Re: People That Don't Want To Understand

[Guest guest]

I have a sister-in-law like that. She almost dares me to say something. And after the 20/20 show the other night another sister-in-law dismissed the whole thing as "well you don't have it as bad as other people so it's no big deal!" Well, I still have all the triggers. I just am not bothered by people's voices. I live alone so I don't have to worry about someone snoring, etc. but that's WHY I live alone. They seemed to again dismiss it as not very important. To: Soundsensitivity Sent: Tuesday, May 22, 2012 11:49 PM Subject: People That Don't Want To Understand

I was wondering how many people have had to deal with people not understanding your misophonia. I have the problem of people purposely making the noises that bother me the most. The worst part is they usually think it's funny, or just want to see me get mad. Any suggestions on how to deal with this? I get most frustrated with my immediate family like my mom and husband. They know that gum popping drives me over the edge, and they continue to do it.

[Guest guest]

I would think that after watching 20/20 and having to repeatedly ask not to deliberately trigger you and still do it, you should tell them that you can't see them at all if they will not respect you wishes. My feeling is that you have not made it clear, in a firm but loving way, how "bad" you have it. You may have to temporarily risk losing association with them. If they don't change their behavior and respect your wishes, they may not deserve your company. Even if they are ignorant of the severity of your problem, they may not have the maturity and sense to respond in an adult way. It may take time, but you have to make it PERFECTLY CLEAR howmuch it bothers you and that you will not come around if they persist.I hope

this helps some. This is not Miso Phony a , this is very real and very painful. Good Luck!!Mike To: "Soundsensitivity " <Soundsensitivity > Sent: Tuesday, May 22, 2012 11:38 PM Subject: Re: People That Don't Want To Understand

I have a sister-in-law like that. She almost dares me to say something. And after the 20/20 show the other night another sister-in-law dismissed the whole thing as "well you don't have it as bad as other people so it's no big deal!" Well, I still have all the triggers. I just am not bothered by people's voices. I live alone so I don't have to worry about someone snoring, etc. but that's WHY I live alone. They seemed to again dismiss it as not very important. To: Soundsensitivity Sent: Tuesday, May 22, 2012 11:49 PM Subject: People That Don't Want To Understand

I was wondering how many people have had to deal with people not understanding your misophonia. I have the problem of people purposely making the noises that bother me the most. The worst part is they usually think it's funny, or just want to see me get mad. Any suggestions on how to deal with this? I get most frustrated with my immediate family like my mom and husband. They know that gum popping drives me over the edge, and they continue to do it.

[Guest guest]

I am lucky in that my mom is very supportive and understanding. She is still my biggest trigger and it is hard to be around her, but she tries to minimize it as best she can.

I have, however, encountered several who are like that. I used to go to a Bible study where one lady would purposely make every sound that bothered me. She thought it was so funny and oh-so-adorable. In all fairness, she has a slight cognitive delay and she may not truly grasp how much these things bother me... but it still doesn't make it right that she does it just to annoy.

Have those people seen the New York Times article, the 20/20 segment, etc? I would hope that as they see that these very reputable places are writing about it, that they would start to believe it--but maybe that is just wishful thinking on my part.

---------------------------------------------------------

♥

" Hope is more than a word; it's a state of being. It's a firm belief God will come through. Life brings rain... hope turns every drop into the power to bloom like never before. " -Holley Gerth ♥

 

I was wondering how many people have had to deal with people not understanding your misophonia. I have the problem of people purposely making the noises that bother me the most. The worst part is they usually think it's funny, or just want to see me get mad. Any suggestions on how to deal with this? I get most frustrated with my immediate family like my mom and husband. They know that gum popping drives me over the edge, and they continue to do it.

[Guest guest]

You might ask these people who supposedly love you why they find it necessary to

be so deliberately cruel to you. Why is that OK? Because it's not.

Do they WANT to drive you away? Because that's what's happening. Regardless of

their beliefs or feelings about the validity of your misophonia, the real world

impact of their behavior is that they're driving you away.

Is that what they want? Ask them.

-Tam

>

> I would think that after watching 20/20 and having to repeatedly ask not to

deliberately trigger you and still do it, you should tell them that you can't

see them at all if they will not respect you wishes. 

