What we really have in common and preaching to the choir

[Guest guest]

I need to try to put this altogether in one place so we can try to see a whole

picture hopefully more simply. Please take a step back. Go outside yourself

and look in on yourself for this.

IN MY OPINION . . .

What we have in common is not really a hatred of sounds. We have something in

our brains/nervous systems that becomes sensitive to repeated sounds and

eventually the response that we have is a reflex that feels like rage and panic.

We react to the same sounds because those are the sounds that are repeated.

Also, we don't really feel the emotion of hatred: it's a reflex. It's

fight-or-flight. It's a primitive survival reflex generated by activity in the

limbic system.

There is a honeymoon period when we first become exposed to a sound before it

becomes a trigger. Our babies don't trigger us but our children do. New

friends may not trigger us but by the time we become close friends or lovers,

they trigger us. Is it just a function of enough exposure? Moving apartments

and dumping friends works for a while because we get new sounds. The world is

full of noise and we are handling the sounds that we don't notice yet: because

we haven't heard them enough yet. It gets worse as we get older because we

just add trigger on top of trigger.

What we also have in common is we feel like the people who trigger us are rude,

disgusting, should know better, and/or we feel attacked. We have in common that

our neuro impulses are getting sidetracked to the same part of our brains that

makes us feel attacked, put upon, disrespected and/or insulted.

When we are mimicking or sending " daggers " or making comments to people in

passing who are triggering us just by living their lives it does nothing but

confuse them (or really piss them off). They do not know that they are doing

anything to us and they have no idea what is going on inside us. This is our

problem, not theirs. No one else but us gets upset by the sounds. I must

take care of myself by recognizing that the problem is with ME and not the

person who happens to be making a sound that makes my brain react irrationally.

By keeping the issue within myself, I only have one person to worry about: ME.

Knowing it's inside me and it's irrational allows me to breathe, grab my

headphones and/or earplugs, run to the bathroom, stomp my feet on the way out

the door, etc etc. By knowing it's inside me I can keep my wits about me.

It is our job to remain as calm as possible and do what we can to take care of

ourselves and keep our nervous systems quiet. Proper diet. Lots of exercise.

Quiet meditation. Blowing off steam appropriately without hurting anyone. We

must remember that we now have a community and we need to work toward research

and public awareness. If we manage this properly, we won't be passed off as

just some compulsive people with a psychological issue.

To the younger people here: You have a chance to see help in your lifetimes.

You may be able to choose to have children, unlike a lot of us older people who

dared not do it. So let's start looking forward . . .

[Guest guest]

wow - that is amazing you can see both sides of the coin as you do. My 13 yr

old son has 4S and we (his family) do everything we can to minimize all the

sounds that affect him, but it is hard - because none of us are doing any of it

intentionally - they are all normal everyday sounds. We all practically can't

breath while eating trying to keep our mouths closed so as not to irritate him.

I wait until he is out of the house to unload the dishwasher - since metal

utensils clanking are one of his triggers...I've enjoyed reading your posts, and

every ones. I'm trying to learn all I can so I can help my son and also for me

to understand him. It's not easy for him and it's not easy for his family.

>

> I need to try to put this altogether in one place so we can try to see a whole

picture hopefully more simply. Please take a step back. Go outside yourself

and look in on yourself for this.

>

> IN MY OPINION . . .

> What we have in common is not really a hatred of sounds. We have something in

our brains/nervous systems that becomes sensitive to repeated sounds and

eventually the response that we have is a reflex that feels like rage and panic.

We react to the same sounds because those are the sounds that are repeated.

Also, we don't really feel the emotion of hatred: it's a reflex. It's

fight-or-flight. It's a primitive survival reflex generated by activity in the

limbic system.

>

> There is a honeymoon period when we first become exposed to a sound before it

becomes a trigger. Our babies don't trigger us but our children do. New

friends may not trigger us but by the time we become close friends or lovers,

they trigger us. Is it just a function of enough exposure? Moving apartments

and dumping friends works for a while because we get new sounds. The world is

full of noise and we are handling the sounds that we don't notice yet: because

we haven't heard them enough yet. It gets worse as we get older because we

just add trigger on top of trigger.

>

> What we also have in common is we feel like the people who trigger us are

rude, disgusting, should know better, and/or we feel attacked. We have in

common that our neuro impulses are getting sidetracked to the same part of our

brains that makes us feel attacked, put upon, disrespected and/or insulted.

>

> When we are mimicking or sending " daggers " or making comments to people in

passing who are triggering us just by living their lives it does nothing but

confuse them (or really piss them off). They do not know that they are doing

anything to us and they have no idea what is going on inside us. This is our

problem, not theirs. No one else but us gets upset by the sounds. I must

take care of myself by recognizing that the problem is with ME and not the

person who happens to be making a sound that makes my brain react irrationally.

By keeping the issue within myself, I only have one person to worry about: ME.

Knowing it's inside me and it's irrational allows me to breathe, grab my

headphones and/or earplugs, run to the bathroom, stomp my feet on the way out

the door, etc etc. By knowing it's inside me I can keep my wits about me.

>

> It is our job to remain as calm as possible and do what we can to take care of

ourselves and keep our nervous systems quiet. Proper diet. Lots of exercise.

Quiet meditation. Blowing off steam appropriately without hurting anyone. We

must remember that we now have a community and we need to work toward research

and public awareness. If we manage this properly, we won't be passed off as

just some compulsive people with a psychological issue.

>

> To the younger people here: You have a chance to see help in your lifetimes.

You may be able to choose to have children, unlike a lot of us older people who

dared not do it. So let's start looking forward . . .

>

[Guest guest]

Completely agree. I spent far too long blaming the other people for my problem.

It's not the sounds they make, it's my reaction to it. They are not at fault.

Neither am I. Once I let go of the anger I held towards so many people and

towards myself, I was able to focus more on helping myself control my reaction.

I agree that proper diet, exercise, meditation etc... all help. I think it is

very important for everyone to have an outlet for their anger and frustration

that can be used in positive ways. For example... I garden. I am VERY

productive with weeding when I'm angry. Ha ha! I also exercise better when I'm

trying to blow off steam. I take the anger out on my running shoes instead of

my husband. Bottom line... being angry toward the person creating the trigger

sounds or being angry at ourselves doesn't solve anything.

