I need to vent.

[Guest guest]

Hi,

I am leary of posting this on the other RSD list. But deb and jo say we

have no rules, so here goes.

Guys, i'm sitting here crying my eyes out. I just got back from the

doctors. I am taking MS contin and Norcos for pain, but their just not taking

care of it. They won't give me anything stronger. They said the pain will

lessen if i listen to them and do what i'm suposed to.

I am AGAIN on COMPLETE BEDREST FOR ANOTHER WEEK!!!!!!!!! I can't take

anymore. I can't take the bedrest. I can't take the pain. I HATE this

horrible RSD, and to complicate it with Cellulitis is pure torture.

My nero. says " your pushing the envelope " meaning if I don't start taking

care and getting bedrest, I'm gonna end up in the hosp. for a very long time.

The other dr. said, " I know how you feel about hospitals. It doesn't seem

any worse, so i'm going to give it one more week, and if its not much much

better, then you'll have to be hospitalized. "

I HAVE been getting bedrest. Granted, not complete, but more than usual.

My 84 (almost) yr. old dad NEEDS me. There is NO ONE else. He's so lonely.

But he won't leave his house to come over here.

Tom is busting his ass, trying to take care of me, dad, and trying to get

the boys to help here, clean the house, do dishes, etc. As far as doing my

" wifely duties " with tom, at this rate, he'd better hire someone, cause it

doen'st seem like i'm ever gonna get better.

I am so horribly depressed. YES i'm feeling sorry for myself. The drs.

and Tom tell me, " nancy, some women would kill to have someone wait on them

hand and foot. " But i'm not like that. EVEN with the RSD I AM the CARETAKER.

NOT the one to be taken care of.

I am so angry, in so much pain, so discusted, I'm ready to explode. As

per our policy, I will not say sorry for this horrible letter. I know i'm

feeling sorry for myself. I HATE myself so much right now. To top it all off,

all the monthly bills are due, and becuase I couldn't clean my dads house,

and my !!@#$%% ex husband didn't give me child support for the last 2 months,

*(yes, domestic relations is after him, but he has proof he paid it, so i

have to fight it out with welfare to get my pass through checks. and they

won't give me back cks., anyone who lives in PA and rec's welfare for their

kids knows what i'm talking about) I am " financially challenged " again this

month. This is the month the bills were suposed to be caught up and would

have been had it not been for the lack of child support and cleaning dads'.

I'm not even going to say what else could go wrong, becuase when you say

that, the worst ALWAYS happens.

Okay, I' vented to all of you. If any of you pray, remember me. If you

don't i hope i didn't offend you by that statement. I have to get off line

now cz if tom catches me off the couch, they'll be hell to pay. I love you

all, thank you so much for listening. Love you all,

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 2/7/00 4:50:52 PM Eastern Standard Time, NORCO20@...

writes:

<<M y 84 (almost) yr. old dad NEEDS me. There is NO ONE else. >>

,

I think that Dad needs to sit down and rationally listen to what is happening

here.

I don't know where else you have any options. The other thought is maybe you

could ask your Dad to wait until your sons can help.

I know how you feel, emotionally, mentally, physically and morally.

I have just lost my father-in-law last may, and prior to his passing, I was

there as much as it feasibly possible. He lived an hour away in Bourne Ma,

which is down Cape Cod, Anyway I have a BIG fear of driving now and I was

always having RSD " episodes " in the car on the ride down. I was better when I

got there.

I had a bench, like a park bench, delivered for him to sit in the sun and

overlook the salt water pond he loved. I read him the sports section, took

him out for coffee, anything but stay in. It was summer then though.

I feel so bad I can't be there in person to give you a hug, just know I AM

praying for you, I think we all pray in our own way. Tom is a lucky man to

have such a caring

women in his life. Lets make sure he can enjoy your company for a lot of

years to come. Try, I know it's hard, but TRY to rest when possible.

HUGS<

Deb

******************************************************

What you believe determines what you become.

******************************************************

[Guest guest]

,

I'm glad that you trusted enough to vent! I truly understand what you're

going through, and wish I could do more. I'm not going to placate you and

tell you this all doesn't suck, because it does.

You need to take care of you first. Your family is helping you because they

WANT to. They love you and I'm sure that just as you would do anything for

any of them, they would do the same for you. I feel the same way about being

taken care of, I hate it. Really hate it. But, there are times when it has

to be done and you have to let it. I think I may have caused my RSD to

worsen because I refused to let anyone take care of me. Please, let them do

it and don't focus on that, use your energy on getting better, as little or

as much as it may be.

Somehow, someway, you need to get your Dad with you if you have the room, or

in another place where he will have someone else take care of him. Believe

me, I know how stubborn they can be, my Husband's parents are 70 miles away

and we can only get there once of twice a week. So, we spend the remainder

of the time worrying about them and they won't come here. We have the room,

etc. but they won't do it. Have you tried telling your Dad you NEED him, you

need him to be near to you and help you. He is a Dad after all. If not, you

need to find someone through the social services to get someone to care for

him or to at least check on him. Medicare/Medicaid I'm not sure which, will

pay for home care if a Dr. orders it.

Please, at least check into doing something that will lessen the burden on

you.

I know how you feel about the bills. So, it won't be this month you are all

caught up, it will be next month. Trust me, they aren't going away, so

what's another week or so before they are paid? You'll get there.

Now, for the wifely duties thing, I know how important that is in a marriage.

But, your husband loves all of you, not just the sex part. I could suggest

some options, but I'm sure you don't need that (I hope that gave you just a

little bit of a giggle). Don't be hiring someone for Goodness sakes! And

try, because I truly believe that sex is a natural pain killer, even if it's

only for a little while. We always laugh at our house, because all of our

moaning and groaning comes AFTER the sex when we remember how much we hurt!

, please know that no matter what you say, or how you feel, we'll

listen, say lots of prayers and continue to love you, venting and all! We

all need to do it, and as I said, I'm glad you trusted us enough to do it!

Let me know how you're doing.

Jo

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 2/7/00 8:33:47 PM Eastern Standard Time, JoMal1@...

writes:

<>

, Jo said it, and I was thinking, what about accepting help? I was

thinking about your parish or local church. Are you actively involved, if

thetas not too personal.?Well, if you are or you aren't they have a program

at most churches for rides,meals,companionship, and bringing communion to the

sick. Have you approached them yet? I would be happy to help you contact them

if you tell me the name and town of the church. The Pastor or clergyman's

name would be good too.

You are such a giving person and you are probably saying you're too proud to

allow this but, Christianity teaches us to be accepting also.

Do you have any girlfriends that could come over for a potluck dinner. It

would be fun, everyone could bring something. You could hang out and take

your mind off things for a night and you can go lay on the coach and talk.

Thetas resting.

Now Tom's issue,

You could get a nice bottle of nonalcoholic wine, a pizza and a fire.

Just give him a nice massage by candlelight. Play your favorite songs. Tell

him you appreciate his understanding of the lack of " :closeness: " latley.

All or none of these ideas may work, but at least you know there are always

more options. I wish I could take some of your pain away, but I know that

when I get as stressed as you are I get so many worse pains than if I can

take a REAL deep breath.

We are here . Try and get a peaceful,cozy,warm nights sleep.

Hugs,

Deb