Re: Re: Intention as action v. Intention as feeling

[Guest guest]

Oh, gee..sorry "G" --I don't have it handy (I think I actually mentioned the actual post recently when referring to taking small steps.. The gist was to encourage stretching and trying on new behavior for a couple of weeks, and then recording your experience...the idea essentially is don't have to keep at it if it's not working for you.like trying on new shoes..In any case, would love to hear from others here if they're trying new behaviors..getting out of our minds and into our lives/values!If I get a chance, I'll send it to the list (I"m a bit burned out on back channel these days!)peace,terryTo: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Fri, May 20, 2011 3:14:03 PMSubject: Re: Intention as action v. Intention as feeling

Please site the post where mentioned "trying on new shoes". I'm interested in reading his post,and may have missed it.

>

> Hi everyone,

> I've been doing a bit of trying on new shoes to borrow from 's metaphor and it's been a very interesting process.

>

> What I'm noticing is that intention is not really "the" thing I thought it was..it's really for me just doing it, intention or not!

>

> Make sense? Maybe what I'm meaning is that my new behaviors have more of a 'values in action' feel to them, and intention is beginning for me to lose some of it's luster that I used to hold...I suppose it feels like other qualities discussed here: like strength, courage, curiosity, resolve..like there's a difference between intention the feeling and intention the act.

>

> Just a bit what I'm noticing today.

>

> Thanks for this safe place to report my experience.

>

> peace,

> Terry

>

[Guest guest]

Sounds hokey, but as I mentioned earlier, I believe we're all loving people here. Some of us are a bit better about expressing it.Pretty sure is as human as the rest of us, and recall him making the point more that once that even on his best days, he can be a pain in the neck (paraphrasing) and I tend to believe him. Because he's human. The challenge for me use all posts ('s and others) as a vehicle to look at my own life, remaining open to new growth and meaning/applicability in my current life. It would be nice if others here would say more about their personal experience, e.g., what specifically about posts resonates for them right now, how they're using it. I see that as a major part of the function of this list. I'd love to here more about that. Cause we

can fairly easily find old posts and ACT materials on our own.peace,terryTo: ACT for the Public <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Sat, May 21, 2011 4:07:01 PMSubject: Re: Re: Intention as action v. Intention as feeling Hi, Gail, 's posts always do that - deeply reosonate with us - with you and with me. He is an angel. The challenge is to "GET" what other people, perhaps less angelic, are saying. Not that we don't love . But the real learning comes in "getting it" from other folks - people like me and you - people in our everyday lives. We all make mistakes. We all care. We all want to be as pure and loving as is. Few of us are. We try. We speak up or we remain silent. We each have our reasons for doing so. Re: Intention as action v. Intention as feeling Thanks Randy! Very thoughtful of you. I love 's posts, as they almost always deeply resonate with me. Re: Intention as action v. Intention as feeling Posted by: "theresa.linder@..." theresa.linder@... theresa.linder@... Fri May 20, 2011 8:15 pm (PDT) Yeah, it's message #12858. And what I'm finding is it seems it's in the trying on the shoes where things start to shift..for so long, I thought it was about finding the right store or the right shoes or the exact fit... you know..about waiting for intention to just do it's thing..to feel just so and move/motivate/ inspire me or something like that. I guess that's where the behavioral component of this work really comes to life..and I love the metaphor because when I try on shoes and they don't fit, I think

nothing of not buying them. And yet, I've not carried that sort of stance to other things in life..it's all been SO HEAVY, like oh, I gotta buy them and they need to fit perfectly, blah, blah.. All this time..and it's really that simple..just about the process! (And that hard, when I forget and put my mind back in charge and it wants to control everything..what a drag!) Amazing..wondering if anyone else has had that experience?> >> > Please site the post where

mentioned "trying > > on new shoes". I'm interested in reading his post,and may > > have missed it.> > http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/message/12858> > -R.>

[Guest guest]

Hi Detlef,

I wasn't going to say anything, but curiosity has got the best of me.

'No "loving people" here' - does that refer to you or the list in general? Either way, I would have to respectfully disagree! Not that we're all loving all the time - no one is.

Also, curious on your use of the word "prejudices" - to what are you referring?