>

> I need to try to put this altogether in one place so we can try to see a whole

picture hopefully more simply. Please take a step back. Go outside yourself

and look in on yourself for this.

>

> IN MY OPINION . . .

> What we have in common is not really a hatred of sounds. We have something in

our brains/nervous systems that becomes sensitive to repeated sounds and

eventually the response that we have is a reflex that feels like rage and panic.

We react to the same sounds because those are the sounds that are repeated.

Also, we don't really feel the emotion of hatred: it's a reflex. It's

fight-or-flight. It's a primitive survival reflex generated by activity in the

limbic system.

>

> There is a honeymoon period when we first become exposed to a sound before it

becomes a trigger. Our babies don't trigger us but our children do. New

friends may not trigger us but by the time we become close friends or lovers,

they trigger us. Is it just a function of enough exposure? Moving apartments

and dumping friends works for a while because we get new sounds. The world is

full of noise and we are handling the sounds that we don't notice yet: because

we haven't heard them enough yet. It gets worse as we get older because we

just add trigger on top of trigger.

>

> What we also have in common is we feel like the people who trigger us are

rude, disgusting, should know better, and/or we feel attacked. We have in

common that our neuro impulses are getting sidetracked to the same part of our

brains that makes us feel attacked, put upon, disrespected and/or insulted.

>

> When we are mimicking or sending " daggers " or making comments to people in

passing who are triggering us just by living their lives it does nothing but

confuse them (or really piss them off). They do not know that they are doing

anything to us and they have no idea what is going on inside us. This is our

problem, not theirs. No one else but us gets upset by the sounds. I must

take care of myself by recognizing that the problem is with ME and not the

person who happens to be making a sound that makes my brain react irrationally.

By keeping the issue within myself, I only have one person to worry about: ME.

Knowing it's inside me and it's irrational allows me to breathe, grab my

headphones and/or earplugs, run to the bathroom, stomp my feet on the way out

the door, etc etc. By knowing it's inside me I can keep my wits about me.

>

> It is our job to remain as calm as possible and do what we can to take care of

ourselves and keep our nervous systems quiet. Proper diet. Lots of exercise.

Quiet meditation. Blowing off steam appropriately without hurting anyone. We

must remember that we now have a community and we need to work toward research

and public awareness. If we manage this properly, we won't be passed off as

just some compulsive people with a psychological issue.

>

> To the younger people here: You have a chance to see help in your lifetimes.

You may be able to choose to have children, unlike a lot of us older people who

dared not do it. So let's start looking forward . . .

>

[Guest guest]

I agree, very well said

 

Completely agree. I spent far too long blaming the other people for my problem. It's not the sounds they make, it's my reaction to it. They are not at fault. Neither am I. Once I let go of the anger I held towards so many people and towards myself, I was able to focus more on helping myself control my reaction. I agree that proper diet, exercise, meditation etc... all help. I think it is very important for everyone to have an outlet for their anger and frustration that can be used in positive ways. For example... I garden. I am VERY productive with weeding when I'm angry. Ha ha! I also exercise better when I'm trying to blow off steam. I take the anger out on my running shoes instead of my husband. Bottom line... being angry toward the person creating the trigger sounds or being angry at ourselves doesn't solve anything.

>

> I need to try to put this altogether in one place so we can try to see a whole picture hopefully more simply. Please take a step back. Go outside yourself and look in on yourself for this.

>

> IN MY OPINION . . .

> What we have in common is not really a hatred of sounds. We have something in our brains/nervous systems that becomes sensitive to repeated sounds and eventually the response that we have is a reflex that feels like rage and panic. We react to the same sounds because those are the sounds that are repeated. Also, we don't really feel the emotion of hatred: it's a reflex. It's fight-or-flight. It's a primitive survival reflex generated by activity in the limbic system.

>

> There is a honeymoon period when we first become exposed to a sound before it becomes a trigger. Our babies don't trigger us but our children do. New friends may not trigger us but by the time we become close friends or lovers, they trigger us. Is it just a function of enough exposure? Moving apartments and dumping friends works for a while because we get new sounds. The world is full of noise and we are handling the sounds that we don't notice yet: because we haven't heard them enough yet. It gets worse as we get older because we just add trigger on top of trigger.

>

> What we also have in common is we feel like the people who trigger us are rude, disgusting, should know better, and/or we feel attacked. We have in common that our neuro impulses are getting sidetracked to the same part of our brains that makes us feel attacked, put upon, disrespected and/or insulted.

>

> When we are mimicking or sending " daggers " or making comments to people in passing who are triggering us just by living their lives it does nothing but confuse them (or really piss them off). They do not know that they are doing anything to us and they have no idea what is going on inside us. This is our problem, not theirs. No one else but us gets upset by the sounds. I must take care of myself by recognizing that the problem is with ME and not the person who happens to be making a sound that makes my brain react irrationally. By keeping the issue within myself, I only have one person to worry about: ME. Knowing it's inside me and it's irrational allows me to breathe, grab my headphones and/or earplugs, run to the bathroom, stomp my feet on the way out the door, etc etc. By knowing it's inside me I can keep my wits about me.

>

> It is our job to remain as calm as possible and do what we can to take care of ourselves and keep our nervous systems quiet. Proper diet. Lots of exercise. Quiet meditation. Blowing off steam appropriately without hurting anyone. We must remember that we now have a community and we need to work toward research and public awareness. If we manage this properly, we won't be passed off as just some compulsive people with a psychological issue.

>

> To the younger people here: You have a chance to see help in your lifetimes. You may be able to choose to have children, unlike a lot of us older people who dared not do it. So let's start looking forward . . .

>

[Guest guest]

I agree totally, as well. Maybe it was the teasing I got from my dad that made me internalize my agony and consider myself as the source of the conflict. From then on, I found ways to minimize exposure risk. Sent from my iPad

Completely agree. I spent far too long blaming the other people for my problem. It's not the sounds they make, it's my reaction to it. They are not at fault. Neither am I. Once I let go of the anger I held towards so many people and towards myself, I was able to focus more on helping myself control my reaction. I agree that proper diet, exercise, meditation etc... all help. I think it is very important for everyone to have an outlet for their anger and frustration that can be used in positive ways. For example... I garden. I am VERY productive with weeding when I'm angry. Ha ha! I also exercise better when I'm trying to blow off steam. I take the anger out on my running shoes instead of my husband. Bottom line... being angry toward the person creating the trigger sounds or being angry at ourselves doesn't solve anything.

