from the people living in our homes, so that would trigger more

offending sounds??? I wonder if these same people that seem to not bother us

would be bothersome if we lived with them? I wonder....

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > ________________________________

> > From: chris knoy <chrisknoy@>

> > To: Soundsensitivity

> > Sent: Thu, November 17, 2011 9:47:06 PM

> > Subject: Re: Does your annoyance depend on who the person

is making the noise?

> >

> >  

> > My annoyance very much depends on the source. Gum chewing by my mother would

drive me out of the room, or to rudely ask her to spit it out....but if a pretty

girl sitting behind me in school was chewing gum, it was a soothing chant of

some kind.

> >

> > This is common for me. Sometimes I'm more agitated when I feel like I can

" get away with " getting angry with them. You can't really yell at strangers, and

you don't have to deal with them for extended periods of time.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

, in your situation I think I would turn around and put my finger to my

lips (like " Shhh! " ) and then whisper " I can't hear the professor " and then point

at the food...with a smile. Might be worth a try, anyway!

> >

> > The whole control idea makes a lot of sense. I'm gonna do some research and

see what i can come up with.

> >

> >

> >

> > ________________________________

> > From: Katrina May <treenmay3@>

> > To: " Soundsensitivity " <Soundsensitivity >

> > Sent: Friday, November 18, 2011 9:34 AM

> > Subject: Re: Re: Does your annoyance depend on who the

person is making the noise?

> >

> >

> >  

> > I definitely agree that the people closest to me bother me more, especially

when I live with them because there is no escape.  It is that feeling of

being trapped with the sound that is the worst - I set up my life so I can

escape as quickly as possible (earphones on me all the time).  When I have a

house guest then they annoy me immediately, and it's terrible.  I feel so

guilty and then angry and then guilty again.  My sister came to stay with me

because she was in trouble and she knows about my misophonia (we shared a room

as kids when it all began and she is still traumatized by my angry reaction to

her snoring) - and even though I wanted to look after her as she needed help, I

could barely look at her when she scraped her fork on her teeth or hummed

unconsciously.  I prefer it, even if we live together, if we spend time

together outside of the house, and no matter how tired I am after work, I will

suggest we go

> out to a cafe so that I can

> > contain my rage (a quiet cafe) and then when we go home, I can go to my

room guilt free.

> >

> > My boyfriend's noises don't bother me, thank god - he sometimes breathes

heavily so I imitate his breathing and he stops.  Or when he sucks his teeth

after eating (a very Indonesian habit - he is Indonesian - and the reason I hate

going out to local restaurants) I look at him and he says sorry and because he

reacts in a nice way to my craziness, I can calm down. Luckily for me he is an

extremely patient and kind man and very tolerant.  When he puts his hand over

my ear as soon as the dog next door starts barking, I just love him so much.

 I think that when you have misophonia,, or the fact that someone is quiet,

chews quietly, doesn't snore etc, and then the fact that they take it seriously

and really try to understand, is enough for them not to enter the " everything

you do makes me feel crazy " stage, like I have with my dad.  It's a shame

because I love my dad so much, but I just can't be around him to eat with him,

or

> drink - cause he is a slurper.

> >

> > From: Paris <soozyqcm1@>

> > To: Soundsensitivity

> > Sent: Friday, November 18, 2011 8:51 PM

> > Subject: Re: Re: Does your annoyance depend on who the

person is making the noise?

> >

> >

> >  

> > I definitely have outside triggers, but I have to say that the people

closest to me bother me more.  But, I wonder if it's because we can't always

" get away " from the people living in our homes, so that would trigger more

offending sounds??? I wonder if these same people that seem to not bother us

would be bothersome if we lived with them? I wonder....

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > ________________________________

> > From: chris knoy <chrisknoy@>

> > To: Soundsensitivity

> > Sent: Thu, November 17, 2011 9:47:06 PM

> > Subject: Re: Does your annoyance depend on who the person

is making the noise?