Maybe you were just having an off day : ) If so, no explanation required; I get it.

Helena

Re: Intention as action v. Intention as feeling

No "loving people" here.Check your prejudices at the door, please.Regards,Detlef> > >> > > Please site the post where mentioned "trying > > > on new shoes". I'm interested in reading his post,and may > > > have missed it.> > > > http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/message/12858> > > > -R.> >>

[Guest guest]

I would ask why you "have to" or even desire to see justification or an excuse for someone doing something that offends you or puzzles you.

Isn't it just easier to just Let it be, let it be (my favorite Beatles tune) - especially on something so unimportant? I'm trying to do that more and more instead of getting my feathers ruffled.

I guess we could take him out behind the ACT barn and give him a good whooping : )

Helena

Re: Intention as action v. Intention as feeling

We all have our bad or "off" days (a huge red flag to stay far away from the computer) and we've all had times where we send things we wish we hadn't. And still not seeing justification or excuse for choosing to send off provocative, cryptic content which serves no apparent function for the group or the person it's addressed to.__________________________________________>> Hi everyone,> I've been doing a bit of trying on new shoes to borrow from 's metaphor and it's been a very interesting process.>> What I'm noticing is that intention is not really "the" thing I thought it was..it's really for me just doing it, intention or not!>> Make sense? Maybe what I'm meaning is that my new behaviors have more of a 'values in action' feel to them, and intention is beginning for me to lose some of it's luster that I used to hold...I suppose it feels like other qualities discussed here: like strength, courage, curiosity, resolve..like there's a difference between intention the feeling and intention the act.>> Just a bit what I'm noticing today.>> Thanks for this safe place to report my experience.>> peace,> Terry

[Guest guest]

Oh, please, stop with the dramatics.."give him a whopping"?!Huge difference between shaming someone and holding them accountable for their behavior.Why the need to rush n with rationalizations and rescuing words (no explanation needed if just an "off day", etc)?. How does that help any of us learn and grow here?We're adults here and I don't know about you but I expect my friends to hold me up to higher ideals and better behavior and have hope in me. I was recently challenged by my brother for some behavior I had been blind to and absolutely kissed and hugged him for expecting more of me, for believing in me.Why not let Detlef be (Yes, it's a beautiful song), let all of

this be so we may all perhaps have a chance to sit with the discomfort, with what transpired? I have every faith that this group can do better than just spewing out stuff on our minds. . And when we do make mistakes, have off days (goodness knows I do) and slip off our values, maybe we can sit with the discomfort without feeling compelled to rush in, make it better or otherwise justify the behavior? when we slip off our values, maybe in our time, as adults we can then make our own choices as to what to do: if and when and how we will or won't clean things up? Just my thoughts. Peace out,TerryTo: ACT for the Public <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Mon, May 23, 2011 10:02:54 AMSubject: Re: Re: Intention as action v. Intention as feeling I would ask why you "have to" or even desire to see justification or an excuse for someone doing something that offends you or puzzles you. Isn't it just easier to just Let it be, let it be (my favorite Beatles tune) - especially on something so unimportant? I'm trying to do that more and more instead of getting my feathers ruffled. I guess we could take him out behind the ACT barn and give him a good whooping : ) Helena Re: Intention as action v. Intention as feeling We all have our bad or "off" days (a huge red flag to stay far away from the computer) and we've all had times where we send things we wish we hadn't. And still not seeing justification or excuse for choosing to send off provocative, cryptic content which serves no apparent function for the group or the person it's addressed to.__________________________________________>> Hi everyone,> I've been doing a bit of trying on new shoes to borrow from 's metaphor and it's been a very interesting process.>> What I'm noticing is that intention is not really "the" thing I thought it was..it's really for me just doing it, intention or

not!>> Make sense? Maybe what I'm meaning is that my new behaviors have more of a 'values in action' feel to them, and intention is beginning for me to lose some of it's luster that I used to hold...I suppose it feels like other qualities discussed here: like strength, courage, curiosity, resolve..like there's a difference between intention the feeling and intention the act.>> Just a bit what I'm noticing today.>> Thanks for this safe place to report my experience.>> peace,> Terry

[Guest guest]

Terry, jeez, my "whooping" comment was meant to be humorous, not dramatic. Please laugh!