>

> I need to try to put this altogether in one place so we can try to see a whole picture hopefully more simply. Please take a step back. Go outside yourself and look in on yourself for this.

>

> IN MY OPINION . . .

> What we have in common is not really a hatred of sounds. We have something in our brains/nervous systems that becomes sensitive to repeated sounds and eventually the response that we have is a reflex that feels like rage and panic. We react to the same sounds because those are the sounds that are repeated. Also, we don't really feel the emotion of hatred: it's a reflex. It's fight-or-flight. It's a primitive survival reflex generated by activity in the limbic system.

>

> There is a honeymoon period when we first become exposed to a sound before it becomes a trigger. Our babies don't trigger us but our children do. New friends may not trigger us but by the time we become close friends or lovers, they trigger us. Is it just a function of enough exposure? Moving apartments and dumping friends works for a while because we get new sounds. The world is full of noise and we are handling the sounds that we don't notice yet: because we haven't heard them enough yet. It gets worse as we get older because we just add trigger on top of trigger.

>

> What we also have in common is we feel like the people who trigger us are rude, disgusting, should know better, and/or we feel attacked. We have in common that our neuro impulses are getting sidetracked to the same part of our brains that makes us feel attacked, put upon, disrespected and/or insulted.

>

> When we are mimicking or sending "daggers" or making comments to people in passing who are triggering us just by living their lives it does nothing but confuse them (or really piss them off). They do not know that they are doing anything to us and they have no idea what is going on inside us. This is our problem, not theirs. No one else but us gets upset by the sounds. I must take care of myself by recognizing that the problem is with ME and not the person who happens to be making a sound that makes my brain react irrationally. By keeping the issue within myself, I only have one person to worry about: ME. Knowing it's inside me and it's irrational allows me to breathe, grab my headphones and/or earplugs, run to the bathroom, stomp my feet on the way out the door, etc etc. By knowing it's inside me I can keep my wits about me.

>

> It is our job to remain as calm as possible and do what we can to take care of ourselves and keep our nervous systems quiet. Proper diet. Lots of exercise. Quiet meditation. Blowing off steam appropriately without hurting anyone. We must remember that we now have a community and we need to work toward research and public awareness. If we manage this properly, we won't be passed off as just some compulsive people with a psychological issue.

>

> To the younger people here: You have a chance to see help in your lifetimes. You may be able to choose to have children, unlike a lot of us older people who dared not do it. So let's start looking forward . . .

>

[Guest guest]

Yours is an excellent post (and well-written, too).

From:

Soundsensitivity [mailto:Soundsensitivity ] On

Behalf Of adah_123

Sent: Friday, October 07, 2011 10:42 PM

To: Soundsensitivity

Subject: What we really have in common and preaching

to the choir

I need to try to put this altogether in one

place so we can try to see a whole picture hopefully more simply. Please take a

step back. Go outside yourself and look in on yourself for this.

IN MY OPINION . . .

What we have in common is not really a hatred of sounds. We have something in

our brains/nervous systems that becomes sensitive to repeated sounds and

eventually the response that we have is a reflex that feels like rage and

panic. We react to the same sounds because those are the sounds that are

repeated. Also, we don't really feel the emotion of hatred: it's a reflex. It's

fight-or-flight. It's a primitive survival reflex generated by activity in the

limbic system.

There is a honeymoon period when we first become exposed to a sound before it

becomes a trigger. Our babies don't trigger us but our children do. New friends

may not trigger us but by the time we become close friends or lovers, they

trigger us. Is it just a function of enough exposure? Moving apartments and

dumping friends works for a while because we get new sounds. The world is full

of noise and we are handling the sounds that we don't notice yet: because we

haven't heard them enough yet. It gets worse as we get older because we just

add trigger on top of trigger.

What we also have in common is we feel like the people who trigger us are rude,

disgusting, should know better, and/or we feel attacked. We have in common that

our neuro impulses are getting sidetracked to the same part of our brains that

makes us feel attacked, put upon, disrespected and/or insulted.

When we are mimicking or sending " daggers " or making comments to

people in passing who are triggering us just by living their lives it does

nothing but confuse them (or really piss them off). They do not know that they

are doing anything to us and they have no idea what is going on inside us. This

is our problem, not theirs. No one else but us gets upset by the sounds. I must

take care of myself by recognizing that the problem is with ME and not the

person who happens to be making a sound that makes my brain react irrationally.

By keeping the issue within myself, I only have one person to worry about: ME.

Knowing it's inside me and it's irrational allows me to breathe, grab my

headphones and/or earplugs, run to the bathroom, stomp my feet on the way out

the door, etc etc. By knowing it's inside me I can keep my wits about me.

It is our job to remain as calm as possible and do what we can to take care of

ourselves and keep our nervous systems quiet. Proper diet. Lots of exercise.

Quiet meditation. Blowing off steam appropriately without hurting anyone. We

must remember that we now have a community and we need to work toward research

and public awareness. If we manage this properly, we won't be passed off as

just some compulsive people with a psychological issue.

To the younger people here: You have a chance to see help in your lifetimes.

You may be able to choose to have children, unlike a lot of us older people who

dared not do it. So let's start looking forward . . .

[Guest guest]

Over a half century of dealing with this problem has taught me that I just have to learn to cope. Proper diet (low sugar, little or no caffene or alcohol), exercise especially aerobic, meditation,adequate sleep, gardening or the like help by keeping a person calm and in control. all very important in dealing with this and having any hope of dealing with people and situations. Little or no medication if possible, at least for me. There are side effects that I don't want to deal with.

Fans, ear plugs, white noise devices and ipods ( thank you Steve Jobs! RIP).

And now, educating family, the public and institutions.

I again welcome any additional ideas for coping with this problem.

Mike

To: Soundsensitivity Sent: Saturday, October 8, 2011 4:08 AMSubject: Re: Re: What we really have in common and preaching to the choir

I agree, very well said

Completely agree. I spent far too long blaming the other people for my problem. It's not the sounds they make, it's my reaction to it. They are not at fault. Neither am I. Once I let go of the anger I held towards so many people and towards myself, I was able to focus more on helping myself control my reaction. I agree that proper diet, exercise, meditation etc... all help. I think it is very important for everyone to have an outlet for their anger and frustration that can be used in positive ways. For example... I garden. I am VERY productive with weeding when I'm angry. Ha ha! I also exercise better when I'm trying to blow off steam. I take the anger out on my running shoes instead of my husband. Bottom line... being angry toward the person creating the trigger sounds or being angry at ourselves doesn't solve anything.

