Re: Something sweet

[Guest guest]

Wow Sherry, this is amazing indeed. So glad that your mom is doing better and

that has come back into her life. Sounds like everyone can use a reprieve

and some good times ahead.

Courage

Something sweet

For those of you who remember when I first joined, the desperate black

depression and obsession with suicide that my mom went through, she was

living in hell 24/7 until they got her off her old meds and onto LBD

appropriate meds and dosages...the change in her has been unbelievable.

I've mentioned that it's almost like all the worst parts of have gone,

and all that's left is the best of her. Her obsessions, control issues,

compulsions, etc. are all gone. She enjoys life. She loves the other

people at King's, and lives to help them as well as visit with them. She

loves the nursing staff. She is the hug giver. The nursing staff have told

me that they love her so much, they couldn't stand it if she wasn't there

anymore. She has told me numerous times over the last few weeks that she

loves her new home and all the people around her, that there's always

someone to talk to, and always something to do, she never has to get bored.

She's very active, ambulatory of course, very steady and quick on her feet

and coordinated (moreso than me) and no PD signs. Her ST memory doesn't

exist anymore but she's so sweet...I was in such desperation for her just a

few short months ago, and now I just want to spend all my time with her. We

go out all the time, several times a week, and talk and laugh and always

have a good time. This is the mom that I've never really known; my entire

life she's been on drugs of one sort or another (including alcohol), has

been tense and controlling more often than not...

Anyway, this mom is relaxed and fun, with no obsessions - I've never met her

before but I love her to pieces. She's almost childlike in her delight of

life. I wish she could live out the rest of her life this way...

OK, now I'm getting to the sweet part . For quite a few years my mom has

had a friend named . After my stepdad died ( lived with them and

helped with Ed's care), it was only a matter of weeks before moved into

my mom's bedroom, and during the last few years he cared for her, took her

to the doctor, handled her LBD-caused delusions and paranoias, kept her

condition private from her family at her request (she could NEVER show

weakness!) - he cooked for her, shopped for her, cleaned her house, bought

her gifts, make lovely fires in her fireplace on cold nights, and did

everything for her. He loved her and spoiled her and protected her from the

harsh realities of her worsening condition (without knowing what was wrong

with her, except it was some sort of dementia) as well as the world outside

of their home. When she started accusing him of affairs (after she'd sent

him to the store for something) and stealing her things (after she'd moved

them herself), he tolerated it. When she started calling the police on him

he bore it...but then that one day back in April, when he couldn't take it

anymore, and he packed up and left. Even , who adored her, had his

limits. I spoke with him many times in the next couple of weeks, he was

broken, devastated, in agony and so much pain over what was happening with

my mom...the last time he saw her she was raving, out of control...then she

called me later that day and said, " 's gone, I don't know where he is,

but all of his things are gone...what is wrong, do you know what happened to

him? " She went into the hospital that day...then to the nursing home...

Anyway, moved downstate where his daughter lived, to try and move on.

He got a job, was looking for a place of his own to buy...and he started to

heal. After a few months he couldn't stand it anymore, and came back. He

went to the home he shared with my mom - her house but their home where he'd

lived for 10 years - the weekend of the estate sale. He was shocked and

stunned, and just stood in the doorway and started sobbing. My sister and

he hugged and cried together as she explained what had been going on in his

absence. He understood, but his life, too, was being sold, their life

together was being traded off in pieces for money...

That was 2 weeks ago. We hadn't heard from him but knew that he'd gone back

to his old job, and was living in his car. God bless him, he's part of the

family, we all love him...it has been breaking my heart.

Tonight I went to take my mom out for dinner and she was all lit up. " Guess

who came to see me today? PAUL!!! We played my piano together, and we sat

on the patio! At first I didn't know who he was but I felt so good when I

looked at his face. Then he started to talk and I asked him if he was ,

and he said yes! Sherry, I really feel so close to him, do you think that's

ok? Was I really fond of him? He said we were very good friends... " I

told her, " Mom, you and are in love. You were living together, and you

and he were like honeymooners. He was always so good to you, and spoiled

you, and took care of you, and you took care of him. You have been very

much in love for several years. " She said, " Oh I'm SO GLAD, because he's

coming back tomorrow and he's going to take me to see and get my hair

done! "

( was her hairdresser for the last 20 years, but the last dozen or so

checks my mom wrote to her had bounced, and the bank fees were in the many

hundreds of dollars...so I haven't taken her back to because she owes

her so much money already. I'm not sure what will do about that, but I

won't worry about it, I have complete confidence in his ability to handle

it.)

The nurses and aides told me that they walked around holding hands most of

the afternoon, and that it was obvious that he is very much in love with

her. They said that they hugged and hugged, and held each other for a long

time.

I am so happy to hear this, I wish I could call but he doesn't have a

cell phone, and I wouldn't know where to find him, but I have missed him,

he's been a dear and important part of our family for so long, nearly a

decade...we all love him. In fact at a care conference I'd told them that

if ever showed up there and wanted to take her out, or they wanted time

alone for intimacy, or whatever, that I would not only allow it (I have to

give my permission for her to have a physical relationship, and King's will

accomodate them), but would be so happy for my mom if ever came back

into her life...and now, here he is!

I believe that he's been coming to terms with what's going on with my mom,

and dealing with his feelings, healing from what he had to endure 24/7 for

all that time, how hurt he was, so much pain, and he feels things so

deeply...and now he's wanting to be part of her life, to whatever extent it

can be, again. That would make my mother very very happy...and today, she

had a very very happy afternoon .

Compared to just 3 short months ago when she thought there was nothing to

live for and wanted nothing more than to die...I can't even begin to tell

you how wonderful it is to see her happy, released from her lifelong

obsessions and control issues, in love, and enjoying her life. Strange that

LBD has given this to her...but we'll take it, for as long as it lasts.

His,

Sherry

www.owly.net

daughter of , (mis?)diagnosed with AD in 2005, descent slowed by

Aricept; diagnosed with LBD March 2008, in a wonderful NH 1/2 mile from my

house. We're learning to live with Lewy...