> My feeling is that you have not made it clear, in a firm but loving way, how

" bad " you have it. 

> You may have to temporarily risk losing association with them. If they don't

change their behavior and respect your wishes, they may not deserve your

company. 

>

> Even if they are ignorant of the severity of your problem, they may not have

the maturity and sense to respond in an adult way. It may take time, but you

have to make it PERFECTLY CLEAR how

> much it bothers you and that you will not come around if they persist.

>

> I hope this helps some. This is not Miso Phony a , this is very real and very

painful. 

>

> Good Luck!!

>

> Mike

>  

>  

>

>

> ________________________________

>

> To: " Soundsensitivity " <Soundsensitivity >

> Sent: Tuesday, May 22, 2012 11:38 PM

> Subject: Re: People That Don't Want To Understand

>

>

>  

> I have a sister-in-law like that. She almost dares me to say something.  And

after the 20/20 show the other night another sister-in-law dismissed the whole

thing as " well you don't have it as bad as other people so it's no big deal! "  

>

> Well, I still have all the triggers.  I just am not bothered by people's

voices.  I live alone so I don't have to worry about someone snoring, etc. but

that's WHY I live alone.  They seemed to again dismiss it as not very

important.  

>

>

> ________________________________

>

> To: Soundsensitivity

> Sent: Tuesday, May 22, 2012 11:49 PM

> Subject: People That Don't Want To Understand

>

>

>  

> I was wondering how many people have had to deal with people not understanding

your misophonia. I have the problem of people purposely making the noises that

bother me the most. The worst part is they usually think it's funny, or just

want to see me get mad. Any suggestions on how to deal with this? I get most

frustrated with my immediate family like my mom and husband. They know that gum

popping drives me over the edge, and they continue to do it.

>

[Guest guest]

Sadly, I've noticed a lot of this sort of juvenile behavior from supposed

grown-ups. It's just that much more infuriating when we're extra sensitive to

their idiocy. Not sure how much it would help to tell the offenders that you're

on a new pill (w/e) and that no longer bothers you. You know how it goes - if

they do it to get a rise out of you, and you tell them it won't work anymore

(and somehow avoid them so that they don't see it bothering you), it won't be

" fun " for them anymore and they'll stop (doing it on purpose, at least.) You'd

think that telling them honestly would've helped, but since it hasn't, time for

some reverse psychology. Maybe you can see what bothers them and do that for a

change. I'm sorry, not a lot of great ideas here, just what comes to mind.

Also, not sure what's up with all these people and gum popping. I don't even

see the appeal. I prefer mints over gum, and certainly don't pop my gum because

I'm not a tween anymore. [eye roll]

>

> I was wondering how many people have had to deal with people not understanding

your misophonia. I have the problem of people purposely making the noises that

bother me the most. The worst part is they usually think it's funny, or just

want to see me get mad. Any suggestions on how to deal with this? I get most

frustrated with my immediate family like my mom and husband. They know that gum

popping drives me over the edge, and they continue to do it.

>

[Guest guest]

I tried to explain misophonia to my co-workers but all they did was laugh at me. One called it "me-so-phony" & others just kept saying that there are noises that annoy them as well, but none seem to clearly understand about the triggers & how they make me feel. Luckily for me, I can wear headsets so I don't have to listen to the chewing, keyboards, humming, etc. I have had these triggers since I was about 9/10 yrs old. I had no idea about misophonia until 20/20 episode last week & now I can honestly say I feel such a relief to know I'm not the only one. It's so sad that the majority of people don't understand, & probably never will.Sent from my iPhone

Sadly, I've noticed a lot of this sort of juvenile behavior from supposed grown-ups. It's just that much more infuriating when we're extra sensitive to their idiocy. Not sure how much it would help to tell the offenders that you're on a new pill (w/e) and that no longer bothers you. You know how it goes - if they do it to get a rise out of you, and you tell them it won't work anymore (and somehow avoid them so that they don't see it bothering you), it won't be "fun" for them anymore and they'll stop (doing it on purpose, at least.) You'd think that telling them honestly would've helped, but since it hasn't, time for some reverse psychology. Maybe you can see what bothers them and do that for a change. I'm sorry, not a lot of great ideas here, just what comes to mind.