>

> I need to try to put this altogether in one place so we can try to see a whole picture hopefully more simply. Please take a step back. Go outside yourself and look in on yourself for this.> > IN MY OPINION . . .> What we have in common is not really a hatred of sounds. We have something in our brains/nervous systems that becomes sensitive to repeated sounds and eventually the response that we have is a reflex that feels like rage and panic. We react to the same sounds because those are the sounds that are repeated. Also, we don't really feel the emotion of hatred: it's a reflex. It's fight-or-flight. It's a primitive survival reflex generated by activity in the limbic system.> > There is a honeymoon period when we first become exposed to a sound before it becomes a trigger. Our babies don't trigger us but our children do. New friends may not trigger us but by the time we become close

friends or lovers, they trigger us. Is it just a function of enough exposure? Moving apartments and dumping friends works for a while because we get new sounds. The world is full of noise and we are handling the sounds that we don't notice yet: because we haven't heard them enough yet. It gets worse as we get older because we just add trigger on top of trigger. > > What we also have in common is we feel like the people who trigger us are rude, disgusting, should know better, and/or we feel attacked. We have in common that our neuro impulses are getting sidetracked to the same part of our brains that makes us feel attacked, put upon, disrespected and/or insulted. > > When we are mimicking or sending "daggers" or making comments to people in passing who are triggering us just by living their lives it does nothing but confuse them (or really piss them off). They do not know that they are doing anything to us and they have no

idea what is going on inside us. This is our problem, not theirs. No one else but us gets upset by the sounds. I must take care of myself by recognizing that the problem is with ME and not the person who happens to be making a sound that makes my brain react irrationally. By keeping the issue within myself, I only have one person to worry about: ME. Knowing it's inside me and it's irrational allows me to breathe, grab my headphones and/or earplugs, run to the bathroom, stomp my feet on the way out the door, etc etc. By knowing it's inside me I can keep my wits about me. > > It is our job to remain as calm as possible and do what we can to take care of ourselves and keep our nervous systems quiet. Proper diet. Lots of exercise. Quiet meditation. Blowing off steam appropriately without hurting anyone. We must remember that we now have a community and we need to work toward research and public awareness. If we manage this properly, we won't

be passed off as just some compulsive people with a psychological issue. > > To the younger people here: You have a chance to see help in your lifetimes. You may be able to choose to have children, unlike a lot of us older people who dared not do it. So let's start looking forward . . .>

[Guest guest]

You sound like our family. I used to always wait to do things until my daughter was out of the house. Do you turn on the fan over the stove while you eat? That helps majorly for our family. Plus, we use only soft plastic plates so there’s no clinking of utensils.We also turn on background sounds like the TV or music. Take care— Kathy From: Soundsensitivity [mailto:Soundsensitivity ] On Behalf Of clairekennedy1Sent: Friday, October 07, 2011 10:57 PMTo: Soundsensitivity Subject: Re: What we really have in common and preaching to the choir wow - that is amazing you can see both sides of the coin as you do. My 13 yr old son has 4S and we (his family) do everything we can to minimize all the sounds that affect him, but it is hard - because none of us are doing any of it intentionally - they are all normal everyday sounds. We all practically can't breath while eating trying to keep our mouths closed so as not to irritate him. I wait until he is out of the house to unload the dishwasher - since metal utensils clanking are one of his triggers...I've enjoyed reading your posts, and every ones. I'm trying to learn all I can so I can help my son and also for me to understand him. It's not easy for him and it's not easy for his family.>> I need to try to put this altogether in one place so we can try to see a whole picture hopefully more simply. Please take a step back. Go outside yourself and look in on yourself for this.> > IN MY OPINION . . .> What we have in common is not really a hatred of sounds. We have something in our brains/nervous systems that becomes sensitive to repeated sounds and eventually the response that we have is a reflex that feels like rage and panic. We react to the same sounds because those are the sounds that are repeated. Also, we don't really feel the emotion of hatred: it's a reflex. It's fight-or-flight. It's a primitive survival reflex generated by activity in the limbic system.> > There is a honeymoon period when we first become exposed to a sound before it becomes a trigger. Our babies don't trigger us but our children do. New friends may not trigger us but by the time we become close friends or lovers, they trigger us. Is it just a function of enough exposure? Moving apartments and dumping friends works for a while because we get new sounds. The world is full of noise and we are handling the sounds that we don't notice yet: because we haven't heard them enough yet. It gets worse as we get older because we just add trigger on top of trigger. > > What we also have in common is we feel like the people who trigger us are rude, disgusting, should know better, and/or we feel attacked. We have in common that our neuro impulses are getting sidetracked to the same part of our brains that makes us feel attacked, put upon, disrespected and/or insulted. > > When we are mimicking or sending " daggers " or making comments to people in passing who are triggering us just by living their lives it does nothing but confuse them (or really piss them off). They do not know that they are doing anything to us and they have no idea what is going on inside us. This is our problem, not theirs. No one else but us gets upset by the sounds. I must take care of myself by recognizing that the problem is with ME and not the person who happens to be making a sound that makes my brain react irrationally. By keeping the issue within myself, I only have one person to worry about: ME. Knowing it's inside me and it's irrational allows me to breathe, grab my headphones and/or earplugs, run to the bathroom, stomp my feet on the way out the door, etc etc. By knowing it's inside me I can keep my wits about me. > > It is our job to remain as calm as possible and do what we can to take care of ourselves and keep our nervous systems quiet. Proper diet. Lots of exercise. Quiet meditation. Blowing off steam appropriately without hurting anyone. We must remember that we now have a community and we need to work toward research and public awareness. If we manage this properly, we won't be passed off as just some compulsive people with a psychological issue. > > To the younger people here: You have a chance to see help in your lifetimes. You may be able to choose to have children, unlike a lot of us older people who dared not do it. So let's start looking forward . . .>

[Guest guest]

Boy does that sound familiar. I do all of those things, but I am the only one with the problem, which makes it harder to deal with for the others

Mike

To: Soundsensitivity Sent: Saturday, October 8, 2011 10:56 AMSubject: RE: Re: What we really have in common and preaching to the choir

You sound like our family. I used to always wait to do things until my daughter was out of the house. Do you turn on the fan over the stove while you eat? That helps majorly for our family. Plus, we use only soft plastic plates so there’s no clinking of utensils.

