Re: Re: An idea maybe not otherwise considered

[Guest guest]

> If everything you try is shot down, then it probably would not matter what you

did at this point. Your wife does not want you to be " nice " - period. Now, I can

actually understand the logic of that, having felt that way myself at one point,

but that doesn't mean that was right either. This is the sad part of a dying

marriage where cumulative bitterness and the end of hope results in tearing a

partner down for every little thing. Often it's " payback " for all the years of

unintentional (but still hurtful) hurt and the resultant grinding down of the

partner's self esteem. It's like an abscess that finally bursts and spews out

decades of accumulated poison. But still, two wrongs *never* make a right.

Great description, Helen. And so familiar to me.

In my case, the poison also served to rationalize the presence of

infidelity. The more my husband demonized me, the easier it was for him

to justify infidelity as a necessary and moral choice.

Best,

~CJ