Re: Re: Does your annoyance depend on who the person is making the noise?

[Guest guest]

I agree with what you said. I find when I realize the person is not trying to upset me, it helps with my anger. On the other hand, if I ask someone to stop and they slip, I take that as a " serious trigger." If they feel bad the anger subsides. Go figure????

Also, that is why I will not ask any one I don't know to stop making the sound that's bothering me. I would be too afraid that they would keep it up, or forget. Then I am really stuck and would need to leave, or something....

To: Soundsensitivity Sent: Tue, November 29, 2011 2:31:09 PMSubject: Re: Re: Does your annoyance depend on who the person is making the noise?

Id have to say that the idea of handing out little cards sounds nice in theory but I don't believe it would be successful.

here's why..... giving someone a card that asks them to stop doing something they are doing, and obviously dont think is "wrong", is expecting that when they read the card they will respond how WE expect they would.

WE would of course say, Oh excuse me , sure i will stop chewing like a gross cow. " but that is because WE have a prejudice against that behavior.

many people dont.

Yes ,I understand the thoughts of.. " HOW could they not realize how disgusting that is?!!"

.... but they dont.

and heres the bad part... they may stop some times, but not all times..and when they dont... the feelings of rage and anger will get WORSE for you!

Our condition is in our mind, not in our ears. It is a combination of the way we are hardwired, chemically or neurologically AND a conditioned response.

WE have control issues.

Whether our condition stems from feeling out of control as children or if our feelings of fear/safety/acceptance and lack thereof are the catalyst for our condition. it is impossible to say at this point.

What i can say is that the most effective way to handle other people is to begin cultivating the belief that they are not "wrong,bad" for what they do.. just tha they are different, and that is OK. Instilling that belief over and over again helps with the initial rush of rage when confronted with a gum chewer or feet shuffler or any other "offender"

after that , since there doesn't seem to be a total cure yet, ear plugs are very handy and so is escape.

<3

I do the same thing!! If someone is chewing loudly i repeat the noise to get them to understand how obnoxious they sound and hoping they get the hint - but then after i hear myself making the sounds, it makes me feel really guilty b/c i think i sound like a whack job.

To: Soundsensitivity Sent: Wednesday, November 23, 2011 12:33 PMSubject: Re: Re: Does your annoyance depend on who the person is making the noise?

At last-someone else who can't stand that sound. It started when I was very young. My father would sit in his chair and sniff all night long while watching the tv. I thought he was just being lazy not wanting to get up and blow his nose. I could hear him in my bedroom and I couldn't get to sleep because of the noise, so I started using my heel to bang it on the rails of the bed every time he sniffed. I carry a pack of Kleenex in my purse to hand out to people, but I still have to hit something with my foot or heel of my hand every time I hear that noise.With gum-chewing, I make the same sounds they do. If I'm in a store and the cashier or staff is chewing gum-I just tell them I can't stand their gum chewing it drives me crazy and I don't want them to help me because of it. The list of repulsive sounds/actions has increased since childhood. I know the anger is there.

Mainly I listen to classical music now, also less horrible/noisy commercials and especially in the car while driving-it helps keep you calm and it's easier to calm down.

To: Soundsensitivity Sent: Mon, November 21, 2011 11:12:12 PMSubject: Re: Does your annoyance depend on who the person is making the noise?

Kathy, in other situations where it's just me and the other person, I can usually speak up. In this particular case, it was a very stressful weekend, my kids and I were standing in a group, and if I had opened my mouth, the request might not have come out very nicely. Vicki>> SOmeone said:> > (Didn't copy this from the original poster so I'm not sure who wrote it.)> > "I needed to be able to hear the guide as well. It felt like the woman was > following me around because she kept ending up next to me as we walked. > Her stupid gum-cracking was drowning out the tour guide

and I was so > enraged it took all my self-control not to punch her. I tried glaring at > her, but all the woman did was look at me blankly and continue to crack > her gum! Argh!!"> > Do you think that if a similar thing were to happen again that, by having > participated in this mailing list, you might possibly be able to say > something to the woman about how her gum chewing was preventing you from > being able to pay attention to the guide?> > I like the idea of making up a little card that one could hand to someone. > It seems like it would certainly be easier to do that than to say > something out loud. I've actually thought pof doing something similar in > the past - though not with respect to these issues but rather regarding > smoking and young people. :-) Actually - I see that I was also thinking > about it WRT misophonia. (mentioned towards

the bottom of this message)> > > Ah, I've just found a file I had started back in September but never > posted and then wasn't sure on which computer I had it... I am pasting it > below.> > -----------> > Similar to other recent joiners of this list, I only just discovered > through the New York Times/Today Show stories that there is a term for > something I have been experiencing since childhood.> > I thought I had a severe case of this, yet, after seeing what others have > posted, I feel that my case is relatively mild. And for most situations > where I am apt to encounter one of these triggers, I generally have a > recourse, namely - escape. (If I could neither escape nor block out sound, > I don't know what I would do!) As at least one person mentioned, I also > feel lucky that when I was going to school, kids were just not

allowed to > chew gum or eat in class. I don't think anyone even ever thought of doing > such things. If many schools are now banning peanut butter products > because of the kids who have allergies, it seems that with pressure, they > could also be urged/forced to ban gum and food from classrooms once again.> > After coming across the recent coverage, I was trying to remember what > first became irritating to me. I remember when I was 10 going to visit a > family across the country for a month who had a daughter near my age. For > at least the first two weeks, I was able to stay there and share a room > with her without problem. But somewhere maybe in the third week, I > started not being able to sleep because I was hearing her snore. After a > couple or more days, I complained and they were nice enough to make her > brother move into her room and give me a room

to myself. To this day, > there is no way in the world, no matter how tired I might be, that I can > possibly sleep in a room if I cannot block out any breathing/snoring > sounds with earplugs. And I've certainly spent my share of miserable > nights when staying in hostels or group cabins - like preferring to sleep > (well, trying to) outside on a picnic table in temperatures around 10 > degrees because of someone's snoring. Or sleeping (again, trying to...) > on the floor in a hall or bathroom because of similar issues...> > Around the same time, I remember being driven crazy in school by one > particular girl who was always sniffling. I know I would turn around and > give her dirty looks, not that it helped. I couldn't believe that no one > else seemed perturbed. And, looking back, I'm amazed that she's about the > only person I can recall who was annoying to me

in school.> > And I don't think I distinguish between who is making the sounds: it's > just the sounds themselves I can't tolerate. I don't feel rage at the > people making them. I just have to stop hearing the sounds however > possible.> > I wonder how printing out a little card might help, saying something like:> > Does the occasional screech of chalk on a blackboard drive you crazy?> > The sound of gum chewing and popping affects me in about the same way - > only it does not come in one short burst, but can last for hours. PLEASE > don't chew gum in my presence.> > Please search the internet for the term "Misophonia" to find out about > this condition.>