We also turn on background sounds like the TV or music.

Take care—

Kathy

From: Soundsensitivity [mailto:Soundsensitivity ] On Behalf Of clairekennedy1Sent: Friday, October 07, 2011 10:57 PMTo: Soundsensitivity Subject: Re: What we really have in common and preaching to the choir

wow - that is amazing you can see both sides of the coin as you do. My 13 yr old son has 4S and we (his family) do everything we can to minimize all the sounds that affect him, but it is hard - because none of us are doing any of it intentionally - they are all normal everyday sounds. We all practically can't breath while eating trying to keep our mouths closed so as not to irritate him. I wait until he is out of the house to unload the dishwasher - since metal utensils clanking are one of his triggers...I've enjoyed reading your posts, and every ones. I'm trying to learn all I can so I can help my son and also for me to understand him. It's not easy for him and it's not easy for his family.>> I need to try

to put this altogether in one place so we can try to see a whole picture hopefully more simply. Please take a step back. Go outside yourself and look in on yourself for this.> > IN MY OPINION . . .> What we have in common is not really a hatred of sounds. We have something in our brains/nervous systems that becomes sensitive to repeated sounds and eventually the response that we have is a reflex that feels like rage and panic. We react to the same sounds because those are the sounds that are repeated. Also, we don't really feel the emotion of hatred: it's a reflex. It's fight-or-flight. It's a primitive survival reflex generated by activity in the limbic system.> > There is a honeymoon period when we first become exposed to a sound before it becomes a trigger. Our babies don't trigger us but our children do. New friends may not trigger us but by the time we become close friends or lovers, they trigger us. Is it just a

function of enough exposure? Moving apartments and dumping friends works for a while because we get new sounds. The world is full of noise and we are handling the sounds that we don't notice yet: because we haven't heard them enough yet. It gets worse as we get older because we just add trigger on top of trigger. > > What we also have in common is we feel like the people who trigger us are rude, disgusting, should know better, and/or we feel attacked. We have in common that our neuro impulses are getting sidetracked to the same part of our brains that makes us feel attacked, put upon, disrespected and/or insulted. > > When we are mimicking or sending "daggers" or making comments to people in passing who are triggering us just by living their lives it does nothing but confuse them (or really piss them off). They do not know that they are doing anything to us and they have no idea what is going on inside us. This is our

problem, not theirs. No one else but us gets upset by the sounds. I must take care of myself by recognizing that the problem is with ME and not the person who happens to be making a sound that makes my brain react irrationally. By keeping the issue within myself, I only have one person to worry about: ME. Knowing it's inside me and it's irrational allows me to breathe, grab my headphones and/or earplugs, run to the bathroom, stomp my feet on the way out the door, etc etc. By knowing it's inside me I can keep my wits about me. > > It is our job to remain as calm as possible and do what we can to take care of ourselves and keep our nervous systems quiet. Proper diet. Lots of exercise. Quiet meditation. Blowing off steam appropriately without hurting anyone. We must remember that we now have a community and we need to work toward research and public awareness. If we manage this properly, we won't be passed off as just some compulsive people

with a psychological issue. > > To the younger people here: You have a chance to see help in your lifetimes. You may be able to choose to have children, unlike a lot of us older people who dared not do it. So let's start looking forward . . .>

[Guest guest]

Like I said yesterday! But the rage turns into an emotion. And you definitely can talk to people about their noises. People without 4S do it every day. It's about figuring out what is an appropriate request and asking it politely, and is situation-based (as Tom said).aven't said anything, yet...but I must respond to this fantastic insight.I was a neuroscience undergrad, became a teacher for 5 years, and have just started a doctoral program in psychological studies in education. I only cite my background to let you know that it has influenced my own ideas about this disorder.I have a brother who is severely autistic, and I have the much more global sensory processing disorder. Sound triggers, because of our greater lack of control over them, however, are worst of all (for me). My dad definitely has it, and his side is that which delivered the autism genes.I recently moved to Los Angeles, and coming from Chicago...I can say that this city is much more closely packed, but people have NOT learned how to live well in close proximity to one another. I am constantly shoved, budged, made to stand when people refuse to move over to free seats on the bus, forced to endure my next-door neighbor's sub-woofer, and my upstairs neighbors' 8-12 hour stomping and screaming partying or cleaning sprees. This came to a head during a panic attack on Sunday, care of said upstairs neighbors. I finally started googling and found out all about misophonia and that I wasn't alone. Since then, I have been reading your stories, reading article after article for my developmental psychopathology course, and trying to make sense of my own experience and the underlying mechanisms at work.In the meantime, I have tried to work on my self-regulation skills to stop the pattern that leads from trigger to panic attack. I have found that what starts as irritation at the painful, nauseating feelings that accompany the presence of a trigger, precedes the development of rage at the source of the trigger. This, for me, is followed by the last step: rage at myself for reacting to sounds in an abnormal way (aka, for being crazy). This is what ultimately leads to the panic attack. Now that I know that I'm not crazy, but can be made crazy by this disorder, I employ self-regulation to stop the irritation from turning into rage.But do you want to know for whom self-regulation is especially difficult? People with OCD, schizophrenia, anorexia, and bulimia. Do you want to know which part of the brain is disturbed in adults (but not always children!) with these disorders? The frontostriatal circuits. The pathways that inhibit reactions from turning into inappropriate behavior. The children's circuits haven't been exhausted, yet...so they still have a chance. Not everyone predisposed to these disorders ends up developing them. Their environments can provide enough protective factors to minimize their impact.I'm not saying that we have these disorders. I'm saying that a lot of seemingly unrelated disorders are actually similar problems that end up in different points, for whatever gene-environment interactions.I'm saying that our responses to these triggers are compulsions. I'm saying that we would score very high on the trait of neuroticism. I'm saying that if you can figure out when to slam in those earplugs, smash on those headphones, when to leave, and when you cannot do any of them...you START to take control back from our compulsive responses to our environments. Recognize that elevated heart rate, remind yourself that it's no more your fault than it is the sound-maker's, and breathe. Choose a course of action. If the choice isn't yours, then make it yours. For example, if this Sunday is a repeat of last Sunday, I will not let it end up with hyperventilating tears. Whatever it takes, I will NOT be made crazy by this for one more second. We have a condition. It's a terrible, silent (sorry for the pun) one. We will never experience life like those without it. But we can choose to what extent it ruins our quality of life. I have turned the rage and pain in on myself for years, and now that I know that it's not just me, that it is very much a physical disorder, and that I can, in fact, choose how much I let that rage and pain run their course.I also suffer from interstitial cystitis, fibromyalgia, ibs, and hypothyroidism. My bladder, joints, colon, thyroid, and (now) auditory processing centers will NOT control me. I will care for them and nurture them, but I will not let them ruin every day of my life. I will not allow it.Sorry this was so long. I empathize with everything that has been shared, and those stories being told are what have allowed me to live the last 5 days with more perspective and control. Thank you for that.Stay strong and hold on to control of your emotions as much as you can. It's those that will take you down - not the sound. Autists can't regulate their emotions, even though most experience sounds as we do. For our ability to do that, we need to be thankful.P.S. That simplynoise.com and iPhone app are AMAZING. Gergans