> >

> >  

> > My annoyance very much depends on the source. Gum chewing by my mother would

drive me out of the room, or to rudely ask her to spit it out....but if a pretty

girl sitting behind me in school was chewing gum, it was a soothing chant of

some kind.

> >

> > This is common for me. Sometimes I'm more agitated when I feel like I can

" get away with " getting angry with them. You can't really yell at strangers, and

you don't have to deal with them for extended periods of time.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Kathy, in other situations where it's just me and the other person, I can

usually speak up. In this particular case, it was a very stressful weekend, my

kids and I were standing in a group, and if I had opened my mouth, the request

might not have come out very nicely. Vicki

>

> SOmeone said:

>

> (Didn't copy this from the original poster so I'm not sure who wrote it.)

>

> " I needed to be able to hear the guide as well. It felt like the woman was

> following me around because she kept ending up next to me as we walked.

> Her stupid gum-cracking was drowning out the tour guide and I was so

> enraged it took all my self-control not to punch her. I tried glaring at

> her, but all the woman did was look at me blankly and continue to crack

> her gum! Argh!! "

>

> Do you think that if a similar thing were to happen again that, by having

> participated in this mailing list, you might possibly be able to say

> something to the woman about how her gum chewing was preventing you from

> being able to pay attention to the guide?

>

> I like the idea of making up a little card that one could hand to someone.

> It seems like it would certainly be easier to do that than to say

> something out loud. I've actually thought pof doing something similar in

> the past - though not with respect to these issues but rather regarding

> smoking and young people. :-) Actually - I see that I was also thinking

> about it WRT misophonia. (mentioned towards the bottom of this message)

>

>

> Ah, I've just found a file I had started back in September but never

> posted and then wasn't sure on which computer I had it... I am pasting it

> below.

>

> -----------

>

> Similar to other recent joiners of this list, I only just discovered

> through the New York Times/Today Show stories that there is a term for

> something I have been experiencing since childhood.

>

> I thought I had a severe case of this, yet, after seeing what others have

> posted, I feel that my case is relatively mild. And for most situations

> where I am apt to encounter one of these triggers, I generally have a

> recourse, namely - escape. (If I could neither escape nor block out sound,

> I don't know what I would do!) As at least one person mentioned, I also

> feel lucky that when I was going to school, kids were just not allowed to

> chew gum or eat in class. I don't think anyone even ever thought of doing

> such things. If many schools are now banning peanut butter products

> because of the kids who have allergies, it seems that with pressure, they

> could also be urged/forced to ban gum and food from classrooms once again.

>

> After coming across the recent coverage, I was trying to remember what

> first became irritating to me. I remember when I was 10 going to visit a

> family across the country for a month who had a daughter near my age. For

> at least the first two weeks, I was able to stay there and share a room

> with her without problem. But somewhere maybe in the third week, I

> started not being able to sleep because I was hearing her snore. After a

> couple or more days, I complained and they were nice enough to make her

> brother move into her room and give me a room to myself. To this day,

> there is no way in the world, no matter how tired I might be, that I can

> possibly sleep in a room if I cannot block out any breathing/snoring

> sounds with earplugs. And I've certainly spent my share of miserable

> nights when staying in hostels or group cabins - like preferring to sleep

> (well, trying to) outside on a picnic table in temperatures around 10

> degrees because of someone's snoring. Or sleeping (again, trying to...)

> on the floor in a hall or bathroom because of similar issues...

>

> Around the same time, I remember being driven crazy in school by one

> particular girl who was always sniffling. I know I would turn around and

> give her dirty looks, not that it helped. I couldn't believe that no one

> else seemed perturbed. And, looking back, I'm amazed that she's about the

> only person I can recall who was annoying to me in school.

>

> And I don't think I distinguish between who is making the sounds: it's

> just the sounds themselves I can't tolerate. I don't feel rage at the

> people making them. I just have to stop hearing the sounds however

> possible.

