Re: Bad News~ and

December 7, 2001

I just want to add to this too...I had my tr on April 2001...May we

did the baby dance like crazy lol got negatives....big let

down...June- we didn't try to focus on timing, temps or any of

this ...I was late ...I tested with 4 different hpts on June the

19th...Father's Day...I got 4 positives...We were so excited!! I

cried...because before the tr I had a dream...that I got pregnant on

Father's day. We called for the beta...waited on results which took

the next day...the beta came back negative!!!! How can that happen???

We have 4 positives sitting here with visible lines and a negative

beta?!!!! I was devastated!!! I went into a downward spiral...I was

angry...hurt...disappointed and disgusted!!! I couldn't look at

Rick...all I could see was what I was feeling in his eyes...It killed

us. I told Rick that's it...I can't do this ...I am not as strong as

I thought I was!! I quit!!!!!!!! I didn't take my temp, chart or any

of that...even went out and gathered job applications....then July

rolled in...I didn't even know I was late. I had went to my charts

downloaded to start deleting all of that hurt that was still there

from June. It said ....You are late ....and there was no other

information there...I had one hpt left from June...I had already used

the restroom that morning...but it was like 4hrs later...I went to

the bathroom and a voice in my head told me to use that hpt...I

argued with myself...I didn't want to go thru that again...it

persisted...so I thought what the hay? I got the hpt and used

it...Boom ...within seconds there was the second line!!!!!!! I

thought I was crazy and woke up mydd to see if she could see it...her

reply was Mom , you are pregnant!! I went and bought more hpts....all

Confirms...and all came back positive....We did the beta

again...still not fully rejoicing in the + and when I called for the

results on first draw it was 2600....Now I won't say that I wasn't

pregnant in June...I think my numbers may have just been below the

range...Logan measures 2 wks ahead in most of his body growth so that

would be the time we were told low beta numbers mean NO....

Don't dwell on the pain....like said easier said than

done...how well I know this!!

Just relax and try not to focus so much on the things we do to cause

this to happen...don't get lost in the temps and charts...The MAIN

reason we did the tr was because of the LOVE we have found and want

to complete...focus on that LOVE....LOVE that dh of yours....LOVE the

time you spend together...for each other...not just for

babydancing...and it will happen!!!!

Sometimes I think the reason it's so hard on us after tr....is WE

KNOW MORE NOW THAN WE DID WHEN WE DID THE TL....we watch every little

sign...instead of just loving our men!!!

I hope this helps you both realize that you aren't the only ones that

feel this way...no matter how short the ttc journey or how long the

journey...we all have been right here....

Love and Hugs, Rhonda

> > I started spotting today. 10 days late from when I was suppose

to

> have

> > a period. I am feeling really down right now. Not only becaue I

am

> > probably not pg. but now because my cycles seem like they are

going

> to

> > be all screwed up which will make it even harder for me TTC.

ooh I

> > wish this was easier!!

> >

>

December 7, 2001