I need to try to put this altogether in one place so we can try to see a whole picture hopefully more simply. Please take a step back. Go outside yourself and look in on yourself for this.

IN MY OPINION . . .

What we have in common is not really a hatred of sounds. We have something in our brains/nervous systems that becomes sensitive to repeated sounds and eventually the response that we have is a reflex that feels like rage and panic. We react to the same sounds because those are the sounds that are repeated. Also, we don't really feel the emotion of hatred: it's a reflex. It's fight-or-flight. It's a primitive survival reflex generated by activity in the limbic system.

There is a honeymoon period when we first become exposed to a sound before it becomes a trigger. Our babies don't trigger us but our children do. New friends may not trigger us but by the time we become close friends or lovers, they trigger us. Is it just a function of enough exposure? Moving apartments and dumping friends works for a while because we get new sounds. The world is full of noise and we are handling the sounds that we don't notice yet: because we haven't heard them enough yet. It gets worse as we get older because we just add trigger on top of trigger.

What we also have in common is we feel like the people who trigger us are rude, disgusting, should know better, and/or we feel attacked. We have in common that our neuro impulses are getting sidetracked to the same part of our brains that makes us feel attacked, put upon, disrespected and/or insulted.

When we are mimicking or sending "daggers" or making comments to people in passing who are triggering us just by living their lives it does nothing but confuse them (or really piss them off). They do not know that they are doing anything to us and they have no idea what is going on inside us. This is our problem, not theirs. No one else but us gets upset by the sounds. I must take care of myself by recognizing that the problem is with ME and not the person who happens to be making a sound that makes my brain react irrationally. By keeping the issue within myself, I only have one person to worry about: ME. Knowing it's inside me and it's irrational allows me to breathe, grab my headphones and/or earplugs, run to the bathroom, stomp my feet on the way out the door, etc etc. By knowing it's inside me I can keep my wits about me.

It is our job to remain as calm as possible and do what we can to take care of ourselves and keep our nervous systems quiet. Proper diet. Lots of exercise. Quiet meditation. Blowing off steam appropriately without hurting anyone. We must remember that we now have a community and we need to work toward research and public awareness. If we manage this properly, we won't be passed off as just some compulsive people with a psychological issue.

To the younger people here: You have a chance to see help in your lifetimes. You may be able to choose to have children, unlike a lot of us older people who dared not do it. So let's start looking forward . . .

[Guest guest]

I exercise everyday of my life and it has no effect on how much noise bothers me. I can take all the vitamins, wheat grass shots and kick box every night, but that has nothing to do with how I am tortured by noise in my day to day life. I sure wish it did!!To: Soundsensitivity Sent: Saturday, October 8, 2011 4:08 AMSubject: Re: Re: What we really have in common and preaching to the choir

I agree, very well said

Completely agree. I spent far too long blaming the other people for my problem. It's not the sounds they make, it's my reaction to it. They are not at fault. Neither am I. Once I let go of the anger I held towards so many people and towards myself, I was able to focus more on helping myself control my reaction. I agree that proper diet, exercise, meditation etc... all help. I think it is very important for everyone to have an outlet for their anger and frustration that can be used in positive ways. For example... I garden. I am VERY productive with weeding when I'm angry. Ha ha! I also exercise better when I'm trying to blow off steam. I take the anger out on my running shoes instead of my husband. Bottom line... being angry toward the person creating the trigger sounds or being angry at ourselves doesn't solve anything.

>

> I need to try to put this altogether in one place so we can try to see a whole picture hopefully more simply. Please take a step back. Go outside yourself and look in on yourself for this.

>

> IN MY OPINION . . .

> What we have in common is not really a hatred of sounds. We have something in our brains/nervous systems that becomes sensitive to repeated sounds and eventually the response that we have is a reflex that feels like rage and panic. We react to the same sounds because those are the sounds that are repeated. Also, we don't really feel the emotion of hatred: it's a reflex. It's fight-or-flight. It's a primitive survival reflex generated by activity in the limbic system.

>

> There is a honeymoon period when we first become exposed to a sound before it becomes a trigger. Our babies don't trigger us but our children do. New friends may not trigger us but by the time we become close friends or lovers, they trigger us. Is it just a function of enough exposure? Moving apartments and dumping friends works for a while because we get new sounds. The world is full of noise and we are handling the sounds that we don't notice yet: because we haven't heard them enough yet. It gets worse as we get older because we just add trigger on top of trigger.

>

> What we also have in common is we feel like the people who trigger us are rude, disgusting, should know better, and/or we feel attacked. We have in common that our neuro impulses are getting sidetracked to the same part of our brains that makes us feel attacked, put upon, disrespected and/or insulted.

>

> When we are mimicking or sending "daggers" or making comments to people in passing who are triggering us just by living their lives it does nothing but confuse them (or really piss them off). They do not know that they are doing anything to us and they have no idea what is going on inside us. This is our problem, not theirs. No one else but us gets upset by the sounds. I must take care of myself by recognizing that the problem is with ME and not the person who happens to be making a sound that makes my brain react irrationally. By keeping the issue within myself, I only have one person to worry about: ME. Knowing it's inside me and it's irrational allows me to breathe, grab my headphones and/or earplugs, run to the bathroom, stomp my feet on the way out the door, etc etc. By knowing it's inside me I can keep my wits about me.