Also, not sure what's up with all these people and gum popping. I don't even see the appeal. I prefer mints over gum, and certainly don't pop my gum because I'm not a tween anymore. [eye roll]

>

> I was wondering how many people have had to deal with people not understanding your misophonia. I have the problem of people purposely making the noises that bother me the most. The worst part is they usually think it's funny, or just want to see me get mad. Any suggestions on how to deal with this? I get most frustrated with my immediate family like my mom and husband. They know that gum popping drives me over the edge, and they continue to do it.

>

[Guest guest]

I would like to see how people deal with this also. People always seem to think it's funny and not understand.

Subject: People That Don't Want To UnderstandTo: Soundsensitivity Date: Tuesday, May 22, 2012, 11:49 PM

I was wondering how many people have had to deal with people not understanding your misophonia. I have the problem of people purposely making the noises that bother me the most. The worst part is they usually think it's funny, or just want to see me get mad. Any suggestions on how to deal with this? I get most frustrated with my immediate family like my mom and husband. They know that gum popping drives me over the edge, and they continue to do it.

[Guest guest]

When I worked in an office many years ago, our entire floor was covered with

desks without any barriers between. So I could everything near and far. I

politely asked a girl in another department to stop cracking her gum. The next

thing I know people in her department are passing my desk while popping their

gum and laughing. It was a cruel mass reaction in order to purposely torment me.

I was miserable, but fortunately the hysteria passed the next day.

Ever since, I've humbled myself to offenders when asking for their cooperation

in helping me with my hearing disorder and thanking them profusely when they

agree to stop whatever noise they're making. I've had to make them feel like

heroes just to get them to stop being rude. This method seems to work, but it's

sad when you have to beg your fellow man to be courteous and considerate.

Colleen

>

>

>

> Subject: People That Don't Want To Understand

> To: Soundsensitivity

> Date: Tuesday, May 22, 2012, 11:49 PM

>

>

>

>  

>

>

>

> I was wondering how many people have had to deal with people not understanding

your misophonia. I have the problem of people purposely making the noises that

bother me the most. The worst part is they usually think it's funny, or just

want to see me get mad. Any suggestions on how to deal with this? I get most

frustrated with my immediate family like my mom and husband. They know that gum

popping drives me over the edge, and they continue to do it.

>

[Guest guest]

I commented on FB about seeing the 20/20 episode. Someone asked me what my

triggers were. I had to tell them I wasn't willing to post that for all of my

" friends " to see because I knew that many of them would keep it as a list of

ways to annoy me.

After my husband and kids watched the show they seemed to have a better

understanding. One of the things that helped my husband is i explained that

dealing with him caused me to be so completely annoyed that as soon as my kids

did anything I just snapped. So, in order to make his kids lives better he is

willing to " try " and just stop when i ask him, instead of throwing a temper

tantrum about how unreasonable I am.

We'll see how long it lasts, but things have been better this week.

So, a HUGE thank you to everyone who made the 20/20 show possible.

[Guest guest]

My husband gets completely annoyed when I ask him if he's out of breath, because he breathes loudly just sitting still.....How can I make him understand that I'm not just being a b*tch??

Subject: Re: People That Don't Want To UnderstandTo: Soundsensitivity Date: Wednesday, May 23, 2012, 12:27 PM

I commented on FB about seeing the 20/20 episode. Someone asked me what my triggers were. I had to tell them I wasn't willing to post that for all of my "friends" to see because I knew that many of them would keep it as a list of ways to annoy me.After my husband and kids watched the show they seemed to have a better understanding. One of the things that helped my husband is i explained that dealing with him caused me to be so completely annoyed that as soon as my kids did anything I just snapped. So, in order to make his kids lives better he is willing to "try" and just stop when i ask him, instead of throwing a temper tantrum about how unreasonable I am.We'll see how long it lasts, but things have been better this week.So, a HUGE thank you to everyone who made the 20/20 show possible.