It's great for our personal friends to expect the best from us and let us know when we fall short, if that's the dynamic we're comfortable with. They know us and have a vested personal interest in us. People on this list are not friends in that sense. They are, at most, email acquaintances. I think we need to be very slow to assume bad intentions on the part of others on the list. I know I have been sitting here with my mouth hanging open more than once because someone misunderstood what I meant to say. Email is such a limited medium, and we don't really know each other that well. For all I know, Detlef may have been joking - or suffering from a high fever - or just being cranky. I don't know. Neither do you. We can only know our own intentions, our own hearts.

I'm sharing this not to keep this going but because I care and want to respond to your thoughts. We've probably exhausted this now! I can hear the "Delete" keys clicking all over the world.

Helena

Re: Intention as action v. Intention as feeling

We all have our bad or "off" days (a huge red flag to stay far away from the computer) and we've all had times where we send things we wish we hadn't. And still not seeing justification or excuse for choosing to send off provocative, cryptic content which serves no apparent function for the group or the person it's addressed to.__________________________________________>> Hi everyone,> I've been doing a bit of trying on new shoes to borrow from 's metaphor and it's been a very interesting process.>> What I'm noticing is that intention is not really "the" thing I thought it was..it's really for me just doing it, intention or not!>> Make sense? Maybe what I'm meaning is that my new behaviors have more of a 'values in action' feel to them, and intention is beginning for me to lose some of it's luster that I used to hold...I suppose it feels like other qualities discussed here: like strength, courage, curiosity, resolve..like there's a difference between intention the feeling and intention the act.>> Just a bit what I'm noticing today.>> Thanks for this safe place to report my experience.>> peace,> Terry

[Guest guest]

There are several people whom I've met on this list whom I feel like I know and in whom I have a vested interest. I sense they care about me in the same way. I think we mutually expect the best from each other and will let each other know when we fall short, as compassionately as possible, given the medium (electronic, with God knows how many people "watching.") Sometimes it's hard to know how to do this but we try anyway. And sometimes we get burnt. When I post I do so with a vested interest in the welfare of the person(s) to whom I'm posting and to the persons on the list in general. I try to give my best.I hurt when the dialog deteriorates to an unhelpful level because I know we are not meeting the needs of people who expect the best we have to offer and may be depending on us. People do not come here as if it where some sporting event; but sometimes it sure looks like just that.We should be giving our best.BillTo: ACT_for_the_Public From: hbbr@...Date: Mon, 23 May 2011 20:40:51 +0000Subject: Re: Re: Intention as action v. Intention as feeling

Terry, jeez, my "whooping" comment was meant to be humorous, not dramatic. Please laugh!

It's great for our personal friends to expect the best from us and let us know when we fall short, if that's the dynamic we're comfortable with. They know us and have a vested personal interest in us. People on this list are not friends in that sense. They are, at most, email acquaintances. I think we need to be very slow to assume bad intentions on the part of others on the list. I know I have been sitting here with my mouth hanging open more than once because someone misunderstood what I meant to say. Email is such a limited medium, and we don't really know each other that well. For all I know, Detlef may have been joking - or suffering from a high fever - or just being cranky. I don't know. Neither do you. We can only know our own intentions, our own hearts.

I'm sharing this not to keep this going but because I care and want to respond to your thoughts. We've probably exhausted this now! I can hear the "Delete" keys clicking all over the world.

Helena

Re: Intention as action v. Intention as feeling

We all have our bad or "off" days (a huge red flag to stay far away from the computer) and we've all had times where we send things we wish we hadn't. And still not seeing justification or excuse for choosing to send off provocative, cryptic content which serves no apparent function for the group or the person it's addressed to.__________________________________________>> Hi everyone,> I've been doing a bit of trying on new shoes to borrow from 's metaphor and it's been a very interesting process.>> What I'm noticing is that intention is not really "the" thing I thought it was..it's really for me just doing it, intention or not!>> Make sense? Maybe what I'm meaning is that my new behaviors have more of a 'values in action' feel to them, and intention is beginning for me to lose some of it's luster that I used to hold...I suppose it feels like other qualities discussed here: like strength, courage, curiosity, resolve..like there's a difference between intention the feeling and intention the act.>> Just a bit what I'm noticing today.>> Thanks for this safe place to report my experience.>> peace,> Terry