>

> It is our job to remain as calm as possible and do what we can to take care of ourselves and keep our nervous systems quiet. Proper diet. Lots of exercise. Quiet meditation. Blowing off steam appropriately without hurting anyone. We must remember that we now have a community and we need to work toward research and public awareness. If we manage this properly, we won't be passed off as just some compulsive people with a psychological issue.

>

> To the younger people here: You have a chance to see help in your lifetimes. You may be able to choose to have children, unlike a lot of us older people who dared not do it. So let's start looking forward . . .

>

[Guest guest]

I think those of us who suggest good diet, exercise, meditation, etc. are

referring to how they help with " recovery " from the trauma caused by our

triggers -- not necessarily reduce the initial effects of the triggers.

However, some of these techniques, MAY also help a few people not be triggered

quite so severely because they help reduce the current level of anxiety which is

what make triggers worse.

kathy

> >>

> >

> >> I need to try to put this altogether in one place so we can try to see a

whole picture hopefully more simply. Please take a step back. Go outside

yourself and look in on yourself for this.

> >>

> >> IN MY OPINION . . .

> >> What we have in common is not really a hatred of sounds. We have something

in our brains/nervous systems that becomes sensitive to repeated sounds and

eventually the response that we have is a reflex that feels like rage and panic.

We react to the same sounds because those are the sounds that are repeated.

Also, we don't really feel the emotion of hatred: it's a reflex. It's

fight-or-flight. It's a primitive survival reflex generated by activity in the

limbic system.

> >>

> >> There is a honeymoon period when we first become exposed to a sound before

it becomes a trigger. Our babies don't trigger us but our children do. New

friends may not trigger us but by the time we become close friends or lovers,

they trigger us. Is it just a function of enough exposure? Moving apartments

and dumping friends works for a while because we get new sounds. The world is

full of noise and we are handling the sounds that we don't notice yet: because

we haven't heard them enough yet. It gets worse as we get older because we

just add trigger on top of trigger.

> >>

> >> What we also have in common is we feel like the people who trigger us are

rude, disgusting, should know better, and/or we feel attacked. We have in

common that our neuro impulses are getting sidetracked to the same part of our

brains that makes us feel attacked, put upon, disrespected and/or insulted.

> >>

> >> When we are mimicking or sending " daggers " or making comments to people in

passing who are triggering us just by living their lives it does nothing but

confuse them (or really piss them off). They do not know that they are doing

anything to us and they have no idea what is going on inside us. This is our

problem, not theirs. No one else but us gets upset by the sounds. I must

take care of myself by recognizing that the problem is with ME and not the

person who happens to be making a sound that makes my brain react irrationally.

By keeping the issue within myself, I only have one person to worry about: ME.

Knowing it's inside me and it's irrational allows me to breathe, grab my

headphones and/or earplugs, run to the bathroom, stomp my feet on the way out

the door, etc etc. By knowing it's inside me I can keep my wits about me.

> >>

> >> It is our job to remain as calm as possible and do what we can to take care

of ourselves and keep our nervous systems quiet. Proper diet. Lots of exercise.

Quiet meditation. Blowing off steam appropriately without hurting anyone. We

must remember that we now have a community and we need to work toward research

and public awareness. If we manage this properly, we won't be passed off as

just some compulsive people with a psychological issue.

> >>

> >> To the younger people here: You have a chance to see help in your

lifetimes. You may be able to choose to have children, unlike a lot of us older

people who dared not do it. So let's start looking forward . . .

> >>

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

************ADDENDUM TO ORIGINAL POST**********************

Unless of course the source of my agitation is some ass hat who is blasting a

stereo or TV, booming bass from a car or playing " band " in a neighboring garage.

That's just rude and inconsiderate and even " normals " can't stand that.

That's when I will start grooving to the beat and ask them to please turn it up.

And up. And up. And then ask them with great disappointment how come the

speakers haven't blown out yet. My husband sometimes fears for my safety.

>

> > I need to try to put this altogether in one place so we can try to see a

whole picture hopefully more simply. Please take a step back. Go outside

yourself and look in on yourself for this.

> >

> > IN MY OPINION . . .

> > What we have in common is not really a hatred of sounds. We have something

in our brains/nervous systems that becomes sensitive to repeated sounds and

eventually the response that we have is a reflex that feels like rage and panic.

We react to the same sounds because those are the sounds that are repeated.

Also, we don't really feel the emotion of hatred: it's a reflex. It's

fight-or-flight. It's a primitive survival reflex generated by activity in the

limbic system.

> >

> > There is a honeymoon period when we first become exposed to a sound before

it becomes a trigger. Our babies don't trigger us but our children do. New

friends may not trigger us but by the time we become close friends or lovers,

they trigger us. Is it just a function of enough exposure? Moving apartments and

dumping friends works for a while because we get new sounds. The world is full

of noise and we are handling the sounds that we don't notice yet: because we

haven't heard them enough yet. It gets worse as we get older because we just add

trigger on top of trigger.

> >

> > What we also have in common is we feel like the people who trigger us are

rude, disgusting, should know better, and/or we feel attacked. We have in common

that our neuro impulses are getting sidetracked to the same part of our brains

that makes us feel attacked, put upon, disrespected and/or insulted.

> >

> > When we are mimicking or sending " daggers " or making comments to people in

passing who are triggering us just by living their lives it does nothing but

confuse them (or really piss them off). They do not know that they are doing

anything to us and they have no idea what is going on inside us. This is our

problem, not theirs. No one else but us gets upset by the sounds. I must take

care of myself by recognizing that the problem is with ME and not the person who

happens to be making a sound that makes my brain react irrationally. By keeping

the issue within myself, I only have one person to worry about: ME. Knowing it's

inside me and it's irrational allows me to breathe, grab my headphones and/or

earplugs, run to the bathroom, stomp my feet on the way out the door, etc etc.

By knowing it's inside me I can keep my wits about me.

> >

> > It is our job to remain as calm as possible and do what we can to take care

of ourselves and keep our nervous systems quiet. Proper diet. Lots of exercise.