[Guest guest]

Ok not to put you on the defensive but what you are doing so far doesn't sound like it's working. Ask yourself, how does asking him if he's out of breath help? You know he's not and that he's a heavy breather. So what are you trying to get out of the comment? Do you want him to change his breathing? If so, then tell him directly. However breathing is not like eating, he may not be able to change. If that's the case, then you have to decide how you're going to handle your problem, which is Misophonia, not his breathing. I say to everyone here, the sounds may seem like the problem, but it is our Misophonia that is the problem and we have to figure out to best deal with it. Be it earplugs, noise generators, CBT, NFB, meditation, medicine or getting up and leaving. I do find positive think very helpful. It is not the person's fault they are making the sound that bothers me, they are living life so I must find a way to deal. Looping negative feelings and internal speak does nothing to help you cope. It may seem like a good idea to rail on someone's "rude" behavior in your head at the time its happening, but it's not. Those negative loops are feeding the negative natural response that Misophonia triggers, further trapping you. Sorry to use your situation as an example, , but the breathing trigger is the easiest to make this point. This is really directed at everyone, you have to find a way to cope if you want any improvement, in my opinion, and that is what you learn in CBT but you can do it in your own as well or as a jumpstart. Give it a try, see what happenes. You may be surprised. HeidiSent from my iPhone

My husband gets completely annoyed when I ask him if he's out of breath, because he breathes loudly just sitting still.....How can I make him understand that I'm not just being a b*tch??

Subject: Re: People That Don't Want To UnderstandTo: Soundsensitivity Date: Wednesday, May 23, 2012, 12:27 PM

I commented on FB about seeing the 20/20 episode. Someone asked me what my triggers were. I had to tell them I wasn't willing to post that for all of my "friends" to see because I knew that many of them would keep it as a list of ways to annoy me.After my husband and kids watched the show they seemed to have a better understanding. One of the things that helped my husband is i explained that dealing with him caused me to be so completely annoyed that as soon as my kids did anything I just snapped. So, in order to make his kids lives better he is willing to "try" and just stop when i ask him, instead of throwing a temper tantrum about how unreasonable I am.We'll see how long it lasts, but things have been better this week.So, a HUGE thank you to everyone who made the 20/20 show possible.

[Guest guest]

I understand what you're saying completely. But again, I simply cannot deal with the sound. If leaving the room every time he makes this sound is the answer, then that's going to create a whole other problem. I am very frustrated. It's not just his breathing though, however, he does eat loudly and talk loudly as well. He does not chew gum which is my biggest trigger, so at least that's good.

Subject: Re: People That Don't Want To UnderstandTo: Soundsensitivity Date: Wednesday, May 23, 2012, 12:27 PM

I commented on FB about seeing the 20/20 episode. Someone asked me what my triggers were. I had to tell them I wasn't willing to post that for all of my "friends" to see because I knew that many of them would keep it as a list of ways to annoy me.After my husband and kids watched the show they seemed to have a better understanding. One of the things that helped my husband is i explained that dealing with him caused me to be so completely annoyed that as soon as my kids did anything I just snapped. So, in order to make his kids lives better he is willing to "try" and just stop when i ask him, instead of throwing a temper tantrum about how unreasonable I am.We'll see how long it lasts, but things have been better this week.So, a HUGE thank you to everyone who made the 20/20 show possible.

[Guest guest]

, I can identify with your issue and agree with Heidi. I finally come to

the realization that I couldn't keep asking my husband to modify his behavior,

so I looked for solutions to my problem.

I now use " maskers " . They look like hearing aids that fit inside your ear,

except they emit white noise at various volumes. They're actually intended for

tinnitus, but they work well to " mask " many sounds. The device is customized for

fit and frequency (and maybe you could request pink or brown noise). Most are

made by Sharkey and ordered via your audiologist. They are expensive--$2,000 to

$3,000. Shop around because the audiologist sets the price. Insurance may cover

at least part of it, but discuss this with the audiologist. A hearing test and

the subsequent billing code will determine coverage.

Here's the Sharkey website that shows the device (although the one pictured is a

hearing aid).

http://www.starkey.com/starkey-products/product-overview/browse-by-style/in-the-\

ear

I wear my maskers in many different environments including at home when

necessary. I can sometimes just wear one masker in the ear that's nearest my

hubby when we eat, and I can still hear the TV or carry on a conversation.

Hope this helps. Good luck.

