Re: Fun Self-Compassion Exercise: If I loved myself more right now, I'd..

[Guest guest]

to relate it to ACT, maybe the " lack of love " to yourself that you experience,

is one of the bus riders

but not to be a party pooper, doesn't ACT try to stray away from this type of

thinking though... " I would do this this and this, IF..... "

as in, your life will never be perfect, so don't wait

>

> Some interesting ideas over on the professional board re: suggestions for

self-compassion exercises. One that caught my eye was a book entitled: " When I

loved myself enough " and apparently the book goes on to offer up examples on

each page of loving things one might do (offers to fill in the blank for us)

given this premise was so (loving self enough). So while I'll wait to get this

one from my library, I began journalling the sentence and changed it to:

>

> " If I loved myself more right now, I'd.. " : (and then fill in the blank with

whatever comes up!).

>

> So today I took it to another level and went around essentially asking myself

this over and over as I was going about my day. And so far, I've come up with

things that have astounded me!

>

> And started seeing this is so very helpful to not only imagine what I might be

doing, saying, thinking, wearing, eating, etc. if I loved myself more but also

quite powerful to imagine what I might NOT be doing, saying, thinking, wearing,

eating, etc. if I loved myself more. And sometimes it's the little things, the

baby step things that arise.

>

> One of my answers to this was: I'd stop obsessing about the conversation with

my neighbor. And then I did stop.

>

> Maybe this resonates because being open to loving and accepting myself and

others more is a value of mine. And I really don't think this exercise would

work well without ACT as a context, without doing this from a defused, open,

curious place. Not been my experience. In the past, similar exercises became

more like affirmations I'd cling to (fuse with). And then there was a sense of

dread and more mindy judging, keeping score with myself. That took a lot of

energy!

>

> So maybe this will be of use for some-one else..make up your own wording and

be willing to be surprised and know you don't have to act on whatever comes up

unless you're so inclined..just have fun!

>

> Warmly,

> Theresa

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks for this topic, I really needed to find this web group again. I googled

the book titled When I Loved Myself Enough and found another book on daily

affirmations: I'm Good Enough, I'm Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Like

Me!: Daily Affirmations By Stuart Smalley. I plan to get this asap.

mom2three

---- " theresa.linder@... " wrote:

> Some interesting ideas over on the professional board re: suggestions for

self-compassion exercises. One that caught my eye was a book entitled: " When I

loved myself enough " and apparently the book goes on to offer up examples on

each page of loving things one might do (offers to fill in the blank for us)

given this premise was so (loving self enough). So while I'll wait to get this

one from my library, I began journalling the sentence and changed it to:

>

> " If I loved myself more right now, I'd.. " : (and then fill in the blank with

whatever comes up!).

>

> So today I took it to another level and went around essentially asking myself

this over and over as I was going about my day. And so far, I've come up with

things that have astounded me!

>

> And started seeing this is so very helpful to not only imagine what I might be

doing, saying, thinking, wearing, eating, etc. if I loved myself more but also

quite powerful to imagine what I might NOT be doing, saying, thinking, wearing,

eating, etc. if I loved myself more. And sometimes it's the little things, the

baby step things that arise.

>

> One of my answers to this was: I'd stop obsessing about the conversation with

my neighbor. And then I did stop.

>

> Maybe this resonates because being open to loving and accepting myself and

others more is a value of mine. And I really don't think this exercise would

work well without ACT as a context, without doing this from a defused, open,

curious place. Not been my experience. In the past, similar exercises became

more like affirmations I'd cling to (fuse with). And then there was a sense of

dread and more mindy judging, keeping score with myself. That took a lot of

energy!

>

> So maybe this will be of use for some-one else..make up your own wording and

be willing to be surprised and know you don't have to act on whatever comes up

unless you're so inclined..just have fun!

>

> Warmly,

> Theresa

>

[Guest guest]

With the example you give here, how about:

" If I loved myself more, I'd not wait to feel more love to do this or that? " Or

" If I were living my values more, I'd not wait to feel this or that before I

act? "

If you do the exercise from a place where you're holding loving yourself as some

ideal place to arrive at, instead of where you are and stray from, the exercise

probably won't be terribly helpful.

If you notice your mind begins to start judging, evaluating, fusing with the

words, it won't be helpful. You might try noticing that and see if you can start

there. But really, ACT is about moving toward living with increasing amounts of

psychological flexibility with respect to chosen values and context, so if an

exercise is not working, move onto another. Or make up your own version, as i

did! Same goes with all exercises. ACT is full of questions as exercises to

help expand ,wake us, shake up from the trance we fall into again and again:

questions, analogies, metaphors..from an open, curious, defused place, aiming to

take us out of rituals that aren't helping, envisioning, moving toward what we

may not even be seeing as possible for us.