>

> I wonder how printing out a little card might help, saying something like:

>

> Does the occasional screech of chalk on a blackboard drive you crazy?

>

> The sound of gum chewing and popping affects me in about the same way -

> only it does not come in one short burst, but can last for hours. PLEASE

> don't chew gum in my presence.

>

> Please search the internet for the term " Misophonia " to find out about

> this condition.

>

[Guest guest]

It's interesting that you make the comment on anxiety and Adderall. I don't

recall feeling any particular anxiety when I was taking it. I guess it just

depends on the person.

Vicki

>

>

>  

> >Katrina, you sound like a very good sister because you find a way to be

with with her where you both benefit from the visit, and not go crazy.  I

agree that the feeling of being trapped with the sounds is one of the worst

feeling that sets off those triggers. 

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >________________________________

> >

> >To: " Soundsensitivity " <Soundsensitivity >

> >Sent: Fri, November 18, 2011 8:34:57 AM

> >Subject: Re: Re: Does your annoyance depend on who the

person is making the noise?

> >

> > 

> >I definitely agree that the people closest to me bother me more, especially

when I live with them because there is no escape.  It is that feeling of being

trapped with the sound that is the worst - I set up my life so I can escape as

quickly as possible (earphones on me all the time).  When I have a house guest

then they annoy me immediately, and it's terrible.  I feel so guilty and then

angry and then guilty again.  My sister came to stay with me because she was in

trouble and she knows about my misophonia (we shared a room as kids when it all

began and she is still traumatized by my angry reaction to her snoring) - and

even though I wanted to look after her as she needed help, I could barely look

at her when she scraped her fork on her teeth or hummed unconsciously.  I

prefer it, even if we live together, if we spend time together outside of the

house, and no matter how tired I am after work, I will suggest we go out to a

cafe so that I can

> contain my rage (a quiet cafe) and then when we go home, I can go to my room

guilt free.

> >

> >

> >My boyfriend's noises don't bother me, thank god - he sometimes breathes

heavily so I imitate his breathing and he stops.  Or when he sucks his teeth

after eating (a very Indonesian habit - he is Indonesian - and the reason I hate

going out to local restaurants) I look at him and he says sorry and because he

reacts in a nice way to my craziness, I can calm down. Luckily for me he is an

extremely patient and kind man and very tolerant.  When he puts his hand over

my ear as soon as the dog next door starts barking, I just love him so much.  I

think that when you have misophonia,, or the fact that someone is quiet, chews

quietly, doesn't snore etc, and then the fact that they take it seriously and

really try to understand, is enough for them not to enter the " everything you do

makes me feel crazy " stage, like I have with my dad.  It's a shame because I

love my dad so much, but I just can't be around him to eat with him, or drink -

cause he is a slurper.

> >

> >

> >From: Paris

> >To: Soundsensitivity

> >Sent: Friday, November 18, 2011 8:51 PM

> >Subject: Re: Re: Does your annoyance depend on who the

person is making the noise?

> >

> >

> > 

> >I definitely have outside triggers, but I have to say that the people closest

to me bother me more.  But, I wonder if it's because we can't always " get away "

from the people living in our homes, so that would trigger more offending

sounds??? I wonder if these same people that seem to not bother us would be

bothersome if we lived with them? I wonder....

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> >________________________________

> >

> >To: Soundsensitivity

> >Sent: Thu, November 17, 2011 9:47:06 PM

> >Subject: Re: Does your annoyance depend on who the person

is making the noise?

> >

> > 

> >My annoyance very much depends on the source. Gum chewing by my mother would

drive me out of the room, or to rudely ask her to spit it out....but if a pretty

girl sitting behind me in school was chewing gum, it was a soothing chant of

some kind.

> >

> >This is common for me. Sometimes I'm more agitated when I feel like I can

" get away with " getting angry with them. You can't really yell at strangers, and

you don't have to deal with them for extended periods of time.

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