How I battle stills, loosing my job & emotionally sanity!

[Guest guest]

 

every one

 Well again I find my self looking back because of some post from people I care

about here!so here is my hind sight for what ever it is worth.

 I felt about the same way as most of you do or have. Just put me in the

hospital and find out what the heck is making me so darn sick that I can not

work and well even do simple day to day things like go to the bathroom. Yes I

was that ripped up and worn out that the little walks to the thorn room was

almost too much!

 Okay so how did it all end well I was in the hospital a bunch of times not to

find out what was the cause of every thing but because some thing happened like

kidney stones , gut pain for no reason and such matters. O ya and two times it

was even to save my life. one for screaming high then dropping to the floor

blood pressure and the other time for paracudities ( congestive heart trouble)

okay so this went on for almost 6 months before I left my home state and went to

Stanford medical center and after only two day with all my records I was dx with

stills. now just to verify it for the next month more testing and doctor visits

almost three a week tell Christmas ever that year then jump on a plan and rush

home to have Christmas with my family! Now in this time frame I was sick as all

could be I was even told not to travel for a few months during it that is why it

was December when I went to Stanford.

 

 Okay I felt the world had ended and I also felt even sicker when I was told I

could not work any more. How was I to take care of my family! Little did I know

in two years that would not be a worry any more? So the stress started up and I

do mean big time. Okay so I used up all my sick day and vacation time so now

what I ran out of pain leave using it and my short term disability.

 Okay I still hoped to get back to work so I started using my retirement money

what little there was. Now I ran out all medical leave and I was let go from my

job for good now what! Still no word from SSI. Yes I field the day I found out

I would not be working thankfully but now it is almost a year later and still no

word. Okay stress building grandma and father in law both have cancer and then

both die a month apart from each other and I can not go again no traveling as

blood pressure way out of control and super high again then dropping threw the

floor. now the wife’s job may be on the line as she has gone a bit crazy with

her dad being ill and now passed away some thing snapped in her I believe to

much stress with my illness now job and now the deaths and no money coming from

me . Okay 6 month later I am hit with a divorce go figure and during it find out

there was no reason I should have used my retirement moneys as we had plenty but

she lied

to me about our money and much more . Okay that’s all water under a bridge

now. The only reason I have said all of this is during all of it I had no one I

could talk to but my family here at the stills sight. I wanted to give up and in

fact did for a bit! I lost every thing and I do mean every thing from my health

to all goods. I started life over living on couches and had an old truck some

clothing and 45 cents to my name and that was it for over 9 months. When I did

get ssdi it was a lot but it was all gone also because of the now ex wife and

court battles, money I was forced to barrow to fight them and live on ECT.

 Now to day I am haply married and have added to the number of kids who get to

stress me out LOL I look forward to most days with hope and a promise. It is not

easy I will say that but I try. I hope for a job for and with it a start

on a new and better life for us and a life like she has never had being she has

known nothing in life but poverty and fighting for just survival.

 so yes some have it better and some have it a lot harder but that dose not

make what your feeling any easer nor dose it help what you feel right now. there

is nothing I can say that will make it better but I can share what I went threw

how I felt and how I see things now and why I still look for the shinny silver

lining on my cloud nine to come by. So as I have said when it comes to stills it

is all in how you look at it and how you chose to live with it that make the

defiance. You can fight it and how life now is to get back to life as you knew

it were you can act like you do not have still. You can say have still and this

is how I am now going to deal with life and what it handed me. Or you can just

surrender to stills and give up. I plan to only accept it and the change in life

and then move on to a better tomorrow if I can how about ya all want to join me?

Hugs every one

the redneck

Marty G.