Quiet meditation. Blowing off steam appropriately without hurting anyone. We

must remember that we now have a community and we need to work toward research

and public awareness. If we manage this properly, we won't be passed off as just

some compulsive people with a psychological issue.

> >

> > To the younger people here: You have a chance to see help in your lifetimes.

You may be able to choose to have children, unlike a lot of us older people who

dared not do it. So let's start looking forward . . .

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

************ADDENDUM TO ORIGINAL POST**********************

Unless of course the source of my agitation is some ass hat who is blasting a

stereo or TV, booming bass from a car or playing " band " in a neighboring garage.

That's just rude and inconsiderate and even " normals " can't stand that.

That's when I will start grooving to the beat and ask them to please turn it up.

And up. And up. And then ask them with great disappointment how come the

speakers haven't blown out yet. My husband sometimes fears for my safety.

>

> > I need to try to put this altogether in one place so we can try to see a

whole picture hopefully more simply. Please take a step back. Go outside

yourself and look in on yourself for this.

> >

> > IN MY OPINION . . .

> > What we have in common is not really a hatred of sounds. We have something

in our brains/nervous systems that becomes sensitive to repeated sounds and

eventually the response that we have is a reflex that feels like rage and panic.

We react to the same sounds because those are the sounds that are repeated.

Also, we don't really feel the emotion of hatred: it's a reflex. It's

fight-or-flight. It's a primitive survival reflex generated by activity in the

limbic system.

> >

> > There is a honeymoon period when we first become exposed to a sound before

it becomes a trigger. Our babies don't trigger us but our children do. New

friends may not trigger us but by the time we become close friends or lovers,

they trigger us. Is it just a function of enough exposure? Moving apartments and

dumping friends works for a while because we get new sounds. The world is full

of noise and we are handling the sounds that we don't notice yet: because we

haven't heard them enough yet. It gets worse as we get older because we just add

trigger on top of trigger.

> >

> > What we also have in common is we feel like the people who trigger us are

rude, disgusting, should know better, and/or we feel attacked. We have in common

that our neuro impulses are getting sidetracked to the same part of our brains

that makes us feel attacked, put upon, disrespected and/or insulted.

> >

> > When we are mimicking or sending " daggers " or making comments to people in

passing who are triggering us just by living their lives it does nothing but

confuse them (or really piss them off). They do not know that they are doing

anything to us and they have no idea what is going on inside us. This is our

problem, not theirs. No one else but us gets upset by the sounds. I must take

care of myself by recognizing that the problem is with ME and not the person who

happens to be making a sound that makes my brain react irrationally. By keeping

the issue within myself, I only have one person to worry about: ME. Knowing it's

inside me and it's irrational allows me to breathe, grab my headphones and/or

earplugs, run to the bathroom, stomp my feet on the way out the door, etc etc.

By knowing it's inside me I can keep my wits about me.

> >

> > It is our job to remain as calm as possible and do what we can to take care

of ourselves and keep our nervous systems quiet. Proper diet. Lots of exercise.

Quiet meditation. Blowing off steam appropriately without hurting anyone. We

must remember that we now have a community and we need to work toward research

and public awareness. If we manage this properly, we won't be passed off as just

some compulsive people with a psychological issue.

> >

> > To the younger people here: You have a chance to see help in your lifetimes.

You may be able to choose to have children, unlike a lot of us older people who

dared not do it. So let's start looking forward . . .

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

oh, that cracks me up, Adah.

************ADDENDUM TO ORIGINAL POST**********************

Unless of course the source of my agitation is some ass hat who is blasting a stereo or TV, booming bass from a car or playing "band" in a neighboring garage. That's just rude and inconsiderate and even "normals" can't stand that.

That's when I will start grooving to the beat and ask them to please turn it up. And up. And up. And then ask them with great disappointment how come the speakers haven't blown out yet. My husband sometimes fears for my safety.

>

> > I need to try to put this altogether in one place so we can try to see a whole picture hopefully more simply. Please take a step back. Go outside yourself and look in on yourself for this.

> >

> > IN MY OPINION . . .

> > What we have in common is not really a hatred of sounds. We have something in our brains/nervous systems that becomes sensitive to repeated sounds and eventually the response that we have is a reflex that feels like rage and panic. We react to the same sounds because those are the sounds that are repeated. Also, we don't really feel the emotion of hatred: it's a reflex. It's fight-or-flight. It's a primitive survival reflex generated by activity in the limbic system.

> >

> > There is a honeymoon period when we first become exposed to a sound before it becomes a trigger. Our babies don't trigger us but our children do. New friends may not trigger us but by the time we become close friends or lovers, they trigger us. Is it just a function of enough exposure? Moving apartments and dumping friends works for a while because we get new sounds. The world is full of noise and we are handling the sounds that we don't notice yet: because we haven't heard them enough yet. It gets worse as we get older because we just add trigger on top of trigger.

> >

> > What we also have in common is we feel like the people who trigger us are rude, disgusting, should know better, and/or we feel attacked. We have in common that our neuro impulses are getting sidetracked to the same part of our brains that makes us feel attacked, put upon, disrespected and/or insulted.

> >

> > When we are mimicking or sending "daggers" or making comments to people in passing who are triggering us just by living their lives it does nothing but confuse them (or really piss them off). They do not know that they are doing anything to us and they have no idea what is going on inside us. This is our problem, not theirs. No one else but us gets upset by the sounds. I must take care of myself by recognizing that the problem is with ME and not the person who happens to be making a sound that makes my brain react irrationally. By keeping the issue within myself, I only have one person to worry about: ME. Knowing it's inside me and it's irrational allows me to breathe, grab my headphones and/or earplugs, run to the bathroom, stomp my feet on the way out the door, etc etc. By knowing it's inside me I can keep my wits about me.

> >

> > It is our job to remain as calm as possible and do what we can to take care of ourselves and keep our nervous systems quiet. Proper diet. Lots of exercise. Quiet meditation. Blowing off steam appropriately without hurting anyone. We must remember that we now have a community and we need to work toward research and public awareness. If we manage this properly, we won't be passed off as just some compulsive people with a psychological issue.

> >

> > To the younger people here: You have a chance to see help in your lifetimes. You may be able to choose to have children, unlike a lot of us older people who dared not do it. So let's start looking forward . . .

> >

> >

>