Speaking only for me, finding this a profoundly hopeful stretching exercise to

help bring me back to who I am. To contacting my values and goals in the moment.

Because I forget over and over it is me after all who is the chooser, I am in

the drivers seat. Boy, do I forget! It's also a perspective taking exercise. It

helps if you do it from 'anything is possible' stance, or if you have a sense of

contact with the you that is aching to come out, a sense of what it is that

feels better/ more authentic and natural and right for you in the world, if you

have some history of behaving with your values and what that felt like. I do,

and yet I tend to regress to automatic, familiar behaviors again and again..ones

that are increasingly bringing diminishing returns for me. So in essence, this

exercise (and others like it) help " snap me out of it " and make a change right

now for the better. It's very hopeful and reinforcing as you get immediate

results (why I added the 'right now' wording, as for me it's all about the now

and the small changes that add up). You can use it as a question to just sit

with, and not necessarily answer if you draw a blank.

Yesterday, in the middle of a conversation with some-one, I noticed I was

over-pathologizing myself in a conversation with someone, as though I needed to

somehow diminish myself to present honest. And I was anxiously trying to squeeze

in too much content, knowing I wouldn't see this person for a while, feeling

like I had to get in all in.. and in a race to do so. In any case, this behavior

is not new,not the first time I've done that, for certain. Having this question

as an umbrella, as a larger context helps me live my values now..and I was able

to stand back and hear myself and see this person, and imagine what it must feel

like to have my mindy judgments poured out there and what it was feeling like

for me, and clearly saw how it just wasn't helpful for them or me. And so I

slowed down with the content and the making myself tiny and stood a bit

straighter and lighter and let go, listened more closely the person (who was

eager to share a good deal of content too). It was a bit too little too late,

but I have a sense with practice it might be less so.

Best to you on your journey!

theresa

> >

> > Some interesting ideas over on the professional board re: suggestions for

self-compassion exercises. One that caught my eye was a book entitled: " When I

loved myself enough " and apparently the book goes on to offer up examples on

each page of loving things one might do (offers to fill in the blank for us)

given this premise was so (loving self enough). So while I'll wait to get this

one from my library, I began journalling the sentence and changed it to:

> >

> > " If I loved myself more right now, I'd.. " : (and then fill in the blank with

whatever comes up!).

> >

> > So today I took it to another level and went around essentially asking

myself this over and over as I was going about my day. And so far, I've come up

with things that have astounded me!

> >

> > And started seeing this is so very helpful to not only imagine what I might

be doing, saying, thinking, wearing, eating, etc. if I loved myself more but

also quite powerful to imagine what I might NOT be doing, saying, thinking,

wearing, eating, etc. if I loved myself more. And sometimes it's the little

things, the baby step things that arise.

> >

> > One of my answers to this was: I'd stop obsessing about the conversation

with my neighbor. And then I did stop.

> >

> > Maybe this resonates because being open to loving and accepting myself and

others more is a value of mine. And I really don't think this exercise would

work well without ACT as a context, without doing this from a defused, open,

curious place. Not been my experience. In the past, similar exercises became

more like affirmations I'd cling to (fuse with). And then there was a sense of

dread and more mindy judging, keeping score with myself. That took a lot of

energy!

> >

> > So maybe this will be of use for some-one else..make up your own wording and

be willing to be surprised and know you don't have to act on whatever comes up

unless you're so inclined..just have fun!

> >

> > Warmly,

> > Theresa

> >

>

[Guest guest]

And more direct to your comment:

" to relate it to ACT, maybe the " lack of love " to yourself that you experience,

is one of the bus riders "

It's not lack of love for myself that is suffering point for me. It's losing

contact with the love I have for myself and others, disallowing my natural self,

the good, to emerge and thrive.

" If I gooded on myself and you a bit more right now... "

Thanks for the questions, helps tremendously. Helps me look at this more.

theresa

> > >

> > > Some interesting ideas over on the professional board re: suggestions for

self-compassion exercises. One that caught my eye was a book entitled: " When I

loved myself enough " and apparently the book goes on to offer up examples on

each page of loving things one might do (offers to fill in the blank for us)

given this premise was so (loving self enough). So while I'll wait to get this

one from my library, I began journalling the sentence and changed it to:

> > >

> > > " If I loved myself more right now, I'd.. " : (and then fill in the blank

with whatever comes up!).

> > >

> > > So today I took it to another level and went around essentially asking

myself this over and over as I was going about my day. And so far, I've come up

with things that have astounded me!

> > >

> > > And started seeing this is so very helpful to not only imagine what I

might be doing, saying, thinking, wearing, eating, etc. if I loved myself more

but also quite powerful to imagine what I might NOT be doing, saying, thinking,

wearing, eating, etc. if I loved myself more. And sometimes it's the little

things, the baby step things that arise.

