When do I accept and when do I search?

May 23, 2011

I have this problem of not wanting to forget about the smallest, trivial thing

that comes across my mind. When I forget something as simple as stuffs to say to

my coworker or to buy from my grocery list, I would get nervous and not be able

to let go of the fact that I forgot something for the rest of the day. Perhaps

it started when I got hit by a motorist about 5 years ago and was so afraid of

developing alzheimer from whatever injury I had back then. I had brief moments

of post traumatic amnesia and time after time my mind keeps asking the question

" what if you end up being a senile, alzheimer-wrecked person? " So from then on

I ended up feeling fear and guilt each time I forgot something. Almost like life

was a never ending mid-term and final exam seasons. The quest of not wanting to

forget anything sunk me pretty deep into meditation and anxiety about two years

ago.

ACT and Daoist Microcosmic Meditation really helped me out. Folks here helped

answer my questions one after another and boy, this mailing list had a great

impact on me. Life is sooooooooooo much better now. The one remaining challenge

I would like to deal with is this: How do I know when to accept the fact that I

forgot something and when I should I pursue trying to remember the stuff? Say,

you're going to a Trader Joe 15 miles away from home and on the way getting

there, your mind tells you, " don't forget to buy that pasta they only have at

TJ's " , in addition to the shopping list you already prepared in your smart

phone. Of course, as you were driving, you couldn't reach for your smart phone

to jot down things. And then you arrive at TJ's, and after that passionate music

you sing to in the car, you forgot the dang thing your mind told you to buy ...

In my case, the torture would last sometimes till the next day!!!

Perhaps I should establish a simple rule? Can you guys help suggest something?

It is a very tricky situation because the mind is such a useful tool and memory

serves one very well in doing everyday tasks at work. It is very difficult to me

to recognize when to engage in the mental effort to retrieve the missing thing

and when to ACT the heck out of it. If I ACT everything out like a bulldozer,

how would I get things done?

Merlin

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