[Guest guest]

Yes, some of us have become very close to people on this list but, for the most part, I would say we don't know each other very well. I don't believe that anyone really knows me, for example. I am giving my best. I think we all are, with slipups from time to time. I guess some of us have a better best than others, in some people's opinions. I don't really feel that way; I try to take each person for who they are and where they are now - unless it really goes over the top to the point of extreme mean spiritedness, as it has a couple of times - but not often, IMO.

ly, I think when dialogue falls apart here, it mirrors what can happen in real life, with the people we interact with face-to-face. I think, although painful sometimes, it can be a learning experience. Life isn't always pretty or helpful or appropriate or right, and neither are we. Can we tolerate each other's shortcomings, learn from them, and not feel the need to send emails that bring other people's faults to everyone's attention or that sound preachy and holier-than-thou?

Thanks,

Helena

Re: Intention as action v. Intention as feeling

We all have our bad or "off" days (a huge red flag to stay far away from the computer) and we've all had times where we send things we wish we hadn't. And still not seeing justification or excuse for choosing to send off provocative, cryptic content which serves no apparent function for the group or the person it's addressed to.__________________________________________>> Hi everyone,> I've been doing a bit of trying on new shoes to borrow from 's metaphor and it's been a very interesting process.>> What I'm noticing is that intention is not really "the" thing I thought it was..it's really for me just doing it, intention or not!>> Make sense? Maybe what I'm meaning is that my new behaviors have more of a 'values in action' feel to them, and intention is beginning for me to lose some of it's luster that I used to hold...I suppose it feels like other qualities discussed here: like strength, courage, curiosity, resolve..like there's a difference between intention the feeling and intention the act.>> Just a bit what I'm noticing today.>> Thanks for this safe place to report my experience.>> peace,> Terry

[Guest guest]

One thing I see happening here is attachment to the outcome and how others respond. In ACT, valuing is a verb and is only applied to one's own behavior. One implication of this is that we have no control over others behavior - only our own. Here, we always have a choice and an ability to respond in ways that are in line with our own deeply held values. I invite you to check in with your own experience to see if your own behavior is value-directed. Begin to let go of the attachment to a wanted outcome, especially when it involves others with whom you do not have an established reciprocal close relationship. Warmly,To: ACT for the Public <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Mon, May 23, 2011 3:20:45 PMSubject: Re: Re: Intention as action v. Intention as feeling

Yes, some of us have become very close to people on this list but, for the most part, I would say we don't know each other very well. I don't believe that anyone really knows me, for example. I am giving my best. I think we all are, with slipups from time to time. I guess some of us have a better best than others, in some people's opinions. I don't really feel that way; I try to take each person for who they are and where they are now - unless it really goes over the top to the point of extreme mean spiritedness, as it has a couple of times - but not often, IMO.

ly, I think when dialogue falls apart here, it mirrors what can happen in real life, with the people we interact with face-to-face. I think, although painful sometimes, it can be a learning experience. Life isn't always pretty or helpful or appropriate or right, and neither are we. Can we tolerate each other's shortcomings, learn from them, and not feel the need to send emails that bring other people's faults to everyone's attention or that sound preachy and holier-than-thou?

Thanks,

Helena

Re: Intention as action v. Intention as feeling

We all have our bad or "off" days (a huge red flag to stay far away from the computer) and we've all had times where we send things we wish we hadn't. And still not seeing justification or excuse for choosing to send off provocative, cryptic content which serves no apparent function for the group or the person it's addressed to.__________________________________________>> Hi everyone,> I've been doing a bit of trying on new shoes to borrow from 's metaphor and it's been a very interesting process.>> What I'm noticing is that intention is not really "the" thing I thought it was..it's really for me just doing it, intention or not!>> Make sense? Maybe what I'm meaning is that my new

behaviors have more of a 'values in action' feel to them, and intention is beginning for me to lose some of it's luster that I used to hold...I suppose it feels like other qualities discussed here: like strength, courage, curiosity, resolve..like there's a difference between intention the feeling and intention the act.>> Just a bit what I'm noticing today.>> Thanks for this safe place to report my experience.>> peace,> Terry