Re: OT for / Chris about parenting & DYFS

[Guest guest]

Me too my daughter is now 21 and the group here probably remembers

the rough time my daughter and I had when she was about 19. She moved in

with her father Jan of 2009 and she is still there, but of course the " green

grass " lasted only a few months and no I have not invited her back.... if

she approached me directly and wanted to discuss it I would discuss, then

think long and hard.... but so far I think she knows that the relationship

we have rebuilt since then is so much way way much better and now there is

probably no way to " go back " so to speak.... if she were to move back in,

I'd revert to " mothering " her and she's used to no one parenting her over

there (or really noticing what she's up to!) so, in the meantime, she spends a

lot of time here to study, watch tv, eat my food, and does sleep here 2 or

3 nights per week, but we have found a really good place and silently I

think neither of us wants to rock that boat.... she was in top form when I

had to swing thru the resort tonite (see my quick update) and arose to the

challenge, stepped up without being asked, made dinner for her younger

brother, kept in contact with my hubby (her step dad).... BUTTTTTTT,

we were just laughing last night about the time her father was dropping her

off after a weekend visit - not sure what the fight was about, but it was

nasty, she was nasty, I slapped her across one cheek, and she ran up

stairs, her father ran after her to demand she apologize to me or whatever he

said... not sure what transpired, but he ended up slapping the OTHER cheek!

And she was probably about 16..... and it ended a LOT of the back talking

and nastiness... she definitely thought more before she spoke, and I

could see her biting her toungue after that incident.... and it was probably

the second time in my life that I can remember hitting her... the other

time she was about 8 maybe, and she remembers that vividly as well, a good

crack on the thigh with my hand, a slap really....

I did regret that I lost my cool.... however, I think it's important to

know that every parent makes a choice here and there that they regret....

kids don't come with handbooks, but yeah, now adays it's different, you can

get into so much trouble if the wrong people hear the story in the wrong

light.... my best friend had the middle school call DYFS on her for not

getting her childs hearing rechecked within what they considered to be " a

reasonable " amount of time (she had those tubes put in her ears twice and does

have some hearing loss which is moderate in one ear).... anyway, bug of it

was, she was employed as a teachers assistant by them for YEARS and they

KNEW what a good mother she was -- go figure, the school nurse said she " had

to treat her like she would treat any other parent " ..... but I'm wondering

why she didn't get the courtesy of a last-ditch " heads-up, I know your

really busy, but if you don't get this appointment in by months' end I've got

to go to the next step " speech.....

In a message dated 4/12/2010 1:53:20 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

cmh_idaho@... writes:

I did give her a swat when she was over the top misbehaving that could

have probably gotten me in trouble but it didn't thank goodness.