> > >

> > > One of my answers to this was: I'd stop obsessing about the conversation

with my neighbor. And then I did stop.

> > >

> > > Maybe this resonates because being open to loving and accepting myself and

others more is a value of mine. And I really don't think this exercise would

work well without ACT as a context, without doing this from a defused, open,

curious place. Not been my experience. In the past, similar exercises became

more like affirmations I'd cling to (fuse with). And then there was a sense of

dread and more mindy judging, keeping score with myself. That took a lot of

energy!

> > >

> > > So maybe this will be of use for some-one else..make up your own wording

and be willing to be surprised and know you don't have to act on whatever comes

up unless you're so inclined..just have fun!

> > >

> > > Warmly,

> > > Theresa

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

And probably why I ended up changing wording from " If I loved myself enough " to

" If I loved myself more right now.. "

" If I allowed for more love right now, I'd... "

" If I let love do it's thing right now, I'd.. "

More like an active prayer.

I do have suffering around not being enough of this and that. That would be a

good defusion one: Oh, here comes strong thought I'm not doing well enough, nice

enough (fill in blank)...

enough, enough, enough!

And the active prayer around that: If I gooded on myself more right now, I

declare this breath, these words as just enough for now.

theresa

> > > >

> > > > Some interesting ideas over on the professional board re: suggestions

for self-compassion exercises. One that caught my eye was a book entitled:

" When I loved myself enough " and apparently the book goes on to offer up

examples on each page of loving things one might do (offers to fill in the blank

for us) given this premise was so (loving self enough). So while I'll wait to

get this one from my library, I began journalling the sentence and changed it

to:

> > > >

> > > > " If I loved myself more right now, I'd.. " : (and then fill in the blank

with whatever comes up!).

> > > >

> > > > So today I took it to another level and went around essentially asking

myself this over and over as I was going about my day. And so far, I've come up

with things that have astounded me!

> > > >

> > > > And started seeing this is so very helpful to not only imagine what I

might be doing, saying, thinking, wearing, eating, etc. if I loved myself more

but also quite powerful to imagine what I might NOT be doing, saying, thinking,

wearing, eating, etc. if I loved myself more. And sometimes it's the little

things, the baby step things that arise.

> > > >

> > > > One of my answers to this was: I'd stop obsessing about the conversation

with my neighbor. And then I did stop.

> > > >

> > > > Maybe this resonates because being open to loving and accepting myself

and others more is a value of mine. And I really don't think this exercise

would work well without ACT as a context, without doing this from a defused,

open, curious place. Not been my experience. In the past, similar exercises

became more like affirmations I'd cling to (fuse with). And then there was a

sense of dread and more mindy judging, keeping score with myself. That took a

lot of energy!

> > > >

> > > > So maybe this will be of use for some-one else..make up your own wording

and be willing to be surprised and know you don't have to act on whatever comes

up unless you're so inclined..just have fun!

> > > >

> > > > Warmly,

> > > > Theresa

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

that's beautiful Theresa

thank you

> > > > >

> > > > > Some interesting ideas over on the professional board re: suggestions

for self-compassion exercises. One that caught my eye was a book entitled:

" When I loved myself enough " and apparently the book goes on to offer up

examples on each page of loving things one might do (offers to fill in the blank

for us) given this premise was so (loving self enough). So while I'll wait to

get this one from my library, I began journalling the sentence and changed it

to:

> > > > >

> > > > > " If I loved myself more right now, I'd.. " : (and then fill in the blank

with whatever comes up!).

> > > > >

> > > > > So today I took it to another level and went around essentially asking

myself this over and over as I was going about my day. And so far, I've come up

with things that have astounded me!

> > > > >

> > > > > And started seeing this is so very helpful to not only imagine what I

might be doing, saying, thinking, wearing, eating, etc. if I loved myself more

but also quite powerful to imagine what I might NOT be doing, saying, thinking,

wearing, eating, etc. if I loved myself more. And sometimes it's the little

things, the baby step things that arise.

> > > > >

> > > > > One of my answers to this was: I'd stop obsessing about the

conversation with my neighbor. And then I did stop.

> > > > >

> > > > > Maybe this resonates because being open to loving and accepting myself

and others more is a value of mine. And I really don't think this exercise

would work well without ACT as a context, without doing this from a defused,

open, curious place. Not been my experience. In the past, similar exercises

became more like affirmations I'd cling to (fuse with). And then there was a

sense of dread and more mindy judging, keeping score with myself. That took a

lot of energy!

> > > > >

> > > > > So maybe this will be of use for some-one else..make up your own

wording and be willing to be surprised and know you don't have to act on

whatever comes up unless you're so inclined..just have fun!

> > > > >

> > > > > Warmly,

> > > > > Theresa

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>