Colleen

>

>

>

> Subject: Re: People That Don't Want To Understand

> To: Soundsensitivity

> Date: Wednesday, May 23, 2012, 12:27 PM

>

>

>

>  

>

> I commented on FB about seeing the 20/20 episode. Someone asked me what my

triggers were. I had to tell them I wasn't willing to post that for all of my

" friends " to see because I knew that many of them would keep it as a list of

ways to annoy me.

>

> After my husband and kids watched the show they seemed to have a better

understanding. One of the things that helped my husband is i explained that

dealing with him caused me to be so completely annoyed that as soon as my kids

did anything I just snapped. So, in order to make his kids lives better he is

willing to " try " and just stop when i ask him, instead of throwing a temper

tantrum about how unreasonable I am.

>

> We'll see how long it lasts, but things have been better this week.

>

> So, a HUGE thank you to everyone who made the 20/20 show possible.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I had a co-worker try to set me off on purpose with a chip bag---once---when I

lunged at her and slapped it out of her hand---well lets just say no one ever

did that to me at work again. I apologized of course,but I dont think she

believed that I truely lost control for a second. She was so close to my face

with it that I lost it. My comment was, you wouldnt shoot a dog in the face

with a squirt gun to be funny would you? Take a blind guys cane? Bring a fake

gun to an airport? It is what it is, and just because you dont understand it

doesnt mean it isnt real. After the 20/20 episode my husband admitted that he

secretly thought I was just a control freak and like to be in charge of other

people and give out orders! Now he understands a lot better and see's how the

anxiety wears me down physically as well.

I do believe that although most of the time this feels like a curse, I would not

trade my ability to hear music the way I can, all the instruments, focus on one

or two if I want to, and pick up on rhythems the way that I can. The feeling

alone is such a natural high--does anyone else feel this way? I dont want to

sound braggy or anything. That to me is a gift, and the opposite side of this

coin for me. In a crowed restaurant for example, can anyone else focus on one

voice at a time?

> >

> > I was wondering how many people have had to deal with people not

understanding your misophonia. I have the problem of people purposely making the

noises that bother me the most. The worst part is they usually think it's funny,

or just want to see me get mad. Any suggestions on how to deal with this? I get

most frustrated with my immediate family like my mom and husband. They know that

gum popping drives me over the edge, and they continue to do it.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I know what you mean about being able to focus on one voice/certain instruments.

It's something I've always enjoyed doing. Even after watching the 20/20 segment

my husband still doesn't believe it and just makes fun of what's going on. I

normally can't sit near him when he eats without wanting to lash out. Even with

knowing this he still decided to eat next to me last night while we watched a

movie. I wish I could find a way for him to understand what he does/says upsets

me.

> > >

> > > I was wondering how many people have had to deal with people not

understanding your misophonia. I have the problem of people purposely making the

noises that bother me the most. The worst part is they usually think it's funny,

or just want to see me get mad. Any suggestions on how to deal with this? I get

most frustrated with my immediate family like my mom and husband. They know that

gum popping drives me over the edge, and they continue to do it.

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

If my spouse made fun of my sensitivity, there would be marital

consequences. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this problem.

I know what you mean about being able to focus on one

voice/certain instruments. It's something I've always

enjoyed doing. Even after watching the 20/20 segment my

husband still doesn't believe it and just makes fun of

what's going on. I normally can't sit near him when he

eats without wanting to lash out. Even with knowing this

he still decided to eat next to me last night while we

watched a movie. I wish I could find a way for him to

understand what he does/says upsets me.

>

> I had a co-worker try to set me off on purpose with a

chip bag---once---when I lunged at her and slapped it out

of her hand---well lets just say no one ever did that to

me at work again. I apologized of course,but I dont think

she believed that I truely lost control for a second. She

was so close to my face with it that I lost it. My comment

was, you wouldnt shoot a dog in the face with a squirt gun

to be funny would you? Take a blind guys cane? Bring a

fake gun to an airport? It is what it is, and just because

you dont understand it doesnt mean it isnt real. After the

20/20 episode my husband admitted that he secretly thought

I was just a control freak and like to be in charge of

other people and give out orders! Now he understands a lot

better and see's how the anxiety wears me down physically

as well.

> I do believe that although most of the time this

feels like a curse, I would not trade my ability to hear

music the way I can, all the instruments, focus on one or

two if I want to, and pick up on rhythems the way that I

can. The feeling alone is such a natural high--does anyone

else feel this way? I dont want to sound braggy or

anything. That to me is a gift, and the opposite side of

this coin for me. In a crowed restaurant for example, can

anyone else focus on one voice at a time?

[Guest guest]

-   This is my first day on the group page and I just read your post about your ability to hear music in a much more heightened capacity and I am blown away!  I too feel like my sensitivity to the sounds people make is some sort of a curse but I also tend to find solace in music.  I have always had a great " ear " when it comes to picking out musical parts and reproducing them on either the piano or guitar.  I also tend to focus in on one person in a restaurant, even all the way across the room. This occurs if they are particularly loud or especially if they create distinct " s " sounds when they speak.  That tends to be a huge factor for me in the irritation.  However, I find that if I have a beer or cocktail it tends to buffer the sensitivity.  Unfortunately on the flipside, the alcohol also buffers my ability to " hear " the more distinctive aspects of music.

 

I know what you mean about being able to focus on one voice/certain instruments. It's something I've always enjoyed doing. Even after watching the 20/20 segment my husband still doesn't believe it and just makes fun of what's going on. I normally can't sit near him when he eats without wanting to lash out. Even with knowing this he still decided to eat next to me last night while we watched a movie. I wish I could find a way for him to understand what he does/says upsets me.

> > >

> > > I was wondering how many people have had to deal with people not understanding your misophonia. I have the problem of people purposely making the noises that bother me the most. The worst part is they usually think it's funny, or just want to see me get mad. Any suggestions on how to deal with this? I get most frustrated with my immediate family like my mom and husband. They know that gum popping drives me over the edge, and they continue to do it.

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I agree that the problem is mine. However my husband has become my strongest

ally in coping. He is also a loud breather. AND he understands that if I do

not say something or do something, the rage just builds and builds. It took

several years for him to be able to not take it personally - it's difficult. I

can be in the car with him and hear him and turn up the fan. He is very

sensitive to my pain and he normally adjusts when I do that. If I hear him

again I start to squirm. Again, and I can say something like " Hey - I've heard

you breathe 3 times now and I've had about all I can take from you Mister! "

He'll make a face or stick out his tongue or ask if I'd rather he die and wreck

the car or something. I respond yes or no - doesn't matter. The tension is

gone, we know we love each other, and we are in this together. Sometimes I

will tell him to stop breathing and yell " Shut UP! " right afterward. It is my

way of blowing off the steam and I say shut up to me so he doesn't have to.

It's very nice of me to save him from the effort of having to tell me to shut

up. It's a game. He also yells at the construction noises outside for me. Yes

- we are crazy. But we love each other and I am sooooo grateful for him. And

he knows it because I tell him all the time . . .

When we met I was still in psychotherapy because the sound sensitivity was a

response to abuse PTSD. Now we know better. Not better or worse: it just IS.

I am not defined by this " disability " . We have grown together.

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >  

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > My husband gets completely annoyed when I ask him if he's out of breath,

because he breathes loudly just sitting still.....How can I make him understand

that I'm not just being a b*tch??

> >

>

[Guest guest]

That's awesome Adah that you've worked that out. He has geniune love, understanding, compassion and respect for you and is "evolved"'as I like to say, he can get past himself and consider this is about you. Kudos to him!And kudos to you for being direct. I think that is the key. You don't beat around the bush or say something passive that you do not mean in order to make your point (which is passive aggressive). It's direct communication that always prevails WITH an active participant understanding listener and partner. Doesn't get much more direct than "shut up!" LolMy wish is for everyone here to be able to have or find that In a partner and /or parent, which or course takes work by both parties. I can dream right?I have it with my mom and brother but not with my step father and certainly didn't with my ex husband but neither are willing to work with me, ex is too selfish, step father too defensive and in denial. But we're works in progress so we keep trying and always from love and compassion not from demanding and anger.HeidiSent from my iPhoneAsk me how to Get Real Amazing Skin with a Natural Productwww.heidisalerno.nerium.comHappy Dancing!www.jitterbal.comOn May 24, 2012, at 8:54 AM, "adah_123" wrote:

I agree that the problem is mine. However my husband has become my strongest ally in coping. He is also a loud breather. AND he understands that if I do not say something or do something, the rage just builds and builds. It took several years for him to be able to not take it personally - it's difficult. I can be in the car with him and hear him and turn up the fan. He is very sensitive to my pain and he normally adjusts when I do that. If I hear him again I start to squirm. Again, and I can say something like "Hey - I've heard you breathe 3 times now and I've had about all I can take from you Mister!" He'll make a face or stick out his tongue or ask if I'd rather he die and wreck the car or something. I respond yes or no - doesn't matter. The tension is gone, we know we love each other, and we are in this together. Sometimes I will tell him to stop breathing and yell "Shut UP!" right afterward. It is my way of blowing off the steam and I say shut up to me so he doesn't have to. It's very nice of me to save him from the effort of having to tell me to shut up. It's a game. He also yells at the construction noises outside for me. Yes - we are crazy. But we love each other and I am sooooo grateful for him. And he knows it because I tell him all the time . . .

When we met I was still in psychotherapy because the sound sensitivity was a response to abuse PTSD. Now we know better. Not better or worse: it just IS. I am not defined by this "disability". We have grown together.

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> > My husband gets completely annoyed when I ask him if he's out of breath, because he breathes loudly just sitting still.....How can I make him understand that I'm not just being a b*tch??

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[Guest guest]

Yes! Me too! I play jumbai and I can hear the drum loop and hum, but my husband

can't hear it unless I record it and play it back for him in high def stereo. if

I could just turn the abilty to focus on sound off and on I would have no

problem. I had no idea until about a month ago that other people had it, or that

it even had a name. Still stunned by it. I can feel music so deep and it is

such an outlet that I don't think I would give that up for a cure for the bad

side. I've learned to just say when I'm about to snap and let the other person

deal with it. But I'm 40 and have had it for so long that I'm used to the

backlash and comments. I feel for the children though who have to figure out how

to manage it.

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> This is my first day on the group page and I just read your post about

>your ability to hear music in a much more heightened capacity and I am

>blown away! I too feel like my sensitivity to the sounds people make is

>some sort of a curse but I also tend to find solace in music. I have

>always had a great " ear " when it comes to picking out musical parts and

>reproducing them on either the piano or guitar. I also tend to focus in on

>one person in a restaurant, even all the way across the room. This occurs

>if they are particularly loud or especially if they create distinct " s "

>sounds when they speak. That tends to be a *huge *factor for me in the

>irritation. However, I find that if I have a beer or cocktail it tends to

>buffer the sensitivity. Unfortunately on the flipside, the alcohol also

>buffers my ability to " hear " the more distinctive aspects of music.

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>> I know what you mean about being able to focus on one voice/certain

>> instruments. It's something I've always enjoyed doing. Even after watching

>> the 20/20 segment my husband still doesn't believe it and just makes fun of

>> what's going on. I normally can't sit near him when he eats without wanting

>> to lash out. Even with knowing this he still decided to eat next to me last

>> night while we watched a movie. I wish I could find a way for him to

>> understand what he does/says upsets me.

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>> > > > I was wondering how many people have had to deal with people not

>> understanding your misophonia. I have the problem of people purposely

>> making the noises that bother me the most. The worst part is they usually

>> think it's funny, or just want to see me get mad. Any suggestions on how to

>> deal with this? I get most frustrated with my immediate family like my mom

>> and husband. They know that gum popping drives me over the edge, and they

>> continue to do it.

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[Guest guest]

I have this same issue. I tell people how much it bothers me. I let them know how physically painful it is and I try to describe the feelings I get when I hear the sounds. Every time I talk about it, I practically come to tears! People laugh at me and tell me they're going to do it on purpose. They don't even have to put the gum in their mouths, chew their food, tap their fingers, etc...I go crazy no matter what. I have learned, luckily, how to control my rage to the point where I keep it inside and no one can tell its hurting me until I come to tears. Once I let someone know they are truly hurting me, they will try their hardest to stop (some of them). It just so happens, as most of you know, trying does nothing! They still smack and crack and pop and slurp and tap!!! My coworker knows exactly how I feel

and she sits right behind me. She likes to eat food ALL DAY LONG! I can't mimic because I drive myself insane, I can't chew gum (haven't for 20 years...and I am only 26 years old) and I am trying to stay in shape, so I can't eat all day long to take away from her noises. Instead, we talk about Misophonia at least once a week, just so I can push the idea of changing her eating habits as much as possible. The problem is, how can she change 48 years of eating the same way just because I have an issue with it? I feel like I have been repeating myself WAY too much (which actually makes me rage, as well) and I am tired of telling her to stop smacking. My boss is one that cracks gum every time he bites down. I made a joke about it and he ended up taking me to HR. The sad part is that his brother also has Misophonia and has had it for many years. I printed out the descriptions of Misophonia from the internet and brought it

into the HR office. I told her she needed to read up on it before she spoke to me about his complaints. She read it and said she felt bad, but I could tell she didn't believe a word I was saying. Ever since, she has been extremely weird around me. However, luckily, after I explained how painful it is to hear the cracking, my boss stopped chewing gum in the office. That was a HUGE relief. With 2 people tapping along to music, 2 people slurping, smacking and popping their food/gum and one person practically making love to his food with his mouth (sorry if thats too graphic, lol), having one person understand is a HUGE victory.

[Guest guest]

Hi,It's unfortunate but there are a lot of insensitive people out there. I still can't l figure out why I haven't ever met anyone who seems to have misophonia or show any of the symptoms ie; irritability etc. . I once had a secretary who used to pop and bite down on her chewing gum, constantly. I asked her to stop and she did. However, many people will just look at you clueless and shrug it off.You will find people who are more considerate and understanding but I think that generally people who don't have misophonia find it difficult to understand. I really believe that there is only so much one can expect from others who aren't afflicted or don't know about this condition. In the

meantime, hopefully, people will become more aware of it and be a little more compassionate and respectful.I think about smoking and how people would have reacted 40 or 50 years ago had you gone up to them and said; "don't smoke next to me cause your secondary smoke can cause lung and heart disease." It only took a few decades before secondary smoke was taken seriously and people became aware of the harmful consequences to others around smokers. To:

"Soundsensitivity " <Soundsensitivity > Sent: Friday, June 1, 2012 4:53:16 PM Subject: Re: People That Don't Want To Understand

I have this same issue. I tell people how much it bothers me. I let them know how physically painful it is and I try to describe the feelings I get when I hear the sounds. Every time I talk about it, I practically come to tears! People laugh at me and tell me they're going to do it on purpose. They don't even have to put the gum in their mouths, chew their food, tap their fingers, etc...I go crazy no matter what. I have learned, luckily, how to control my rage to the point where I keep it inside and no one can tell its hurting me until I come to tears. Once I let someone know they are truly hurting me, they will try their hardest to stop (some of them). It just so happens, as most of you know, trying does nothing! They still smack and crack and pop and slurp and tap!!! My coworker knows exactly how I feel

and she sits right behind me. She likes to eat food ALL DAY LONG! I can't mimic because I drive myself insane, I can't chew gum (haven't for 20 years...and I am only 26 years old) and I am trying to stay in shape, so I can't eat all day long to take away from her noises. Instead, we talk about Misophonia at least once a week, just so I can push the idea of changing her eating habits as much as possible. The problem is, how can she change 48 years of eating the same way just because I have an issue with it? I feel like I have been repeating myself WAY too much (which actually makes me rage, as well) and I am tired of telling her to stop smacking. My boss is one that cracks gum every time he bites down. I made a joke about it and he ended up taking me to HR. The sad part is that his brother also has Misophonia and has had it for many years. I printed out the descriptions of Misophonia from the internet

and brought it

into the HR office. I told her she needed to read up on it before she spoke to me about his complaints. She read it and said she felt bad, but I could tell she didn't believe a word I was saying. Ever since, she has been extremely weird around me. However, luckily, after I explained how painful it is to hear the cracking, my boss stopped chewing gum in the office. That was a HUGE relief. With 2 people tapping along to music, 2 people slurping, smacking and popping their food/gum and one person practically making love to his food with his mouth (sorry if thats too graphic, lol), having one person understand is a HUGE victory.